woah very nice 👁️👁️

extra kudos 👁️👁️

very nice

.....lil specs of freckles, i could've been under a blanket of stars twinkling in the night, lost in space if i look at it for too long... being focused on details can put her in a dreamy state.. this makes the readers emphasize w her wild concepts of the new character as well.. invest invest invest.. her imagination can push the readers to dig deeper in the story

she sounds interested when she was focused on his eyes.. maybe she should extend her thoughts in this last sentence....... the ****er could be of some use to me that last chain of thought can connect to her previous encounter with jasper.. from bored to feelin giddy agn.. can make the readers invest on the new character as well

sounds cooler if.... i said, emphasizing on the last part as i swiped a bead of sweat across his grossly tanned chest

exclaiming ignorance is already a sign that she has knowledge of the topic.. some things dont need clarification, even if she's too egotistical herself

things get explained directly too much.. sometimes annoying characters dont have to poke at readers to get their attention nice foundation for the story anyway

could sound better with..... his fat filthy cock against my fresh ironed pants

opening chapter is ok, not painfully dull as people might think at first.. there is some personality there.. maybe could need a few adjustements with the flow of the scene.. from fast to slow? there are moments that dont need clarification, let the readers use their imagination.. sarcasm could go a long way too very nice work overall

would sound funny if..... red thought.. or maybe she did.. who knows.. this tall fella seemed to arch his eyebrow at her in amusement...

.....some flowers, miss?

....sending electric shocks from the back of her skull down to her spine which made her knees jerked in surprise.. the adrenaline shot to her toes and got her falling down the floor in slow motion....

maybe add some accent.. clear.. slurish.. smthn

more like...... quiet out of nowhere.. like ghosts.. a low, cool toned voice ringed behind her ears

*at her fingertips

connecting this to the previous paragraph on the last sentence would sound nice... ...put her nose into; like a distant memory she cant seem to grasp at the tips of her fingers...

it would be cool if u could extend the mysterious atmosphere in this part. maybe a sudden cold gust of wind tickled her skin. deja vu¿ describing the moment bit by bit, a chain of concepts that rly draws the readers to the flower stall..

could use a nice comma next to 'down'