Chapter 32 - G-8 Pt 1 3/3

"I, for one, am disappointed." Drake crossed his arms with a scowl. "For someone with a retired Marine as a parent to wind up a pirate… you should be ashamed for so flagrantly dishonoring her memory."

It was a credit to the man's courage that he didn't even so much as flinch in response to the face-melting glare Nami pinned him with.

"Lieutenant Commander Drake."

But no amount of courage could prevent him from snapping to attention when Jonathan's harsh tone cracked the air like a whip.

Cold sweat ran down the officer's face as he felt the Vice Admiral's glare bore into him. "The only person in this room who should be ashamed is you, Drake. Apologize to the young lady."

"But, sir—!"

"Now."

Drake swallowed heavily before bending into a bow. "P-Please accept my apologies for my earlier rudeness, ma'am, I spoke without thinking."

Nami maintained her glare on Drake before letting out a harsh scoff. "Don't let it happen again." She then glanced back at Jonathan for a second before sighing. "Well, this is the definition of ironic. I meet a Marine that actually knew my mother, and it's in a situation where I was supposed to keep a low profile. This could have gone so much better, in more ways than one."

"The first step is admitting that you have a problem," Cross stated innocently.

"I will let Chopper give me therapy when you agree to do the same for your addiction to adrenaline," Nami said, crossing her arms.

"NEVER!"

"Then it would seem that we are at an impasse."

Jonathan chuckled at the exchange before coughing and readopting his half-bored, half-serious expression. "I regret this as well, Nami. Under better circumstances, I wouldn't mind sharing a few stories about Bellemere over drinks. I do hope you understand, this is simply business."

Nami frowned, but nodded nonetheless. "Yes, I do understand that." She paused, a malevolent smile coming over her face. "And on that note, there is a significant bright side to you figuring it out…"

"Um, what are you—?" Jonathan asked nervously.

"You see, respectable Marine though you've proven that you are, you're still the man that invaded my private space and stole my precious treasure," she said, reminding Jonathan so much of an angry Jessica that he found himself instinctively freezing up as she approached him. "I had to restrain myself from hurting you to keep my cover intact, you understand that, right? But now that you know the truth, I'm perfectly free to do THIS!"

CRUNCH!

The few Marines gathered winced in sympathy, except for Drake. He, along with Robin, was smirking.

"Ow…" Jonathan winced as he fiddled with his broken nose. "Alright… I'm man enough to admit that I had that coming."

"You think that's all I'm going to do to you?"

Jonathan paled in terror when Nami jerked him by his collar so that he was staring straight into her positively evil grin.

"Let me assure you, Mister Vice Admiral… we've only just begun."

"Ah, D-Drake?"

"… Honestly, sir? It's my professional opinion that we can hold off on arresting her until she's finished," Drake mused. "For the safety of our men, you understand."

"Drake, you traitor," Jonathan whimpered.

"It's nothing personal, sir, I assure you." Drake slowly let a predatory grin slip across his face. "Actually… it really is. Consider this catharsis for all the years of smartassery you've subjected me to."

"Besides," Isaiah cut in. "You know what they say about women scorned. Your subordinate is showing very good sense in not getting in her way." He paused in thought. "In fact, perhaps we should leave and not expose our manly visages to such… cruelty."

"GOODBYE!" Terry yelled in agreement, flapping outside of the office alongside his companion and positioning themselves so that the didn't have to look into the office.

"Thank you very much, Lieutenant Commander Drake, Isaiah, Terry," Nami purred before snapping a leer at the Vice Admiral. "Now then, Jonathan, if you would kindly?" The navigator swung her fist back. "Grit your teeth."

-o-

All activity in the kitchen slowly came to a halt as the unmistakable sound of their commander being assaulted echoed around them. Jessica wasn't even able to reprimand them, caught up as she was in listening to it.

"I WORKED MY FINGERS TO THE BONE TO INTOXICATE THAT SNAKE SO I COULD SALVAGE ALL OF THAT GOLD, AFTER WATCHING AN AMOUNT AS BIG AS THIS FORTRESS LITERALLY FLY AWAY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL IT FROM ME?!"

"… Well, I suppose I don't need to be angry at him anymore. This is punishment enough," Jessica mused.

-o-

On the surface of the base's bay, five dugongs were cringing in sympathy and horror in response to the beatdown they heard.

"…Boys? I've decided that I don't need to raise my disciplinary measures, as I have absolutely no chance of being as good at punishment as she is."

The four younger dugongs all sighed in relief.

"So, I'll just have to make sure that if any of you do something too stupid, she takes care of the discipline."

The martial artist amphibian cocked an eyebrow as his students flopped onto their backs, foam bubbling from their mouths.

"Note to self: focus on training their wills from now on."

-o-

"Urp… oh—hurk—I'm sorry about this—blugh—Doctor Chopper," moaned Kobato around the bile with which she was filling the infirmary's toilet.

"Don't worry about it, Doctor Kobato," Chopper sighed in resignation, the audio of Nami's rage echoing in both of their ears as he held Kobato steady. "Believe me, this is an entirely normal reaction to hearing this."

"Oh, that's—ough—good to hear."

-o-

Elsewhere in the base, two of the Straw Hats were doing a very good job at epitomizing the crew's standard insanity. How? Because in response to Nami's rage, the chef was having mood swings—

"NAMI-SWAN IS SO GORGEOUS WHEN SHE'S ANGRY—but this time, I think the rage is just too much—BUT SHE'S SO WONDERFULLY BRUTAL—but is it too much? I'm scared—BUT IT'S STILL NAMI-SWAN!"

—and Luffy was rolling on the ground laughing his rubber head off in response to Sanji's antics. No Marines were around, but if they were, odds were that they would be far too bemused to do anything about them.

-o-

"The witch really has been holding out on us," Zoro muttered, currently in the middle of a large metal slab with the G-8 logo embedded in it, on one side of which was a large stone spire and the other was what appeared to be the open ocean.

"Huh. Looks like the lake here is bigger than I thought," he remarked before walking on.

-o-

Jonathan was a Vice Admiral, renowned for being extremely formidable in battle, capable of taking down an army singlehandedly.

Jonathan was a genius, capable of outsmarting one of the most ruthless, powerful, and fanatical Marines in the Corps and treated any challenge as though it were a simple game of chess.

Jonathan was currently nursing enough injuries from a rookie pirate—who wasn't even the captain!—that nobody was likely to believe either of those.

And meanwhile, Nami was standing over him, huffing and puffing at him with an expression that was just now ceasing to be demonic. "Now, with that done… MY GOLD!"

The non-Marine shed her coat and sped over to the pile of gold in the room, hugging and kissing it as if it were her lost child.

"Oh, my dearly beloved gold! Did the mean Marines damage you at all? Don't worry, Mommy's here now, I'll take good—"

THWACK!

"Ugh…" Nami moaned as a chop to her neck knocked her out, laying her out flat at the feet of a grimacing Inspector.

"That was very quickly becoming disturbing. Please get her out of here," Robin said sourly.

Drake shivered slightly at the inspector's expression before nodding in agreement. "Understood." He popped a salute off at Jonathan. "By your leave, sir!" And with that, he foisted Nami onto his shoulder and marched out of the office.

Once the door was shut, Jonathan gave 'Inspector Shepherd' a bland look. "Well, now, that was certainly harsh. To your own crewmate, no less?"

Robin sighed fondly as she slid her glasses off and graced the Vice Admiral with a light smile. "Miss…" Robin paused for a moment before her smile became more… natural. "Nami is like a little sister to me, and while her antics and habits can be amusing at times, there are also moments when she needs to be restrained to a certain degree, if only for the sake of her own dignity."

"Heh, I believe I might know the sentiment," Jonathan nodded in agreement. "I respect and care for my men like none other, but they do so love to make fools of themselves at times. I can only imagine where they'd be without me."

"I do believe that I know how you feel, Mister Vice Admiral."

"Hey, I resent those implications!" Cross protested.

"Don't you MEAN RESEMBLE?" Soundbite cackled.

"Ah, shut it. But, ah… moving on… Jonathan, if you've already made Robin, then why isn't she in seastone cuffs? Not that I'm complaining… much…"

"And I thought we were getting along so well…" Robin mock-pouted.

"You almost let me get dissected within 24 hours of you joining the crew."

"And here I thought that time was supposed to heal all wounds."

"For the sake of my marriage, I hope it does…" Jonathan muttered before raising his voice. "And to answer your question, Cross, while you might be willing to cheat without mercy—"

"Pi~rate~!"

"I am still a man of my word. While I myself might have managed to identify Nico Robin, none of my subordinates did, and there are still several hours to go before I can directly accelerate your captures. Until then, her identity is safe with me. But out of morbid curiosity… what happened to the real Shepherd?"

When Cross told him, Jonathan laughed. When Soundbite told him how many grunts had discovered the inspector, Jonathan fell off his chair.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, I needed that," Jonathan chuckled as he wiped a tear from his eye. "Well, I suppose you should be going, but before you do, if I might make one request?"

"Oh?" Robin gave the Vice Admiral a curious look. "And that would be?"

Jonathan slid his chessboard to the middle of his desk with a pleading look. "One game? Please?"

Robin paused contemplatively. "Well…"

"Oh, go on and enjoy yourself," Cross prompted in a careless tone. "I'll need time to plan this out anyways and get everyone in place, so you've got time to spare. Oh, and Jonathan? If it's not clear already, allow me to point out weak spot number three. I mean, it's perfectly understandable, but freezing up when confronted with angry women is not conducive to long-term survival, not least because of how many female pirate captains there are out there."

"Noted, Cross," Jonathan said dryly, though he actually did note something down on a piece of paper at his desk before concentrating on the board. "Now then, white to you, Miss Robin."

Robin grinned, a hint of competitive menace entering her expression as she began to play. "The middle of a life-or-death situation, and I find myself playing a friendly game of chess with the person responsible for every bit of danger in that situation." She slowly shook her head in awe. "I can't deny it anymore. I love being a Straw Hat Pirate."

-o-

"…You actually spoke to her?" Mekao breathed, too taken with the pirate's story to consider anything in the vein of apprehending him.

"Yeah," Usopp confirmed quietly, running a longing hand over Merry's neck brace. "She talked about how much she wanted to stay with us, and we plan to do everything we can to make sure that it happens. But…" He let out a rueful—and slightly miserable—chuckle. "She gave me a real attitude check, too. I can only imagine how I would have reacted if I found out I had to let go without her telling me to." He shuddered in horror. "And I'm not really sure I want to either, for that matter…" The sniper was somber for a moment before hastily rallying and making an attempt to smirk. "But I have to admit, I think what surprised me most was how colorful her vocabulary is."

"HA!" Mekao cackled. "The legends of Klabautermanns never touched much on that, focusing more on the fact that any ship that went to that much trouble was showing nothing but love and gratitude." The monkey-like shipwright grinned wryly. "But I will admit there have been the odd whispers here and there, usually dismissed because of how beautiful the story is, about other sailors hearing somebody cussing them out whenever they screw up in a particularly spectacular manner. Though then again, I suppose it only makes sense, doesn't it?" He looked around the Merry with a smile. "Like sailor, like ship. It's just that simple."

Usopp chuckled ruefully. "Yeah, I guess I was expecting her to be a lot more like her old mistress, but really, she's still just as kind and wonderful as I was expecting."

Mekao's grin only grew wider. "As I said, kid. I honestly think that you and yours only have yourselves to thank for that. You're no shipwright, that much is obvious…" He knocked his knuckles against the metal plates bolted onto the caravel. "But the love you've shown to this vessel is more than most people who are shipwrights ever give to a dinghy, including most everyone in this base. If that Klabautermann ever manifests again, do me a favor and put her on the SBS to talk about that."

Usopp matched Mekao's grin tooth for tooth. "Can do, old man."

"That's him, Lieutenant Cormac."

Both men turned to see a man with dark hair in a style much like Usopp's leading the sunglasses-wearing Marine towards the ship, a dozen or two grunts following him. Usopp's curiosity quickly turned to nervousness when the dark-haired Marine pointed to him.

"Thank you, Chief Petty Officer," Cormac said before looking at the old man. "I see you have a new friend, Mekao. One who I don't recognize. Care to… introduce him?"

"Eh?" Mekao practically shouted, one hand held up to cup his ear. "What was that?"

Cormac frowned. "I said," he repeated, slightly louder. "Who is your new friend, Mekao?"

"Whose yurt is it?" Mekao shouted, glancing around in exaggerated confusion. "I don't see any yurt."

Cormac's eyebrow twitched. "You pulled that same trick a week ago when I tried to talk to you about the shipwright's budget, pull the other one."

Mekao blinked, then gave an exaggerated twitch as he clutched his hip. "Oh, my hip!" he howled, sinking to his knees. "I think it's broken!"

"And you used that one last month when I tried to talk to you about your hiring practices."

Usopp watched the display in confusion for a bit before noticing Mekao's finger jabbing at the air behind his back. It took him a second, but soon enough he grinned and slowly attempted to creep away, thanking his lucky stars for the old man's creativity.

He'd almost made it to the other edge of the Merry too…

"Going somewhere?"

"ACK!"

When he practically jumped out of his skin on account of one Chief Petty Officer Holger grabbing his shoulder.

"—and that one was used three days ago when—Oh, good job, Holger."

Mekao's fake wince became genuine as he saw that their attention had turned to Usopp, whose twitching and sweating were making his attempts to look inconspicuous fail miserably.

"I-I-Is anything wrong—?" Usopp's brain stalled as he tried to conjure what rank the man's uniform could possibly denote.

Thankfully, where his memory failed, Soundbite came through. "Lieutenant Cormac."

"L-Lieutenant?" the sniper stammered while barely missing a beat.

Cormac looked Usopp up and down. "I've never seen you on base before, soldier. What's your name and squad?"

"Use one of the Usopp Pirates' names!" Cross said hastily.

"Division 18, SUPPLY SQUAD," Soundbite added. "Snipers are too REGULATED, SUPPLIES LESS SO."

Usopp swallowed heavily before straightening up into a salute. "S-Seaman Apprentice Pepper, D-Division 18. I-I was just curious about the pirates' arsenal, and Mekao here was telling me some incredible legends about ships," he said, growing more confident as he went on.

"Division 18? Isn't that the sniper division?" Cormac asked.

"H-Heh, I wish, I am something of a marksman," Usopp chuckled sheepishly as he scratched a finger beneath his nose. "N-No, it's just the supply division, not nearly as exciting… and not nearly as easy to stand out, either."

"Hmm…" Cormac started to hum, exchanging glances with Henrick.

Feeling the pressure start to come off him, Usopp slowly started straightening up and allowed himself to grin—

"Usopp, if you're starting to feel like you're in the clear, don't."

Before freezing as Cross hissed in his ear.

"That's your primary tell, Usopp. You can make lies up on the fly easy, sure, but whenever you think someone's bought them, you start acting cocky and high and mighty. In case you've forgotten, you're supposed to be a soldier suspected of being a pirate. Scared shitless is the very appropriate emotion; you start acting like you've gotten away with it, you will be made!"

That particular bit of information guaranteed that Usopp didn't have to fake the nervousness that he redisplayed in place of his grin, his trembling redoubling as he maintained his salute, then re-tripling when Cormac stepped up before him.

"My apologies, Seaman Apprentice, it seems I was mistaken," Cormac said with an apologetic grin. "If you'll just state the password that you should have received from Lieutenant Commander Drake, you can go."

"P-P-Password? I… oh, yeah, o-of course!" Usopp scratched the back of his head with a chuckle. "Sorry, it's just that no one's asked me about it in awhile, just lemme, ah…"

"Marineford TANGO EN… IES… wait a second…"

"Uhh… o-oh, now I remember it!" Usopp stuck his finger up eagerly.

"NO, WAIT! IT'S A—!"

"Marine Tango Enies… right?" Usopp grinned hopefully.

"…trap," Soundbite finished lamely for all the dock to hear as Cormac and Holger grinned triumphantly, prompting Usopp to break into a cold sweat. "DAMN IT."

"W-W-What are you—!?" Usopp started to stammer out.

"Soundbite, what are you saying!?" Cross finished for him.

The sound of grinding teeth filled the air. "I didn't notice until USOPP SAID IT, but NO ONE has been using that PASSWORD! SHOULDA FIGURED it was too easy. JONATHAN PLAYED US!"

"Give the snail a prize," Cormac said smugly. "The real password was that there was no password. If you'd expressed ignorance of its existence, I might have even let you go free."

"As it is, however," Holger unfastened a pair of handcuffs from his belt and held them open. "You'll be coming with us. And don't try resisting, we all know it wouldn't do any good."

Usopp swallowed heavily and shakily started to raise his wrists in defeat…

"WAIT!"

When Soundbite's voice cracked through the air.

"Son of a—what?" Cormac snapped irritably.

"A quick question FOR HOLGER!" Soundbite pleaded. "Any chance you might BE FROM A TOWN IN the East Blue called SYRUP VILLAGE?"

Holger blinked in confusion while Usopp gaped at the air in horror and outrage. "Wha—No, I'm from the South Blue. Why, what does that have to do with anything?"

"OH, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING," Soundbite scoffed, his tone screaming of a shit-eating grin. "I just needed to distract you dipshits FOR THE TEN SECONDS BOSS NEEDED TO GET THERE! NOW!"

A loud splash sounded from beside the Merry as Boss leapt out of the water, snapping his weapon out and lashing the rope around Usopp's waist.

Looking back, the Marines couldn't be sure whether the sniper had attempted to run towards them or away from them. As it was, however, they only had an instant to observe the scene before the dugong spun in the air, winding in the rope and reeling in Usopp before disappearing back beneath the water.

-o-

I sighed in relief as I heard that Usopp had managed to get away, and indignant though he was, better for us to have as many people outside of the brig to deal with the jailbreak.

"So, let's see…" I said, scanning over the base from the treetops. "Sixteen crewmates outside the brig. Conis, Su, Chopper, and Robin are all in disguises that nobody who'll expose them have seen through. The Dugongs and Usopp are hiding out in the moat, Sanji and Luffy are in the forest, Lassoo and Zoro are somewhere in the base, and of course, the communications officers are communicating from right here."

"Actually, Lassoo found his way over to me," Conis said. "I've got him hidden in the supply closet for now, but I'm ready to get him as soon as you say the word."

"And Zoro is RIGHT BEHIND SANJI," Soundbite added.

"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL, SWIRLYBROW/MOSSHEAD!?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose as yet another fight began. "Alright… Usopp, what's your current status?"

"…Honestly better than I expected," Usopp said in mild surprise. "I guess I've just got too many bad memories of Luffy's reach to be upset when it actually went well this time. But, uh, besides that, we're at the outer ring of the base, and I'm climbing up back into the forest, right near that giant bridge that they've got."

"Ah right, the brid—" I cut myself off with a smirk. "… Guys? I just figured out weak spot number four, and showing it off to Jonathan will be spectacular."

"I like the sound of that. So, what's the plan?" Vivi asked.

"For now, we wait until Robin's done playing chess with Jonathan. At that point… everyone be ready to move. Sorry, Vivi, that means you're going to have to wait a while."

"Don't worry, Cross, they didn't even bind my hands. I can handle being in a cell," Vivi said calmly.

AFTERNOON

-18 Hours Remain-

Vivi and Nami both twitched irately as they glared bloody murder at nothing.

"Soundbite, you are one of my dearest friends and most of the time I find your antics to be quite amusing…" Vivi grit out as she dragged her nails down the side of her head before throwing her head back and screaming furiously. "BUT SO HELP ME ANUBIS, IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING HARMONICA, I WILL RIP THE EYESTALKS FROM YOUR SCRAWNY BODY AND FEED THEM TO YOU!"

The very repetitive melody promptly ceased, and Vivi stood tall for a few seconds in order to assure that the music was indeed gone before allowing herself to slump forwards with a sigh of relief, trudging over to lean against Carue's snoring mass.

Nami rolled her eyes and started counting down in her head as glorious silence stretched on, stuffing her fingers in her ears. "And in three, two, one…"

Vivi, for her part, allowed her eyes to slowly drift shut…

Before snapping them open in all their vein-filled fury when an electric guitar started strumming.

"The warden threw a party in the county jail! The prison band was there and they began to wail!"

"Called it," Nami hung her head with a sigh.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Lieutenant Commander Drake and every single Marine that had been assigned to guard duty over the brig were giving their sole occupied cage a very, very wide berth. Ostensibly, they were assembled for an ambush. In reality, it was in no small part because they wanted to be as far away as humanly possible from the Straw Hats' demonic navigator and furious princess.

"I guess she couldn't handle being in a cell after all," muttered one Marine.

"QUIET!" hissed several others.

"Hey, she's locked up, what can she do about it?"

"It's not her we're worried about," Drake said, checking for the umpteenth time that his ear protectors were secure. "Remember, men: the only reason we have her in custody was because she surrendered herself for the express purpose of allowing the opportunity for a jailbreak in the first place. And considering what we've seen so far, we can expect the Strawhats to know that we're ready to ambush them, so keep your eyes peeled for any signs of subterfuge they might try and employ."

Drake acknowledged the nods of his men and prepared to settle in for a wait…

"Actually…"

When a familiar voice prompted him to whip around. He then paled in terror when he came face-to-face with none other than Straw Hat Luffy, who was grinning as he knocked his knuckles together, Pirate Hunter Zoro, who was tying a bandanna around his forehead, and a blonde-haired man who he could only assume was their chef, Sanji.

Said chef lit a cigarette and took a drag before sighing out a cloud of smoke. "Cross decided that in this particular instance, a hammer would be just as effective a tool as a scalpel." Sanji smirked sadistically. "Sucks to be you, huh?"

"…Why did it have to be the Straw Hats?" Drake moaned again.

The Marines tried to stop them. They really did. But without the sea prism stone bazookas, they had no way of combating the Monster Trio effectively in such close quarters. It was less than five minutes before the Marines, one and all, were unconscious.

"People falling left and right, it's a slaughter, not a fight!" Soundbite cheered.

"Good work, you three. Drake should have the keys to the cage," Vivi said.

"AH, MY DEAR SWEET VIVI! DID YOU SEE HOW I FOUGHT FOR YOU?"

"Yes, Sanji, we both did. We also got a decent bit of blowback from it," Nami grumbled as she picked a tooth from her hair. "Now, can you please get us out of here?"

"Not the easy way. Looks like the keys took a direct hit from Luffy or the cook," Zoro deadpanned, holding up a twisted mass of metal.

"Oh, just from us, hm?" Sanji deadpanned as he held up two halves of what were once a whole key.

"Shishishi, you two are idiots," Luffy chuckled from atop the pile of KO'd bodies he was perched on.

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!"

Luffy just laughed more, and Nami ground her palm into her face. "Zoro, cut the cage open so I can strangle him."

Zoro rolled his eyes at the order, but nonetheless stepped up, sheathing two of his swords and leaving only the Wado Ichimonji. The two girls and Carue stepped back to give Zoro room, and the swordsman closed his eyes, concentrated… and slashed out.

The bars remained intact, and the swordsman grimaced. "Damn it, are these things made of diamond or something?" he groused.

"Close, Zoro," came Cross' voice. "They're made of sea prism stone, which is supposed to be just as hard."

"And you didn't tell him that first because…?" Nami demanded.

"Because I hoped that if he didn't know he couldn't do it, he might be able to do it," Cross admitted.

"… That's either brilliant or stupid," Sanji remarked. "Which means that the mosshead should have been able to do it either way."

"Oh, oh, I've got something!" Luffy piped up before a fight could start. Looking back at him revealed that he was wearing a steel gauntlet on his right arm. "Usopp passed on Cross' new Impact Gauntlet earlier, and told me to fill it up and test it out. So I hit it with, uh… ten Bazookas? Maybe twenty?"

"That much power concentrated in a shock wave? Hmm… well, it should work on the hinges, if nothing else."

Grinning, Luffy, moved over to the door, prompting the three inhabitants of the cage to move to the opposite end of it. Luffy placed the gauntlet at the edge of the door…

"Aaand IMPACT!"

The good news was that that much force compressed into an Impact Dial struck at the weak spot was indeed enough to blow the door off of its hinges. And the bad news?

"Owww, that really stings!" Luffy whined as he waved his arm out, the shattered pieces of the gauntlet flying off in the process. Vivi, Carue, and a nonplussed Nami exited.

"Geez, I knew the blowback from Impact Dials hurt, but I thought Luffy would be able to take it, for his rubber body if not his strength," the navigator observed.

"That makes two of us," snarled Cross. "Freaking hell, Usopp, you were going to let me use that thing?! If it could hurt Luffy, it would have blown my arm clean off!"

"T-That wasn't the final product, that was just a prototype!" Usopp desperately protested. "That's why I gave it to Luffy, to see if there were any bugs!"

"Well, I'd say there are a few left, wouldn't you!? Tsk…" Cross could be heard grinding his teeth before sighing heavily. "We will talk about this later. For now, here's the plan; until everyone else gets in position, the rescue team needs to stay in the central spire. Keep running around, break down any obstacles in your way, living or not; until I give the word to head for the bridge, just keep raising chaos. Once I do, however, make tracks for it like there's no tomorrow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take full advantage of how much Soundbite likes to prank Usopp by planning out some… call it karma."

The subtle static in the air faded, and the rest of the crew exchanged glances.

"Should we worry about Cross killing Usopp?" Zoro wondered idly.

"I suppose I'll have to ask Chopper if it's possible to die of fright," Sanji mused. "Anyway, in the meantime, Mosshead and Luffy should enjoy this part of the plan."

"Heh. I'm not even insulted this time, dartboard, this is going to be fun," the swordsman said, grinning ferally.

"Alright! Let's go!" Luffy cheered.

-o-

Seaman James Hyde gripped his rifle a little tighter, marching in the center of a tight ball of Marines as they followed Ensign Henrick towards where they were pretty sure the Straw Hat Pirates were. The rest of his fellows seemed to believe they would just sweep away the Straw Hats by sheer force of numbers, but he knew better. A bunch of grunts with rifles seemed just… pitifully inadequate.

The ad-hoc battalion turned a corner, only to nearly collide with a Marine running the other way.

"Identify yourself, Marine!" Ensign Henrick barked.

"Screw that!" the Marine spat. "I'm getting out of here! The Straw Hats are bustin' through the walls!" And with that, he continued his flight, running around the reinforcements.

Ensign Henrick stared for a second, then shook his head and swung his hand forward, indicating that they should continue onward. They barely made it two steps before spotting another three Marines sprinting headlong in their direction.

"Soldiers, report! Where are the Straw Hats?" Ensign Henrick barked again.

Hyde couldn't help but notice that all three were shaking like leaves in a hurricane as they halted. Considering that, their answers were surprisingly coherent.

"They're demolishing the cell blocks!"

"No, no, they're heading for the Vice Admiral's office!"

"Nah, I heard Straw Hat Luffy himself say they needed to go to the mess!"

If still singularly unhelpful.

Hyde could see Ensign Henrick frown, and open his mouth—and then all three Marines started looking around, their heads practically on swivels.

"T-They're coming," one of them stammered. "THEY'RE COMING!"

Screaming, the three Marines returned to their flight. And while most of the battalion started muttering to themselves, Hyde noticed a slight cracking sound. A sound coming from above them. Slowly, and with great trepidation, he looked up, to where a spiderweb of cracks was spreading across the ceiling.

"Above!" he shouted, just in time for the ceiling to… basically announce that it identified more as a dust cloud rather than any sort of solid object. The massive burst of dust and rubble sent the battalion into a fit of coughing and stumbling, even Ensign Henrick. As such, none were prepared when two razor-sharp attacks left as many Marines bleeding on the floor.

Hyde gulped as Pirate Hunter Zoro and Corsair Princess Vivi stepped out of the cloud, their weapons clutched in their hands. The Pirate Hunter's eyes gazed out from underneath his bandanna, piercing through all they fell on. And the Corsair Princess… well, she wasn't glaring at anyone, but the cold impassiveness of her expression was still somehow just as scary.

-o-

"You sure are being ruthless for someone who hates hurting people," Zoro grunted.

The princess sighed as she stepped through the Marines, idly spinning her Cutter at her side. "I think I demonstrated when I met you that I was willing to do whatever I had to if it meant keeping harm from coming to my home. And considering my current state in regards to Alabasta, my home is with our crew." She shook her head with a sigh. "I hope I'll never start enjoying fighting, but I won't deny that I'm growing more comfortable with doing what needs to be done."

"Hn."

-o-

Quaking, Hyde raised his musket to fire at the two. He had to do something, after all. His pride as a Marine demanded it! He pulled the trigger, the musket fired—and then a black mass got in the way, fire blazing in its eyes.

"DENIED!"

One black limb lashed out, and then the Marine knew no more.

-o-

Both Vivi and Zoro sweatdropped as Sanji tore through the Marines like a combine harvester through a wheat field.

"I'm not the only one who thinks this is a bit of an overreaction, right?" Vivi wondered, idly kicking her leg back. The action was shortly followed by the loud thump of a body hitting the floor.

"This? Oh, no, you didn't see him when the Ordeal of Iron tagged Conis," Cross said from nowhere. "That made him so angry that he both spontaneously combusted and learned how to fly for the express purpose of helping him try and reduce that bastard Ohm to a pile of ash."

The two blade-wielders exchanged looks, shrugged, and proceeded after Sanji.

"Monsters," Nami droned, peeking out from behind a corner alongside Carue. "They're all monsters."

"Said da wightning-fwinging navigatah to dah supah-sonic man-sized tawking duck," said duck deadpanned.

Suddenly, every single one of the Straw Hats present stiffened as they realized something.

"Wait, where's Luffy?!"

-o-

"About two floors above you and ten metres ahead," Soundbite snickered, grinning from ear to ear. "HE'S PULLING the same stunt he used BACK IN ALABASTA with CROSS! HUMAN FLAIL!"

Despite my… mixed feelings about that particular memory, I couldn't help but snicker. "Alright, so they're doing good at raising pandemonium. Let's check back in with Jonathan and confirm just how many reinforcements we've got on the way, shall we?"

"ROGER!" Soundbite concentrated for a second before suddenly turning bright red.

"What the—?" I jumped in shock.

"HOOOOOT!" the snail yowled, flailing miserably as a cloud of steam rocketed from his mouth.

"WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE AND YA BETTER FEAR IT!" came a drill sergeant-like voice.

"WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE AND YA BETTER FEAR IT!" echoed a chorus of masculine voices.

"OR YOU'RE GONNA TASTE OUR FIERY SPIRIT!"

"OR YOU'RE GONNA TASTE OUR FIERY SPIRIT!"

"Oh, right, these lunatics," I coughed as I tried to wave the steam out of my face. Freaking hell, what were they trying to do, smoke us to death!?

"Hmph. Aye-aye, sir. Subdue the pirates. Are you sure you wouldn't like to change the orders to shoot on sight?"

"WE'LL SMASH YOUR BAGS AND EAT YOUR GUNS!"

"WE'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE—!"

"Y-Yes, I'm sure. Well, good luck!" came Jonathan's voice, sounding rather perturbed, followed closely by the click of a Transponder Snail's receiver.

Soundbite promptly sagged, wheezing miserably as he let his tongue loll out. "YOU… fight… DIRTY…"

"I believe that there's been some mention of Marines bending the rules on the SBS in the pursuit of Justice, no?" Jonathan shot back casually. "And really, if we were scoring based upon cheating, you would have won long before now by grace of the slaughter rule. Consider this simply… evening the playing field."

I exhaled before carefully climbing down the tree and ultimately jumping off once I was low enough. As soon as my feet touched the earth, I started moving towards the massive bridge that was easily visible. "Well, then, I suppose we'll have to do the same, won't we? May the best cheaters win!"

-o-

Inside the spire, Nami was panting and leaning against a wall as she tried to catch her breath. "This… pace… is… insane…" she bit out before glaring up at the air. "And I'm pretty sure we've got half of the base's roster in here to boot! Can we please get out of here now?"

Before Cross could answer, Luffy did the honors by running back around the corner he'd turned on his own, waving his arms eagerly. "Hey, guys, I found a way out to this cool bridge with a buncha funny guys standing on it! Wanna check it out?"

"…eh, screw it. Everyone's in position; if it's not happening now, then it's not happening period! Alright, team, break for the bridge!"

"WOOHOO!" Luffy whooped, heading back the way he came.

Nami rolled her eyes before jogging after him. "Should we be worried about the 'funny guys' Luffy saw?"

"Maybe, if it weren't for a nasty surprise that I've arranged for them that they're going to find out shortly," Cross chuckled maliciously.

"Well, if you say so…" Nami muttered as she followed the rest of the crew, and promptly froze in wide-eyed horror when she came in sight of the bridge and its occupants.

Its huge, pumped up, supremely sweaty occupants. One, who looked particularly red, stepped up to the front and cleared his throat.

"Please allow us to introduce ourselves," he said gruffly. "We're the legendary unit 55, and no pirates will ever cross this bridge on our watch!"

"Do you realize how many times we've crossed this bridge since we got here?" Nami deadpanned.

"Apparently, they were off the clock at the time!"

Attention was diverted to the other end of the bridge, where Cross was fast-roping down the cliff-face before unlatching from the rope once he was a few feet above the ground.

"Long live the action-movie ENTRY!" Soundbite cackled.

"Either way," Cross continued with a careless grin. "It doesn't really matter. They can't stop us."

The red-faced Marine honestly took that better than expected. "I'm gonna make you eat those words, pirate!" he shouted, hunching over and flexing every muscle in his arms. "WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE, AND YA—GRK!"

While the other Marines looked on in horror, the watching Straw Hats slowly matched Cross' grin as they took in the sight of what made the Marine stop speaking: an arm blooming around his neck, and putting him in a chokehold. Despite how formidable the man appeared, he went down in only a few seconds.

"As expected." The other Marines' horrified gazes snapped away from their comrade when a smug feminine voice sounded from somewhere among the Squad. "Maintaining their hot-bloodedness takes so much oxygen that they can't handle being cut off for more than a few seconds. A rather glaring weak spot, don't you think?"

"M-Major Shepherd?" asked one Marine pleadingly.

"Sorry, boys, but I have to get back to my crew now," Robin purred as she slid her sunglasses off and tossed away her jacket, causing the Marines to tense in panic. "It's been a pleasure tricking you, gentlemen. As they say in the North Blue…" Robin crossed her arms, causing phantom limbs to sprout from the shoulders of the on-looking shoulders, much to their horror. "Do svidoniya."

And without further ado, arms encircled the necks of half the soldiers present, dropping them in moments.

The deed done, Robin spread her arms invitingly. "If you'd all be so kind as to handle the rest?"

Luffy eagerly slammed his fists together. "Heck yeah!"

What happened next was undoubtedly the most humiliating two minutes of Squad 55's existence. The Straw Hats' strength alone was enough to take down each man with one shot, and though 55 started with an advantage in numbers, Robin stepped in a couple of times with a few dozen more chokeholds to remedy that. It was overkill, really.

"Send them flying in that direction, guys," Cross requested, jabbing his thumb at the spire before grinning at Robin. "And good work, Robin."

She chuckled somewhat maliciously. "Believe me, after spending the last hour with those overheated apes, it was wonderful to finally get rid of them."

"GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!" Luffy called out, slamming his hands forward and sending the unconscious Marines flying back to the spire, some falling into the water below as well.

With that done, the rest of the crew started streaming over to where we stood. The range of emotions was interesting—from Vivi's carefully blank expression to Usopp's naked relief—but all seemed to sense that this was something we all needed to hear, and so kept quiet.

"Alright, we're all together again. What's next, Cross?" Chopper asked once we were all together.

My answering smile was telling. "Next, we're going to show Jonathan what a mistake it was to challenge us to a cheating contest. Lassoo, Chopper, Conis, Boss, you see this bridge?"

"Yeah?" Boss asked.

"It's the only solid passageway between the outer and inner parts of the fortress." I stuck out a thumbs up and slowly inverted it. "Eviscerate it."

Lassoo, Boss, and the Dugongs gained bloodthirsty grins, while Conis and Chopper merely nodded in understanding, the former grabbing the scruff of Lassoo's neck and hoisting him onto her shoulder as he swapped to his weapon form and the latter digging out a number of vials from his pack. The Dugongs set to work immediately, cutting the cables and denting the metal wherever it was most vulnerable. Then, once the bridge's stability was sufficiently precarious, Conis and Chopper moved in, launching enough bombs and explosives to fill up a small house. I slid on my ear protectors, and a few seconds later…

KER-BLOOEY!

"London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down! London bridge is falling down, my dear JONNY," Soundbite sang eagerly as the once-mighty structure collapsed under its own weight.

-o-

Jonathan couldn't help but gape as he saw what had minutes before been a masterpiece of engineering come crashing down onto the stone path beneath it. Where once there was a pair of perfectly safe and stable pathways from the central spire to the outer ring, there was now merely a mountain of wreckage that nobody was likely to get through anytime in the near future.

"Weak spot number four, Jonathan: having only one passageway from the inside to the outside," Cross cheekily informed him.

"…You destroyed the Straw Bridge. Why would you destroy the Straw Bridge? Do you know much it cost to build that in the first place?" Jonathan sank into his seat with a moan.

"Consider it payback for infringing on our crew's copyright. Oh, and believe me, Jonathan, you don't have time to dwell on that. And I think you're about to find that out."

The exact instant that the subtle static around him faded, the Transponder Snail at his desk began ringing.

"Commander Jonathan, this is Chief Petty Officer Holger," came the unmistakable voice of the person in question, sounding panicked.

"I told you not to communicate by snail—"

"I KNOW, sir, but I've already sent three men to you and we haven't received a response yet, so I can only assume that they're being intercepted! Every time I do a headcount, someone else is missing! I think that the Straw Hats are picking us off, but we can't find them! WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS, PLEASE!"

Jonathan's eyebrows rose as he heard that before nodding. "Very well, I'll send notice to Henrick to gather a group and join you at the ship."

"Thank you, Commander!"

The line disconnected, and as Jonathan left his office to give the orders to the nearest Marine, he reasoned that that distress call had to be genuine. After all, it seemed that there could be no benefit for Cross to pose as Holger and make him send more troops to guard their ship.

-o-

"Cross, would you care to tell me the benefit for you to pose as Holger and make me send more troops to guard your ship?" Jonathan asked flatly, his eye twitching as he watched the pirate ship sail out of sight from his balcony. "You already knew where the Going Merry was, all you accomplished was having there be more troops present when you tore through them!"

"And that is exactly why I did it, Jonathan, both because you now have less manpower at your disposal, if only a small amount compared to G-8's population, and because if we'd taken the easy way, it just wouldn't have been anywhere near as much fun."

THUNK!

Jonathan groaned as he raised his forehead from the balcony's railing. "'Fun,' he says…"

"Soundbite, if you'd be so kind as to quote the grrreat Captain Jack Sparrow, who I wouldn't be surprised if Jonathan didn't recognize?" Cross requested, rolling the 'r' on 'great'.

"Ooh, GOODY! AHEM… a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're gonna do something incredibly… stupid."

"Thus, weak spot number five: expecting pirates to be logical," Cross said smugly.

"Beaten by my wife, beaten by a pirate, the Straw Bridge is destroyed, and between you and those birds my sanity is starting to crack." Jonathan ground his fingers into his temple. "Why, oh, why did I ever agree to this game?"

"Because like it or not, the truth is that no pirate is stupid enough to come anywhere close to Navarone, so all that you and yours do is sit on your asses and twiddle your thumbs all day, so you needed someone to spice up your hum-drum routine?"

"Oh, right…"

Jonathan massaged his temples for a minute or so before searching for something less exasperating to remark on. Then he remembered the brief report he had received in the failed attempt to capture one of the Straw Hats at their ship.

"You Straw Hats are certainly charismatic," he remarked casually.

"Huh? What makes you say that? I mean, I'm definitely not denying that our captain has a freakish ability to make people like him, but—"

"I'm referring to the fact that you've managed to sway a handful of your enemies in this fortress to actually aiding you in your escape," Jonathan said, a slight smile coming over his face. "Mekao the shipwright, his daughter Doctor Kobato, and to a lesser extent, even Jessica. Even the new recruits in this fortress take a week or so to develop a strong sense of loyalty to G-8, and yet, you managed to change their mindsets enough that they were willing to hide Princess Vivi from the rest of my troops. Care to explain?"

"…well, I suppose it's more a matter of common interests than anything else," Cross said, his shrug practically audible. "Jessica appreciated Sanji's talent with food, Kobato was taken enough with Chopper's passion for medicine that she got over her hemophobia, and Mekao… well, that's more of a private matter, but suffice to say that he was glad to see a ship that was visibly loved by its crew. And let me remind you that we're not the stereotypical pirates; every fight we've ever been in, every enemy we've ever beaten has either been them attacking us or us counterattacking them. With shared interests like that, it seemed reasonable that they'd be willing to put prejudice aside, and it looks like it was."

"Fair points, I suppose. But what of the new recruits?"

"If you didn't listen to my first broadcast, you must have heard about it from someone who did," Cross said more seriously. "She shouldn't have set sail with us against her will. She should be back home in an Alabasta that hasn't seceded, that isn't at war once again, preparing to one day rule over her people in a peace they would have more than earned. Tell me, Jonathan… what would you have done if it was just Vivi that came here, and not any of the rest of us? Because I trust that you're smart enough to know what it means when HQ wants anybody alive, for any reason."

Jonathan's smile faded.

"I didn't start this show for shits and giggles, Jonathan. I started it because those bastards pushed the buck too far. I started doing this because I knew the chaos it would cause, the madness, the dissent, the doubt. I did all of this… purely because I wanted to see the World Government bleed and burn."

"In short, your goals are the same as Dragon and the Revolutionary Army," Jonathan stated neutrally. "I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised if you know the truth about slavery and the five levels of Impel Down—"

"Six."

Jonathan froze. "…Pardon?"

"Impel Down has six levels, Jonathan, not five. I'm not surprised you don't know that, the whole point of it is that it's secret from all but the highest levels. But that's one of the rare cases where I agree with the World Government: the Eternal Hell's existence is better left unknown to the general public. If there's any good in this world, Crocodile's lifeless dust will one day decorate the cells… and, sadly, the next monster who sits in them, because we both know there'll always be someone else to fill that cell."

Jonathan gaped, left speechless at Cross' claim, and to his mounting horror, he actually found that he was fully prepared to believe that the pirate was telling the truth.

"Well, I'm sure I've given you a lot to think about, Jonathan. But as it stands, the clock is still running. So, if you'll excuse me, our crew has some more blasting to do. I hope you have an emergency fund ready."

"BYE, NOW!" Soundbite barked, upon which the transmission faded and explosions echoed from the other side of the base. Slowly, Jonathan moved back to his desk, taking in the sight of his chessboard, still set as it was at the conclusion of his game against Nico Robin. Then he reset the board and moved a pawn before spinning the board around and moving yet another. He needed to think, he needed to think hard.

-o-

"Alright, what's the damage report?" Jonathan asked his four officers, all of them gathered in his office and nursing their injuries from their personal meetings with the Straw Hat Pirates.

"Well, I think we all know about the bridge," Drake ground out, aching pain obvious in his voice. "Between that, their little rampage through the spire, taking back their ship, and various odds and ends, about 25% of the Marines on base are combat ineffective."

"And the material damage isn't anything to sneeze at, either," Cormac groaned. "Thank God the Spire is built so tough, because we've got enough holes in the walls that most structures would have collapsed around our ears."

"A large portion of the floor and ceiling of Dock 88 has been demolished; one of the soldiers took a black seashell from their ship, and the pirates yelled at him to drop it as soon as they saw it. When he did… it blasted a shockwave up that caused a small cave-in, and the ground beneath it crumbled into a crater six feet wide," Holger said weakly.

Jonathan blew out a weary breath. "And therein lies the primary issue when dealing with the Strawhats' Third Mate: differentiating when he's being serious and when he's talking out of his ass… what else?"

"Aside from the fact that they've got their ship back and are heading for the Sea Gate? Nothing presently," Henrick deadpanned. "Shall we deploy the inner base's battleships and have them gather in formation at the Gate to intercept them?"

"Not yet. Based off of the Straw Hats' determination to defy logical expectations, I'm going to assume that they plan on leaving the same way that they came in: flying. How they'll pull it off, I have no idea, but I'm beyond the point where I'd be surprised if they did it. But first things first: send word to all units to begin clearing away the wreckage of the Straw Bridge. Once the natural bridge beneath it becomes traversable again, see to it that all cannons are manned, starting with the ones at the highest altitudes."

"Understood, sir. We'll see to it that the ships are prepared for towing and transporting rubble," Henrick stated.

"Very good. You're dismissed."

There was a minute that was filled with footsteps, and then…

"You have a little over twelve hours left, Strawhats, and I am counting every second of them. Spend them wisely, or prepare to spend the rest of your lives in Impel Down."

Soundbite and I exchanged eager grins I jerked my hand across my throat and we turned our attention towards a certain old man.

"Thanks for showing us here, Mekao. This should give us all the time we need to finish our breakout," I said.

"Cheeky kids," the shipwright said, shaking his head while at the same time matching my grin. "Jonathan's going to be tearing his moustache out before you're done, isn't he?"

"We can hope!" Soundbite chirped. The old shipwright laughed before heading back into the fortress. I waited until Soundbite nodded to me, and then turned back to our assembled crew and ship, hidden in one of the abandoned docks and decidedly not sailing towards the Sea Gate.

"Well, then, now that we're all together, and with Robin's confiscated map…" I held up the rolled up scroll in question and shook it as I grinned malevolently. "How about I lay out my plan on how we're getting out of here?"

Everyone's equally eager grins were answer enough.

"Alright, then, in that case…" I spread the map out on a barrel, allowing everyone to gather around. Soundbite chose that moment to start humming a tune that was very appropriate.

"Here's how we're gonna play this."

NIGHT

-12 Hours Remain-

Cross-Brain AN: Next chapter, we finish G-8. We'll update again at the usual time, so hang in there