Wow the author is getting serious brain rot as the story progresses. This is perhaps even more disappointing than season 8

Plowing! Unlimited Plowing!

I'm gonna keep it real. It wasn't really a good start. The story starts with a lackluster line. You need something to hook the audience and honestly it's very pretentious. The descriptions, to MC's sad pessimistic exposition, to the lame one sided love scenario and the one dimensional bully. The idea is nothing special but it's not bad either, it's the execution where the flaw lies. I'm giving out my honest thoughts not hate, if you do end up re-writing the first chapter in the future please keep these flaw in mind, but I'm gonna keep reading see if it improves

I mean it's pretty good but I think it's just a monologue and telling the audience what's happening. I have been through this and I'm sure it'll go away as you write more and learn more. It's a very interesting concept and honestly I'm liking where this is going which is crazy because it's barely been 2 chaps but that in my opinion is a sign of an amazing start. You have a very creative writing all you need to do is just refine your writing style a bit. Great stuff mate

My name is Giovanni Giorgio, but everybody calls me Giorgio

Don't let bro cook ever again

Jedi June vs Sith Lord Darth Hoho

That might be true for you or me but that doesn't make much sense for an amateur boxer turned corporate slave. As you get older you forget a lot of stuff you learned when you were younger if you don't revise them. Other than that my major problem with the MC is that we know almost nothing about him or his personality from before. He just appears in a new world and moves calmly into the future. This might be okay for a fun little novel but if you're writing a story you have to change this. Or the character becomes a hollow shell for self insert. We just know he's detached and calm and tackles everything perfectly. His failures and efforts are summed up in a few lines. None of his emotions are in display very much. Few things he display seems like an added afterthought rather than setting his character. I can't feel his happiness, neither his frustration at not being able to progress. His curiosity or his caution. It's just few lines that explain: "Oh he's curious" or "Oh, he doesn't like this". I hope you take this as an advice to flesh out his character and convey his emotion and struggles to reader not as a critisism

Honestly sometimes it feels like I'm reading a textbook or wikipedia page. How does a failed corporate slave know all these information?

What? I'm genuinely confused if you're serious or sarcastic. This is literally how our world works. You don't give a gun to an unlicensed civilian. You can't let a unlicensed driver drive into the freeway. The license is there to make sure incompetent idiots don't kill people. Operation by unlicensed doctors are something which claim a lot of live in developing countries. They're all their to protect you from dying in stupid ways

Well realistically it wouldn't make sense for anyone to instantly adapt but this MC takes it to another level as if he's watching a video

Preach brother

I still can't get over the fact that our world is a steampunk world but with no steam

Lil bro really said he's not like other authors

The loser guild? That sounds like something an OP Chinese MC will join to faceslap everyone

Bro's in cyberpunk and talking like he's in the 1800s. Honestly this just breaks the immersion for me. Advice is you should try to use slangs in dialogues with locals to emphasize the characters. Slangs could be from our world or you could invent some like they did in the Maze Runner

I hope in the future we get to see the Thug part of Jun Hao too. Maybe a flashback or a fight with gangsters on filming sets? Korean gangsters are always trying to get in entertainment industry, so it would be good to have a fight with them. I'm actually curious as to how strong he was and if system has other functionality to help him in that. It'll also create a new unique image of him that sets him apart from the regular idols

Not to mention this was in the 1700s

I think you should post this on Royal Road if you're not in a contract with Webnovel. There are amazing writers and critiques that will review you story in a much comprehensive way than casual reader's like me. it's a little more complicated to navigate than Webnovel but it's worth the tips and tricks it'll teach you

I'd like to leave some advice for the Author here. I know it's story and fictional and everything but playing with public perception is very freaking dangerous as a public figure. If you're a drugie for a week you're druggie for life in the eyes of public even when court declares you innocent. It's worse for these kind of issues that June is dealing with cause this makes the fans feel betrayed and a large amount of them would rather do mental gymnastics out of sheer rage to hate June rather than admit they were wrong. it's always better to put out fire than wait for a grande finaleOf course I understand the need for build up in a fiction, just putting this out there in case it helps