See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

I really wish I could give this story 5 stars, I liked it that much. However the problems with it are just too big and really drag the story down. This is a novel that starts well. Being an alchemy story set in the modern world is, for me, a refreshing change of pace. I really enjoyed this novel for the first half. Story was well developed and the pacing was excellent. Character development was good and story line was interesting. Now for why I marked the story down. (Writing quality)..The editing and english quality is so-so, above machine translation but could be improved by a pass through microsoft word. (Story Development)(Spoiler Follows) My complaint is with the novel shift starting at chapter 141. While flashbacks are an excellent method of both plot and character development, they are normally limited to a chapter or two at a time. What happened here is the introduction and deployment of an entirely different plot and supporting characters, with no warning or explanation. This is very distracting to the reader and totally destroys the immersion in the story.

See this! I just gifted the story: Pizza

I found it distracted from the flow of the story. Let's be realistic, if you enjoy this style of story, you are typically not going to be upset by a mild depiction of blood.

Definitely a different way to get a top villain. Good so far.

The motorcycle was a beast of a machine, capable of taking him to speeds. What kind of speeds, needs expanded, ie, - of over a 150 kmh, or - that were totally insane. Just as examples.

This seems to be a different take than what you usually see.

Okay, so who crashed the system.

Interesting, very interesting.[img=recommend]

Looking forward to more.[img=update]

I actually prefer weak to strong with strong character development in the early stages. The biggest difficulty with this genre is the pacing, IE, keeping the MC just strong enough to overcome the obstacles with a strong effort. I think that you are progressing well so far. Keep it up !! : )

This is an interesting start. The premise is not something that I"ve seen that often. I hope that the author continues with this tale and keeps developing the MC and the universe.

Seems to be a different type of start. Interested in seeing what is going to happen.

To the people wondering about still using firearms in 2110. Wounding by flinging small bits of metal at high speed most likely will still be the most economical way to injure an opponent. And using a confined explosion will still be the cheapest and most compact way to do it for a very long time.

Liking your story very much, especially the John Ringo Kildar vibe, there at the end.

Actually I think that your writing is very good, especially at this stage of your writing career. The biggest complaint that I would have would be the spelling errors, if you are not sure of the spelling and are sounding it out while spelling, jot it down on a piece of paper so that you don't break your flow, then come back at the end of the session and run it through a spell-check or do a search on it, then go back and correct it in the story. Another thing would be to run each chapter through a spell / grammar checker before posting, this will catch most mistakes and make the finished chapter look more professional. Kep up the good work and KEEP ON WRITIN!

It feels like the author is still trying to find his groove before really digging in for the full story ride.

Excellent start to what appears to be a very good story. Hopefully the author will continue updating and make this an excellent novel or series. The writing is good, some miner problem with word usage and spelling. The story is compelling and catches you up in it even though currently there are only 5 chapters. MC is a veteran, apparently some type of special operations trooper, who has been wounded and medically retired. He has adopted the neighborhood that he lives in and appears to be seen as the "big brother" of the rough area. Please Author-san, give us more....

More,please.

haven't seen this approach in a while, looks good. Some of the writings a little rough, but looks like it is improving. Mostly just little things like repeated words, or spelling or usage errors. Still better than 90% of what I find on the novel sites. Good job and keep it coming!