Chapter Eleven
During the summer of 2018, Breanna was working on loving herself. She felt like she was doing well and in some ways, she had found a peace of mind. She didn't feel depressed all the time and she had hopes for the future. She was looking at colleges and trying to figure out what she wanted to do as a career. It was a toss up between Paleontology (something she wanted to be from the age of five) and a Marine Biologist (because of her love for the ocean). She wanted to do something that dealt with the ocean more and was also thinking of becoming a professional free diver. When she lived in Washington, she would free dive and could hold her breath for two minutes.
When Breanna was close to learning how to love herself, she got a message from someone on Facebook. Breanna gave the benefit of the doubt and decided to talk to them. She wasn't ready for another relationship so she tried to steer clear of any talk of one. The guy who had messaged her was named Darrien. He told her that she seemed different than most girls, which wasn't the first time she had heard that. She told him that she wasn't ready for a relationship and he replied with "Then I will wait until you are". They talked for a little while then decided to meet up at a park close to her school. The first thing she noticed about him was that he had amazing blue eyes. He also had a beard growing even though he was only two years and two days older than her. At the end of their first meeting, he kissed her. She was a little uncomfortable with it and knew that she had to think about what was happening. After a few weeks, they started dating and she started working where he did. She was quick when it came to learning, but she still hated working at Krispy Kreme.
When October came, Breanna was stressed out of her mind. She was frustrated and depressed, trying to work through everything she dealt with. She didn't tell her parents how she felt because she wanted them to believe that she was better. Breanna was dropped off at home after work by Darrien and his dad, Darren, and Breanna went inside without saying anything to Darrien. She didn't say anything to her parents, who were sitting on the couch watching TV. She just went upstairs and sat in the bathroom for a while. She eventually got up and snuck into her parent's room. She grabbed several bottles of pills and pulled a bottle of water from her bag then returned to the bathroom. She took all the pills, silently crying to herself. She was so tired of pretending to be fine, being the friend that everyone went to even though she couldn't go to anyone, and constantly hurting. She was tired of fighting the battle that rampaged in her mind. She was tired of holding everything in.
When she finished the pills, she went and laid down. She argued through text with Darrien until her abdomen started to feel uncomfortable. She felt like she was bloating up and then she started thinking about Keegan. She shared a room with both of her brothers. The room was set up with her loft bed wedged in an odd part of the room and her brothers' bunk beds across from her. She was afraid that Keegan would wake up and see her dead in her bed. Keegan had always been the reason why she kept going because she figured that he shouldn't have to go through another death of a family member. She and Keegan were very close and she wouldn't change that for the world. She loved Keegan and it was a reflex to protect him. Breanna climbed out of bed and went downstairs where Nemo was. Her father had gone to bed about an hour prior and Nemo was headed to join him. Breanna told Nemo that she had done something and needed to go to the hospital. Nemo asked what happened and Breanna told her that she had taken about seven bottles of pills. Nemo asked for the bottles and when she saw what Breanna had taken, she didn't hesitate to grab Paul from bed and race the three of them to the hospital.
Breanna felt horrible for putting her parents through this again. This wasn't the first time that she overdosed and it wasn't the first time she had been to the hospital for it. Paul paced outside the room for a long time before sitting in the room with them for a few minutes. He left the hospital a little while after, unable to handle what Breanna had done. Nemo stayed behind Breanna with Courage the Dog (a stuffed Corgi) and a green blanket. Breanna could feel that Nemo was scared and hurt and Breanna didn't dare to look at her. Feeling like she was going to throw up, Breanna laid down and held a barf bag. She sat up when Paul came back, but no one really spoke. Breanna held the bag to her mouth, violently regurgitating. It was one of the worst feeling Breanna had ever experienced and it burned her mouth and throat. She apologized to her parents, but she thought of all the times she wished she had just died. She felt like everyone was better off without her. Breanna was moved to a room where she was given fluids and medicine. It wasn't long before she fell asleep.