3. Chapter 3

MAYA'S POV

I just couldn't stop thinking about the conversation I had with the elderly man who had been rescued in the fire earlier. His words echoed in my head, and I didn't know how to deal with the new feelings that surged inside me.

I thought it was all very clear in my mind, my ambition was something I just couldn't let go of. I was shaped to pursue success and prioritize what would make me stand out in the world: gold medals and then rise through the ranks within the Seattle Fire Department. That's my goal. It's my biggest goal.

It was.

I knew a few weeks after I met Carina that she would definitely take first place in my priorities and that scared me tremendously. I think that was part of the reason I almost ruined the best relationship I ever had. I didn't want to give up space, I didn't want to give first place in my priorities to one person because then it wouldn't depend on my hard work.

Loving someone is being vulnerable to being hurt, and putting a person as the top 1 priority in your life was blindly trusting that they wouldn't hurt you. And Carina, to this day, has played a brilliant role in not hurting me.

But then this random man comes along and says to me: I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't allow myself to feel everything I can feel next to the love of my life because having things isn't nearly as gratifying as feeling things. You can have things alone or with other people, but some things you can only feel with the person you love the most in the world. With this one person, you chose to spend the rest of your life with. You're married, you know what I mean. This house is going to be demolished, we won't even save the foundation, but it doesn't matter because having things is fleeting, we had this house and now we'll have a new one, but if I had lost my wife, the love of my life, to this fire, I could never feel what she makes me feel. Not a day of my life.

In the last few weeks, we got closer, we saw each other more often, we didn't avoid each other anymore. It was good to come home and smell Carina's wonderful food around the house, it was good to have her ask me to change her car's headlamp, it was good to be able to sleep at night with her head on my chest as she moved. in your hair.

Although going without sex for over a month is quite challenging, especially with the wonderful wife I have, life was still getting back to normal. We finally started to meet again midway and became the couple we were before the baby talk.

I was doing my best to overcome the guilt I felt in therapy, Dr. Lewis continued to help me through this process, telling me how I shouldn't live under the expectations of other people and that I had to make peace with the decisions I made.

And all of that now seemed to make no sense.

A simple conversation with a random man had made me think more than a full month of therapy.

It was like something clicked inside of me.

-Andy, you know how difficult it is when a firefighter gets pregnant, don't you? Your mother was a great example of how pregnancy can end a career... – I started while pacing the locker room at Station 23.

-I thought you were here to aske me out for a drink after work. – Andy untied her boots, sitting on one of the benches in the middle of the locker room.

-Yeah, yeah. That too. But...

-Maya, it wasn't the pregnancy that ended my mother's career. It was the idea that she and my father had that pregnancy had to end my mother's career. They were the ones to blame for her professional failure, not her pregnancy. – Andy said, undoing the snap buttons on her shirt. - Were things easy? No. But she could have continued her professional life after a while.

-Her mental state also contributed to her removal from the corporation.

-Yes, but the depression came from the need she had to prove to people that she was a good mother. A good mother who stayed at home to take care of the baby and left her life of danger inside fires. –The Latina was already changing to her common clothes. – Maya, you are definitely not my mother.

-I know. - I muttered running my hands through my hair, wanting all the frustration to go away with that gesture.

-If you don't want to have kids... – She started again.

-I think I want to have kids. – The sentence interrupted Andy and the woman widened her eyes and gaped her mouth, not knowing how to proceed, I could see all the confusion on her face.

-What?

-I think I want to have kids, with Carina. – I repeated, the words still sounding quite strange coming out of my mouth.

- Where is this coming from, Maya?

-I... I can have things by myself, but I can't feel things without Carina. – I just said the meaningful sentence, as if it made a lot of sense to her, and then I shrugged. - What if I don't have children and never go back to being captain? What if I don't have kids and die in the next fire? The future is unpredictable and I tend to want to control every turn my destiny takes, and I just can't.

-Are you doing this for Carina? Because you can't have a child for Carina, Maya, you have to have a child for yourself! Mainly because you want it! – Andy was now in front of me, both hands on my shoulders as he stared into my eyes. – Don't be my mother, Maya! Don't have a baby because other people say you need to have a baby.

-It's not that. I swear.  – I sighed, still a little frustrated and having a thousand thoughts per second. - I... I want to. I’ve always wanted to if I’m being honest. But I never thought I would be able to have a kid. If I had married a man Andy, I would definitely be your mother. He would make me stay home, take care of the baby, convince me through guilt that I had to stop risking myself at fires for the baby. But this isn't Carina.

-No, it's not. She would never do that, Maya.

-But how do I tell her? Now that we're finally okay when she's finally getting over the grief of not having a baby, how do I tell her that I've changed my mind and now I want to have a kid?

-I don't know, Maya. And honestly, I love you, but I love Carina too! She is part of our family! And I would hate you so much if you broke her heart like that. You can't do that: wanting to have a baby today and change your mind next month. You need to make sure that's what you want.

-I know! I just don't know how to be sure. – Again the frustration was taking over me.

-Give yourself a little time and mature the thought, it's the best you can do now. – She said smiling at me and then pulled me into an unexpected hug. - I'm proud of you, Maya.

-Thank. – The word came out in a low, embarrassed whisper, but she heard it.

As soon as we left Station 23, we went to Joe's, had a few beers and I was glad Andy didn't bring the topic up again. I listened patiently about the difficulties of being in a different station, with people you don't know and who aren't your family. Andy told me about a guy who cooks his helmet in fires to look tough, and that got me laughing.

I looked at the clock on the counter and noticed that Carina left work twenty minutes ago.

-I need to go home to my wife! – I joked and Andy laughed.

-Maya "monogamy is for the weak" Deluca-Bishop. Yep... It sounds pretty good. - She joked back. – Go to your wife, I'll have another beer and go home.

-Okay, bye Andy. – I squeezed his shoulder gently before leaving the bar.

I walked back home and was happy to see the Porsche parked out front, my wife was already home safely.

-Honey, I'm home! – I joked as I closed the door behind me and found my wife sitting on the couch with a book in her hands.

-Hi, Bambina! – She smiled. – I thought you were going out with Andy.

-I did. Bars aren't so attractive anymore when you're not there. – I flirted back and she grinned while I leaned closer so I could kiss her lips quickly. – How was work?

-Nothing much happened. Pretty normal. – Carina replied, closing the book and placing it on the side of the sofa.

-Okay, I'm going to take a shower, do you want to join me? – The question came out more as a joke since I didn't remember the last time we took a shower together.

-I would love to. – She replied, washing herself off the couch and coming towards me as I widened my eyes. – Didn't you mean it?

-I did! – The answer was loud and exasperated so I took a deep breath, clearly embarrassed that I looked and sounded like a teenager, but didn't care for the heat that gripped my cheeks. – Yeah, I did.

-Good. – She smiled at me and rested a hand on the back of my neck before kissing me. – I miss you.

-I miss you too, Carina. – I whispered back after the kiss.

As we walked towards the bathroom all I thought was: how I could not be sure I wanted to have a child with this extraordinary woman? But Andy was right, I needed to be sure and I couldn't play with Carina's feelings. I couldn't be cruel like that.

I kicked my shoes off my feet as soon as we entered the bedroom and jumped on one foot a few times until I got rid of my socks, not taking my eyes off Carina's movements. She was pulling her hair up in a loose bun so it wouldn't get wet in the shower, giving me a privileged view of the back of her neck.

I watched intently as Carina took off the sundress she was wearing and dropped it to the floor at her feet, her back now in front of me, and I had to stop myself from touching her. The black panties soon joined her dress and the Italian woman turned towards me.

-Aren't you supposed to be naked? – She asked laughing a little.

-Y-Yes. – I stammered, unbuttoning the pants she was wearing.

-I can help with that. – Carina took the place of my hands and pulled the zipper down before helping me out of my pants. I felt a gentle kiss against my right thigh and couldn't hold back the shiver that ran down my spine.

She took her sweet time getting the rest of my clothes off, and when we were finally in the shower, it didn't take long to let the hot water wash between us.

Carina turned so the water was now at her back. I grabbed some of the shower gel from the shelf and rubbed my palms together before bringing them to Carina's shoulders, making her smile at the touch.

I massaged her shoulders, ran my hands down her arms, and went back to her neck, smiling as she closed her eyes to enjoy the feel of my touch. My hands roamed her lap, her breasts, her abdomen, her waist and hips, her ass, and the woman sighed heavily, biting her lower lip.

-You're very good at this. – She said almost in a moan.

-I'm good at a lot of things. – I replied quickly.

-I have no doubt. – She joked and I couldn't help remembering the first moments of our relationship when I called her one day and she told me the same thing. I bent down in front of her, one knee on the floor, and now ran my hand over her legs and thighs, massaging the muscles. – You missed a spot.

I chuckled softly, but when I got back to my feet I ran a hand slowly through her folds and she moaned in response.

-Please, Maya! – She whimpered and I lowered my lips to her neck, licking and sucking on several spots without stopping the movement of my fingers. I moved my mouth to hers and started a passionate kiss, our tongues didn't take long to meet and the heat I felt between my legs was almost unbearable. I needed to feel Carina.

I placed two fingers on her entrance and, little by little, I filled her completely. The brunette disconnected our lips, inhaled a breath of air through her mouth, and felt her head being thrown back against the tiles with the progression of the movement of my fingers; I kissed her cheek tenderly before pulling my fingers out a few inches only to fill her once more, feeling the tight grip around my fingers.

I continued to run my lips and tongue over her neck and chest, my free hand resting on the back of Carina's neck as I tried to hold myself steady, caressing the area as I continued the deep, unhurried thrusts into her center. It was a slow and pleasurable torture, I felt the muscles in my arm burning with the movements, but it was a burning that gave me more vigor to continue.

-Maya… – The moan reverberated through the bathroom, making me smile and kiss her parted lips gently. I sucked on her bottom lip again and she moaned once more, rolling against my fingers slowly, keeping pace with the rhythm I'd set. – Dio mio, Maya! Make me cum, bambina!

I added my thumb to her clit to help her on her way to her orgasm. The woman's moans gradually increased, her hands pulling me closer, one of them alternating between hard grips on my ass and the moving arm, feeling my muscles tense under her touch.

-Oh God, you're so tight! – I moaned against her ear, delighting in the pressure against my fingers, quickening the speed of my thumb over her bundle of nerves.

-I'm so close! – She moaned and I felt her nails digging against my back.

I knew what she needed to come so I moved my lips to her neck and sucked the area hard and her immediate response was a dirty moan and I felt her walls spasming against my fingers as she came deliciously in my hand.

After I pulled out of her I was attacked by her mouth, Carina was kissing me hungrily and I missed all that Italian fire. It didn't take us long in the shower and in bed she made sure to return the favor, letting her mouth do wonders for my body and, God, how happy I was to have an orgasm. It was probably the best of my life, just because I missed having sex with my wife so much.

Now we were both satisfied, sweating and panting, trying to control our pounding hearts. I lay down on my side, supporting my head with one hand and watching the silly smile that framed the Italian's face. My eyes dropped to her lap, rested on her stomach, and my heart warmed at the thought that Carina's belly could be growing with my baby inside it in a few months.

-What are you thinking? – She asked, pulling me out of the trance.

-Maybe one day I'll tell you. – I joked back and she chuckled softly. – I love you, Carina.

-I love you too, bambina.