3/6

"Prove it, you wrinkly—whoa!" The Hero ducked his head with a yelp, narrowly missing getting pegged by some kind of Hollow with a twisted face. "Okay, yeah, she's serious about us leaving, HEY!" Garp roared, waving his hand at the nearest battleships in what was the height of military procedure. "WE'VE OVERSTAYED OUR WELCOME AND WE'VE STILL GOT A HELL OF A MESS TO CLEAN UP BACK AT HQ! TELL THE TROOPS STILL ON THE ISLAND TO DOUBLE-TIME IT! LOCK 'EM DOWN AND GET READY TO SHOVE OFF!"

"First smart thing I've heard all day," Tsuru said, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated fashion.

"What was that?!"

"Aye-aye, sir. KA-LICK!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

-o-

"—RAGING, HALFWIT PIECE OF WAGH!"

THUD!

"Oooowww…" Perona groaned into the ground, trying to retooth her stripped mental gears. "What the hell just—? Eh?" The Ghost Princess snapped her head up and looked around, blinking in surprise as she realized she was in—

"The palace?!" she sputtered incredulously. "Holy hell, did I just rage so hard I snapped back into my body?" Perona mulled over the thus far unprecedented occurrence before groaning and hanging her head. "I really need to start putting some effort into figuring out exactly what my powers are capable of."

"Cro-roak?"/ "Cr-ch-chrk!"

A concerned round of noises from below her caught Perona's attention, and she shot a reassuring smile at what she'd fallen off of. "It's okay, Hopper, Stinger. I'm fine, just fine. You two worry about yourselves, alright? That mean ol' bastard Cross led you two through a real ringer."

The mega-sized frog and scorpion smiled and chittered gratefully as they settled down to rest.

Once they weren't looking, however, Perona's smile faded, taking a look around at the reason why she'd been sleeping on her new friends' backs.

While it was indeed her dream come true to move into a castle all her own and live her life in luxury, there was one major obstacle to that goal: A life of luxury required a luxurious castle, and for all that she appreciated the Straw Hats' efforts in ejecting her new home's previous tenants, she wished they could have left at least two consecutive walls standing!

In the simplest terms possible, Shiki's once-gilded fortress was a shell of its former self, with over half its structures collapsed in on themselves from structural damage, and the rest a stiff breeze away from joining them. It would take a lot of hard, dedicated work to make the compound habitable once more, and Perona had absolutely jack all idea how to go about even starting said work.

"I did not think this through, did I?" she groaned to herself, dragging her hands down her face.

"Having some issues with your new home, dearie?"

"WAGH!" Perona yelped at the sound of another human voice. She spun to face her interlopers, Hollows reflexively roiling from her body. And then they just as swiftly dissipated when she actually saw the interlopers. She needed a further second for her brain to process what her eyes were showing, and she blinked in confusion at the newcomers.

The very familiar newcomers.

"Y-You're—!"

"PANDA!"

"Grk!"

Perona's breath whooshed out of her when a large weight slammed into her midsection and dropped her on her ass. The newly appointed Warlord blinked incredulously at the enthusiastic bundle of smiles and feathers hanging off her neck. "X-Xiao!? W-what are you doing here!?" She then turned her incredulous gaze on the crowd of Merveillean natives watching over her. "W-What are any of you doing here? And how did you sneak up on me?!"

"To answer your last question, we didn't, darling," Xiao's grandmother informed her with an endearing smile. "We just walked up while you were asleep. We were quite concerned, actually, we couldn't wake you up. It was like—!"

"Yes, yes, dead to the world, sleeping like a corpse, I've heard them all before," Perona reflexively interrupted. "B-But that still doesn't explain why you're all here! I thought you'd all be halfway to a new island by now!"

"This island was our home first," Xiao's mother firmly replied. "We've spent the last twenty years dreaming of the day that Shiki would leave us in peace and we could return to our lives here. And while yes, we originally intended to live in our village, that is…" She grimaced uncomfortably, glancing at the nearby monsters. "No longer quite so feasible…"

"So we decided to come here and live with you instead!" Xiao jumped in with all the eagerness and obnoxiousness of a kid on Christmas morning. "Can we can we can we?"

Perona's brain immediately flatlined at the request. "You—bu—wha—STOP BOUNCING!" she barked, irritation boiling over.

Xiao stilled. As did a particularly acrobatic tiger and small kangaroo in the background.

"Not you two!" Perona snapped at them. When they went back to… whatever they were doing, she redirected her attention to the villagers. "A-And what's she talking about?"

"Well," said the old woman who had spoken before. "First, it can't be understated just how grateful we are to you for warning us of what Shiki planned to do to us. If it weren't for your intervention, we'd all be long dead. So, helping you out however we can manage is the least we can do."

"And considering that both your new palace and our old village have been destroyed, putting the two of them together would make things better and easier for all of us," Xiao's mother reasoned. "Our people have a knack for architecture; those beasts caused regular accidents even before Shiki invaded, even with the Daft Green protecting us. We had to learn to rebuild quickly and efficiently. Unfortunately, we'd just be putting up shields, not anything we can use to fight back."

"And conversely, you have the ability to fight back against the most terrifying enemies but don't seem to have worked a day in your life," the old woman wryly observed.

Perona pouted. "Can't argue with that…" she grumbled.

"In short, we'll help rebuild the palace for you—stripping out all of the lions, of course—and in return." The elderly woman smirked impishly as she leaned over and jabbed Perona in the forehead. "You act the way that a monarch should and keep us safe."

"And-and-and!" Xiao waved her arms eagerly, a blinding smile on your face. "You can make all the monsters nice and cuddly, like these guys, right?" She gestured at the snoozing symbiotic pair, and kept going before anyone could object. "If you make all the monsters nice, then that means that we don't need the smelly Daft Greens anymore, and no one gets sick anymore! Right? Right?"

That actually took Xiao's family by surprise, and they exchanged shocked looks.

"Uhh…"

"Told you she was smarter than she acts," Granny smugly stated.

But the young Merveillean wasn't quite done yet. "Oh, oh! And also you've gotta be the bestest big sister ever while Ever's away on her adventures!"

Aaaand that line made Perona's brain flatline. Again.

Granny slapped a hand to her face. "Then again…"

"Xiao!" her mother gasped in a scolding tone. "Miss Perona, I am so—!"

It took Perona a second to reboot her brain again, and she was still decidedly flustered. "A-ah, no that's…" Her demeanor slowly shifted into a tearful smile. "That, ah, t-that sounds great, actually. I…"

To the surprise of all present, Perona leaned forward, and when she leaned her forehead against Xiao's, they couldn't help the fond smiles that crept onto their faces.

"I've… always wanted a real sister," Perona laughed weakly, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks.

And so began the reign of Hellbeast Queen ("Princess! I am a PRINCESS!") Perona, Grand Marshal of Merveille and Warlord of the Seas.

-o-

"Goldenweek. Do you have a second?"

The woman in question glanced up from her paint mixing to see the top of Merry's head. Shifting down revealed the whole of the ship-girl, and the odd mix of disgust, annoyance, and 'how the hell do I word this' on her face.

The ex-assassin took a second to gauge her interest in whatever nonsense the Straw Hat was about to pull her into before sighing in defeat. 'Well, at least this will be interesting…' she silently groaned, putting down her stirrer before turning to fully face the shipgirl. "I have a few minutes, what do you need?"

Merry glanced at the slightly larger Cannibal coasting alongside the Thousand Sunny, grimaced, and then said, "I know you can change people's minds with your paints, and I need you to do that for me now. Specifically, I need you to give the Cannibal an…" She let out a tortured groan and clawed her hand down her face. "Attitude adjustment. Regarding Big Bro Sunny."

Goldenweek stared at the shipgirl some more, took a second to close her eyes, take a deep calming breath, pray to Apollo that this was just a fume-dream… aaaand no such luck, damn. "An… attitude adjustment." Merry nodded. "For a ship."

"Look, who's the literal ship whisperer here?" Merry replied, teeth grinding ever so slightly as she pointed to herself. "Yeah, me. So when I say that whatever part of Cannibal that makes her want to, ah…" The girl's expression screwed up in projectile-vomit levels of disgust. "Practice docking with Sunny for hours on end needs to be lobotomized, I mean it."

From the somewhat crazed look in Merry's eyes, she meant every word she'd just said, no matter how much she despised it, and really, it wasn't the weirdest thing she'd had to deal with since meeting the Straw Hats and then joining Barto's crew. Certainly in the top ten, though.

Her conviction, though, was shaken when she took a look at the Cannibal and made a quick calculation for how much paint an 'attitude adjustment' would probably take. Not to mention the work…

"Is this really necessary?" she asked wearily, dreading the answer even as she spoke the words.

Merry's eye twitched viciously, a broken smile creeping onto her face. "Well, I'd get a restraining order if I could, but I don't think the courts would rule in either of our favors if we showed up asking for one," Merry responded in deadpan. "Yes, this is really necessary."

The painter sighed, pinching her nose to try and stave off the budding migraine. She then held out her hand. "If I do this, you owe me whatever I use up, plus interest when we get to Sabaody."

"I'll buy you an auction house-worth of art when we get there if that's what it takes, just spay your damn tub!" Merry hastily agreed, shaking the other girl's hand.

"I'll hold you to that," Goldenweek said, turning her flat gaze on her crew's galleon. "Now, let's see… what design should I go with for this?"

"Oh thank Triton…" Merry sagged as she let the tension flow out of her. "So, how long do you think this will take?"

Goldenweek cocked an eyebrow at her. "I'm a hired artist. That means that this will take as long as it takes."

Aaaand the tension was back as a cold feeling crept down Merry's spine. "…meaning?"

The ex-assassin cocked her head to the side just so as she turned to fully face the shipgirl. "Meaning that if you want to accelerate the time table on this project, it'll cost you extra."

The cold feeling evolved into a sickly pallor. "I should have gotten Vivi to help me deal with you," Merry gurgled mournfully.

Goldenweek shrugged dismissively and started sketching in her notebook. "In all fairness, it sounds like the Princess has interfered with this quite a bit already."

Out the corner of her eye, the painter noticed something amazing. Goldenweek knew, academically, that people's faces could turn different colors based on their emotions, but this was the first time she'd seen a person flip through so many at once. The shade of scarlet she settled upon at the end was particularly striking, she'd have to see about replicating it down the li—

"MILLE MILLIONS DE MILLE MILLIARDS DE MILLES SABORDS!"

Goldenweek flinched as Merry suddenly erupted in a fit of cursing, rolling her eyes and digging a finger into her ear. "And that's Cross," she groused to herself.

That comment caused Merry's blue streak to darken considerably, which in turn caused Goldenweek to quirk up the tiniest of smiles.

Yes, this job was annoying, aggravating, life-threatening, and utter hell on her painting…

But damn it all if it wasn't the most enjoyable gig she'd had in a long time.

-o-

"No way you can do this," I said, arms crossed in an X. "No. Way. You are a crazy bastard without many limits, this I know, but even you still have some."

"Watch and learn, Cross," Luffy said with uncharacteristic smugness, his own arms crossed and his chest puffed out. Then he banged his silverware on the small table on deck and destroyed any semblance of decorum he'd erected. "Hey, Sanji, hurry it up!"

"Dammit, Luffy!" Sanji barked as he backed out of the Cannibal's kitchen holding a covered platter. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: you can't rush good meat! Especially not when you're dealing with substandard working conditions, damn bunch of hapless…" The last line was grumbled under his breath and accompanied by a disgusted look behind him.

Oh, chance! "By the way, pop trivia, Sanji: did you know that Valentine is most likely the cook for the Barto Club?" I inquired 'innocently'.

"She is!" one of the watching pirates around us confirmed.

Sanji stopped moving, his visible eye wide and his teeth grinding against each other more. Amusingly, it took him a few seconds to get his legs working. "Shut up, Cross," he grumbled, which was really begging for a response.

"Nice comeback, swirly," I smirked.

"INTELLIGENT, witty, sophisticated," Soundbite concurred in much the same tone(s).

I sighed in contentment as Sanji bounced a light kick off my skull. It was good to be home! Well, on a ship sailing alongside our home, but close enough.

The sound of Sanji slamming the tray down drew me out of my thoughts. "Alright, captain…" He withdrew the cover with a flourish, unveiling a quartet of completely identical slices of meat. "One Meatlover's Mystery Platter, exactly as you requested…" He glanced aside and hid a cough behind his fist. "Down to the stupid name."

"Yum!" Stars shone in Luffy's eyes as he clashed his silverware together. "This is gonna be good! Watch and learn, Cross!"

"Just a sec, Captain," I requested before loosing a whistle at the crowd of Barto-mooks assembled around us. "Alright, boys! Last call! Betting is now closing!" Hands shot out with the bills, and I nodded gratefully. "Thank ye, thank ye-"

"Hey, weren't you just calling your captain crazy?" one of said mooks in the back called out.

I shrugged dismissively. "Hey, just because he's nuts doesn't mean I'm ever gonna bet against him." I flashed out a cocky smirk as I shoved the money in my jacket. "Just means I'll pocket the money of all you idiots who do. Betting closed, get started Luffy!" I ordered before anyone could protest.

Then I blinked, because the meat was gone and Luffy had just swallowed. I took a second to process that before slapping my forehead. "Right, what the hell else was I expecting…" I peeked through my fingers at my uncharacteristically (almost unnaturally, really, I was truly tempted to check for Bentham) thoughtful captain. "Sooo…?"

Luffy held his finger up in an ironic demand for patience, head tilted in deep thought. "Just gimme a sec…" Finally, he slammed his palms on the table and nodded. "Alright! So that's guinea pig roasted with peppers, crocodile marinated in lemon, sassafras, and garlic, hickory-smoked alligator tail, and grilled rattlesnake with salt! Right?"

Sanji tsk'd, lighting a fresh cigarette. "Captain, you're a gluttonous, no-brain foodhole…" Suddenly, the cancer stick ashed all at once, and Sanji heaved out a cloud of smoke the size of his head. "But damn it all, you're right."

"Yes!" I crowed victoriously as the hapless mooks around us all groaned in despair - and then switched to boggling at my captain in shock. "And how the hell?"

Luffy's only response was an oblivious grin as he scratched a finger under his nose. "Shishishi! I 'unno! I just noticed that I could pick out how it all tasted and thought it was cool! Oh, hey!" He perked up and pounded his fist in his palm in that special way that guaranteed a headache. "Maybe it was that IQ stuff on Merveille! It could have made my tongue get way stronger and stuff, right?" Luffy nodded with total confidence. "Yeah, that's gotta be it."

Soundbite leaned in slightly, his eyestalk cocked. "SHOOOOULD WE TELL HIM that's not how EVOLUTION WORKS?" he queried.

"Best we not," I muttered back. "If we tell him it's wrong, chances are it could stop working, and that'd just make him sad." I frowned in concern. "But still, I hope there aren't actually any adverse side-effects from—!"

"ANYWAY!" Luffy suddenly belted out, throwing up his fists. "That was barely an appetizer! Sanji! Get me more!"

Sanji's brow twitched slightly as he plastered a stiff grin on his face. "What's the magic word, cap-?"

"More~ more~ moooore~!" Luffy started singing to a beat of banged silverware, grin never leaving his face.

"WILL YOU CRAM IT, MORON!"

WHAM!

His head, on the other hand, went on an all-expenses-paid vacation away from the rest of his body as Sanji kicked it a good half-mile off the port side off the ship.

"—Yeah, no, he's completely fine."

"Idiot…" Sanji muttered to himself, shaking his head, before snapping a glare at the nearby mooks, who all flinched back in terror. "Well?! The hell are you waiting for, idiots? He said he wanted more, so go and get him more! I left fifty more plates in the kitchen, and if the first one's not out here by the time he's back, so help me!"

Apparently Gin had the Club's men trained well, because they did not need to be told twice, and by the time Luffy's still-grinning head snapped back into place, the first crewmate was running out of the kitchen, a double-wide platter of… something's ribs. I'll be honest, we murdered a lot of animals on our way out of Merveille, and the majority of the carcasses we hauled back to our ships were not intact.