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Mithren

Mithren

Lv6

Just a reader of novels though I'm now also trying to write...

2017-09-02 JoinedUnited States
-d

Writing

1.3kh

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812
  • Mithren
    Mithren7d
    Commented

    This chapter is mostly filler in my view. It could be condensed into a few paragraphs and do better at setting up the story for the readers. This much waffling this early is concerning to me as a reader.

    Ch 1 Chapter 0 Surviving just to die (Revised)
    altalt
    Transmigrated as a Ghost
    Fantasy · MegaC
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren7d
    Commented

    If I'm remembering correctly, sea creatures are sensitive to storms and stay away from the surface when they're near.

    A huge razor-sharp toothed friend that seemed hungry and was easily three times his size.
    altalt
    Transmigrated as a Ghost
    Fantasy · MegaC
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren8d
    Replied to kentaro_iring_7214

    Ah you've read the MTL or raw. Yeah the quality dips after chapter 60 when it focuses on the Japanese as villains. Chinese racism for sure. I can understand remembering the past but ascribing the sins of the past to the present and never forgiving just makes China look bad. Should the world dig up all the crap China has done and shove it in their face for eternity? Cause there is a lot of crap China has done over the years. Honestly the people from China are okay in my books but less so the governing body that pushes such ideology to its people and the world. I feel bad for the ignorance of the writer.

    altalt
    Dad, Please Try a Little Harder
    Magical Realism · Dr. Silver
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren8d
    Replied to Serval_Landau

    A troll? Nice. But honestly you need to up your game. As far as an attack goes that was sub par at best. Almost kindergarten level. Try questing my IQ. It'll make you look like you know big words.

    However, option B would bring in 600 million dollars every year. In just 10 years, it would bring in 6 billion dollars.
    altalt
    I'm Bound to an Ultra-Wealthy System
    Magical Realism · Sea Moon O
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren8d
    Posted

    Basically everything is just given to MC. Nothing special here in my point of view.

    altalt
    I'm Bound to an Ultra-Wealthy System
    Magical Realism · Sea Moon O
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren8d
    Commented

    For a country that's stereotyped to be good at math I seem to find a lot of Chinese novels that really really suck at it... perhaps it's the translation. Doubt it though

    However, option B would bring in 600 million dollars every year. In just 10 years, it would bring in 6 billion dollars.
    altalt
    I'm Bound to an Ultra-Wealthy System
    Magical Realism · Sea Moon O
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren8d
    Replied to Ikka_Sne

    You could at least give a reason so people can decide if they agree or not. There was one story where a person didn't like it cause the characters felt 'real' and there was no face slapping. They said it was boring cause it was a slice of life novel and lived up to what it professed to be. So why should someone skip this novel? What is it that you dislike about it? What are its flaws?

    altalt
    I'm Bound to an Ultra-Wealthy System
    Magical Realism · Sea Moon O
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren10d
    Replied to Bootlicker69

    This clearly isn't the book for you. Nothing wrong with that. I like many others take offense though because you seem to indicate that the story is at fault rather than just not being the kind you like. To that end I'll kindly ask you to make a list of those face slappy and shallow novels that you so love. I'll use said list to know which novels I should avoid.

    altalt
    Dad, Please Try a Little Harder
    Magical Realism · Dr. Silver
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren10d
    Posted

    Seems a little bit like slice of life but I'm really liking it. The characters feel real with depth. I hope to read much more.

    altalt
    Dad, Please Try a Little Harder
    Magical Realism · Dr. Silver
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren11d
    Replied to Haplo484

    Maybe it only takes affect when he gets his license? Kind of like how the money only came once it was in his dad's hands and not the instant he won the competition.

    However, after passing his second test, Quan Wenlin shared in the family group chat, "It's not hard, quite straightforward. Passed easily."
    altalt
    Dad, Please Try a Little Harder
    Magical Realism · Dr. Silver
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren12d
    Posted

    l'm sad to say l'll be dropping this novel from those worth reading. It got too crude, rude, and inappropriate. earlier my review was."A rather fantastic read. The one majorflaw though is that it tries too hard to be a Florida man meme. It'd be better if it didn't force those moments. Still worth reading."To those who are fine with an otherwise interesting character suddenly doing anything to shock the reader cause " Florida Man" then it may still be a good read. Though for those who expect certain lines not to be crossed then you may be like me and steer clear.

    altalt
    Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World
    Fantasy · DamnPlotArmor
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren12d
    Replied to Mithren

    I'm sad to say I'll be dropping this novel from those worth reading. It got too crude, rude, and inappropriate.

    altalt
    Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World
    Fantasy · DamnPlotArmor
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren17d
    Commented

    Candy? Guess he's after your old man virginity and is gonna kidnap you. Don't ever trust a stranger with candy no matter what.

    "Aiya, what did I do to run into this sort of situation?" Laozhi asked with a forced smile on his face. "Please… Calm down, Laozhi… will give you a candy alright? Please stop crying."
    altalt
    The Legendary Janitor
    Eastern Fantasy · An_Ineloquent_Pen
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren18d
    Commented

    Finally! Been skim skipping to get back to what I'm actually invested in. I hate to criticize cause there's a lot of promise and potential in your writing. I don't want to discourage but I also want to point out faults so that the writing will keep getting better.

    Back to the present-day events, the momentary allure of greed led to the capture of the mirage dragonfly by Feng Xin and the brutal murder of core formation beasts that were part of the green flash viper's faction except for the rapid snapper cottonmouth and the corroding heron that were part of the black cosmos caiman's faction and the green flowered babirusa and the mirage dragonfly who were unaffiliated. The green flowered babirusa was too prideful and stubborn to be under anyone's rule as for the mirage dragonfly it was always hidden in its mirage and never interacted with any spirit beast. It grew to feel comfortable with the isolation. Ironically the only beast it was ever close to was the green flowered babirusa it always tailed. But in all that time they never once spoke but there was a tacit acceptance of each other between the two, though it's doubtful if either of them realized it. The mirage dragonfly due to its reclusive nature thus never knew much about anything outside its sphere of life, especially human artifacts such as the transmission bead in front of it.
    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren18d
    Posted

    The tl;dr is that it needs work but shows promise. The author goes off on side tangents, dumps a lot of info, and fails at times to give the readers a reason to care about where things seem to be going. That said the author shows promise. I could see this being reworked a few times to become a proper book I'd be willing to buy to have on my shelf. The world and character feel like they've depth to them. The author just needs enough support to keep practicing their craft and before too long they'll be an amazing writer.

    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren19d
    Commented

    I realize that this is probably setting up a persistent character but as a reader I'm not invested in this chapter. To me this should have been resolved in at most 3 paragraphs or had built up reasons beforehand that'd leave me the reader invested in what was happening and the possible result. As it is I've skimmed it and feel like I could have skipped it and not missed anything important

    Ch 16 Chapter 16: Flowing leaves of eternal winter
    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren19d
    Commented

    Sigh. All but the last four paragraphs were told to us. More show less tell please. Still interesting though

    Ch 2 Chapter 2: Last week as a Superior core court judge (2)
    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren19d
    Commented

    Not sure how it was before but still a fair bit of info dumped in this chapter. Not bad by WebNovel standards. As it's needed info and currently doesn't feel like too much I don't mind. If that info can be worked into the story and less told to the audience then that'd be ideal.

    Ch 1 Chapter 1: Last week as a Superior core court judge (1)
    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren19d
    Commented

    "file himself up" does not flow well.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail
  • Mithren
    Mithren19d
    Commented

    flight steps?

    The carriage soon came to a stop at the flight steps leading to a black storied building whose height seemed to be piercing the skies above with a righteous inviolable aura accompanying it.
    altalt
    Daily life of a cultivation judge
    Eastern Fantasy · Daynightdreamer
    detail