3/6

"That makes sense," I said slowly, nodding. I plastered a grin on my face, and I clapped my hands together. "So! Since it seems you're both stuck here, too, do either of you know any way to get out of here? We've got some time-sensitive stuff to take care of."

Fedora snorted. "Time-sensitive. Here. Please, tell another one." Her words were accompanied by amused chattering from an overgrown lizard—with wings—scrambling around her ankles. Right, dragons are a thing around here. I mentally raised her threat level a notch.

"Heheh, that's a nice one, Soundbite, rewind his last sentence," Blondie transitioned from laughing to dead serious in a second as he suddenly pointed at me.

There was a brief rewinding noise from the snail before it started to speak in my voice. Okay, seriously, I knew this guy. I swear, it's on the tip of my tongue… "We've got some time-sensitive stuff to take care of."

Blondie tensed up and started to clench and unclench his fists. "You heard what I heard, right?" he asked his companion tersely.

"Yep." Fedora turned to scowl at me. "Tabarnak… I like a good fight as much as the next crazy person, but not when I'm carrying precious cargo."

"Walk 'em out OR ELSE I GET THEM CHUCKIN' EVERYTHING THEY'VE eaten in the last week!" the Den-Den Mushi snarled grimly. "And for the record? I'm not fuckin' exaggerating."

I resisted the urge to sigh. Man, I suck at negotiating. But then, I already knew that. Call in Koichi for diplomacy, call me if you want someone dead. Hell, even Jotaro's better at negotiating than me, and he has all the emotive capacity of a brick wall!

Anyway, I could probably take them, but I'd rather not kill our only ticket out of here, or piss off the companions they inevitably had. And I still didn't remember who Blondie was despite that nagging recognition. I hate it when that happens!

"Woah, okay, let's not go crazy here," I said, raising my hands in placation. "I don't want to fight, and I wasn't planning on ambushing you guys."

Yet.

"But if it'll make you all feel better… Hey, Robin!"

"Yeah?" Robin called down from the ship above, both Blondie and Fedora exchanging glances, likely at the youth of her voice.

"Come on down, they want to meet you!"

"Aye-aye!"

There was a moment of silence, and then a mast crashed down to the deck several yards away from us, shattering into chunks of rotten wood. Then the wood crumbled into ash, swirling into a vaguely mast-shaped mass, which promptly snapped together into a pristine new mast. Robin skipped down a few seconds later, a happy grin on her face.

"Hi, my name's Robin Fung!" she said in greeting, waving her hand. Behind her, the mast collapsed back into shattered, rotten wood. "Weird name, huh? Blame this guy." That last was accompanied by a thumb jabbed my way.

Fedora's scowl morphed into what could only be called a puzzled glare, her mouth falling open with a hiss. "Son of a—!"

Blondie's reaction, however, was leagues more extreme… and rather amusing, too. Seriously, I didn't even know jaws could go so low, or that a person could survive without a drop of blood in his face.

"R-Robin?" he choked out incredulously.

Aaaaand just like that this wasn't funny anymore. I could see Robin's eyes widening slightly in my peripheral vision, though it was more out of surprise than fear. "Uh… have we met?" she asked.

"Or have you just seen the wanted poster that's been floating around these waters?" I added, barely keeping from snarling. The Catalyst, as it's wont to do when my emotions run high, sprang into view behind me, looming ominously.

Robin opened her mouth, presumably to ask about that, but I raised my hand and she closed it. I wanted to see how they reacted to my words. I tried to watch their eyes, but that was a bit difficult, because they were looking over my… aaaah, shit, the Mist was making my Stand visible, wasn't it?

"Did I pull an all-nighter without noticing it?" Fedora wondered aloud, reaching one hand under her glasses to rub her eyes. "Because I think I'm hallucinating a modernized version of Red Skull."

…Scratch that, they can fucking see it. What the hell?! Do these two have Observation Haki? Oh, that would be bad news if they did.

"You… have a Stand…" Blondie choked out. Then his expression turned downright sickly as he snapped his attention back to Robin. "Wait… Stands and—!? Oh, frack me, Bohemian Rhapsody!?"

"How do you know that name?!" I snapped almost before he'd finished speaking, the Catalyst flashing out to grab Blondie by the throat and slam him against the nearest hard surface; the deck-edge railing, in this case.

As he gurgled, my mind was awhirl. How did this guy know about Stands, let alone one as specific and short-lived as Bohemian Rhapsody? And—

Wait.

The blond hair. The armored arms and legs, the Den-Den Mushi. Someone who's read JoJo, in a world where that didn't exist.

"—Lee? Lee!"

I blinked, seeing Robin tugging at my arm, looking angry. Then I glanced out, seeing the person I finally recognized starting to turn an unhealthy shade of blue, and Fedora in a fighting stance looking ready to jump into the fray. At a command, the Catalyst released him, letting him drop to the deck, hacking and coughing and clutching a clearly bruised throat.

"Xomniac?"

-o-

"Gagh, I, wha—WHAT!?" I managed to bite out as I got my throat working again. "Sonnuva, how the hell do you know that name!?…wait…" I glanced skyward miserably. "Oh, come on, another self-insert? Dunno how the hell you jiggered things so that we don't suck back home, but I'm still serious about a crossover being a shit gimmick!"

The grizzly-looking mofo who'd just nearly ripped my spine out snorted at that, getting an exasperated sigh from tiny Robin (still trying not to freak out about that), and he took a deep breath, seeming to collect himself.

"I dunno, you didn't seem to think that when you dumped Priscilla and… what's his name, that ice dragon guy from… Dark Souls, was it? Anyway, when you dumped those two in Resuscitatio. And don't even get me started on Franken Fran."

"I WAS ON A SUCCESS HIGH, I ALREADY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I FUCKED UP!" I roared indignantly at the impudent son of a bitch. Damn it, how long was he going to hold that shitfest over my head, it'd been weeks since we'd even… talked about…

…wait a second.

"CV!?" I squawked, my eyes nearly popping out of my sockets.

Jones looked from me to CV and back again. "So… You know this guy? Do we have to fight him or not? I'm confused."

"You and me both," Robin muttered. "And just so you know, he could totally kick both your asses!"

"In the flesh," fucking CV12Hornet said. He then proceeded to poke Robin in the back of the head. "Also, Robin? Please don't write checks that I have to cash."

My brain stalled and jarred as I tried and failed to process just what the hell I was seeing. CV. CV12Hornet. An extremely skilled writer, my best editor. One of my best friends in the whole—WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SITTING!?

"DUDE!" I laughed elatedly, shooting to my feet and spreading my arms wide. I was promptly knocked off my feet by the man wrapping me up in a hug, strong arms squeezing the air out of me.

"You're alive, you crazy bastard!" CV crowed. "I told you going into a 'verse with superhuman baseline durability was a bad idea!"

"And you have a fucking Stand!" I laughed back as I rammed my hands down on his back. "You went into JoJo and you crawled out the other end in one fucking piece! Holy shit dude, you—!… you…" I trailed off slowly before leaning back to give my old pal a bemused look. "Yooou've pulled a Joseph. Eesh, dude."

"What are you—?" CV began, before scowling. "I'm forty-six, dammit! And I like to think I look good for my age!"

"SORRY TO TELL YOU, bub, but you look like you're pushing SIXTY!" Soundbite cackled.

"And I think you need to get your eyes checked, Squashy!" Robin interjected, adding a stomp on the deck for emphasis. "He doesn't look a day over forty-five!"

"Thanks…" CV grumbled.

"YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE, shortstack!?" Soundbite snapped his jaws menacingly.

"Oh, lordy…" I slapped a hand to my face with a groan. "I see where this is going… bah, while they're ripping each other's heads off—"

Beside us, Robin glared at Soundbite and drew herself to her full 5'5" height. "Yeah, I do! Your mother was a slug and your father was a hermit crab!"

"—wanna catch up?"

"Ohoh, you wanna dance? Bring it, cause I'm soooo scared of that knife in your face! OH WAIT, THAT'S YOUR NOSE!"

CV eyed the insult-fest between Soundbite and Robin for a second before shrugging and nodding. "Sure. D'you want to start, or…?"

"Dude, I've been on these seas for six months, you've been in JoJo for the majority of your life," I deadpanned. "Who the hell do you think has the more interesting story?"

"Still you," he replied with a smug grin. "I haven't been hanging around a protagonist the whole time. Just some of the time."

"…fair 'nuff!" I grinned cockily as I started fiddling with my gauntlets. "And if I'm going first, let me cut off any 'comparing scars' nonsense early, because nothing you've got can top what I've got."

"I seriously dooouoookay, nevermind…"

I revelled in the way my friend recoiled from my unbandaged arm, the vindictive joy pushing me through the sting of salt on my exposed nerves. "Yeaaaah, like a limb of molten mozzarella! Gooey and solid in all the wrong places! Touch it."

"How about no? The last time I saw burns that bad, it was on a corpse!"

"C'moooon, touch it!"

"Xom, get that thing away from me!"

"Touch it touch it touch it!"

"I will melt the rest of you from the lungs out, so help me God!"

-o-

I laughed as Cross started chasing his friend around the deck waving… not the most badly scarred hand I'd ever seen, since I used to work for a surgeon, but certainly up there. To be able to meet someone you knew in a place like this, so far from home… Although, this CV person seemed a lot older than I would've expected of someone Cross hung out with on Earth. Maybe he aged differently on his alternate timeline thingy? Oh, the joys of time-warp shenanigans.

Wait… Time-warp shenanigans—I'd come to One Piece about a year after Cross had, if not a little longer. The manga had progressed so much… Should I warn him about Sanji's family?…wait, warn—? Oh, holy hell, Ace. He still thought he was free and clear on that front, he had no idea about the shitstorm waiting for him! Screw it, I know I would've wanted him to warn me, if our situations had been reversed. The more information you had, the better it was for making plans. That was something I'd managed to learn from him.

Something flashed across my peripheral vision as I opened my mouth to speak. No one else noticed, still engaged in their banter. Suspicious, I turned to find whatever-it-was. Were we under attack? But no, all I saw was a ratty scrap of sail that had fallen from a nearby wreck. It had something written on it though. The dripping red text piqued my curiosity; I moved closer to read it.

Go ahead and tell him.

Halfway through reading the note, something flashed across my skin, and I was forced to lean over with a hiss when my forearms began to sting and burn. I almost dropped Bellemere in surprise. Twelve glowing lines of pain, almost as bad as when they'd been fresh. When I looked back, there was a sheet of impossibly sturdy paper lodged in the wood. One edge was lined in red; I was able to read three words before the pervasive moisture caused it to begin crumbling into pulp.

I dare you.

Tabarnak. This was that B.R.O.B. thing, wasn't it? Didn't want me messing with Cross' fate. …tch, fine, message received, you omni-everything fuck. Wasn't like it would matter anyways, because knowing Cross, he'd meet whatever challenges were coming head-on and grind them into the dirt. I paused at that thought. Huh. A lot more admiration there than I usually showed for anyone… except maybe Sensei. Hello, not-my-usual-writer.

Still, just in case… I freed one hand for a second to flip the sky off. "Merde! Fine, fine, have it your way. Just quit messing with the scars, my own writer does that enough already. And I may not be able to see you right now, but if I ever do find you… Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!"

Slamming my foot on the note-mush for good measure, I grit my teeth and forced back the pain. It slowly subsided as I clenched and unclenched my muscles. Deep breaths; force a smile so no one would suspect I'd seen anything unusual.

Even if she wasn't all that heavy, carrying Bellemere was starting to get tiring. I'd really appreciate getting to the ship so I could put her down and stretch out my shoulders; the muscles in my upper back were starting to seize up. Time to get people back on track. But how?

…Yes.

I crept up behind Cross while he was going after CV, my steps quiet on the worn wood. Not that I expected anyone except maybe Soundbite to hear me over the banter that was still in progress. Slipping one hand free, I reached for a famous and much-hated button, crazy grin growing across my face.

BWAAAAAAAAAH!

The noise hurt my ears something awful, but it was worth it. Everyone jumped, including me; I made sure my leap carried me away from Cross and any possible vengeance. Five pairs of eyes fixed on me; Ruatha let out a reproachful croon of pain.

"Sesehihihihihi! Oh, that was fun. I can't believe I actually got the chance to do it!"

-o-

I recovered first from the incredible noise of the foghorn; the one benefit of being around so many explosions in my twenty-four years in Jojo. "Dang, that's loud," I groused, rubbing my ears. "You okay, Robin?"

"My eaaaars…" she groaned from where she was curled up on the deck. "Gimme a few minutes for the world to stop ringing…"

I nodded, and turned back towards Fedora, who was looking quite pleased with herself. "Soooo. I don't think we were ever introduced and I suppose blowing our eardrums is as good an introduction as any." I held my hand out towards her. "Lee Fung, better known as CV12Hornet in online circles."

She stared at my hand for a moment before awkwardly freeing one of her own to shake it. "Jones. Also an SI, although I don't know what name my writer uses. So… What was that Red Skull thing that grew up behind you earlier? Or was I actually hallucinating again?"

Again? "Don't worry, you're not hallucinating," I explained once we broke the handshake. "This is my Stand, The Catalyst." Said Stand popped into view behind me as I mulled over how to explain this. "Think of it as… a manifested fighting spirit that gives you superpowers. I'm honestly surprised you can see it."

"So, sort of a cross between Haki and a Patronus? Cool." Jones shrugged at my latter words. "Afraid I can't help with the seeing thing, if people normally can't. Between the glasses and the crazy, it's hard for me to tell. Now, since you reacted so well to it, I hope you don't mind me using you as a human shield if anyone else was pissed off by the foghorn. Like I said, I don't like fighting with precious cargo." So saying, she ducked around to put me between her and the rest of the group.

On the plus side, while Robin was rubbing her ears and glaring at Jones, it seemed to be mostly annoyance. Xomniac and Soundbite, on the other hand, looked actually angry.

"And for the record, now that I have a human shield?" she spoke up from behind me. "I see why you guys like doing that!"

"WE KNOW!" Xomniac and Soundbite hollered irritably.

"Sesehihihihihi!"

"Ugh… alright, moving on," Xom groaned. "You know the story as well as I do… uh, would you prefer CV or Lee?"

I let a grin spread across my face. "Yes."

"…Right." He slapped his hand to his face with a sigh before splitting his fingers and… glancing at Robin? "So. Child Robin. Considering the setting you walked out of, I take it that my guess about Bohemian Rhapsody was right?"

I opened my mouth to respond—

"That's right!"

And then Robin cut in, grabbing my arm and grinning sunnily.

"He tried to save me from the ice guy but kept getting frozen and then this weird arrowhead cut me, and it really hurt, but it gave me a Stand." And here Pompeii - a humanoid, vaguely female figure in grey plaster and jagged black volcanic rock, Roman numerals making a clock over its chest - sprang to life and gave a wave. "So I could keep him alive and then he went and kicked the bad guy's a—butt, and then because I had a Stand I was able to stay and not go back into that comic book for weird reasons I don't get and Lee adopted me and it was awesome!"

"What she said," I interjected in the silence that followed before glancing back at Jones. "Also, maybe I should carry Bellemere from now on."

My suggestion earned a scowl, of all things. Despite looking like she could use a break, Jones was glaring like I'd just threatened to kill her dragon. "No. No, I'm good."

Well, alright then. Let her suffer in silence. Arguing with that kind of stubbornness generally got you a boot to the head. At best. "Suit yourself."

Meanwhile…

"Riiiight…" Cross stared at Robin for a second longer before affixing me with a flat glare. "For the record? If my Robin pulls a Joestar and gets a Stand by extension or association or what the hell ever and starts shifting art-styles, I blame you."

"Duly noted," I blandly stated. "Anyway, now that the exposition's out of the way, I hope one of your ships is around so we can sit down and hash out how the hell we're going to get out of here."

"Sunny's over… thattaway," Cross jerked his thumb in the direction his snail indicated. "We're planning on regrouping there so that Chopper… actually, now that I think about it, do I need to clarify him as 'my' Chopper?" he glanced at Jones in askance.

"Nah, I think you're good." She shook her head. "I doubt we'll need to deal with those kinds of hijinks…" Her expression fell flat. "And it's not like your Chopper could be confused with mine by any sane person anyways."

"Uh…?" Robin slowly raised her hand curiously. "If they're the same person, why not?"

"It MIGHT have something to do with the fact that one is NUTTIER THAN A SQUIRREL AND strapped with EXPLOSIVES," Soundbite responded flatly.

"…Withdrawn," Robin muttered, Pompeii shimmering briefly into existence and rubbing its neck nervously behind her.

"Shall we?" I interjected, indicating the direction Cross had pointed.

"Allons-y!" the relatively native pirate proclaimed as he forged on energetically.

~o~

"Ah, mi casa at last!" I laughed in relief, swinging my arms out wide as the beautiful, tri-masted form of my home and steed came into sight through the mists. "It's not su casa, but he'll take you in all the same. Nice, eh?"

Lee didn't say anything for a long moment in favor of staring with furrowed brows at the ship. "…Wasn't the Thousand Sunny supposed to be a brig sloop?" he asked at last.

"That was with a ฿200 million budget. Thanks to me, we had ฿500 million, and a ship-whisperer involved in the construction process." I couldn't help but shoot a cocky grin over my shoulder at Jones. "Top that, rookie."

"That implies a situation where we need Sunny in the first place, asshat," Jones deadpanned.

"…also implies you make it to Water 7 period?" I offered sheepishly.

"As if we won't," Jones rolled her eyes before shifting Bellemere about with a grunt. "Look, quit rubbing your superior experience in my face and help me figure this out; I don't have enough hands to climb while holding a person." Her words were accompanied by what I was pretty sure was the dragon equivalent of a raspberry from Ruatha.

"Right, I thought the Wikipedia page for barques looked familiar…" Lee muttered, ignoring the exchange as he kept looking over Sunny. "Oh, and speaking of hands? Robin just climbed up the side while you two were arguing."

"Wait, what!?" I snapped my attention to him in shock. "Why didn't you—!?"

"Brace," Soundbite droned flatly.

I hastily snapped my headphones over my ears…

"EEEEEEE!"

Just in time to dodge the supersonic shriek that came within milliseconds of rending my eardrums. Prepubescent girls: an aspect of modern life I so did not miss.

Others, however…

"Dick…" Jones ground out as she got a hand free and dug a finger through her ear.

"Yeah, she's got a fantastic set of pipes, doesn't she?" Lee said, a smug grin on his face telling just how much experience he had with this. "Oh, and to answer your question, Xom, I didn't say anything because I try to be fairly hands-off as a parent. Oh, and because I thought it'd be funny."

"HE'S AS BAD AS YOU, PARTNER!" Soundbite cackled.

"And as confusing to boot."

"GRK!" I went ramrod stiff as a specific voice spoke up behind me, and I slowly turned a twitching grin up to the Sunny's railing. "H-Heya, Robin. IIII'm guessing you have a few questions."

"I'll save the ones for your… friend for a later time," she cast a pointed glance at Lee for a moment before refocusing on me. "Currently, however?" She hefted… an arm up, exposing the fact that her mini-me had latched onto her like a lamprey and was staring at her with particularly twinkly eyes. "I'd very much like an explanation for this."

"Lee, you were right!" Younger Robin giggled ecstatically as she rubbed her cheek against… well, her own arm. "I'm gonna be sooo hooot when I grow up!"

"Told you that brat Mikaela was just jealous!" Lee shot her a thumbs-up.

"Ergh…" I dragged a hand down my face with a groan before jerking my thumb at Jones and her… baggage. "Look, I'll explain things soon enough. For now, mind if I start by trying to explain that to the crew?"

Robin hummed noncommittally for a moment before shrugging and conjuring a makeshift ladder of limbs on Sunny's side. "Pass her here. Best you come on first though, so that you can help me lift her up."

"On it," I saluted, hastily clambering up her limbs and waving down at Jones once I was on deck. "Alright, pass 'er up!"

"Finally." There was a relieved sigh as Jones heaved Bellemere up high enough that Robin could grab her and start passing her up. "Merde… I'm gonna be so stiff tonight. Make sure you watch her head, eh? And get her to Chopper ASAP."

"Yeah, yeah, I got her," I nodded absentmindedly, keeping my head on a swivel even as I hooked my arms under Bellemere's arms. "Now let's hurry up and do this before Nami sees—!"

"Before Nami sees what exactly?"

A loud smack echoed from down on the shore where Lee still was.

"GRK!" I barely kept from fumbling the Marine as I shot a panicked glance over my shoulder at Nami and Vivi, who'd somehow managed to walk up behind me without anyone warning me. I spared snarls at a far too satisfied Soundbite and Robin (the older one I mean, damn this was going to be confusing…) before smiling tersely at the two. "N-Nami! Good timing, great timing really! I-I-I was just going to go and get you! I, ah, j-j-just discovered something in the Mists you'll want to know about!"

"Yeah, funny story about that…" Vivi cocked her eyebrow at me. "See, we found something pretty incredible too."

And with that she stepped aside to reveal… an older woman who looked just like oh bloody hell!

"QUEEN TITI, MA'AM!" I yelped, hastily spinning around to snap her a saluuuuoooh shit.

THUNK!

I flinched as the meaty thump of flesh and bone striking flesh and bone rang out. "I can explain that."

"GAH! TABARNAK, YOU DROPPED HER RIGHT ON MY HEAD, YOU ASS!"

"I can explain that too."

I tried not to flinch as our navigator leaned to the side to look past me, where Bellemere was sprawled out on the deck in front of a sour-looking Jones, who wasn't rubbing the top of her head only because Ruatha was licking the spot.

"Cross," Nami asked dryly, her eyes slowly narrowing. "Would you care to explain to me why my once-dead-mother is lying down there and why she looks like she got kicked in the face?"

"Er…" I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably as I tried to look anywhere but at her. "Beeecause someone kicked her in the face?"

"I thought you described your friend as 'eloquent'?" the un-deceased queen of Alabasta asked her daughter with honest curiosity.

"Eh," Vivi waved her hand. "It comes and goes with the tides."

"Bite me," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, slapping my resident pest's shell before he could get any bright ideas.

"Would it be too crass to make a concussion joke?" Lee chose that exact time to very helpfully cut in as he climbed up the side. "Because this is, what, the third time she's gotten knocked on the head today?"

"Only the second, you bastard!" I called down acridly, before flinching as Nami's fingers dug furrows into the railing. "Aaaaand that is so not helping my case, is it?"

"No. No, it's not." Hands appeared on the rail as Jones heaved herself up. Ruatha came up separately, and a little ways away- dragon must have good instincts for avoiding trouble. Jones sighed. "Anyways, look… Nami, my name is Jones. I know you might not know me, but I just want you to hear me out: Cross might be an idiot—!"

"Oi!"

"—But to be fair, this time this mess isn't entirely his fault."

"OI!"

Jones shot a glare at me before looking at Nami regretfully. "As I was saying… yes, some of it was me, and I'm really sorry about hurting your mother. Feel free to exact your pounds of flesh as needed, just don't hurt us too bad; can't have Soundbite and Ruatha becoming orphans now, can we?"

For the longest time, Nami just stood in place, spinning her Clima-Tact, at her side. Finally, she thunked it in place at her side and heaved a sigh. "I'm… actually not going to hurt you two."

It was like some great divinity had chosen to smile upon us, my heart felt so light. "Really?" I breathed euphorically, tears of hope glistening in my eyes.

"You're serious!?" Jones asked in shock.

"Entirely," Nami nodded solemnly, gesturing at her ear. "See, after a recent incident? I have a bit of a hard time working up as much temper as I could before. I'm not exactly happy about this situation, by no stretch of the imagination, but I'm certainly not going to fly off the handle and maul the both of you. So yeah, you don't need to worry about me."

I was sitting on Cloud 9, but apparently, Jones was a bit more distrustful, if the sheen of sweat on her brow was anything to go by. "And… why doesn't that reassure me? At all?"

"Oh, that's an easy one," Nami's suddenly demonic smile killed my joy cold, and the way she snapped the Eisen-section off her staff and started tossing it up and down in her palm didn't help either. "See, without my temper, I can't really get riled up enough to do shit to you."

Without warning, Nami tossed the tube of metal to the side, and I traced its flight through the air - before locking up in terror as a positively irate Nami snatched it out of the air.

"That's why she's here," my Nami smirked as she walked over to her alternate, carrying Bellemere on her back as she walked around the stormfront that was rapidly expanding behind her double. "I'd wish you good luck… buuut honestly I really hope that this hurts."

"You." The alt-Nami hissed murderously, a downright deadly look in her eyes as the clouds around her roiled and snapped grimly. "Concussed. My mother."

-o-

White nibbled at the edges of my vision; I felt like I was about to faint. "Parlay?" I offered weakly- not that I really expected anything to come of it. And surprise, surprise, nothing did, unless you count my Nami - my normal, un-altered, still rage-filled Nami - turning her terrifying gaze on me.

"You. Concussed. My. Mother," she hissed.

And then… the air exploded.

"YOU IDIOTS!"

A wave of solid cloud slammed into me and Cross before we could say shit, taking us clean off our feet and pinning us to the galley wall with bruising force.

My first reaction? Ow. My second reaction? Owwwww. Tabarnak, clouds were not supposed to be this hard. Funny how that was the first thing to go through my head, instead of something like 'oh crap, the Namis have met,' or 'don't cross the streams.' Although it was probably a little late for the latter. I gasped, trying to get my wind back, but apparently Cross got there first.

"N-Nami!" he wheezed frantically, struggling against his binds. "I-I know you're pissed at us, but if you'll just let me explain-!"

"Gag him," the This Bites! Nami instructed mine coolly as she examined her fingernails.

"—MMPH!?" Cross let out a muffled howl as a tendril of iron cloud clamped down over his mouth.

This Bites! Vivi—ah, screw it, I'm not doing that forever—TB!Vivi whistled in awe. "Wow, that was actually impressive."

Titi tilted her head towards her daughter, her attention never leaving our pinned forms. "Yes, this is quite the impressive display of how unique the Grand Line can be, isn't it?"

"Hm?" TB!Vivi blinked at her mother in confusion before 'ah'ing in understanding. "Oh, no, not that, our Nami has those clouds out 24/7, they're practically her own personal aura. I was talking about her gagging Cross. Smartest thing anyone's ever done in a fight against him by far."

"MMPH MU!" Cross let out a smothered roar at her.

"Language!" Lee laughed up at him.

"MMH MPH!" The anarchy-raiser snapped his glare to his old friend, who only reacted with a smile and wave.

My Nami shot a glance at TB!Nami. "Should I do something about the snail too? Or is it just there for decoration?"

TB!Nami—man, this was confusing—thought for a moment, then waved her off. "Nah, it's fine. Not like it would stick anyways, and without the puppetmaster he's mostly harmless."

"OI!" Soundbite roared indignantly.

"Oh, so you're saying that you know how to break someone's spirit with just a few words?" TB!Nami questioned flatly.

"I—!" Soundbite started to bark before glancing to the side uncertainly. "Alright fine, emotional torture is and always will be CROSS'S FORTE." He then perked up eagerly. "On the other hand, PHYSICAL TORTURE OF THE AUDIAL VARIETY IS MY FORTISSISSIMO!"

"Nice pun," Lee remarked.

"MRPH!" Cross flailed furiously.

"ENOUGH."

All conversation stopped as my Nami's voice lashed out over the deck.