5/7

"These mists have some interesting temporal qualities that led to our crews meeting across the barriers of space and time," Doctor Chopper offered. "I was attempting to study their effects on longevity earlier."

"But, but, but…" Hiriluk groped around desperately. "But Chopper isn't a mad scientist. Or a rabid hockey fan."

That earned him a pair of stares partway between flat and curious. "Doctor," Doctor Chopper said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "We're much older than the Chopper you know. We've grown up a lot, and we've adapted with the times." The mad reindeer snorted. "And besides, your Chopper never met Cross."

"Or Jones," Hockey Chopper added, puffing his chest out with pride. "I'll have you know that studying Otherworlders can be quite enlightening."

Hiluluk's eyes took them both in, two reflections of routes that his son had gone before. A scientist and an athlete, both growing into great pirates in their own way. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes- pride, hope, happiness. Then, slowly, a smile came over his face. "I see… you've grown up so strong."

Both reindeer twitched almost imperceptibly, their eyes taking on an extra shine. There was a brief clatter of hooves as the two Choppers launched themselves at their father figure, clinging to his waist and burying their faces in his jacket. Damp stains spread slowly across the dark fabric. Hiriluk stumbled backward under the force of the tackle, unable to keep his balance. Eventually, after a few staggered, futile steps, the lovable quack fell into a seated position.

"We missed you so much!" the Choppers bawled. Hockey Chopper sniffled and rubbed his nose on Hiriluk's shirt; Doctor Chopper hiccoughed.

The lovable quack didn't question them. Of course; even if he didn't know the exact moment of his death, he already knew of his own illness. Doctor Hiriluk patted and hugged both reindeer, rubbing soothing circles on the backs of their heads. "There, there… It's alright. A man only dies when he's forgotten; as long as you remember me, I'll always be with you. I'm so proud of you both."

Twin watery smiles beamed up at him. Off to one side, four amphibious mammals slowly edged away. This was a private affair, not for their eyes. Besides, they wanted to see what their teacher was getting up to, and who—if anyone—had come for him. And maybe them.

-o-

"He raced down the mountain, fleeing from the Thunderbird's lair as though his life depended on it- which it did. But the Thunderbird didn't want Man taking the secret of fire, for fire was the source of his power. Great wings beat the air as the Thunderbird chased Man down the mountain, gaining with every second."

"Just before he was captured, Man raced into the forest. He begged the trees as he ran, pleading with them to hide him from the Thunderbird's wrath. But even were the bird himself not so deadly and frightening, Man was cloaked in fire. His clothes were slowly burning off, his skin turning red and blistering… Ash, oak, maple, elm- one by one, all the trees denied him."

"All except the slender white birch. When Man came to the birch tree, it accepted him under its branches and hid him from the enraged Thunderbird. Man hid there for some time, until all the danger had passed. Eventually, the Thunderbird gave up his hunt and Man was free to make his way back towards his home. He thanked the birch tree as he left."

"The birch was pleased to be of service, though it had suffered mightily in the effort. Its branches were charred and crispy, its bark streaked with soot and blisters. Many moons passed before the birch could once again stand straight and proud as part of the forest, rather than bent with the pain that wracked its trunk. And even once the birch had recovered- and indeed, to this day- the bubbled, darkened lines remained on its bark, a reminder of the service the birch tree rendered towards man."

Whistling, the younger Usopp rubbed nervously at his nose. "That was awesome! A little short, but still… Wow. But I can do you one better! Wait until you hear the story of…"

-o-

A well-aged dugong sat with his back to a wall of the ship. Around the corner, another dugong of similar age sat similarly. At the corner itself was a bottle and two cups.

Such was the position they had been in for several minutes, occasionally filling and draining the cups, neither saying anything or moving to so much as glance at the other. Finally, as one dugong poured the last drops into one of the dishes, the other one broke the silence.

[You have come a long way, Disciple.]

[Mmph,] Boss née Disciple Dugong angled his head to the side ever so slightly. [I suppose I have. I'd say that I'm not the dugong you left on the shores of the Sandora, but we both know that if that weren't true even the day after you left, I'd be a disgrace.]

[No, no, not a disgrace,] the other dugong hummed, tapping a staff of bamboo on his shoulder. [Merely… a disappointment.]

[Po-tay-toe, poh-tah-toe,] Disciple shrugged dismissively.

[Heh heh, if you say so…] Sifu balanced his sake cup on the tip of his flipper's finger before glancing to the side, his grip tightening ever so slightly on his staff. [So… up for a bout?]

Disciple, meanwhile, didn't even twitch. [Not a chance. I may have almost fifty years on you, but all but three months of that has been in Alabasta, and in those three months, which have been in Paradise, I have already grown stronger than those fifty combined. You, meanwhile, have lived your entire life off of our shores. If I tried to fight you…] Disciple tapped his unlit cigar on the deck next to himself. [I'd be crushed.]

Then… a slight smirk appeared on the camo-wearing Dugong's muzzle. [So, thank you, but I'll wait to kick your wizened ass in the New World.]

Sifu was silent for a bit before allowing a wide smile to spread across his face. [I officially need to include Wadjet in my prayers,] he breathed reverentially. [For her children have granted me the absolute best student I could have ever conceived, even though I never even asked.]

A small girl, pale as moonlight with crimson eyes, scrambled across the deck, followed by a harried man wearing a dragon jacket. He scooped her up before she could climb onto the rails, earning a loud giggle. "Ghin, stop! Put me down!"

"Not until you stop running off like that! You're gonna fall in the sea and drown if you're not careful, and I won't be jumping in after you again. I do it enough for Don Luffy." Ghin lifted the little girl up onto one of his shoulders; she pouted at him and poked his head.

"Liar. You'd never leave me like that; you're too much of a mother hen." A jab into his shoulder, a tug at his ear, and suddenly the little girl was flipping backwards and away while her caretaker winced and rubbed at the assaulted areas. Something—it looked kind of like guilt—flashed across the man's face.

"Tippy, will you stop that? There are reasons I don't want you running off like you did when we were kids, especially in a place like this!" Ghin ran a hand through his hair, looking for all the world like a worried parent. He grumbled the next bit under his breath. "I'm only twenty-seven, but between you and Jones, I already have grey hairs…"

"Bleh!" The little girl stuck out her tongue. "You've grown up into a grumpy old man, Ghin. I always told you that would happen if you kept worrying so much."

"Argh… You little—! What am I gonna do with you?" Ghin recaptured Tippy, holding her more securely this time. Once he had a secure grip on the squirming girl, he looked around at a loss, as if he actually needed an answer to that question.

"I'll lend you a flipper."

Ghin blinked at the raspy voice, and turned to see a strange creature, an upright manatee with a turtle shell. Another, similar one was behind him, looking his way.

[Oh, Soundbite's nearby, that makes things easi… wait a second, I'm not talking.]

Ghin couldn't comprehend the other one's barking, but he could easily comprehend his shock by the dropped jaw and subsequent dropped cigar.

[Sifu, you can talk?]

[Not easily; I learned to speak human, but it's murder on my throat, so I only do it when I have to,] the first Dugong said, before switching back to words Ghin could understand as he gestured to Tippy. "I just came in here to ease my worries about my apprentice. I can see her home if you'd like." He emptied a flask of liquid into his throat as soon as he finished, gargling it with a wince. [Damn the human language and damn it hard.]

Ghin and Tippy both blinked in surprise, exchanging doubtful looks for a second before Ghin hesitantly spoke up. "I… thought there wasn't a way out of here? Unless the Mists actually want to let you go, I mean."

"There is always a path," Sifu waved his flipper dismissively, cracking his back slightly as he rose from his seated position. "I just happen to know the right one for this place."

Staring, Ghin turned his head from one amphibious mammal to the other, finally settling his gaze on the one that was a member of the alternate Straw Hat crew. "Can we trust this guy?" he asked with some hesitation.

[Of course you can—!…ergh, can't believe I'm actually reduced to wishing for that damn pest's help…] Boss muttered acridly before settling for giving Ghin his most confident thumbs-up. [I'll let you guys figure this out. Nice seeing you again, Master, and I look forwards to the day we can do this for real.] And with that, he began waddling away.

Ghin and Tippy exchanged dubious glances again before looking at the wall Sifu was behind. "Right, so, how does this work?" the older man queried.

Boss, meanwhile, hadn't gone far before he ran straight into his four apprentices, who were looking as excited as when they had joined the Straw Hats.

[Boss, there you are!] Leo said happily. [So, have you found Sifu yet?]

The senior dugong blinked at his students in surprise. [How'd you know Sifu was the one who came for me?]

[Come on, Boss, who else would you get, that blowhard Lan- I mean, First Mate Dugong?] Mikey scoffed.

[Now c'mon, where is he, where is he!?] Raphey vibrated eagerly. [I wanna jump him, I wanna jump him straight outta the blue, I want the honor of getting pounded by the greatest Kung Fu Dugong to ever kick ass!]

Donny roughly shoved Raphey aside, a pad of paper and a pencil in his hands and a massive grin on his face. [Not before I get my autograph from the greatest staff-user in all Dugong history you're not! Now c'mon, where is he, where is he?!]

Boss cocked an eyebrow at the display before jabbing his 'thumb' over his shoulder. [Right now, he should be—!]

SPLASH!

[Gone,] Boss completed smoothly, not even missing a beat. [Eesh, tough luck, you just missed him.]

[Meenbrl…]

Frowning at the odd sound, Boss refocused on his students and found them, to a dugong, slumped over on their flippers, clouds of despondency hanging over them and tears dripping to the wooden deck from their blank eyes.

[…mmmaybe I should have asked him to stay for a bit…] Boss muttered.

[YOU THINK?!] all four of the TDWS suddenly roared. Boss took a nervous step back; their still-blank but gleaming eyes and eager, toothy grins that totally belied their vocalized anger were just a tad unnerving in tandem.

'Correction,' Boss silently amended as his students began to advance on him. 'It's very unnerving.'

[We get a chance to meet Sifu Dugong, the most famous fighter of our species, the driving force behind everything that's happened to us since we started training, outside of the transcending madness of the New World. And because you didn't consider that we would want to meet him, we've lost that chance,] Donny intoned, his staff in one flipper and a brace of kunai spread in the other.

[I was going to fight him,] Raphey droned, one flipper holding a sai in reverse and the other idly spinning her giga-shuriken. [I was gonna lose, badly, but by the Sandora itself, I was going to be able to say that I had actually fought with the Sifu Dugong.]

[And now we can't,] Mikey stated in an almost casual tone of voice as he slowly and methodically loaded his pistol, clicking it shut before drawing out a nunchuk and letting it swing idly. [Because of you. You bastard.]

[You're about to regret training us so well,] Leo said simply, his tongue brushing along one of his katana.

At that moment, for the life of him, Boss would not be able to say that it was an entirely irrational fear that he held from his students.

[…don't suppose it'd help if I said I was sorry?] he offered uncertainly.

[SUFFER!]

[GAH!] Boss howled at the top of his lungs, Rip Tide-ing away from the murderous posse that was suddenly pursuing him at all speeds. [HOW'S THAT FOR FUCKING GRATITUDE, YOU PUTRID GUTTERSNIPES!]

-o-

Banchina cut her sons off with a smile and a gentle cough. They'd been going at this ever since the crews met, their stories growing steadily more outlandish. "I thought you two were going to tell me about the Grand Line, not compete to see who knew the most fairy tales."

"But mom, they're not fairy tales!" both Usopps whined indignantly. "And we weren't competing! Were we?"

The pair looked at each other. Shrugging, the younger rubbed his nose; the elder fiddled with his wristband. "I was just trying to explain how Devil Fruits work; mom's never seen one."

"And I just wanted to tell her about all the cool plants and animals there are on the Grand Line."

Both snipers grinned sheepishly at their mother. "Sorry… Guess we got a little carried away. There's just so many cool things to tell you about!"

Laughing, Banchina pulled both of her sons into a tight hug. "Oh, boys… What am I going to do with you?"

That gave the storytelling snipers pause. Not for long though, as they immediately began talking again. "You could help us decide which legend of Elbaf is coolest?"

"Yeah! And then I could tell you all about the time I defeated a demonic shark fishman who even managed to almost kill Luffy! And Zoro!"

"What?! But Luffy beat Arlong- you're lying! Besides, I can read Luffy's mind and see the future."

"A likely story!"

Banchina rolled her eyes and smiled as the two snipers proceeded to squabble. They segued into stories of their own adventures, so similar and yet so different… She couldn't tell if they were competing with each other to see who had the stranger experiences, or honestly trying to tell her what had happened to them. Either way, she would treasure this moment forever.

-o-

"So… Merry?"

"Yes?" both the ship-girl and the behorned butler said in unison, looking away from their embrace towards their mistress.

"Uh… the young—guh, the shorter one," Kaya doubly corrected herself shyly. "I was just wondering… about this crew that we gave you to. Do you… well, would you have been happier if you'd stayed with me?"

"Uh, Kaya… don't take this the wrong way, but…" Closing her eyes, the caravel sucked in a deep breath and let it out.

"Oh, nothing good ever follows that statement," Merry the butler muttered.

"Look, I'm a ship," Merry stated, opening her eyes. "I exist to carry people and cargo safely across the seas. You would have used me for puttering about that island. Maybe making short trips to neighboring islands if you actually did become a doctor. You'd have loved me and maintained me and I would have been content." At this time, a fire blazed in Merry's eyes. "But being the ship of the Straw Hats? It's been so much better, and I'm not just talking about the journey, which is awesome on its own. My bond with the Straw Hats was and is far stronger than it ever could have been with you; I would have been content to be scrapped rather than…" She shuddered, idly reaching behind her to rub her back before continuing. "Sorry. Ask Franky or my Usopp for that story. My point is, I'm sorry, but fuck no I wouldn't have been happier with you."

The rich girl visibly wilted. "I… I'm sorry," she murmured.

"For what? For asking that? I know you cared for me, and I know what I look like. I don't blame you for asking. For dredging up bad memories? That's not something you could have expected. And if it's for giving me to the Straw Hats…" Merry flashed Kaya what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Well, if that was a mistake, then that was the best mistake you've ever made."

The last statement made her smile lightly. "What I meant was… for not being able to do any of that for you myself. You were my ship, and I can't do anything for you like they can."

"Miss Kaya," the older Merry sighed, kneeling before his mistress to look her in the eye. "If your ambition is to become a doctor, then that's a grand ambition, and one that you can fulfill in the East Blue. But the crew that we entrusted Going Merry to is full of individuals with ambitions that only traveling through the most dangerous sea in the world can fulfill. The best thing that you could have done is what you did, and we see the proof before us." He looked back at her. "And I don't believe she holds anything against you."

The ship-girl shook her head, smiling lightly. Somewhere above her, a loosely tied knot came undone with a rasping hiss. A thick line fell to drape itself over the ship-girl's shoulders as still-a-ship Merry vibrated and warmed with approval.

Meanwhile, on the rear deck, a blue-haired cyborg sat rubbing his jaw, an action attributable to the soreness that came from it being dropped for too long a period. The reason for that lay beside him, a green-haired mermaid that he knew well. There was just one tiny difference between her and the one that he had grown up with.

The one beside him wasn't yet used to having legs.

"Razza-frazzin split tail and razza-frazzin center of balance…" a notably younger Kokoro grumbled as she rubbed the tip of her bifurcated appendage. She then glanced up at the cyborg with a hopeful look. "You said ya knew an older me, right? Did she ever gripe about any old tricks to getting this whole 'walkin' business down? I could really use them about now!"

"Er…" Franky scratched his steel-plated cranium uncertainly, trying and failing to parse what he was hearing. "I… don't remember anything like that, sorry… ah, wait!" He hastily rallied his thoughts. "A-Are you really not going to question the fact that you're, ya know, in a 'time hellmouth', or that you're meeting someone who says they know you in the future?! I mean, I know, Grand Line and all that, but even I think this is crazy!"

The mermaid gave him a wry smirk. "Kid, lemme tell you something my older self obviously forgot to let slip: Fishman Island is literally the gateway to the New World. In other words, it stands at the very tip of an actual hellmouth. You don't go long living there without becoming at least a little familiar with the craziest that the world has to offer. I mean, sure," She waved her hand dismissively. "I wasn't expecting anything like this when I went out on my morning swim, but all things considered? Not as bad as it could be. Ya get me?"

Franky blinked in surprise, and then slowly nodded. "Yeah… I guess that's a good point," he mumbled. Then, thinking about the version he knew, he glanced down at the bare fins meant to support the mermaid. "You know, Granny Kokoro never said anything about it, but I never saw her without shoes that were pointed at the ends. Maybe that could help?"

Before the mermaid could respond, a door opened from the kitchen, and the subsequent assault of noise drowned out any chance of hearing anything else.

"But I wanna show you the—!"

"Gah! No spoilers!" Two rubber captains bounced out of the galley. The one in the fore had his hands clapped over his ears, which seemed to be doing little to drown out the voice of his loud, eager counterpart.

"We have a submarine, though!" TB!Luffy chased 12!Luffy into the rigging as the latter struggled to escape. The younger captain was still trying to keep his ears covered, so the sight was even more comical than it already would naturally have been.

"Don't tell me! I don't wanna know what happens next- it's not a good adventure that way! Besides, future things are Jones's job!"

As the pair continued on their swinging path through the rigging, a young woman came out on deck and followed them with her gaze. She was smiling, nearly silent, although the air around her was filled with the sound of quiet giggling at the Luffys' antics.

TB!Luffy thought for a minute before his face lit up with demonic malice. "Oh! Okay then- how about something that's already happened instead? Sabo's alive!"

His counterpart paused to shoot him a flat look. "Well, duh. I knew that. Sabo met everybody in Loguetown, and he calls Jones all the time to talk about sneaky ninja spy stuff." 12!Luffy's face took on a similar demonic light to TB!Luffy. "Wait… did your crew not meet him? Shishishishishi! Wanna know what he's like?"

"Eh?" TB!Luffy shrugged and picked his nose. "Why? That's your Sabo, not mine. They're prob'ly different anyway. But wait till I tell you about the special comm system Franky built for Cross!"

"I SAID NO SPOILERS!"

"IT'S NOT A SPOILER IF CROSS ISN'T ON YOUR CREW!"

And so the Luffys resumed their awkward chase, through the rigging and over every possible surface of the ship, much to the amusement of the young woman watching them. Although for some reason, she also had tears in her eyes. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.

"Do you think we should tell him that our Sunny is completely unique and almost guaranteed to be different than what he'll be getting?" Franky asked.

"No way," came another voice, and they looked over to see Sanji emerging from the kitchen as well, laden with bags of ingredients and with a young girl beside him. "That rubber moron puts us through hell all hours of the day. I say we let him suffer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a look at the dream kitchen that I'll have someday. Reiju, you coming?"

"Of course," the girl responded coolly.

-o-

"…seriously? Seriously!?" I gagged in disbelief. "Ye gods, did the whole nation collectively dump their IQ for 24 hours or something?!"

"I WEEP for the past, present, future, OR WHATEVER TIME THAT IS TO US," Soundbite groaned. "Ya think you-know-who can make us THE VOICES OF ANARCHY WHEN YOU FINALLY GET BACK HOME, TOO?"

"Doubt it," I scoffed, but I hastily reworded matters as I actually thought about it. "…alright, I think it's capable of it, but I doubt it will. If we tried pulling what we do here back home, the ones running the show might break out the nukes. We could literally cause the end of the world."

"…you're trying to threaten me WITH A GOOD TIME, WHY, exactly?"

I shot him a flat look. "So you're saying you want to be at ground zero of the technological equivalent of a Raigo?"

And that turned him white. "GOOD TIME GO bye-bye, shutting up now."

"I'm not sure if it's reassuring or disturbing that your standards for chaos stop at 'fuck the world'," Lee dryly stated. "But yes, I was screaming the whole time as the election proceeded. And then Carrie Fisher died as one final 'fuck you' from 2016."

"WHAT?! PRINCESS LEIA'S DEAD?!" Jones fell over backwards in shock. "When—? How—? Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!"

Lee sighed and bowed his head, suddenly looking far older than forty-six. "Yeah… it was in December. And while I remember something about her being strangled with her own bra, I don't think that's what actually happened."

"Her own quote ON HOW SHE WANTED to go," Soundbite sighed regretfully. "TRUTH IS… yeah, all signs point to heart attack."

"Ah, geeze…" I grimaced, rubbing the back of my neck with regret. "Well, that's all kinds of sucky right there isn't it? Moment of silence, then?"

"EVEN I'LL SHUT UP FOR THAT," my partner in anarchy nodded solemnly.

And so we all bowed our heads, adopting a respectful silence for the great actress…

"Ohhhh yeah, veeeeeery nice. But I see your 'flying island' - which I still call bullshit on, by the way - and raise you… The homeland of the dragons! And this one's not even on the Grand Line! Whaddaya say to THAT!?"

"Aaaand of course, One Piece won't accept no broodin' bullshit from no one," I sighed as we were interrupted a mere seven seconds later. I twisted around in place to eye the source of the noise. "Okay, what's this little sideshow about?"

The source, as it turned out, were the two Namis butting heads - literally, they were pressing their foreheads together - as they pointed at a set of maps and tried to incinerate the other with looks alone. Sitting cross-legged on the deck next to them was Bellemere, who was looking mighty amused by the whole display.

"I say that that's impressive for something that nature made," TB!Nami hummed, a 'content' grin on her face as she unraveled yet another chart with an air of triumph. "But let's see you pull out anything showing a manmade island that rivals Water 7."