Thank you

Congratulations for your bother, he is a very brave and honorable man! Also, I agree with you. I actually wrote the novel in a very short period of time, so I didn’t even understand the “magic” system I was going to use. Well, at least. That’s what I thought was the most confusing. So, yeah, I want to learn how you keep everything so concise yet conveyed. If you have time, please contact me via a comment on my novel. After that, we can decide where to meet up.

Hey, this isn't really about the novel- so sorry for being intrusive. However, would you like to work with me on the next writing prompt? I like your writing style because it kinda matches (with much less detail), and I think this new prompt could be right up your alley. Anyway, if you're interested, comment on one of my chapters or something. (I really don't have any idea how to message authors). Also, Thx for the chapter.

Hi, I have had many other people send me these types of things, so I wanted to make sure if they were authentic or not. Could you provide me with something that could validate who or what (if you are an organization) you are?

After just a few minutes, I was invested in the story. The story development is fast-paced, reasonable, and exciting because new scenes arise every few chapters, which keeps the story fresh. The MC is actually pretty smart, and there are many times when the story made me laugh out loud. The world background is a little sparse for the reader since the novel just started; however, I like the way the MC discovers things. This makes it so that the reader can discover the world with the MC, which is cool. The only thing that I have a pet peeve about is the slight, very small amount of excessive comma usage, which can jar the reading experience. But, as I said, they are very rare, and the author will improve. I really do enjoy reading the novel, so I hope whoever reads this also tries it out.

In your previous chapter, you were expressing your improvements/concerns about writing action scenes. So, I wanted to give you some advice from what I've encountered online and through my teachers. Keep it short/simple. Even when the situation arises where there are multiple people, multiple abilities/powers, and multiple locations, you have to make sure that each of them is being organized in a short and simple way. This means that the writing itself can be complex, but the reading experience must be coherent and cohesive. Write in a way that emphasizes contact blows/casting of powers. Reveal ways that the character may be hindered/comfortable/learning from the fight (I noticed that Locke likes to fight because it feels exhilarating to him; however, in the future, you might want to make it so that he gets serious or maybe to the point where he doesn't want to point. These stark contrasts to his usual fighting attitude will draw the readers in.)

Here's a thought: I know that this is Webnovel, and there isn't a huge emphasis on grammar. However, if you want to improve further as a writer, then I suggest that you understand 'third-person limited' and 'third-person omniscient.' Now, don't take all of my criticism too heavily because I sometimes do the same thing, and you don't usually have this problem. In this particular section of the text, you write, "The lion at this point was drooling, looking at its delicious meal...." At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this sentence. But! Look again! "Looking at its delicious meal" is not supposed to be there. Your novel, so far, has been written in a third-person limited perspective. What does this mean? It means that the novel should be written through the eyes of the MC via a narrator. The narrator only knows what the MC knows. Third-person omniscient means that the narrator knows what EVERYONE is thinking, saying, and doing. Coming back to the point: Locke does not know if the lion is thinking of him as being a meal. He can ASSUME and GUESS, but he can never know FOR SURE. He can never be 100% accurate. (Unless he can read minds, of course.) So, an easy way to fix this is by writing, "The lion at this point was drooling as if it was looking at its next meal...." Here, the phrase 'as if' is sending the subtle message of an assumption. 'As if' does not set the assumption in stone. Anyway, I hope this helps in the future.

"He tried to control them, but they groaned out every time he swung." What is 'they/them' here?"

lol

Between "immediate area" and "the wet rock", using a semicolon would make the sentence more complete and coherent.

lol

You might want to sit down....it's a long story

I don't think "Aquaphobia" needs to be capitilized.

Imagine walking up to your grandpa and asking this

This made me laugh on many levels.

"iota," Walter White.

Some really, really small advice/stuff that I noticed. You do a great job with using the past tense, but sometimes- again, like, once in a hundred- you use the present tense. I'm not talking about when you write something like: "Locke ran as fast as he could, leaving many of the prisoners behind." In these places, what you write is fine. However, in the places where you use two or more commas (I think I left a comment in the one place you tripped), you sometimes have the tendency to put a verb in the present tense as opposed to the past tense. Overall, though, I love the action scenes.

People do say that drowning- after you get over the burning sensation in your lungs- is pleasant. Though, I wouldn't want to find that out for myself.

I don't want to die like that either :)