Love sci-fi, fantasy, adventure, video-games, music, programming
Thank you so very much for your kind words! It truly means a lot that you took your time to review my unfinished story, I am even more surprised onhow you found it especially since it isn't new and hasn't really been updated!? However I made a mock up for a new book cover that I hope you'll like. It is a little botchy but in my opinion better than the previous default one at least. Seeing your comments and enthusiasm has sparked a small fire in me to continue this journey after having gone through some of the toughest harships since I last wrote which killed any ambition to write. I have looked back at notes that I had and will finish the next chapter to continue from Sil's perspective in Chapter 5. I would appreciate any and all feedback if you decide to stick around! In the meantime, please feel free to share with others and have some patience it on uploads
Just saw this comment, but I'm glad you liked the updated format! Any further suggestions for readability is always welcomed! Keep an eye out for Sil's next chapter 👀
going back breaking paragraphs properly felt like a bit much , but yes I made sure that the recent chapter did exactly that, let me know if I can improve the new format :)
This is absolutely fantastic. The writing quality is great, and the character interactions are the best, some funny moments for sure! The world is so well written, I could learn a thing or 2 from it, highly recommend!
Thank you! I appreciate your words, currently working on the next chapter! Mind you i has been stalled as I am working with an artist to design a book cover! Trust when I say that I will try and keep things interesting, including their interaction when the time comes to cross paths ;)
Even though I get Isekai vibes, it reminds me more of a game called Smite, because of the different pantheons that are mixed into the stories. It makes it really interesting! Keep up the work and keep improving, you have something interesting here
You have strong and great concept to work with, it felt pretty original, but the grammar makes me lose some of the immersion sometimes, but looking past that, I was able to enjoy the mechanics of the world you have built, keep it up!
Thank you so much for reading! Yes others have told me about the paragraphs being a bit too long, and I've realized that especially since not everyone reads on a computer, some people may read on the App, so I have to start splitting into smaller paragraphs for readability. The next chapter and onward will be easier on the eyes so look forward to it! n_n
Thank you so much I appreciate you for taking the time to read it! I'm glad you found the characters interesting and enjoyed the world I created! n_n
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the review and glad you enjoyed it, currently writing the next chapter, I hope you look forward to it n_n
For someone who doesn't really read romance, this is so well written I almost finished the content of this novel. The dialogue is fantastic and has absolutely minimal grammar errors at MOST. It was easy to read and enjoy, I recommend it, it has a great setting as well.
I had it started in March but had to stop, in a week I posted 2 chapters to make up for it, and I can't guarantee writing that much per week onward, but it will be more consistent in uploading I can promise that, I can actually make more time for it now :) I'm writing the next chapter already so please keep an eye out :D
Thank you so much for the input! I appreciate that a lot. As for the breaks I actually went back and put more believe it or not lol, but since the chapters were already written I didn't want it to lose it's established pacing, and someone else mentioned it, and I took note, but it is good to know it seems to be a common critique. Starting the next chapter onward I will be using more paragraph breaks and possibly markers like ------ , _____, or ***** to separate stuff better down the line for readability, if you return for the later chapters, please do share any more critique I really do consider it!
So far, I like the concept very much, but I admit there are a few critiques I have with the writing, but nothing major. The biggest offender is the use of emojis. In dialogue they are unnecessary and takes away from it, I don't mind it when you use them for the system "display", for example the lock emotes, as it makes sense but during dialogue it really takes away from the immersion. One thing you should go back and look at are your titles, though, you got a lot of misprint titles, like "Chapter 5: Chapter 5:" as an example, other than that I really like the world you built, the mythological lore you've fused, and the personality of the characters are great as well. Please continue writing! It has great potential!
Might want to fix the title
gymnasium* are :)
c'mon on* :)
I have been taking my time as right now it's hard to make time, but seeing this has my creative juices flowing, I'm going to try and start the next chapter! :) (I had gone back and edited the 1st chapter and fleshed it out more putting chp 4 on hold)