OldFellow
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Stolen fic, “caught in the web of the spider” if i am not mistaken.
Hey, interesting story, god to know you wont be abandoning it, for the rewrite i would suggest keeping the timeline clearer since some parts i was in doubt if it was a flashback or not, perhaps showing a litte more interactions between MC and his parents such as their reactions to his actions (as in show not tell), i would not necessarily say to focus on daily life such as school and other activites but at least to give us the readers an idea of what is happening, if you wish to focus on his encounter with peter perhaps make Missouri his hometown as well or that the parents wished to move already and were in doubt between a couple of states and his opinion tips the scale. As for powers i enjoyed his scientific side and the energy manipulation though cool perhaps made his science a little irrelevant, good luck on the new story
Nice story, the pace is somewhat fast but if the focus are the later years or after Hogwarts it makes sense, the speed in wich he learns “advanced” magic is weird by this pace he will learn everything there is to learn by the second/third year wich doesn’t sound possible, but the apparent focus guns will have in this story are kind of a dealbreaker, I understand if he has to use them on the muggle world but on the magic one i just can’t stand it it shouldn’t be a hp fanfic than but something else
A dual wielding Lord Stark should have been enough warning for me but I still tried to read it (They have a greatsword Ice it doesn’t make sense not to use it), but in the second chapter we discover it is an AU story, more than the premise tells us (If i had to guess it was done so the Writer can romance MC to the incest family). Writer put correct labels on it