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Review Detail of Thereader_ in Death Guns In Another World

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Thereader_
Thereader_Lv122yrThereader_

author I just realised something you can try to improve on or maybe you have in later chapters since in currently at 260+. The sentences or rather the way the characters speak is too formal, sometimes it feels cringy and automated, no one speaks the way they do with so many words, the way to speak and the wordings don't feel natural. I'm very adept at English (even though I know it' may not be your first language) and the conversations feel like I'm reading a Shakespeare book most times. for example in chap 278 when Alex finds out about artemias plan to use him, what he says in reply to her question was honestly just too long with so many unnecessary words in between, it's even worse for artemias reply. You should try making the way they speak more natural, using common informal English lingo and having less words while still passing the message across. Just think about contemporary English (American/British) movies and series and ask your self, if these lines were to be acted out , would they sound off to a listener/watcher or would they sound so smooth it wouldn't even look like acting, would anyone speak this way casually with so many tedious words?. I think that'll help.

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Death Guns In Another World

Nickaido

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