I have given the book a general review yesterday

broke_sloth is my disc name

you are free to do so PS: If you need any help with advice or copy editing (for free), hit me up on discord.

There are still some major mistakes here and there, but the improvements are visible as well. I daresay this chapter is the best one so far. I will try to point out obvious mistakes as well as give my thoughts. Anyways, thanks for the chapter! Keep improving author-san, i will be waiting for the next update with bated breath!

for example: "Behind him stood a man, garbed in an obsidian cloak that seemed to blend into the shadows. His pants a lighter green, with patches of darker green across, reminiscent of the camouflage clothes worn by the military personnel. From the small opening on his upper cloak, he could see hints of silver, alluding to it being more mysterious than it seems" The writing style is glaringly different, and i took some liberties with the exact clothes as well, but look at how this uses every word to put more information into the story. Starting with the obsidian cloak, hinting that it is used to blend into the shadows, to the camouflage pants pointing towards a military person while the silver is used to convey the mysteriousness of the cloak. what i want to say is, instead of writing it as a throwaway description, maybe you can use this to give the story more color while fleshing the character out.

Obsidian and silver mentioned twice? Also, specifying what kind of military uniform would be a great addition to this imo.

add a question mark instead of a comma in that dialogue

'beseeched' cannot be used in that context. You are essentially saying "Roy was begged urgently by fear", when you use beseech in that sentence. I'd recommend to use the word 'gripped' or 'paralyzed' instead

Hands down, one of THE best writing (prose) one can find on this site. Every sentence reads and FEELS like it is meticulously crafted and paints a picture of the scene in the readers mind. The book is in the beginning phases, so i cant comment much on the characters, world or even the story itself, however the writing alone justifies an insta 4 star review. I will wait with bated breath for the future chapters, and to witness the story unfold.

Interestingly, the starting point of both our novels overlap a fxcking lot (though I admit, your prose is league's better than mine)

Chapter reviewed: 1-6 (Note to the author: I can clearly see potential in the story, just keep improving your writing, and I can almost guarantee you will attract many readers dedicated to this genre of books. This review is meant to highlight a few problems I found, and is not a hate comment. This comment is not written to dismay you by any means, rather I want to point out some areas where improvements are required and hope you can use it as a point of reference to improve). A very refreshing concept so far in this site bloated with 'system' novels, but that's all I can say for now. The concept of the story is very interesting, and the potential is clearly there. However, there are major problems evident even in the earliest chapter. First of all, the writing is very chaotic and all over the place i.e, the prose needs work. The grammar is also not very good, however the author can improve that by getting an editor or learning proper grammar. Secondly, I can't comment on the characters, as it is very early to judge, however the characters I have seen so far have been wasted imo (could've done some stuff better). I also find the 'fights' so far to be kind of bland? I can see many ways to improve it, but I will refrain from commenting more, as there is not much to judge from. Those are the most glaring issues I found so far, and I hope you focus on fixing them slowly. If you need any advice in writing, or a helping hand in editing, you can always hit me up. I'd love to lend a hand to a book with such potential. I shall wait patiently for any future updates.

*I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE!*

In my humble opinion, we pursue our goals, attain happiness and live our lives to the fullest for we know that it will all end one day

without the constant reminder of death in our lives, how can we pursue our dreams with vigour and passion? If we achieve immortality, then the very core that drives us will disappear. Time will not matter, so why write a book now when you can write one 100 years later?

Nah mate

nah, imm call her junpei, he is a total bro in ps3

later?!

man's so toxic even apex predators fear him 💀

brother, a mask is a representation of a hollow, in essence the mask can be considered the main part of the hollow itself. It represents their identities, their base desires and also is the reason as to why they have powers. A hollow without a mask is either a dead hollow or an arrancar with no in betweens

*I'd rather be a shooting star, burning out in a moment of bright glory rather than be another one of the billions of dim stars in the night sky*