Mr. Douche Bag

Almost a week had passed since I arrived Berkeley and I was already under so much pressure from the school.

I had met with a couple of people in the school management who were eager to meet me but were very disappointed that I had no idea what I wanted to major in.

In their opinion, with my IQ, I could be one of the best surgeons in a couple of years or a top scientist, or a great inventor or engineer or whatever. The list goes on.

They all expected me to already know the path I wanted to take and it sounded like they wanted one of those high rated majors that would add more credit to the school. You know, win awards and stuff.

I wasn't interested in all that, I didn't even want to come here.

In middle and high school, teachers had entered me into stuffs without my consent, just so I could win prizes for the school.

I didn't want to leave that kind of life anymore, I wanted to be free to do what I wanted, free to be wild, free to slack off every once in a while, free to choose. Instead, it was happening all over again.

I unlocked the door and entered the room. Dropping my bag on the floor, I got into bed and buried myself deep under my covers.

I just wanted to cry and just as I thought about it, the tears started to flow.

I cried and cried, I was just too tired. I needed everything to just stop.

The bathroom door opened, I hadn't realised Kendra was in. She heard me crying and came to lay by my side.

She didn't say anything but just waited for me to cry my eyes out. When I was done and had calmed down, she drew back the covers over my head and asked...

"Are you better now?"

I shook my head because the frustration was still there.

"Do you still feel like crying?" She asked again and I shook my head. I moved to a sitting position and drew my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly.

"Good. So want to tell me about it?".

Taking a deep breath, I told her everything and she stayed quiet listening. When I was done, she looked at me with raised brows...

"Wow! Just how smart are you? I'm I rooming with the next Einstein?" She asked, proving my point.

"That exactly is the problem. I don't wanna be the smartest person in the building any more, I just wanna be me". I said.

"But you are smart and it's still you". She said.

"Yes but I want to be normal, just normal me and not have to win stuff for anybody". I said and she looked at me in a weird way.

"But normal you is smart right? And you are here on scholarship which means you are expected to give something back, right?" She asked and I just stared at her. Where was she going with this?

"Wow, for someone with your IQ, you talking real dumb right now". She stood up and started putting on some clothes.

"Ughh... No one ever understands". I buried myself under my covers again but this time, I was smiling.

Somehow, it was refreshing that she called me dumb. She was the first person ever to call me that and it felt strange.

She removed the covers from over me, this time dumping the whole thing on the ground.

"I understand you just fine Zie. You are very intelligent with a high IQ and all your life, people have used you because if it. I understand how it feels to be someone you don't want to be but you can't fight it because that is just who you are. I'm sorry but you can't run away from that, you can't just become less smart over night or expect people to treat you differently. What you have to do is face it head on and use it to your advantage. They see a goldmine when they see you, start seeing yourself as one. Turn it around and set your own terms. Find out what you really want to do and do it, then be the best in it". She said

"I want to be free to just do whatever" I said.

"Well no one is stopping you, you only think they are. Remember, they offered you a scholarship, which means they were determined to have you. So, you have the upper hand". She said.

"Upper hand, how?" I asked. Even I was beginning to feel stupid.

"Because, they know that whatever you decide to major in, you will come out the best. Your type is rare, you are not a science wizard, you are an all round wizard. How do you store all those information?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, just discovered I could absorb stuff fast and it just stayed. Sometimes, it turned out that I knew stuff I didn't remember ever reading".

"About the major thing? I need them off my back like yesterday" I said.

"Now that, I have a quick solution for. Come on" She said, grabbing her purse.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I quickly fixed my face in the mirror then picked my purse off the floor and followed her out the door.

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We were seated in the student's affairs office, waiting for Mrs. Kurt. Few minutes later, the door opened and she walked in.

She looked surprised when she saw us. Rather, she looked surprised when she saw Kendra.

"What a surprise, Miss--". She started but Kendra cut her off...

"Mrs Kurt, sure you've been well?". Kendra asked, with a smile but there was something about it. I shoved the thought to the back of my mind.

"Yes. Yes. I have been well, thank you". She looked at me then back at kendra.

"I'm sure you know my new room mate here, Zie?" Kendra asked her.

"Ziela Benson, of course. In fact, she was just here not quite long ago and quite frankly, I have not seen someone make a decision on what to major in, so fast". She replied.

"That is why we are here Mrs. Kurt. Zie hasn't made a decision yet and she needs some time to make up her mind".

As Kendra talked with her, I saw myself back in middle school. I sat between mom and dad as they spoke to the teacher, asking why I had been entered into so many competitions and demanding that it stopped.

I felt used then, helpless and sad. Then I got angry, I seemed to be getting angry a lot and each time, all I could see was darkness around me. It scared me.

Mom noticed and ended the meeting abruptly, and I was taken home.

I was feeling that way again, childish and helpless. I also felt that anger but somehow, it wasn't like before, it was like I could control it or suppress it.

I needed to get a hold of my life, I needed to be strong. Most times, I acted all tough and bitchy but inside, it was all a facade.

I looked at Kendra, only to find her staring at me. Was something on my face? Next thing, the look she had on was immediately replaced with that of concern.

"Zie, I asked if you are okay? You have been quiet for quite a while and even when I spoke to you, you didn't respond".

"Oh". I said, forcing a smile. "Got lost somewhere up there". I pointed up at my head and gave a fake laugh. Then I turned to Mrs Kurt...

"Thank you Kendra but ma'am, I think it's best you hear from me". I said and she nodded, urging me to go on.

"I do believe it is very much okay for a young teenage girl to be confused about what she wants to do with the rest of her life, just as I'm sure so many others here are". I spoke but I didn't feel like I was the one speaking. It was like something else giving me a push.

I hadn't noticed but the tone of my voice dropped, sounding almost predatory.

"I would very much appreciate it if I am given the choice to...discover, myself. I assume that's okay?" I asked and I saw her shift in her seat.

"Umm... Yes. Yes, it is very much okay" she said, moving her chair backward and I frowned, wondering why.

"Alright, thank you so much" I said, standing up. I expected Kendra to do the same but she just sat there, staring at me.

What's up with all the staring?

"Kendra?" I called

"Oh, yeah. Let's go" She stood up and smiled at Mrs. Kurt.

"It was nice seeing you again Mrs. Kurt" she said and we left.

The moment we were out the door, she turned me around to face her in a not-so-gentle way.

"What was that?". She asked and I looked at her confused. I should be asking her that question.

"I don't get what you mean and I should be asking you that very same question. Why did you keep staring at me like that? Did I suddenly grow two heads?" I snapped at her and for a split second, my vision went black then it was normal again and I felt the anger dissipate.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you but it was so not nice the way you grabbed me" I said, calming down.

She looked at me like she was studying me but then, her features became less tense and she gave me an easy smile.

"I'm sorry I grabbed you like that, it just sounded like you were threatening her back there". She said.

"What? I really did sound like that?" I could literally feel my eyes grow to the size of saucers.

Kendra started laughing, uncontrollably and I had no option than to join her laugh at me. I couldn't help it, she had a good type of laugh, the type that made you want to laugh also.

We were hungry so we decided to go grab something to eat at the cafeteria. Getting there, we each picked a tray and put a bunch of stuff on it, then we paid and went to a corner to sit.

Just as we sat to eat, Kendra got a call. She looked a bit tense when she saw who it was calling, then she excused herself and went to answer it.

Alone, I decided to look around. There were bunch of people sitting together in groups. It was like high school, yet, a whole different world out here.

Still looking around, my eyes were drawn to a group of guys who seemed to be crowded by girls. It still surprised me how girls fawned over guys like that.

One of the guys looked familiar but his head was a little bit bent low. I kept staring at him, trying to figure out who it was then all of a sudden, he raised his head and looked right at me.

I was caught off guard and forced to look away. I quickly bent my head low, trying very hard to look like I was simply eating.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him stand up, probably to come to where I was but thankfully, Kendra came back and he sat back down.

I sighed, relieved.

"Are you that happy to see me?" She asked

"No. I mean Yes. Don't mind me". I replied.

"You can be weird sometimes, you know that?" She asked, throwing some fries into her mouth.

"And you can be tense. Who was that, are you okay?" I asked her.

She stilled, only for a second but recovered quickly but not quick enough.

"I'm fine. Just family issues. Sure you get". She said, dismissing the topic.

"Yeah" was all I responded. She obviously didn't want to talk about it and I couldn't force her.

"Something I have been meaning to ask you". I said. She nodded her head and I continued.

"The other day, when you had the panic attack, what triggered it?" I asked.

I tried reading her expression but I couldn't. Her shield was up.

"I don't know, been thinking about it but I just can't remember". She replied.

I had read a bunch of stuff about panic attacks since that day and according to them, sometimes it could lead to memory loss but something told me this was not the case and that she was lying.

I studied her for a bit, wondering if I should back down but I decide to just rip the band aid off.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't know or you don't remember?" I asked, my eyes not leaving her face. I was prodding, I knew but she was hiding something.

"Are we here to eat or are you just going to interrogate me? Never mind, I think I see a couple of friends who actually want to eat with me". She said angrily and left the table to a couple of tables down where some really cheeky girls sat.

They saw her come over and they all welcomed her cheerily. She looked like she fit perfectly into that group and I wondered how I didn't see it before.

My mood completely ruined, I sat there eating my food. I just picked whatever my hands touched from my plate and shoved it in my mouth.

I'm tryna put you in the worst mood, ah

P1 cleaner than your church shoes, ah

Milli point two just to hurt you, ah...

My phone rang from my bag and I brought it out and saw it was Cherry.

"Heyyy..." I said.

"Now that is no way to greet your bestie. Are you okay? What's wrong?" She asked, upbeat as usual.

"It's nothing, just a room mate problem. I'm good". I said.

"Room mate problem? Already? Do I need to come wank up some bitch?" She asked.

I would have laughed if I wasn't really in a sour mood.

"Chill out girl, it's not like that, and it's nothing I can't handle. How about you, are you good?" I asked.

"Yeah girl, I'm good. It's just..."She kept quiet and didn't finish what she wanted to say.

"What is it Cherry?" I prodded.

"You know how we were supposed to go to college together and your parents made you attend California at the last minute, yeah?" She asked.

"I was there Cherry. What's up?"

"Well I kinda ran into Josh and he asked after you. I told him we weren't going to school together and he thought I was lying--"

"Cherry, did you tell him where I am?" I asked.

"I'm so sorry but I did. Bae, he really likes you and I know you hated him before but maybe now you can at least, try to be friends with him. He was really disappointed you were so far away but I know he's gonna call so maybe be polite?"

"Cherry, you don't get it". I said, frustrated.

"You keep saying I don't get it when it comes to Josh, why don't you explain it to me?"

"It's because he-- I don't know Cherry, I just get really bad vibes from him is all". I couldn't explain it.

"I know Josh Zie, we were best friends before you came along. He is totally harmless but for some reason that I may never get, you just hate him. He is probably gonna call you. Be nice or not, I don't care" and she hung up.

Cherry and I saw eye to eye about everything except Josh. Somehow he had managed to paint himself as the perfect angel to her and everyone else but I wasn't fooled.

If someone had told me my mood could get worse after my talk with Kendra, I would have laughed at that person. Now I felt like I could just punch something.

I looked over at where Kendra sat and saw her laughing her face off. She really fit right in.

I looked over at Daniel and saw him flirting with some chic, throwing whatever it is I may have had for him, out the window.

Wanting to just leave, I pushed the rest of my food away and started to grab my things when I heard some form of whistling. I ignored it and put my phone in my bag and brought out my car key but what I heard next, made me freeze in place.

"Hey guys, what do we have here". It wasn't really about what they said but the voice itself. That gruffy voice that you don't forget in a hurry.

Grabbing my purse, I stood up to quickly leave when I came face to face with none other than Mr. Douche bag.

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Thank you all for coming this far with me. Do read on and I hope you really enjoy it. I'm not perfect so let me know what you think. Comments and votes will be highly appreciated, thank you.