71. Did You Deflower My Couch?!

       Nicole brushed some of the dirt off of her uniform as she strolled into Shorty’s, tracing her eyes around for Waverly. She spotted her on the other side of the bar, facing away from her as she chatted with some patrons. She walked up to the opposite end with a smirk as she looked down at the bowl of peanuts sitting there. She grabbed one and lined up her shot, flinging it at the back of her head. 

       “Yea, I haven’t been up there in a whi-” Waverly placed her hand on the back of her head after feeling something hit it, looking down at the ground and seeing the peanut. She looked up with squinted eyes, but she rolled them when she saw Nicole standing there like a dumbass, picking at her nails in attempt to not look suspicious. She picked it up off the ground and tossed it back at her, nailing her in the forehead. 

       The redhead raised her head with a smirk when she walked over to her with her arms crossed, stopping in front of her. “Asshole,” she greeted. 

       Nicole’s eyes widened. “Where’d your voice go, Babe,” she laughed after hearing it’s hoarseness. 

       She leaned forward onto the counter, wiggling her eyebrows with a small smirk. “I’m not sure.” 

       The redhead chuckled and she walked around to her side. She sat down on the stool and turned around, resting her hands on Waverly's hips when she stepped in between her knees to kiss her. Waverly pulled back with a smile, looking down at her dirty clothes. “What happened to you?” 

       Nicole ran her finger down the end of her braid that was resting on her shoulder. “Some kids let Mr. Young’s cows out as an “April Fools prank” or whatever.”

       “ Ah ,” she nodded, brushing some more of the dirt off of her front. 

       “D’you eat any dinner yet?”

       “No, I was just about to go on break now.”

       “Well, I guess you’re stuck eating here with me then,” Nicole smiled as she pressed another kiss to her lips. The brunette giggled, pushing her finger under her utility belt. 

       Nicole pulled back, though, feeling something hit her in the back of the head. She turned, seeing Gus giving them a pointed look from the other side of the bar as she popped a few peanuts in her mouth. “Not by the counter, Sheriff.” 

       She shot her a toothy smile as she pushed off the stool, taking the brunette’s hand as she led her to a booth before quickly walking off to put their orders in, returning with sodas for both of them. “I would have taken a beer,” Nicole mumbled, blowing the paper from her straw at her. 

       “You’re still on duty,” Waverly reminded, nudging her foot with her own. 

       “Yea, well I’ve had a long day.” She pulled up on her belt buckle, hiding a smirk. “And I’m pretty sore, ya know?” 

       “ You’re sore? That’s funny considering I’m the one walking with a limp.” 

       Nicole pouted her lip as she took a drink. “You don’t seem too upset about that.” 

       “Cause I’m not,” she winked. 

       “Mm, didn’t think so.” 

.  .  .

       After they finished eating, Nicole headed back to the station to finish up the paperwork for the 9 separate arrests of 14 different people from today. April Fools Day was definitely her least favorite holiday because there was always a huge crime spike, not to mention all the false calls they had to respond to. 

       She pulled her earbud out of her ear and looked up at the figure in her doorway, a big smile pushing onto her face. Wynonna walked in and Nicole stood up, walking around her desk. “Sup, Earp.” The brunette set the carrier on a chair and Nicole unbuckled the two week old from it, pulling her out and peppering a bunch of kisses to her face. “Hi, Ali!” 

       “Someone doesn’t wanna go to sleep,” Wynonna mumbled.

       Nicole looked up at her as she leaned back onto her desk, seeing the heavy bags under her eyes. “You know we’ll come over for a night any time, right?”

       She slumped down in the open chair. “I know. I want us to be able to handle her, though.” 

       The redhead tipped her head at her. “You’re allowed to ask for help, Wy. That doesn’t make you any less of a mother.” Wynonna just shrugged. “We’ll come over tonight, alright?” 

       She looked up at her with a clenched jaw before giving in. “Fine.” 

       Nicole gave her a smile, looking back down at the baby in her arms. “We’re havin’ a sleepover!” Alice’s mouth came open with a little squeal and she pressed another kiss to her forehead. 

       “Oh!” Wynonna reached into the diaper bag at her feet and pulled out a baggie with some brownie squares in it. “Gus made brownies last night and told me to bring you some.” She offered up the bag and Nicole took it. 

       “Yesss,” she breathed, handing Alice over to her. “This is exactly what I needed today.” She pulled one out and shoved half of it into her mouth with a smile. “Want one?” She said through a mouthful. 

       Wynonna shook her head as she bounced Alice on her knees. “I’m on a diet, remember?” 

       Nicole shrugged with a sigh. “Suit yourself.” She walked around and sat back behind her desk, popping the last part in her mouth. 

       Wynonna stuck around for about 30 minutes, bullshitting with Nicole about the normal shit they bullshitted about. 

       “You really don’t know if you’re an alien, though,” Wynonna pointed out. 

       “Dude, it’s a gene mutation or some shit,” the Sheriff defended. “I’m not an alien.” 

       “That’s probably why Mars is read. It’s full of you gingers.” 

       “Shut up, no it’s not,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes. 

       “You’re denying it cause you know it’s true,” she pushed, hiding a smirk. 

       “I’m denying it because I know I’m not a goddamn alien .”

       “Who is your leader? Ed Sheeran? It’s probably Ed Sheeran.” 

       Nicole threw her a glare, shaking her head. “Wynonna, what the fuck is wrong- . . . with you .” She sat back in her chair, squishing her eyes together a few times. 

       “What?” Wynonna questioned, seeing how her demeanor had switched. 

       She dropped her elbows to her knees, rubbing her face. “I feel weird,” she mumbled. 

       “What d’you mean?” 

       “I dunno.” She slouched back in her chair, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s almost like I-” She slowly raised her head, widening her eyes at the brunette. “ Wynonna .”

       “What?” She repeated with a laugh, biting the inside of her cheek. 

       “I swear to God if you just made me eat edibles.” 

       She pulled her lips into her mouth as she bounced her daughter. “I did no such thing.” 

       Nicole shot out of her chair, placing her hand on her forehead. “ WYNONNA !”

       She looked up at her with an evil grin. “I felt the need to spice up your April Fools Day.”

       She continued to blink at her with wide eyes. “You are so lucky you are holding her because I would so be beating the shit out of you!” She snapped. “I’m on duty !” 

       She continued to cackle to herself, standing up and looking at the baggie on her desk, seeing that she had eaten both of them. “Ooh shit, just you wait. Doc ate one last night and after an hour he was sky high.” 

       Her eyes shot open impossibly wider. “How much is in them?!” 

       “30 milligrams each, I think it said,” she snorted. 

       “ EARP !” She pushed her hands through her hair. “How the fuck am I gonna get anything done in the next three hours if I’m gonna be couch-locked in twenty minutes .” She let her hands come down and smack her thighs before sitting back down with a groan. 

       “Yea, that’s kinda the point, Haughty. I wanna see you stoned off your ass.” 

       She dropped her head forward to hit her desk, resting her chin on it after a second. “I hate you.”

       “You’re gonna love me in a couple minutes,” she winked. 

       And, of course, Wynonna was right. 

       Within ten short minutes, she was very intently rolling her pen back and forth on her desk like she had never done it before. “Hey, Haught?” 

       She looked up at her, her eyes already droopy and red. “Hmm?” 

       “Do you need me to call Waves for you?” She questioned with a laugh, standing up and walking over to her. 

       Nicole eyed her every move, lifting her head when she stopped at her side. Her mouth curved into a smile, a few giggles escaping. “ Wave .” 

       “Uh-huh,” she nodded, sitting on the edge of the desk. 

       Nicole slouched back in her chair, letting her arms droop over the armrests. “Bro, I hit that so hard this mornin’.” 

       Wynonna scrunched her face up at her. “Ok, my sister is not a that , for one. Two, please do not go into any more details, thank you.” Nicole's eyes became fixed on Alice’s moving arms, so she let out a sigh, pushing her phone to her ear. 

       “Hey, Wyn, what’s up?” Waverly answered.

       “Hey. You home?” She questioned. 

       “Yea, why?” 

       She let out a nervous laugh. “Yea, you need to come get Haught Cake right about now.” 

       “What happened this time?” She asked with a sigh, already moving around. 

       “Uh . . . She’s kinda baked . . . A lotta baked actually.”

       “ What ?! Oh, I’m gonna beat her -” 

       “No, I gave her brownies and maybe didn’t tell her they were edibles until she was two down. But she's being a bit more of a handful than I thought.” 

       “ WYNONNA !” She groaned into the phone. “Let me talk to her.”

       The brunette handed the phone over to the still-zoned Nicole, hitting her face with it a few times until she reached up and grabbed it. She pushed it to her ear, staring up at the ceiling. “Hey, Baby.” 

       “Hi, Nic. Are you ok?” 

       She took in a deep breath, sinking deeper into the chair. “I’m great , man,” she grinned with that signature High Slur™️. “How’re you?” 

       “I’m good, Babe. I’m on my way to get you, alright?” 

       “Noo,” she whined. “I like it here.” 

       “I know you do. But you can be high at work, you know that.” 

       The Sheriff began to giggle for a solid twenty seconds. “I’m so high.”

       Waverly sighed, “Mk, tell Wynonna I’ll be there in five.” 

       Nicole rolled her head to look at a very amused Wynonna. “She’ll be’re in five.” She nodded as she tried to contain her laughter and Nicole looked back up at the spot on the ceiling she had been examining. “Babe.” 

       “Yea?” 

       “She said ok.”

       “Ok.”

       “Hey.”

       “ What , Nic?”

       “I lu’ you.” 

       “I love you, too. Can you give the phone back to Nonna for me?”

       She furrowed her brow slightly. “You go’ be here soon?” She questioned softly. 

       “Yea, Baby. In about five minutes.” 

       “Promise?” 

       “I promise,” she said with a little laugh. “I’m already in the car.” 

       “Ok.”

       “Ok. Give the phone to Wynonna.” 

       “Ok.” She flopped her arm with the phone in the brunette’s direction and she reached over with the hand not holding Alice, putting it back against her ear. 

       “ Wynonna ,” Waverly said through her teeth. 

       “Yes . . .?” 

       “I’m going to beat the shit out of you.” 

       “I have the baby with me, you can’t subject her to that kind of trauma,” she defended. 

       “ Oh my God ,” she muttered under her breath before hanging up the phone. She looked down at the blank screen before looking up at the redhead. Nicole met her eyes and gave her a hazy grin. 

       Waverly arrived at the station just on time. She climbed out of the jeep and walked inside grumpily, heading towards the Sheriff’s office. Opening the closed door, she stopped and glared at her sister, who was tossing balls of paper at Nicole as she spun around in her office chair. “I hate you.” 

       Wynonna stopped mid-aim and gave her a toothy grin and Nicole turned to face her with a loving smile. “Hi, Waves.” 

       “Hi, Nic,” she sighed, walking over to Wynonna and wacking her on the side of the head before gently taking the baby from her, cooing to her as she cradled her tightly in her arms. “D’you know what your Mama did? She drugged my fiancée, yes she did! And you know what I’ma do about it? I’m gonna kick her ass! Yes!” 

       Wynonna got up with a huff. “You sound sick. Gimme my baby.” 

       Waverly looked up at her, face flushing as her mouth came open slightly. They both turned their heads at the sound of cackling Nicole. “She ain’t sick, Earp.” 

       Her eyes bulged out and she quickly handed Alice over before starting towards her. “ No, don’t you dare ,” she gritted through her teeth. 

       Nicole rolled herself away from her with another giggle. “D’you know your baby sister doesn’t have a gag reflex?” 

       “ NICOLE !” Waverly barked, trying to grab her chair, but she kept scooting around her office away from her. 

       “Cause I did. And d’you know what I did about that?” She questioned with a smirk, looking at Wynonna’s horrified face. 

       The smaller girl finally caught her by the arm of the chair and jerked her around, clapping her hand over her mouth. “ Don’t ,” she ordered with hard eyes. 

       Nicole stared at her in shock for a second, for it was rare that the brunette actually yelled at her. But she was definitely not used to being scolded like a child. Her eyes got apologetically soft with regret and Waverly pulled her hand away, standing up straight as she continued to burn holes into her face. The redhead swallowed, lip pouting slightly as she immediately felt bad. 

       Waverly clenched her jaw, seeing the tears bordering the edges of her eyes. She sighed, pushing her fingers through Nicole’s hair as she crouched down in front of her. “It’s fine, don’t cry. I just wanna keep a little bit of my dignity.” She took her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. Nicole nodded, seeming to have been able to keep her over-sensitive emotions in check. “You ready to go sleep this off?”

       “Yea,” she agreed, feeling just how heavy her limbs felt. 

       “Ok.” She stood up and wrapped her arm around her waist when she stood up. They began to walk towards the door and she looked towards her sister, who shook her head with a snicker. Waverly rolled her eyes, flipping her off as they walked out the door. 

       Wynonna looked down at Alice with a sigh. “Your aunts are some freaky bitches.”

       Outside, Waverly and Nicole climbed into the jeep and the brunette pulled away, running her thumb along her hand as her vision fixed out the window. “Can we get Taco Bell?” The redhead questioned, lifting her head. 

       “You don’t need Taco Bell,” she sighed, knowing the closest one was 30 minutes away and she was already getting tired and had a pretty bad headache from her night at work. 

       “Yea-huh.” 

       “I went grocery shopping yesterday, Love. You’ll find something at the house.”

       “I won’t find Taco Bell at the house,” she mumbled, dropping her head back to the glass. The smaller girl shook her head at her with a small smile. 

       Nicole was quiet for a few minutes, much to her relief, but soon started up again. “Wave.” 

       “Hmm?” 

       “Have you ever wanted to take a star from the sky ‘n, like . . . play with it?”

       The brunette let out an unexpected snort, laughing as she looked towards her relaxed body incredulously. “Have I what ?” 

       “Ever wanted to play with a star? That’d be so cool, Dude.-” She let out a loud gasp as she looked towards her fiancée. “D’you think we’d get the star power ‘n start flashing like on Mario!?” 

       Waverly put the car in park after pulling up to the house, turning and cupping the redhead’s cheek. “I love you,” she sighed with a smile. 

       Nicole’s brow furrowed, wondering why she hadn’t answered her question, but she shrugged it off, giving her a smile. “I love you, too.” 

.  .  . 

       Waverly was glad that Nicole had only decided to devour a bag of chips with a side of half a container of cookies when they got inside. And it wasn’t that long after that she had nodded off on the couch. She woke up the next morning with a kink in her back, but thankfully, she wasn’t having any side effects. 

       Waverly was busy with Finals (already) for her “Junior year”, so the next two weeks were filled with a crabby pint-size brunette with bags under her eyes curled up on the couch with piles of papers around her. 

       But thankfully, her planning had worked out and they were to leave for their trip to Dallas within 4 days after she finished. 

       “Ok,” Nicole started, sitting down on the floor. “Both of you come here.” She clicked her tongue a few times and the cats walked over, sitting in front of her. “You’re gonna be with Grandpa Nedley for a whole week, ok? Seven days, that’s it. We’re not leaving you, I promise.” She reached out and pet Geronimo’s head. “You both need to behave yourselves and be nice to Henry. Are we clear?” The smaller one walked closer and hopped into her lap, looking up at her. “Yea, I’ll miss you, too, Mo mo.” She pressed a kiss to his head, stroking her hand down Calamity Jane’s back when she rubbed against her leg. 

       “Nic?” Waverly called from the other room. 

       “Ya?” She called back. 

       “Are you talking to the cats?” 

       She blinked down at them for a second. “. . . Maybe?” 

       “Just get ‘em to Nedley’s, would ya? We have to leave for the airport for an hour!”

       She pursed her lips, standing and picking them both up. “Yes, Ma’am!” She walked out of the bedroom and headed towards the front door, seeing Waverly going through the checklist of everything in their suitcases for the second time. 

       “Do you have the paper?” She questioned as Nicole bent down to open the door, trying to keep Calamity from jumping out of her arm. 

       “In my pocket,” she said with a smile. 

       Waverly returned it and she walked out the door towards the jeep. “Don’t be late!” 

       Nicole was quickly at his house, so she grabbed the pet carrier she had put them in when she had gotten outside and walked up to the door, ringing the doorbell. 

       He answered with his usual warm smile. “Morning, Sheriff,” he greeted, that smirk that he got each time he called her that popping up on his face as he let her inside. 

       “Morning, Sheriff,” she laughed as she followed him to the living room, setting the carrier on the floor and opening the door to let them both do some exploring. Nedley followed her out to unload the rest of their things, bringing them into the house. She pulled the paper out of her pocket, showing him how Waverly had made him a very detailed chart of all their feeding times and whatnot. He read it over, trying to not get distracted by all the cats she had drawn all over it before walking over and pinning it on the fridge.

       “How long’s it been since you’ve been to Dallas?” He questioned.

       She blew a quick raspberry as she thought about it. “Right after I graduated college? Some friends I’d kept in touch with from high school were having a joint-graduation party since most of us had ended up graduating at the same time.” 

       “A while then, huh?” He nodded, leaning back against the sink. 

       “Almost 5 years, I guess.” 

       He stared at her for a second before shaking his head, tapping his finger on the brim of her red Rangers snapback. “God, you’re lucky. Rangers versus Astros?”

       A smirk pushed onto her face. “Right behind their dugout, too,” she added with a wink. 

       He let out a quiet whistle, shaking his head. “She spoiled you,” he sighed. 

       She chuckled. “It’s ok. Once she sees how I am at their games, she’ll never take me again.” 

       “You’ve got that right. Rebecca made the same mistake. Never went to another one with me.” Nicole laughed, turning her head to look at the woman rolling her eyes at him on the couch, already cuddling with both cats. “Speaking of wives . . . A little birdy told me about a month ago that somebody ’s engaged.”

       Nicole blushed, dipping her head with a smile. “Does that little birdy happen to be my fiancée’s best friend?” She questioned, saying it loud enough so that Chrissy could hear her from the other room, also playing with the cats. 

       “Damn right, I am!” She shouted. 

       The two in the kitchen laughed and Nedley clapped her shoulder. “Congratulations, Haught.”

       “Thank you, Sir,” she mumbled bashfully as her cheeks stayed pink. She always got like that around him, it didn’t matter what it was. “And, uh, now that we’re on that topic . . .” He raised his eyebrows. “Waverly’s already being Waverly and has started planning minor bits and pieces of the wedding. We don’t have a date yet or anything, but, uhm, she wanted me to ask you now if  . . . you’d wanna walk with me down the aisle and give me away? Cause even though it is extremely sexist and outdated or whatever, we’re still gonna do it, just not the traditional way.” She stopped rambling and looked up at him with a nervous, but hopeful smile.

       Awe seemed to rush over Randy’s face, and his eyes did the soft thing that made her heart go all gushy. “I’d be honored to, Nicole.” 

       “Yea?” 

       “Of course!” She beamed, pulling him into a hug. “I’ve prayed since Chrissy was born that’d I’d only ever have to do that once , but this is definitely an alternative two .” 

       Nicole laughed as she pulled away and he rubbed his hands on her shoulders. “Well, that’s if she ever finds a man !” She yelled over his shoulder. 

       “Hey! I’ll have you know I have a Tinder date this weekend!” 

       “Girl, why don’t you and Perry just make it official . I mean, you’re already-” 

       “ NICOLE !” She hissed through her teeth. The redhead snorted, quickly walking towards the door. 

       “What about the Croft’s boy?” Nedley questioned with a raised eyebrow. 

       Chrissy’s eyes burned fire through her, but she snapped her head towards her father. “Hey, did Nicole and Waves ever tell you about that time they made out in your off-” 

       “ CHRISSY !” 

       Randy looked towards Nicole and put his hands on his hips. “Did you deflower my couch, Haught?!” 

       She mouthed a very threatening warning to a very pleased Chrissy before pulling the door open. “Gotta go, bye, love you!” She rushed out to the car and zoomed off from the Nedley’s with a stupid smile on her face. 

.  .  .

       Waverly looked over at Nicole with a frown, but she shook her head at her. “No. I warned you.” 

       “Baby, please ,” she begged, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. They had just gotten to the maximum altitude and Nicole had warned her that it’d be cold on the plane because it always was . But the brunette had insisted that she’d be fine because a jacket would ruin her outfit . But here she was, freezing her butt off in her matching floral crop top and shorts that she now didn’t care if was ruined by Nicole’s grey jacket that she was using to keep herself warm . 

       “No!” She laughed. “Aren’t you the one who told me I need to start getting a backbone with you?” 

       “ Babe .” Nicole’s eyes went wide as she looked down at her puppy dog eyes. She clenched her jaw, trying so hard to resist it. 

       But she couldn’t. 

       She couldn’t say no to the puppy dog eyes. 

       She tugged the jacket off with a huff at her attempt to hide her pleased smirk, tossing it at her face. She was now only left in a blue t-shirt and khaki joggers. Waverly pulled it on, wrapping her arms around her’s with a happy exhale, leaning up to press a kiss to her cheek. “You’re my best Baby.” 

       She rolled her eyes playfully as she got Tangled pulled up on the iPad, sticking the earbud in the brunette’s ear maybe a little too forcefully. “I better be.”