Lillian-General Update

Well its past the first week of school now and I'm still not the most confident but I'd say so far its going fine. Watch me say this now and then once I go till 3 tomorrow completely change my mind. But that's besides the point and well honestly Caydence, the friend I lost at the negging of the summer me and her aren't complete enemies and we still have friendly talk in the hallways so that checks one of my worries off the list. And right now I feel I'm in a good place, I've become happier and I've been so much more my past self than I ever have! I've missed this me so much so its like I'm exploring myself all over again. And what makes me even happier is I haven't had one suicidal thought all week which is a new record for me! I generally am so grateful I've been feeling so much happier it kind of makes me feel like I don't deserve this feeling. Like I think Tuesday night it was, a whole new shock came to me Charlee facetimed me out of the blue and said 'Wyatt was in a dirt bike crash and is in the hospital, there's no chance of him dying but there is a chance he loses he memories.' I honestly thought she was pranking me as she has so many times before but to be safe I texted their mom and asked if Wyatt was ok but sure enough it was true. The Dipshit decided to not wear a helmet and try to impress his friends by doing tricks. I was so worried that night I thought I would lose my brother, whose grown up beside me all my life! I cried in bed for the whole night thinking 'as soon as I'm starting to get better and become happier shit like this happens. Am I meant to never be happy?' But thank Selene he was ok and the very next day the idiot facetimed me to show off his blue stiches and ask if I've talked to gram since he couldn't get ahold of her. So I called her for him and asked her to facetime him so she did. But that incident made me realize how fast my life could change. So recently I've found new hope, every night with the dogs I go out and share my woes, thoughts and feelings with the moon and I feel its greatly helped its like there is someone listening to me and helping me. Its like now I've become so happy that the talk of putting me on pills is completely gone. but one thing that happened this weekend which really made me kind of pissed off and sad was that Friday came around and Kirby didn't come back so I thought it was weird normally after he has a week with his boys he comes back and helps mom with the baby but I kind of just shook it off until my mother kept asking me to help and do Kirby's jobs like what the fuck? So I questioned it and shit and she said 'well you wanted me alone right? You wanted me to do this alone? So now you have to step up and help.' Like what the hell? I never said any of that I advised you strongly to find someone else and I warned you about Kirby but did I ever say he shouldn't come and help you and his daughter? Fuck no. I told you he should be helping more if he wants the same rights and privilege's to the kid as you! So that kind of threw me for a loop but I've learned after years of living with my mother to hold your tongue so that's what I did I didn't say a single thing I just held the kid and shut up. I don't know here quite I'm going with this chapter I think its more just an update on what's gone on with me this week. Anyways thank you for reading and have a great week!