Okay, you have an interesting premise but you need to fix a few things. First of all, don't tell your reader what the protagonist looks like. That's an info dump. Those are bad. Give out little bits of information here and there. For the text messages, either use a different font or make them bold or italic or something like that, and then be consistent with them so your reader instantly knows it's a text message. Show me things, don't tell me. Show me the bus lurching to a stop belching out exhaust. Show me using sensory details what things look like, smell like etc. Finally, use 1st person past tense. So You could do something like this. "I hopped out of bed, dodged a pile of musty clothes and rushed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get dressed." If you fix those errors, your book will be stronger. And don't forget to read your work out loud so you can hear it. Your ear will pick up errors.

You write better than many native English speakers. :)

I hope my feedback helped. I will read some more when I get a chance. It just takes a while because I want to give you real feedback, and not just the normal "Your story is the bestest evah!!!111!11". It does you no good as an author.

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. I just posted chapter 5, so you can continue your journey with Danae.

Don't spend much time on it, in fact look up TV stations whereever your book is set and pick one, or go with CNN or Fox or something.

I do a lot of research, plus since I am in the education world I know how much of it works. I google up stuff all the time.

This was your strongest chapter yet. Big improvement from last chapter to this chapter.

I would have her show the nurse a photo of her prescription, that she took for her mom. She would get in huge trouble for bringing that on campus without a signed release.

Add a sentence about being hustled down to the nurse's office

show this. goosbum** on her arms, pale skin, racing heartbeat, go the whole nine yards here.

Just pink, but this is a great start for SHOWING embarassment. :)

Just smirked

Link the book to her English homework.

Have her give him a nickname like breakdance boy or something really snippy. It's something she would do.

What you want to do here is mention having to do homework in the previous chapter. Mayber after taking off her penny loafers and before watching the news with her mom. And you can just say English and algebra homework, everyone will know what it is.

Eliminate everything after shrugged her shoulders...

Add in a line about her heading to the bus stop. It will make your transition smoother.

She pulled off her penny loafers... That... that is a well written line

Love the first half of this! This brat dare insult me? Wooooo

Never EVER label it. Especially if you want to make money from writing.