UnknownWriter4Fun
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Im not really a fan of the other story, but this one is quite good. Im a apprecitive lurker. If that’s the word. I don’t like to leave comments that often. But this is a good story, I can name a few OP ff that I truly like, but this is one of them. Keep it up man.
Like John Doe? Lol
I really don’t like Henry and John. I assume you’re trying to make two ignorant characters with development to grow. But they don’t seem ignorant, they seem stupid. They don’t add value to the story. And I don’t know if you’re trying to pass them off as comedic relief, but it just falls kind of flat. Just my thoughts tho. Plus the mc doesn’t seem smart regurgitating definitions that sound like a google search awnser.
This was a weird chapter, it didn’t feel real and not in a good way. Maybe it’s the stupid comic relief people that ruin it for me. It doesn’t feel like it matched the flow/mood of the story so far. Plus shouldn’t Adam be a lot more sophisticated/adaptable/Manipulative/well spoken and thoughtful after 4000+ years? He just still some random guy, now with abilities and stuff. I think there is a profound lack of character development.
The story is just too slow and too slowly updating for me to get excited about it. Quality wise it is good enough, but the story and plot should not take this long to write and develop. I understand if this is just your hobby concepts that you do when you have time. But nothing is happening and if you want some actual interaction and experience with your writing, you need to write some more. Because just having quality up to standards isn’t enough if you want your story to have an fan base and interactions.