Oh boy, where to start... Capitalize important places, use ctrl+alt+num- after "there's Ray" Turning it into "there's Ray—an 18 years old...blah blah." Do not overuse the " 's" as it sounds lazy. this is the first paragraph. Heck, even my grammar program is having a hay day. if you ever get on how to word something, look in books or others content. Or shove out $380 (estimated) for Grammarly. It will train you.

One in the synopsis, get rid of 'gonna,' it does not fit at all! But I will give your story a read. Also, read your work aloud if it makes sense that it is good. I have written over 100+ chapters on my one book, and I know the struggle. All I can say is keep on going, and you will improve to the point you say, "why did I write that?" or "whats was I trying to say?" Trust me; you will kick your own butt late for how bad you once were.

Hi, the author here, I noticed you had sent this out to many other books. I don't know if I would do it as I am editing the first book and uploading it on another site. I appreciate the offer, but I am wary if this is the real deal or not? Plus, getting this is a shock to my system, especially since the version on here is the rough draft. If you can show proof of your offer I might consider. So far I have only you email and what you wrote on this post.