atimOchisk
just a man who's kinda bored
of reading
187
Read books
Badges
3Moments
17
atimOchisk2yrPostedI tried to get in to this but I can't it's filed with so much exposition that it's a bore to read through he monologs so much like at one point he spends three THREE sentences talking about climbing a tree it's ridiculous so much can be cut out but it's not and the only reason I can think of that it's not is cuz he is padding the story with usless detail to make it to 5k words per chapter here is some wisdom for you show don't tell you keep telling us all this stuff that isn't important at the moment so there is no story to pull a reader in
- atimOchisk2yrCommented
what? he said what would you do if you had to opportunity to see the sun one more time he never asked you what you wanted? so I'm confused.
I started thinking about the answer... What did I want? Money? Girls? Power? But... When we reach the end of our life, what does it all matter? When we die none of this will accompany us... - atimOchisk2yrCommented
I guess since their hands went inside his torso they quite literally stole his heart
They both ran their hands on my clothes as their hand went inside my upper torso and they carrassed the abs as the lust in their eyes grew...I then stood up and they gulped their saliva. - atimOchisk2yrReplied to pure_abyss
yeah but.... he's in the body of a baby why would anyone think it's a prank? like you can clearly tell your a baby again I would assume anyone would think of being reborn
This paragraph has been deleted. - atimOchisk2yrReplied to Ayanokoji_Kiyopon
are you okay? in what world does ducking someone make them your partner? just cuz you go out and duck someone doesn't make them your partner haven't you heard of casual sux?
This chapter has been deleted. - atimOchisk2yrReplied to Xanderix
dude no one cares what you like and don't like this is fiction there not real people so it doesn't matter
This chapter has been deleted. - atimOchisk2yrCommented
wait what? observe uses chakra?
This chapter has been deleted. - atimOchisk2yrCommented
Blake is a smart cooky I'm sure she would be able to tell there is something special about him just from the fact that they would send her and him alone and it would be wise to not underestimate your teammate and I feel like it was an oversite on your part that you wouldn't think that white fang wouldn't get them both aware of each other abilities first before sending them on a mission that could be dangerous
Hearing that, Blake's eyes trailed over to Shen. 'Alone? If I was with Adam, we could probably handle it, but…' She could clearly see Shen was a new recruit, so her confidence in his abilities was lacking. "In any case, when you two enter the facility, your mission is to take out the central computer system controlling the facility and its production of products." - atimOchisk2yrCommented
I don't see why he would think it would be strange that they wouldn't promote him right away just cuz he can fight well doesn't mean he would be a good leader so they would have to check to see if he would be able to lead, wouldn't they? isn't that just common sense, like your going into an organization they have rules and ways to do things you won't suddenly become the leader just cuz you're strong
Hearing her order's the White Fang Officer nodded and left the room as Sienna sighed to herself. Meanwhile, Shirei had officially gone through verification and had obtained both his mask and uniform. However, one thing that struck him as strange was that he wasn't promoted to a higher rank right away. - atimOchisk2yrReplied to DaoistBlackHeart
what is that from?
'So that's how it is, Master. What kind of man are you to gain this fierce protection from an Evil Spirit?' - atimOchisk2yrReplied to Monarch_Lord
did you not read it says possible Kage-strength
"Hooo… you picked a unique one. Let's see… here it is. Kei Uchiha, known among the shinobi who have interacted with him as Uchiha of the Eternal Sharingan, no one has seen what his eye color is as his Sharingan has never been turned off, at least in public. Some even suspect that he was born with a fully matured Sharingan. Made clan head at the age of 7, passing all the necessary requirements. His current age is 12, at least Jonin level strength, possible Kage-level threat. Excels in Taijutsu, suspected prowess in Fire-based ninjutsu as well as well as Genjutsu due to his Uchiha bloodline." - atimOchisk2yrCommented
why did he buy clothes I don't get it he doesn't need them and why would he tell sad boi he's naked at all that sentence implies that if he doesn't buy clothes then he would tell sad boi he's practically naked
Making my way towards the compound I bought some medicinal herbs and a few extra clothes. I couldn't exactly explain to Sasuke that I was basically parading around naked could I? - atimOchisk2yrReplied to Diabolic_eternal1
no that's all of it cuz even the shops they use for money belong to the fang inheritance they are using money that's not there's in the first place
'Why must women compromise if a man can't sexually satisfy her? Not only must she give way and consider everything for her husband, but she must also suppress her wants and desires because he is not able to satisfy her properly in bed. This is so UNFAIR!!!' Aunt thought. - atimOchisk2yrReplied to VeganMaster
he doesn't need to have the same strength to kill it and his mouth shouldn't be that small like even if it's so super small that he can only nibble on it it can still go through steel I'm sure that bear isn't dumb if it can't bite it and it starts biting him and he can't do anything about our mc I'm sure it would let go remember animals arent that dumb they know when to retreat
- atimOchisk2yrPosted
okay, you're not keeping character consistency like the point with the bear he could have killed it easily he can bite straight through steel yet you're telling me he had no way to fight at all? how does that make sense, you were making him weak through it all too when he ate the wolf shouldn't he have gotten everything not just being able to go woof he should have gotten more strength gotten faster things like that. this should have been amazing yet you made his growth far too slow and you should have stopped thinking he was like a human he's not so you shouldn't make him grow as slow as one
- atimOchisk2yrReplied to XxTruck_KunxX
you, my good sir are just dumb it in no way sounds gay
"Nice to meet'ya. My name is Naruto and I like ramen. I want to become stronger to protect my mom and the ones I love." - atimOchisk3yrCommented
so it started working now
I could feel my skin freezing but my regeneration was taking care of healing the dead tissues.