Twenty-Four

"Choi Jeongwoo-ssi." Changmin sat forward in his seat, resting his chin upon his palms, elbows on the table. His eyes were narrowed to look only at me and his lips were curled up into a smile. "I'm a huge fan."

"What is this?" I laughed.

"Did you watch that performance of yours later?" He gave me a poker face. "If you have, you should know what I am talking about."

Well, everyone was talking about the dystopian performance of 'Yeongweonhi Norae'. We had finally managed to perform it 2 days before Hanseol's Mixtapes were released. I had re-watched the performance later and I too had thought that it was the best performance we had ever given. Because of my unexpected trip to the hospital, we had gotten an extended practice time for the performance. We were able to further work on it and perfect it. The final outcome was a performance that neither S.T.A.Y nor True would ever forget. The expressions were on-point. The dance was sharp, clean and powerful. The setting was ominous. The vocals and rap were smooth, steady and as eerie as we had wanted it to be.

In short, it was perfect through and through.

It had not been all that smooth-sailing to get to that point though.

After my Live, everyone had been left anticipating something huge. And then, when they received a four-member performance, not only were they disappointed and a majority of them concerned, but there were some voices calling me out for having been irresponsible.

'He should have known better than to lead people on like that.'

'To think that he fell sick just like that… I'm pretty sure he just chickened out.'

'So unprofessional!'

'His immature enthusiasm showed S.T.A.Y in poor light.'

'Jeongwoo is why you should never trust these Idols.'

Despite always being the careful one when reading these online comments, these conversations were just plain painful. They made me feel bad for falling ill- worse than I already felt about it.

Most of them shut up after our flawless performance of 'Yeongweonhi Norae'. I had gone up and spoken about how this was the big surprise that we had intended to show them and I had even revealed that it was fatigue that had gotten to me. I apologised- for leading them on and for not taking care of myself. I really couldn't find a mistake in having dropped a hint and then not having been able to deliver because I fell ill. Nevertheless, I apologised, because there were people out there who felt so. It was just something any Idol would have done. Our image was that important, after all. Despite all the love and wishes that I had received during that time, I had to acknowledge the fact that there were those who weren't as pleased or forgiving.

There was a point before the performance for 'Yeongweonhi Norae' when I even wondered why we were willing to put up with all of this. Should we really be apologising for being normal and falling ill?

I sighed. "I agree that 'Yeongweonhi Norae' was our best performance so far."

"That part after the second chorus where you took control of the others… Your face." Changmin pursed his lips and nodded, showing how impressed he was. "Hot. Sexy. Not your usual cute persona. You should consider showing a little more skin sometimes. It might help you build that image."

"You found me hot and sexy? That was the image that I was going for so I guess that worked." I smirked. "Ah, but I don't think I'll be sticking to that image."

"What? Why not?" He frowned.

"We have Hanseol and Jaehyeon for that. The rest of us are not that bad either. IF I needed to show skin or whatever, I could do it but it's not what I want to stick to. The aegyo gets too much sometimes, I admit, but the role I play in 'To You' is what I'm most comfortable with."

"You mean the charming, cool character?"

"At least on stage." I nodded. "I did enjoy 'Yeongweonhi Norae' though."

"Hm." He thought for a moment. "Okay. Question, Jeongwoo."

"What?" I sat forward and leaned against the table between us.

"What would you like to portray yourself as in 'Where We Are'?" He asked.

I chuckled. "You really like that song, don't you?"

"Yes. It's written by you, after all." He shrugged. "So, what image would you portray yourself as appearance-wise?"

"Appearance…" I looked at my reflection on the lustrous black-surfaced wall behind Changmin. 'Where We Are' was a song of reflection- the kind of song that would play in the background when you're walking down a road surrounded by open fields or walking along a beach at night or standing on a balcony thinking back on life. "Long sleeves."

"Okay." He waited for more of a description.

"Okay. So, I have two ideas in mind. One- simple sweater and muffler, messy hair, shorts…. No… full-length pants. Second- somewhat more mature and formal. Maybe full-sleeved white shirt and black trousers. Or… a white turtle neck and… Remember my outfit for that shoot you had met me during? "

"The turtle neck and book look?" He perked up.

"Yes. Minus the book though."

"Ooh. That would be nice. The turtle neck would look good. Ah, but the sweater… If you wore yellow and white, you'd look really cute. And colourful, with that blue hair." He then squinted to get a better look at my hair under the beanie. "How many times have you re-dyed that? It's fading now though."

"I've re-dyed it too many times." I patted my head over the beanie. "I think I might not get it dyed again."

"No?"

I shook my head. "It's been blue for a long time and the Blue Ink era is coming to an end. We're going to start working on our new album."

"I see. That's sad. I like your blue hair." He crunched up his face to show his disappointment.

"You had made that very clear, Hyung." I chuckled on remembering how he had signed off in that letter.

"I've liked it enough to go for blue myself for our new album." He shrugged. "Not your kind of blue but a navy blue. Dark. It'll probably look more black than blue but… it'll still be blue."

"…Just because I got blue?"

"Why not? It's meaningful for me."

"Hyung." I cringed. "What are we?"

He laughed. "It's fine, isn't it?"

"Then… show some forehead." I pointed a finger at his forehead. "You look better when you show your forehead."

"You like that better?"

"Yes." I nodded. "It reminds me of our trainee days."

"I used to put my hair up a lot back then, huh?" He chuckled. "Okay. I mean, it all ultimately depends on our stylist but I could at least make my suggestions."

"How's work on your new album progressing?"

"It's a little slow because most of us are engaged in individual work. I think this will go on for a month more at least. After that, we should be able to focus fully on our new album." He said, then added. "Maybe not Baekjae. That guy's always busy."

"No surprise there." I smiled. "It's been a while since I last talked to Baekjae Sunbae. I'll probably drop him a text tonight."

"Do you talk to everyone in 04:00 am?"

"Not everyone. Baekjae Sunbae's a rare occurrence. I do want to talk to him more and become better friends but I can't text him beyond a point. I respect him. You know what I mean? Hyeonwoo Sunbae and I follow each other a lot on social media. You already know that. Minho talks to our Yeojun a lot and so, I have communicated through Yeojun more than I have otherwise. Jaemin Sunbae and I are good friends. We text often." I regarded him next. "We talk over the phone more than we text."

"That's true." He nodded. "I'd much rather call you than text."

"Me too."

We were at a restaurant near DayBreak. We had decided to go for lunch together to discuss our upcoming song. This was our first work meeting. At least, it was supposed to be. We just hadn't quite talked about work yet.

Hanseol had released his Mixtapes about 2 weeks ago. There were eight tracks in total and two of them, 'Chhanbaram' and 'Feeble' were doing really good on the charts. He had gotten busy with self-promotions and so, the remaining four of us had to manage the rest of S.T.A.Y's schedule. He was still doing self-promotions but things had eased down for us on the group activities' end and so I decided to go ahead and start with Changmin.

We were just about halfway into lunch when I decided to talk to him about work. "We're doing just one song, right?"

"You want to do more?" He asked.

"Well, yes. I do want to make more than one song with Hyung but it's not possible right now, is it?"

"Mm. We can work on more later. Let's see how the first one does. If it gets the love that it deserves, then we can work on more." He said. "This cross-group work is new for us. Let's see how the reception's going to be."

Fair enough. "Can we have an MV?"

"That means more wok." He smiled. "I like it."

More work essentially meant more time so I liked it too. "The whole journey concept can be portrayed well." I paused. "There's… something else that I had thought about, Hyung."

"A concept?"

"Yes." I had actually thought about this when dealing with myself after reading what people thought about me online. "Both of us can represent two sides of the same person. It can be a song portraying the struggle between the two sides- question, confront and comfort each other. We can bring the journey concept here- walking on parallel roads but heading to the same place."

"I see." He mulled over it. "And we could probably somehow show that we are still connected, even when walking on parallel roads. The two sides find each other. It's meaningful for us too."

"Yup. It fits us and the concept well." I liked how it sounded.

"Then… the MV can be… more of a dance piece. Contemporary."

"Dance…" I flinched.

"Don't worry. I know your style too. We'll work on it accordingly. I'll teach you." He said reassuringly.

"Contemporary's new to me."

"I'm telling you not to worry. I'll teach you. I happen to be good at contemporary." He smirked. "Trust me."

When we debuted separately, I had never thought that I would get the chance to learn from Changmin again. Now that this collaboration was happening, being in different groups did not seem like such a bad thing anymore.

"Let's run it by the agency first." I continued eating.

"We'll work on everything together going forth, okay?"

I nodded. "Then, Hyung-"

"No more work." He interjected. "Jeongwoo, I want to just enjoy a good meal with you. We have discussed some. Let's do the rest with the planning team. We'll have plenty of these planning meetings with the team. Let the two of us just work on our chemistry."

"Our chemistry is fine though." I reminded him, a little amused.

"So, let's work on keeping it fine." He shrugged. "People already know that 04:00 am and S.T.A.Y are close. Let's show them exactly why that is and exactly how close we really are."

I chuckled. "You really want them to know, don't you?"

"I want to continue making music with you. I want to continue working closely with you. I want to do lives with you. They need to know what to expect from us and why. Haven't you seen how much they love cross-group interactions, friendships and the whole Sunbae-Hoobae thing?"

I have. I smirked. "Changmin Sunbae."

He laughed. "Now that's just weird coming from you."

"Or should I call you Minsu Sunbae?"

"Just stick to Hyung, please."

"Hyung Sunbae." I muffled a laugh.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Are you trying to be cute with me?"

"Did you find it cute?" I asked, unfazed and continuing to eat.

"Cute enough to let you have the last piece of chicken." He motioned towards the almost-empty dish.

"I should do this more often." I gladly took the last piece. "You're nice, Hyung."

"I'm always nice."

Both of us had our own schedules to return to after lunch. In fact, Changmin too had become a name on my schedule. We would have to meet each other no matter what this way. That was what we had wanted. I had to admit though- on a sentimental level, I wasn't too happy with that. Some compromises were inevitable, however, and this was the only way to get Changmin to myself without needing to running away in between practice.

This might not really have bothered me as much before actually. When had I started getting so concerned about what work was and what my personal life was? Was it after that incident with Yeojun? It… most probably was. That, having been the first of its kind, had really shaken us up. Yeojun had been the one most affected. Despite having moved past the incident itself and all the hate that he had received, he refused to go to bed until all five of us were safely in the dorm at night. He would always have some excuse or the other to give for staying up but the rest of us had noticed this change in him right away. We had chosen to remain oblivious and let him do what he wanted to if it made him feel better.

I glanced at Changmin as we walked down the street towards DayBreak after lunch.

Did Changmin have something like this bothering him? He probably did, right? 04:00 am had seen their share of dark times and sasaeng fans too. He probably had things that he has not even told me.

People like us who were conditioned to covering the same face that we were loved for were bound to have a secret or two.

"We'll meet next with the rest of the team. We'll finalise things and get the necessary approvals then." Changmin said as we entered DayBreak. "We will start work on the song itself soon after that."

"Okay." I nodded and took off my beanie once we were inside the building. "I'll meet you then."

"Where are you going now?"

"I'm not sure. I'll have to call someone to find out where in the building they are."

"I see. I'm heading to the parking lot. We have a shoot."

Of course, they were always that busy. "Get going then, Hyung. I'll text or call you later."

"Okay." He smiled, pat my shoulder and then turned to leave. "Take care of yourself."

"You too." I called after him. Once he was gone, I called Mingyu to find out where they were.

NOTE:

Sasaeng fan = A fan who is obsessive and indulges in behaviours like stalking and disregards the celebrities' need for privacy