Sereinchoo
I shy and I write : Author of ZuoMeng: To Dream. For fan art and more info go to KoFi. Click on link to find more info about me and my works. Get latest updates there : https://linktr.ee/serein.choo
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Sereinchoo5mthPostedThe premise was interesting - a transmigrated author, it has a lot of potential. The opening was quite relatable, although I hope that there's a bit more of what the author is working on (his novel) so that I could have a better grasp of the world that he is transmigrated to, so I could understand his choices a bit better.
- Sereinchoo5mthCommented
Did it mentioned any where - what his novel is about?
This paragraph has been deleted. - Sereinchoo5mthCommented
Sleep I understand but not eating ?!
This paragraph has been deleted. - Sereinchoo5mthReplied to zowji
- Sereinchoo6mthCommentedCh 29 Migration
- Sereinchoo7mthCommentedCh 25 Fight
- Sereinchoo7mthCommentedCh 24 Ultrasound
- Sereinchoo7mthReplied to Mr_Thief
thank you ~
But YuQiao ignored her and continued to walk forward. "Go straight and then turn left, always turn left and you will find the way out of the forest," shouted the old woman. - Sereinchoo7mthReplied to Mr_Thief
happy~
"Oh, why is there an unbound ghost here," said the old woman suddenly realizing YuQiao's presence. - Sereinchoo7mthReplied to Mr_ThiefCh 4 Death
- Sereinchoo7mthReplied to AbdulfatahFatima
- Sereinchoo7mthPosted
For the blurb - you can make it an open question like. It would make the blurb sounds more interesting. Ummi contended herself with admiring him from a distance until... > Until she wasn't, until she didn't or something happened and pull them together etc. Overall I do quite enjoyed it, there are areas to be improved but it's not a big of a deal, the story itself was good. Great job author!
- Sereinchoo7mthCommentedCh 2 Chapter 2
- Sereinchoo7mthCommented
maybe remove without moves - it sounds awkward, A guy entered the class, and went to his seat behind her. There was a moment of silence before he broke it and said, 'Hi'.*
A guy entered the class without any moves, he just went to his seat at the back of her. After a while of silence between them he said hi. - Sereinchoo7mthCommented
Hmm what triggered the other student to remark her like that? Do they know about her background etc? People usually target appearance or background when insulting. Single mom, single daughter, ugly hair, acne face etc
"What a pitiful creature," remarked a student. - Sereinchoo7mthCommented
Wondering what he says to her - he inquire her ... hmm
As I navigate through the halls of the high school, I encounter an individual who possesses an impressive stature, fair complexion, captivating black eyes, rosy lips, a well-defined nose, and a neatly pressed uniform. He inquires about my presence, and his voice resonates like an echo, captivating my senses. I am able to perceive the sweetness of his voice, which induces a quickened heartbeat within me. - Sereinchoo7mthCommented
explain about her uniform - previous school has or doesn't have uniform and now she has one and it was quite stifling (will also shows us Ummi's personality)
What sets my new high school apart is its commitment to experiential learning. Besides traditional classroom instruction, it offers opportunities for field trips, community service projects, and internships. These real-world experiences allow students to apply their theoretical knowledge in practical scenarios, sparking a sense of curiosity, innovation, and critical thinking that extends beyond the confines of the school walls. Whether it be visiting a local museum or volunteering at a homeless shelter, my new high school encourages us to be active participants in our community and make a positive impact on the world around us. - Sereinchoo7mthCommented
These few paragraphs feels like infodump - it doesn't give any clues about Ummi as a person, it praises the school and in what context? will this relates back to anything that will happen later? like if she is interested in Math then there's a Math Competition which she interested to join later/and it will create another opportunity for the two to meet.
Moreover, my new high school places a strong emphasis on fostering a supportive and inclusive environment. With a rich cultural tapestry of students from diverse backgrounds, it promotes unity and respect among all members of the school community. The administration actively encourages dialogue and organizes cultural events, ensuring that every student feels appreciated and valued. This commitment to inclusivity allows me to broaden my horizons, learn from others, and celebrate the beauty of diversity.