Kirito_Link
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Kirito_Link7dCommentedCh 1 1. Prologue.- Kirito_Link14dCommentedCh 8 His teacher.
- Kirito_Link18dCommentedCh 55 Chapter 55 Iron Man
- Kirito_Link24dCommentedCh 22 Chapter 22: Keji
- Kirito_Link26dReplied to Abnormal0465Ch 42 Getting tasks and completing them
- Kirito_Link28dReplied to Abnormal0465Ch 42 Getting tasks and completing them
- Kirito_Link28dCommented
Hello I noticed a recurring mistake by you. You keep putting a ',' instead of a '.' at the end of your characters' sentences, it happens about over half of the time. I also noticed about how the last chapter was done a bit too rashly at the end, instead of normally writing words in full you typed acronym without capitalizing either, I would be referring to the 'idk'.
Ch 5 Chapter 5 | Trials at Olympus 4 - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
Sometimes there are dialogues that are too formal. Making it look quite awkward, I would be referring to these kinds of sentences: 'As I did.' 'Calm down, dear brother.' These kinds of sentences should be avoided unless when it is between two stranger or if there is a status difference between the two.
Ch 4 Learning the Art of the Blade - Kirito_Link1mthCommentedCh 3 Chapter 3
- Kirito_Link1mthCommentedCh 2 The Prophecy
- Kirito_Link1mthCommented
A lot of things are too exaggerated. First Carman's hatred toward the Fatuis, calling them evil and stuff. In the game Childe released a dangerous god but was partly manipulated by La Signora and Zhongli. La Signora Stole Venti's gnosis but didn't much more in Mondstat, in Inazuma she handled quite a few things with Scaramouche like schemes against the shogun and the country, but failed and did not amount to much. Wanderer turned dark because of the three 'betrayals'. Fatuis agents are for the most part just random soldiers doing their job. I believe of all the fatuis known only Dottore was evil with maybe the Rooster.
Ch 1 Chapter 1: The Struggle of an Orphan in Fontaine. - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
Quite a few grammatical mistakes author... I recommend you watch out those at least twice before posting new chapters, for example I saw 'I am turned my head' or something like that. There are quite of bit of 'I' written as 'i' as well. Some characters' phrasings don't feel natural either, especially Lumine.
Ch 8 Wolvendom: Part 1 - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
'You moron!'
'you moron' she cried and tried to slap me, I quickly grabbed her hand and out of reflex I activated my power stone. The whole building started to shake, 'Kaneki you got a quirk' she said. - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
"Day
"day 789, near the Garden. The ship is low on oxygen, and maybe a year more, I don't know whether I will be able to find, the last fragment of the space stone. I've already recorded the implantation log on day 546, the other two stones implanted in me are in good health. No side effects, I feel well." - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
'Now that I'
Now that i think about it. All in life is temporary, all the planets, all the stars, even the fabric of time-space will cease to exist one day, at least from our logic. - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
'All journeys'
All journies have an end, our life are nothing but a journey that will end at our death. Like my father, I too will eventually die, either now or later, either leaving behind offsprings to mourn or not. My end too, is fated. - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
'its own people'
From the weakest insect to the hardest of diamond, nothing will remain forever. A life will eventually reach the end of it's lifespan and a rock will eventually erode, even the land we walk on will move and transform, until one day, the land and earth itself will become nothing but a dead planet, killed by itself, it's own people. - Kirito_Link1mthCommented
'A life will eventually reach the end of its lifespan'
From the weakest insect to the hardest of diamond, nothing will remain forever. A life will eventually reach the end of it's lifespan and a rock will eventually erode, even the land we walk on will move and transform, until one day, the land and earth itself will become nothing but a dead planet, killed by itself, it's own people.