Chapter Fifteen: Pattie

After a few days, I revealed to the principal of the school what the chick and her friends did. They immediately took action and called them in. I had full proof to back me up because of the security cameras hooked up throughout the entire school. It baffled me that they had not noticed once that Zeke was ever bullied or physically touched.

Right here, right now my gut was telling me to reveal everything about Zeke's situation. A real friend would do it, but something was holding me back. I was being a coward and not standing up for Zeke.

My lip quivered at the guilt I held for both sides.    

Going behind Zeke's back and exposing something he's hidden for so long. I also know I should have said something from the moment I had suspicions. Zeke would have ran away if I did that. I needed to gain his trust, guarantee that someone would be there for him.

I wasn't out to break his trust but, he would certainly feel backstabbed if I told someone. He was extremely threatened and embarrassed when I caught him being a lackey for Charlie. The principal suspended the girls for three days each. It was better than nothing and they were to be kept away from me. He promised that he was going to have the school staff monitor the cameras better. The girls were deported from the office, but I remained sitting in the chair as guilt ate away at me.

Tears swelled up as I held it back, getting all choked up. The principal, Mr. Kirkland, crouched down to my level and spoke to me. 

"Ms. Clarence you won't have to worry about them again ok? We won't let anyone in our school go mistreated. Thank you for being brave and coming forward and giving my staff an eye opener about activities like this going on in the halls. If they mess with you again, let me know immediately alright?" He tried to be comforting. 

 "I know that Mr. Kirkland. I know I'm protected here, but that's not it. Or whom I'm concerned about." Muttering under my shaky breath.  Mr. Kirkland seemed to catch that.

"Who? Are you afraid or your parents knowing-"He paused as a shook my head 'no' 

"-If that's not the case then, is it someone else who's being troubled like you?" My heart shattered at that. Moments away from being able to help Zeke once and for all. I broke down, overwhelmed and confused with emotions.

I nodded my head 'yes'. Revealing that I knew someone else in trouble. "I've seen someone who's been facing worse troubles than I. It continued for a long time." I managed to cough up. Ashamed that I didn't come sooner. 

Mr. Kirkland noted all of this and the shame I was feeling. "Do you know how long this has been going on? Who is it? I need you to tell me everything you can Pattie. You're a good person and I'm proud you are coming forward. Take a deep breath and tell me one thing at a time. You're not going to be in trouble ok? I know you want to help this person. The only way I can be certain is if you help piece things together that you know. It can make my search on the cameras a lot easier as well, ok?" I nodded to Mr. Kirkland.

I took a deep breath and calmed down. "I first saw it on my first day of school. Not knowing the person at first, I was in the tenth grade. Just arriving at the school in the fall. I believe it's been going on for a long time." I revealed.

Mr. Kirkland was writing everything down, as it was extremely important to know everything I could provide. I paused with worry. "Mr. Kirkland, I'm worried that if I can identify who it is that they are going to act accordingly and might do something reckless if everything is brought onto them at once. I can vouch for that. This has been prolonged for long amounts of time. You need to approach the person slowly or else they'll get scared off and may get hurt." I cried out.   

"If that's what you suggest then I'll make sure to approach this person at a reasonable pace, but we both know that if it doesn't get stopped quickly that things can worsen. Maybe they will hurt themselves if they don't get the proper help they need. I can't take that risk and let it go on too long but, I'll approach in as gentle of a manner I can. Thank you for expressing your concerns." He stated. I knew it was realistic, what my principal was saying.

"I was also called by this same person. This bully harrasses more than one person. The person who has been bullied appears to be rather sensitive when someone touches him. The first time I feared that he was being physically attacked was one day I was in the mall. Bunking into him as I did some shopping. He had a black eye. I guess I didn't notice it before because he always covers his face with his hair." I stopped to let Mr. Kirkland write everything down. 

Then I continued once I assumed he was caught up. "The first time I saw him being physically touched was when he got pinned against one of the lockers. He was pulled up by the shirt from the much larger and stronger person and dropped him to the floor. I believe it was in May or June of last year. I've noticed he was shoved and pushed by many others too that I think are associated with the main bully. Into lockers or other people of the sorts." I wiped my eyes, feeling the guilt worsen inside me.

"So far this year, nothing really suspicious has happened yet. Which I found odd. I thought it was possible that the bullies decided to leave him alone but, I think that they actually threatened him into a deal. I noticed he wasn't coming to our lunches and since I worried too much I looked all over the school grounds for him. Only to find him giving fast food the bullies. It was strange and knew it wasn't out of real friendliness. The main bully did shove him away harshly and called him a shuttle-cock. Which is an Asian term for an errand boy that's bullied." I pause. My heart breaks all over again.

"The same day that those girls attacked me. I found him shortly afterwards and we confronted each other, knowing the both of us got hurt. I knew about his prolonged bullying and how I was just recently assaulted. I argued with him that I will only turn myself in if he did because he's been avoiding it too long. I also think that his bullying's far more severe than what I've seen. I believe it happens outside of school too." I stopped myself. Not noticing how easy it was for me to reveal everything about Zeke. Everything I knew so far.

I hiccuped. "I think he may also be severely depressed. He talks a lot in a manner of when he's gone and how everyone could easily move on. He says it under his breath and tries to act like he was just kidding but, when he says stuff like that it scares me a lot." Mr. Kirkland understood my fears.

Zeke's depression could be sinking a lot more than expected. I also noted that he hasn't spoken like that lately either. There have been some changes in his behavior.

"That's all I can really provide right now Mr. Kirkland. I don't have anything else in value to tell you at this current time. Besides who the bully is. Charlie Love." I say. Mr. Kirkland's eyes widened in disbelief. He didn't want to believe that Charlie Love was capable of something like that.

"Watch the tapes before you comment on whether or not it's possible the all-star jock is truly as horrid as I describe please or else I spilled everything for nothing and my friend won't get justice. Since it's always the rich jock that wins against cases like this." I stated sternly and pissed that for even a second Mr. Kirkland hesitated.

"Please contact me once you find the proof that Charlie is a bully and I will name who my friend is. I'm not going to hurt my friend if this becomes a hesitation to you. This is not just bullying, it's severe assault. Think about that and what may happen to my friend if the school doesn't step in. Charlie Love has hurt more than just my friend. He's hurt others too, but my friend has gotten the worst of it." I announced and left the office. Ignoring the principal's calls.

I stormed out away from the sight of the front office. Upset that Mr. Kirkland may side with Charlie Love. Just because he brings a great reputation to our school. It's always the victim who doesn't get the justice they deserve. Or the victim is blamed

I knew far too well as I was a sexual assault victim. I got lucky and got justice. Not many do though. It was terrible. I walked out of the school, into the quieter parts of the grassy land. Dropping to my knees and screamed into my hands. Too many thoughts were spiraling in my head.

Did I do the right thing? Should I have approached this the way I did? When Zeke finds out I went behind his back, what will he do? Will he hate me? Will he hurt himself?  I know he would never look at me the same. 

Whether it's a good or bad reaction. I knew I couldn't be Zeke's savior but, I felt like I had just ruined all the progress I made with him. I'm not a professional so I guess I don't really know what to do except do the right thing. Even if he may disagree with me;

I sobbed uncontrollably again, more than likely having one of my rare panic attacks. No one was around and no one could help me. I didn't have much control over the sudden panic. It had submerged for a long time and it had finally burst.   

I was hyperventilating and rocked back and forth a bit. Covering my ears and feeling every part of my body tremble. All it felt like was I couldn't breath and was crawling within my own skin. Now drowning in the panic attack. Forced to forget reality for what felt like a millennium. 

It wasn't until a pair of arms vastly wrapped around me into a hug. 

Through my blurred vision due to tears, all I saw was dark red. Instantly knowing it was Zeke. He was whispering in my ear, telling me it was going to be ok. That I'm safe, as he rubbed my back in a soothing circular motion.

More tears fell as I was met with guilt for the dozen times. I kept mumbling to Zeke how sorry I was. Not specifying what I did but, revealing that I was blaming myself for something that included Zeke. I continued to mutter out things like 'I'm sorry I did it Zeke.' or 'You'll hate me now.' and other things like that.

I could hear Zeke whisper louder and asks. "Look at me please." 

Nervously, I regained the will to look at Zeke with the messy face I had become. I looked into his alluring eyes. He held my face between his softer hands. His hands used to be rough, now they've become softer.

"No matter what you do, whether it includes me or not, I'll never be angry at you. I could never hate you. It's not even possible. Even if you even told someone about the things you know, I would never hate you. I'd be hurting you and I don't want to hurt you ever. I'm too cowardly to come forward by myself and if you had slipped the word to someone, I'd be scared but, relieved at the same time to be honest." Zeke told me.

I swallowed harshly. It was coincidental that Zeke would say something like that. I could tell that he hadn't been found out by Mr. Kirkland yet. Zeke had zero knowledge that I just did what he said moments ago. I stared at him, frightened of how close he was to catching on.

"To be honest myself, that's what I just did." I barely let out. Freezing instantly and refusing to look at Zeke. Shame wrote all over my demeanour.

"You're serious?" Zeke said a little too calmly. It didn't sound fake, but I knew Zeke was shocked at the words that left my lips. His breath hitched a little when I said it aloud. I shook my head  'yes', becoming small mentally.

"I revealed everything I picked up from my point of view except who the victim was." I hid my face with the hair that fell over as I stared at the ground. The silence was killing me.

I told Zeke why I was in the office in the first place. Dealing with the girls that hit me and etc... I told him I snapped and could no longer watch him suffer. I didn't tell him everything I noticed but, I knew that Zeke was being assaulted and it was going on for a long variation of time. Also how I witnessed Charlie's true colours. When Zeke got pinned, picked up and dropped. Or when he gave the bag of snacks to the group.

I just poured out to him a light version of the ongoing conversation in the office. And noted how they planned to approach Zeke slowly and have yet confirmed the victim.

"I don't know how quickly they're going to work on this. Nor, do I know if they even plan too now. I'm sorry Zeke. I went behind your back without your permission and potentially hurt you and your hard earned trust. A part of me isn't sorry though because I couldn't sit and watch you suffer anymore. Even if it meant costing our friendship." I had submitted to defeat at last.

Though Zeke had other opinions. "Like I stated before Pattie, I don't blame you and can't be mad at you. I'm not lying when I feel like I'm about to shit myself. Now I have to be prepared to confront my secret. As well as dealing with my parents. While I've freed myself from living a lie. You did the right thing when I couldn't." Zeke paused for a moment.

"I'm going to become the realest you have yet to see in a moment. Before I met you, I had planned to "off myself" for a second time. I had it all planned out but, you being stubborn swooped in and changed every view I had. Changing my directions and what life meant. For the first month I was planning to go through with it but, very quickly those thoughts vanished. Homecoming changed my outlook. You saved me more than you think. Now it's time for me to save myself for once and for you too. No one should carry the load you were. it's unhealthy and I'm sorry I put you through this. It led to a panic attack and you thinking you betrayed me. Far from that Pattie Clarence."

Zeke was calm during his confession. We held each other close. "The first time wasn't even close to a success and no one even knew it happened. I tried to overdose but, what I thought would do the trick just knocked me out. Turned out it was just some kind of natural sleeping aid. I didn't wake up until late the next day but, wasn't dead. No one bothered to check on me or nothing. Not suspicious of why I wasn't up for school." Zeke's voice quieted down. 

I reassured Zeke that I was going to be with him through every step of the way. That he wasn't going to face this alone. Drilling it into his head that the world would have been real shit if his attempt worked. How much worth he has to me and many others. I also told him to give his parents the benefit of the doubt and will be there for him too. Along with his sister.

"You'll be alright Zeke. You're surrounded with love. You got my family's support too, alright?" I stated.

"Alright. As you say. I'll be here for you too. Always. No matter how difficult I have been and will continue to be, I promise I'll always have your back too." Zeke says to me and holds my hand close to his cheek. Making sure that this wasn't a dream. Together, we had prepared to go along the bumpy ride. Side by side, through the thick and the thin.