Gerald_Morris_9274
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Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommentedLMFAO
"GET OVER HERE!!" Moby screamed as he pulled her in.- Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
lol wow.
'Ya, that's true! Imagine if instead of a demon system, I had a vampire system instead! I would now be either dead or severely weakened just for being unlucky enough to be teleported in a sunny area… on a predominantly dark planet. It would be so annoyingly retarded!' Moby thought with a chuckle. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
blatant character steal lol
This paragraph has been deleted. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
lol
This paragraph has been deleted. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommentedCh 523 Quest rewards!!!
- Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
realized
The two got on well, and Vicent soon realized his true feelings for her. He released why he had done everything. It was the first time he had ever felt this way about someone. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
bayla?
"Layla, Layla, speak to me!' Amy cried. "She's lost so much blood." - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
too many commas
Using this skill, you can tame world orb beasts. To tame, use the skill on one of the beasts and keep them, for the indicated amount of time, inside the beast portal. Activating a beast portal requires 10 SP per hour. The cooldown depends on the beast tamed. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
I feel like this paragraph is supposed to go above the prior one.
Azief ran, dodging the people escaping in the opposite direction as a crashing sound was heard. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
you said meteors earlier and then went back to balls of flame (I chuckle like a two year at this, don't mind me). I'm just suggesting you pick on for consistency.
Afterward, more balls of flame fell close to the school, causing more fierce earthquakes, cracking the streets further. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
I feel like you could just say he has no girlfriend and leave it at that. Like I started reading this paragraph and then I was tldr and skipped it.
He has no girlfriend. (Though not because he can't get one, but mostly because he doesn't have confidence. In his eyes, girls only like you when you have a car, money, or looks. And he doesn't have money, doesn't have a car, and although his looks are okay, they're not great. His averageness was only further demonstrated in terms of his athletic condition. Although he isn't exactly athletic, he isn't bad either. He has decent muscle, at least, not too lean and but not too chubby either. The only aspect where he was somewhat above average was his intelligence.) - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
that moment you change chapters but it updates after word lol
At a computer café in Temerloh, located just beside the Joy Park Elementary School (AN1), a customer parks his bike outside and rushes inside. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
Is this what breaking the fourth wall or w/e it's called?
This paragraph has been deleted. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrReplied to Keikokumars
Ill read it through from the beginning again. I was saying it should read that way. however I did use the wrong to in my critique. should have been "too".
This paragraph has been deleted. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrReplied to Keikokumars
I'm saying the paragraph is unclear. nothing I write is intended as a diss only feedback
Take, for example, Texas and Florida (although most of Florida's eastern seaboard was destroyed during the first stages of The Fall). - Gerald_Morris_92743yrPosted
The writing needs serious work. The grammar is poor which leads to miss used words or incorrect adjectives, and odd phrasing. It's good enough for the reader to know what he meant but when your brain constantly has to auto correct and reread paragraphs gets to be frustrating. The story itself is really good. I applaud the writer on his creativity and encourage him to continue. It is obvious this is not your first language and that makes this even more impressive. keep working at it, you will go far and if you can correct the grammar and phrasing I could see this becoming a popular story!
- Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
the correct word is struck or hit. not strikes.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Gerald_Morris_92743yrCommented
smoke does not have a plural form. it's just smoke.
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