Chapter Seven

By the age of fourteen, Breanna had taken on the responsibility of teaching Keegan how to read, write, and how to take care of himself. The first few months after their mother died, Paul was gone mentally and Bryce spent all of his time playing video games. Breanna felt as if she had to take care of everyone and make sure their family didn't fall apart. It was a hard task and she taught herself to ignore what she felt so that she could help everyone else. She stopped eating unless it was dinner because she didn't want her father to know that she had abandoned a basic need for survival. When she ate dinner, she only ate half then retired to her room. When Mother's Day arrived, Breanna was confused as to why they weren't doing anything special. When she brought it up to her father, he was confused by her. Breanna thought that her mother died two days before Mother's Day and when her father told her that she had died April 16th, Breanna was in disbelief. She contacted a family friend that had grown closer to them and asked. She said what her father had told her. She hung up and called her grandma Vanessa and at this moment, they discovered that Breanna had lost a month of her memory.

At this time, Paul was dating someone else named Ashley. (We will skip over the ex named Bella.) Breanna called her Nemo since she didn't want to use any of the other nicknames that Ashley had. She wanted to be special to her and for her to have a unique nickname. Breanna had started a bad coping mechanism. She only had a few self-harm scars, but she wasn't about to quit. Breanna no longer blames her father for anything that has happened, but there were a lot of things that scarred her mentally. When Paul found out that Breanna was cutting, he forced her to cut him with the reasoning "What you go through, I go through". This messed her up for a while and she made sure to hide her wounds better. Breanna started going out more. Being in the house was stressing her out so she made amends with the one person she was friends with before her mom died in their new area. She went by Kat and she was very important to Breanna. She also met another person named Caitlyn, who Breanna spent most of her free time with. Kat showed her how to get around Washougal and Camas and when they weren't together, Breanna would walk around eighteen miles daily.

Breanna felt alone most of the time. It wasn't until she was almost fifteen years old that she was diagnosed with a major depression disorder. Her father thought that her having a label would make Breanna feel better. He didn't know that she needed him to understand and accept her now that things changed again. Paul didn't understand what depression was and would say things like "It's all in your head", "You're doing it for attention", "Strong people don't cry. Crying is a weakness". Breanna still can't cry without thinking that she is weak and stupid for letting herself cry. Breanna would walk miles and miles alone to try and clear her head. She found peace when she walked. She knew that there was no one around her that could judge her, especially if they didn't know her. She believed that if she walked enough, maybe she could be cured.