The MC is too much stupid and too doo gooder .Yes author qill say who cares and dada but when a 2 year old does this nonsense I don't know which world ypu are in it will be difficult .He doesnot have anything to protect himself and he is 2 years old .He is just putting Target in his back .Yes warning parents is fine.He cpuld go other way like he had seen nightnares of them dying in poison like that .I Find it very ridiculous that if he is from modern world and Watched Naruto many times that still he dows this and the fuck is whitebeard route .He is just acting like adult . Author will bash me , I know this kind of authors .so I don't care . A fanfic is fanfic but atleast make it believable in sense of even Anime wold. Sakumo comming to Kill .what nonsense.An anbu cannot stop Sakumo. He is not Naive he is oversmart .A two year old cant fo anything he says even in Naruto world .

And we Have Deneeys Pendragon. I was expecting the sword name to Be Exx---cal--baaahhhhhhhh

Well I type fast and didnot re-read it as I felt I have written too long

Temari , Karin and Kurotsuchi 🤣 Hey no need to do a love story fully .Lot of people go Tsuande and stuff.I was thinking why not putside leaf? Samui a Good choice . Well Or older ones like Yugao or Kurenai if you want Not fan of kurenai sasuke too much . Even girls from Fillers can be added . 🤣Temari and Karin is good choice and do Ino from Konoha if you want .

I just want to ask the Author .Do you make Kudhina End up with Minato ? Still with the seal? .I also is he not buttler than maid? .The other thing is even this is Naruto world why is a four year old doing chores and stuff like? Even when Mito takes him? I liked the other version but there are somethings that made me feel "hmmm thats starnge yeah no " .I mean I still enjoyed it as much as I can . And I hope you change somethings if you are rewriting Also the chakra thing.Please research I mean you can retort saying its just a fanfic but 1000 for Jubi then 750 is way to much .You should know what Jubi as pointed out . Even Hashirama And Madar donot have that much .You should check some Naruto facts .Many things are inaccurate . I would review after more chapters as It still can go from very great start to massive dissapointment .

This really is nonsense I mean we donot even know who MC is and even where he is accept North and What year it is .And top of that the Starks are here asking his preswence? IT feels like Chat GPt .The interactions are robotic and why would Starks entrust him to Built fortress or anything? Who is he? IT feelks like it is. A gameplay walkthrough and also the system is bland.He doesnot dewcribe his system too much and doesnot explore .We know nothing .We are Jon Snow . The system gives him wood after he built lumber camp? I am not understanding it .Uf he gets rewarde aftwr doing things then what will he do .Beat lannistwr army and he can get Army himself ? If this is Kinhdom Building system then it is not goor system whatwver age of Empire is .He needs resources and he geta resources aftwr he do things like He needs tp build a Mill.He gets resources aftwr he builds a Mill .Wow And the Author is only replyong to people who comment nice thinks and do3snot even explain anything. I can get if its many comments but bruh got one and he is like speechlese? I think this is chat GPt . We donot even have information on his village people .

It is a decent start .I am just little picky person so I do have problems here lile in first chapter we don't know what he is lord of and where he is accept the North and it feels little too fast paced . It would be better if you explain qhere he is in detail and also about his systsm and what timeline he is in. ( may be in auxillary chapters) but It will be better as just diving in head straight doesnot make me feel right .Though it is still behinning and I know that you will improve so not too harsh from me .

I am smoking webnovel and suffering from MTL hatism why ?

The stpry is good but I will be honest It feels like too much in one fanfic .You should have stayed within Marvel and do Emtertaient system there .Marbel itself is vwry big and make it Marvel Multiverse.I get ypu are a fan but mixing everything in one is not good .If you wamt to write a fanfic of Him traveling to the franchises then do another famfic where he travels to the franchises or just make famfic of his franchises while involving him like spinoff . You are introfucing too many things in one story that will only result in it being a catastrophie .The Entertainment part is like a footnote here as it gets never mentioned only how many IPS he got not even public reaction and leading to it ..and also with DC comics and all I mean his father works there and he didnot publish there .Shouldnot there be anything ? Like company pressuring or having Problems with Marc? . And Making a 10 year old write this much is insane .He is not robot .Make it more believable . Also Desvribe the full timeline amd his family bavkground fully well. There are lot of mess . If ypu improve I may remove this review but I am dissapointed the way its going. Do Better. Nothing is detailed and ypu again upgrade a system ? We havent even seen full capabilities and work of system . This is not emtertainemnt system its misleading .. It only shows IP collections nothing else .

I only have problem with Inbolving Blair witch project .I mean if You did Paranormal Activity it would have been better.The mpment you talk about Blair witch my mind immediately goes to chineese authors in Hollywood Fics using Blair witch.If you watched it you will know that there is nothing special in that your MC may even have Negative fans so I was little cringed out

?? Are you reading your own replies? I sas? What'ts the reply suppose to mean?. I said you didnot even bother to change minor mistakes and just copy pasted it . Did you not see that you pasted Tian Tian instead of Ten Ten , Xao Li instead of Rock lee? Or do you not understand what I said ? What you mean No thank you ? What foolish peaople these days.

I won't badmputh this even If I don't like the work .You clearly need to research more about Naruto or Just watch it or read it .I mean yes you said there will be plot holes but there are many things that you skipped over and if you want to do AU thing be my guest its not a bad idea but there are somethings that feels like nonsence even if we think from Naruto Anime Prospective.Also take inspirations from other stories not just make it lazy writing like putting MC on team 7 because they found no idea .Its bad The problem is in your knowledge and execution otherwise this could have been fantastic fanfic .Even from wish fullfilment point of view this story feels weird and just no offence There IS NO STORY NO DIRECTION

And the thing about Magneto?

It feels like just copy paste MTl I mean Not even changing names? Tiantian ,2nd Generation these types are all from MTL not a single thing changed?.These things may seem small but these things make the story distant .

Really? Where did Nara clan go ? The story is good but Its like story of rip off Nara clan nothing more like affinity with sahdows really ?.. Are you not aware of Nara clan to make this too similar to their powers ?

You should read your translations.I am not even talking about chineeese elements but you are making Mistakes in names even once he is jack once he is Ting ye .Also an orphnanage named wu in London of all Places is kinda dumb like these are minor things that should be first to be changed

I just want to tell you something pal.I got your back.This is amazing I have been searching for crossover between two franchises .There was one but its Minor .I wanted to write Myself but I am a trashy author and cannot dedicate to much time on that .I love the beginning although there are some mistakes but you will improve over time. I just cant imahine what interactions will be like too lany possibilities .

Do you clearly see what hapoens when you just jump before not knowing ? If you understood what I said in first should these stupid argument gone furthur? Look to ypur first reply I asked about the exact same thing of why would you refer to her like that which I assumed was you having mis spleed pronouns because she is knows as she by Church people. How my asking of that gone to me liking Gabriel I have no idea . Clearly read comments in it My problem was simple You are making the characters OC and indeed fanfic doesnot need to follow canon but changing some aspects makes DXD fic pointless let me give you an example there are many fics of making the story characters oc but the core stays within their oc ness . Even you act as Asia it will seen through in first glance.Lets not even talk about that but You can clearly see yourself if you are follower All your characters have turned oc and nothing except their names and places mentioned will make people think this is DXD fic .

Oh My God your brain is dull right ? Its not about you making her dude .Its about why are ypu writing her as Lord when clearly she is already depicted female .I was talking about you addressing someone as Lord who is clearly as she.Do you understand what I said ? I said why are you writing lord for Gabriel and even asked you that are going to call Asia lord as well. Read the lines .Does this mean I said you made Somone male nooo dude I mean clearly Someone should read amd see what really I talked about and where you are taking this . I mean really .Pointing out your mistakes in the story is a mistake. You didnot even understand what I said just going making assumptions man this is so funny .

Really? Is this far your mind goes ? Its not about me liking Gabriel I just said that you excuse was ridiculous about it saying that you based that from Bible and all you got is I like gabriel ..I can clearly see where your thinking level is .Read the comment properly .Its not even about Gabriel .If you read it and try to ubderstand it properly then perhaps you can understand something. .