Under80
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Under807mthCommentedCh 21 Hyuga pride- Under807mthCommented
Ichi the Killer is a quality manga!
He even watched some scary ones like A Serbian Film, Human Centipede, and Ichi the Killer. In his opinion, these movies were even on the mild side. (Note: I have never seen any of these goddamn movies. I don't like gore and horror... Although I do like Seinen manga/anime). - Under808mthCommentedCh 135 CH_4.35 (135)
- Under8011mthCommentedCh 42 HWI 42
- Under8011mthCommentedCh 34 Chapter 34: Taking Action.
- Under8011mthCommented
What a fun idea, Sunset crew a nice name too![img=recommend]
"You don't have to answer me so quickly. I'll come back in eight years. By then, you should be an old man in his sixties. If you still dare to come with me and be my chef, I'll take you to find ALL BLUE!" This was exactly Hiruma's plan. He planned to set sail same as Luffy and recruit his own crew along the way, without interfering with each other. Luffy had his "Straw Hat Pirates," and Hiruma had his own "Elderly, Weak, Sick, and Disabled Sunset Crew." - Under8011mthReplied to PraiseElune
Immersion is being in the moment with the story, What is happening right now, and what are the characters feeling, It's about having a picture/movie of the moment in your imagination. What helps with this is Knowing how the characters look, knowing how the setting looks(the buildings, the surroundings in general), and character interaction. In this case, the women were talking and joking but without warning it goes to a big memory retelling. Your imagined story (the movie in your head) is broken. During this, the reader will get detached from the present of the story and has no reason to really care about the memory world. I have not read anything past this point of the story, Maybe this part could be removed if you think it's a mistake. Is there anything crucial in this memory arc? there are some good battle scenes in the memory but they are told at the wrong place, you can write these in the present war or way shorter telling of exploits by the friend in this interaction. mention the important information shortly like the rewards she got if they are important in the interaction and it'll likely connect well with the story you wrote after. good luck have fun.
Ch 34 Chapter 33: Back to present times - Under801yrCommented
The past memories arc broke immersion. it should have just been a short speech point to progress with the story but it was abrupt and 13 chapters about a memory of battle scenes not crucial to the story. I Read a few and skipped the rest; now the interest and immersion are gone. good luck have fun.
Ch 34 Chapter 33: Back to present times - Under801yrCommented
Good addition.
Instead of being surprised or shocked I instead felt relief. Thanking god for giving me some type of cheat that will hopefully carry both me and the human race through this war. - Under801yrCommentedCh 81 CH_3.22 (081)
- Under801yrCommentedCh 4 Time Flies When you are In the Dark PT 2
- Under801yrCommented
Such a funny image. cant help but repeat whenever he Goes IM BILLY BUBBA BILL!
Billy sat there for minutes not knowing what to do, then he stood up and screamed, "NO FUCK THIS SHIT, YOU ARE GOD DAMN BILLY BUBBA BILL, WORLD CHAMP IN FUCKING WEIGHT LIFTING, YOU WON'T FUCKING SURRENDER! LET'S DO THIS YEAH!" he screamed while doing a side chest bodybuilding pose and smiling like he was in a competition. Suddenly he heard something breaking, he quickly went to the window opening it, there he found a 40-year-old woman with her hair in a jumbled mess looking at him with fury in her eyes - Under801yrCommented
Good chapter
This book has been deleted. - Under801yrCommentedCh 122 119 The End
- Under801yrCommented
Takuma Found some talent!
Takuma formed the seals again, and this time, he confidently pushed his chakra through the hand seals' directives. Two puffs of smoke clouded near Takuma, and two brand-new clones stood on either side of Takuma. One clone dropped to the ground and began to do push ups, while the other clone started to put on a very poor mime performance. - Under801yrCommented
These 2 chapters feel very out of place, Jumping into the trip with no setup is definitely confusing and not in line with the story, so why not just preface it with why he's going there, and forcing struggle feels cheap like almost injuring himself and losing the Ferro stick means nothing when you are not engaged in the story of why are you here, etc- Good story so far these two chaps broke the flow somewhat.
Ch 18 CH_18 - Under801yrCommentedCh 420 The Greatest Inheritance - Dementors Progenitor! (2)detailMultiverse Systems: Demonic Resurrection in the Primordial TowerBook&Literature · droopyauthor
- Under801yrCommented
Impressive! really makes sense now.
-The moment these thoughts had risen in your heart, you used the Facelessness Contrasts to fool yourself, nudging your Self to believe that you only wanted to save the Book, and had no other purpose. Otherwise, you couldn't have forced yourself to transcend your current capabilities, going beyond. It was also because of this that you ended up awakening your Spirituality, gaining this serendipity. Now that's… truly demonic. A demon for others and a demon for oneself. Keke! What a Blood Demon!-detailMultiverse Systems: Demonic Resurrection in the Primordial TowerBook&Literature · droopyauthor