3/4

Merry kept her smile in place even as she mentally pinned a note to tell Cross to haul the hell back on his heckling of the Lieutenant, lest he earn himself a semi-justified shanking when next the two met in person.

"Woo, I-I'm actually feeling quite good right now," Tashigi breathed euphorically. "Alright, what else were we gonna talk about?"

"Uh… general status update, ma'am?" Fullbody asked, a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth.

"Ah, right, right!" Tashigi nodded confidently. "Cottonmouth, do you want to get a pen and paper or…?"

"Nah, 'sfine," Merry waved her off. "Robin's memory supersedes Vivi's, my mind's a steel trap."

"Right, well, it's all basic stuff anyway. First off, Ox and Goat have both deployed men and supplies to Skelter Bite; Ox's have already landed thanks to their proximity and are greatly contributing to construction efforts as we speak, go giants, and we've made sure that Goat's men are aware of Marine patrol routes on the way, so weather permitting they should arrive within the next three weeks," Tashigi summarized. "According to Rabbit, Skelter Bite will be open for business in a little over a month. Nowhere near the peak it'll reach in a few years, but they'll certainly be able to accept patrons."

"Sounds great!" Merry chirped happily. "Maybe we'll even be able to visit before we hit up Sabaody! What else?"

"Next on the agenda… word from Navarone," the lieutenant continued. "Their first batch of recruits just shipped out for assignment. The majority will be bolstering bases up and down Paradise, no surprise there, but we did get lucky. Two dozen or so, all loyal to us, have been split between the West and South Blues. They'll work on getting us footholds in the Blues. It'll be awhile before we have anything as major as an actual base turned to us, but it's still a start."

"This all sounds great!" Merry pumped her fist victoriously… before hesitantly lowering it as she caught sight of the dark look on Brain's face. "Or… not?"

"No, no, that news is great, but the news that's coming up is notably less so," Tashigi sighed grimly.

"There have been rumors coming down from Marineford," Fullbody pitched in. "Bege's raid on Fort Lumose hamstrung our budget, to be certain, but apparently the higher ups are still finding funding from somewhere because they're amassing the money for an undertaking whose true form we can only guess at but whose bones are… already uncomfortable in nature."

"Have you ever heard of 'privateers', Merry?" Tashigi asked.

Merry's expression devolved into an offended scowl. "The proper name for those salty bastards would be 'low-priced scum who dip their flags in tar', thank you very much," she stated in a voice that would have given a yeti frostbite.

"You pirates never cease to amaze with how much pride you take in being criminals," Tashigi sighed, though her true feelings were clear in her light smile. But she was quick to sober up. "Anyway. The reason I bring them up is that from what I hear, funds are being pooled to hire them. Now, mind you, the Marines have hired privateers in the past, to help bolster security in particularly rough waters, but this…" She shook her head uncertainly. "I've never heard of the numbers that are being tossed around, and certainly never from Headquarters. We'll get back to you when we have something more concrete, but for now—"

"Enemy movement on the horizon, most likely something Cross isn't aware of, got it," Merry confirmed. "I'll pass it along ASAP."

"Well, that's everything really important on our end, what about you?" Fullbody asked. "Anything on the Straw Hats' mobile stormfront that we should be aware of?"

Merry opened her mouth to reply—

SMASH!

—and only just managed to dodge biting her tongue off when the ship was suddenly rocked by a massive impact, followed swiftly by the sounds of a small-scale war erupting out on deck. The only reason she didn't go on full alert and instead skipped straight to exasperation was that amidst the sounds of battle she could hear the usual insults between the two usual suspects being bandied about, punctuated by the snide commentary of their new arrival.

"Well, I was going to say that it's been business as usual lately, but it looks like Perona just decided to incite a riot or something. Other than that, no, nothing critical."

Brain's mouth opened with a look of panic, but it just as swiftly clamped shut as though someone had slapped a hand over his mouth, and his expression swapped to Tashigi's deadpan. "Low-hanging fruit, Merry, and I'm not rising to it. Just make sure she's either out of the way when you dump her or decent if she stays, got it?"

"Aye-aye, mon ami!" Merry saluted in a chipper tone. "Cottonmouth, over and out!"

"Pisces, same. KA-LICK!" And with that, Brain gave her a final condescending glare before retreating into his shell with a defiant snore.

The ship-girl fondly rolled her eyes at the snail's grating personality before spinning on her heel and grinning eagerly as she rammed her fist into her palm.

And really, who could blame her for being enthusiastic?

It was time for her to bear witness to whatever new insanity her crew had fallen into! An endeavor she charged into with open glee.

-o-

Robin watched the ongoing brawl between the crew's usual suspects with scarcely-hidden glee and amusement, her amusement especially intensified due to the addition of an unusual but not unwelcome element in the fight.

It was almost admirable, honestly: every other day, barring exceptional circumstances, Zoro and Sanji fell into brawls like clockwork, and every other day they somehow always managed to keep their clashes as fresh as the first time she saw it. Truly, there was an art to it.

Why, even their banter still managed to remain current and engaging for all those observing!

"What the hell were you thinking, you two-bit fry cook!? Tossing out my weights!? I'm gonna peel the flesh cleaner off your bones than you could ever hope!" Zoro roared.

"Go ahead and try, your slices are gonna be as rough and shoddy as they ever are!" Sanji scoffed with forced casualness. "And you should be thanking me! Not only is it an honor for a seaweed-wrapped gorilla like yourself to give up your room for a cute and charming princess, but you needed to up your game anyways! You call these things weights? More like—!" Sanji hopped back, hefted a gong-sized ring of metal on his foot and flung it at the first mate. "Paperweights!"

Zoro ducked the impromptu discus with an infuriated snort. "If even one of these goes overboard, I'll replace it with your corpse, you bastard!"

"Hey!"

That exclamation originated from the aforementioned 'unusual element', prompting Robin to switch over to where Mikey and Leo were dueling, Mikey having only just managed to dodge the ballistic weight.

"Watch it, I'm on your side!" Mikey protested, finishing a good octave higher as he caught one of Leo's sabres in the chains of his nunchucks.

"Why are you helping him anyways?" Leo questioned, entirely casual as he pressed down with enough strength to make his fellow disciple strain. "Pick up an interest in cooking or something?"

"Not by choice!" Mikey sobbed as he shoved the blade back and retaliated with a wide sweep of his clubs. "Bastard said that if he didn't find a sous chef, he'd cut down on how many mouths he had to feed and pick up some spare ingredients at the same time!"

Zoro paused in his slashes to grace first Mikey, and then Sanji with a flat look. "You really scraped the bottom of the barrel for a protégé," he dryly stated.

"Not a lot of options to work with, and in his defense, I wasn't completely joking," Sanji grumbled.

"I can't tell either way, so like hell am I taking any chances! So do me a favor and lay down and die before I get turned into lunch!" Mikey howled as he renewed his onslaught.

Robin's gaze slid away again, this time to the last bit of entertainment: Raphey blocking an onslaught of punches from Boss, a look of intense concentration on her face much akin to Nami writing a map or Chopper with a medical mystery or Luffy trying to think at all.

"You sure I can't take a break to watch this?" she grunted, the question costing her a half inch of ground.

"You're the one who wanted to practice counters," Boss replied, his own concentration failing to waver. "If you want, we can do the Nori Arts training you also requested instead."

"On second thought, I love practicing counters!" Raphey hastily backpedalled. "In fact, I—yow!"

That last exclamation was due to one of Boss' punches finally slipping through and clocking the female dugong right on the snout. She flopped backward, clutching the injured body part as she let out a string of expletives, while Boss frowned in thought.

"Hmm, this isn't working as well as I thought," he mused to himself. "Take ten, Raphey. I'll try and think of a better training method."

"Yay…" the female martial artist bemoaned as she let herself go limp.

Robin chuckled at the exchange, reveling in the fact that she didn't have to hide her amusement anymore. Honestly, the only thing better than being free to laugh free—

"What's the context for this tête-à-tête, my dear devious… damn, can't think of a good D-word."

Robin's smile widened eagerly. Indeed, the only thing better than laughing free was laughing with friends. Case in point, she turned her smile on the white-haired friend that had strolled up next to her. "Damsel, perhaps?"

Merry snorted derisively, her smirk not shifting an inch. "Not on your damned life." She then shifted her attention back to her clashing crewmates. "And you haven't actually answered my question."

Robin chuckled as she returned her attention to the main attraction, observing with keen interest as Sanji actually managed to backflip off of the flat of Zoro's new blade. "On the surface, it's quite simple really: Sanji and his shanghaied sous chef emptied the crow's nest of all of Zoro's training equipment, and our first mate… took offense, if you will. Most likely because he and his living training dummy—"

"I RESENT THAT!" Leo roared as he shot by, in hot pursuit of a fleeing Mikey.

"—were ejected in the same movement."

Merry blinked in surprise before tilting her head in a confused motion. "That's… new. Usually they butt heads when they cross paths, they don't actually antagonize the other. Why would Sanji go out of his way to provoke him?"

That got a frown out of the archaeologist, the circumstances of the situation serving to sober her up. "Because he himself was provoked."

Merry looked up at her in shock. "By who?"

Robin opened her mouth to answer—

"Well, I would say me, but I resent the wording. 'Provoke' is such an uncute way of putting it."

—and instead closed it just as fast as her answer floated by.

Merry huffed and frowned up at Perona. "Shoulda guessed… well, how would you put it, then?"

Perona smiled beatifically as she ever so casually flipped onto her back. "Why, I just asked that gallant knight in shining armor if he'd be so nice as to clear the ugly troll's junk out of his cave so that I could have a room all to myself!" She folded her fingers under her chin as she tilted her head to the side. "Is that so wrong?"

"I'M GONNA MAKE YOU INTO A REAL GHOST, YOU LITTLE—!" That was as much as Zoro managed to get out before Sanji shut him up with a boot sole that had to be blocked.

"I'LL BE DONE WITH THIS MOSS-RIDDEN MENACE SOON ENOUGH, MY PULCHRITUDINOUS POLTERGEIST PRINCESS!" Sanji whooped as he erupted into a full blown amorous inferno.

Robin cocked her eyebrow at the moniker, glancing up at the phantasm. "Your idea as well, I take it?"

Perona didn't seem to hear her, content to hum a chipper tune to herself as she walked away on the air, spinning her parasol on her shoulder.

Merry whistled herself, a low, appreciative tone. "And I thought we had issues…"

Robin's frown deepened as she watched the Ghost Princess wander off. "Yes, but most of us have a handle on our neuroses, whereas she's making herself into an active threat." She and Merry both turned her eyes towards Cross, who currently occupied with looking his cannon over while Usopp talked with his sword, gesturing animatedly at the pachy-blade's sheath.

"Well, threat or not, whatever Cross foresaw was enough to give her a chance. I mean, once he got over the shock, he didn't even hesitate," Merry reflected. "But… how do we get to the point where she's our ally, let alone our friend?"

Robin pushed off the mast she'd been leaning on and cracked her neck in anticipation. "Simple enough: we fix her."

Merry snorted in amusement as she started to wander back towards the helm. "You want to make someone on this ship sane? Good luck to ya."

"Do recall, Merry," Robin chuckled confidently. "I'm a Straw Hat. We don't rely on just any luck…" And with that, she started to walk towards Cross. "We make our own."

Cross didn't look up as the archaeologist approached him, more engrossed with shifting Lassoo around on his shoulder and trying out different grips and positions for the dog-cannon. "Something tells me you're not here to spar," he mused as he shifted the weapon's weight around.

Robin hummed in confirmation as she came to a halt behind him, facing opposite him with his right scapula knocking against hers so she could keep an eye on the soon-to-be topic of their conversation. "I believe our guest is in need of some attention," she started without preamble.

Cross smirked as there was a spike in the clash of rubber on steel. "Sanji's got that covered in spades."

Robin smirked right back at the quip. "Female attention."

That got Cross to pause and glance dubiously over his shoulder. "…are you sure she swings that—?"

Robin didn't even bother to grace him with her unimpressed deadpan. "She needs a friend, Cross."

"Ah, heh, right, right…" Cross coughed, a blush dusting his cheeks. "And… yes, I can see how that'd be an issue… Vivi sure doesn't like her because of how she's been throwing that 'Princess' moniker around, and Conis considers her a bit too creepy to handle… what about yourself?"

Robin clicked her tongue in amusement. "I'm afraid that she finds me a bit creepy."

Cross snorted. "Of course… moving on, Raphey's not interested in someone who can't throw a punch to save their life, and Perona's opinion on 'cuteness' runs counter to Merry, which leaves…" The Voice of Anarchy trailed off into a grimace. "Yikes."

"You see my dilemma," the Devil Child sighed. "Any thoughts on how to create an opening?"

"Hmm…" Cross glanced upward, tap-tap-tapping a thoughtful beat against his cannon's barrel before snapping his fingers. "One: she had time to sneak aboard at her leisure, so that means she probably brought some of her possessions on board, with which she'll be filling her new room. If you can find a giant bear somewhere onboard? That's your opening." He poked his thumb towards the snail that was on top of his sword's head, nodding along with whatever it was Usopp and Funkfreed were talking about. "Want any help with it?"

"Thank you but no," Robin allowed herself a smirk as she crossed her arms. "I believe I'll be able to handle myself. Ojos Fleur."

Robin filtered rapid-fire through her rapidly blooming viewpoints, analyzing them at a glance before moving on.

'No, no, good blackmail material but no, no, still looking forward to Luffy finding that, need remember to warn Sanji that the dill has gone bad, no, no—ooh, black lace.'

"Feeling confident today, your majesty?"

"OUT!"

Robin chuckled as she withdrew the eye before the Cutter could make an eyepatch necessary. 'She's getting faster, good for her. Now, where was I… ah yes. No, no, n-wait… ah, there you are.'

The flower-woman harrumphed with grudging respect as she returned to herself. "Credit where it's due, for all that she's a brat she does indeed have a brain. It's hidden in a compartment in the crow's nest."

"Smart, hidden in the place she's already taking over," Cross nodded in agreement. "Now all you need to do is get the witch to pity the princess."

Yet another liberty her friends had granted her: Robin could smile with honest eagerness whenever she chose, a fact she indulged in as she flipped her newly acquired knife out and ghosted her fingers just over the blade. "I love a good challenge," she purred eagerly.

-o-

Ensconced within the Thousand Sunny's aft-cabin library, Nami was hunched over a table, slowly and intently drawing her fountain pen over the sketch lines of a new map. This one was of Jaya—and briefly, she lamented how behind she'd gotten with her maps—and it was really quite astonishing how obvious it was that half the island had just been… chopped off. Yeah, yeah, eliminate the impossible and all that, but it was the Grand fucking Line, for Aeolus' sake!

Shaking her head, Nami dispelled the thought rather than descend into another rant over the stupidity of the common person, which was pleasantly easy these days, and refocused on her inking.

"KYAAAAAAA!"

"SONNUVA—!"

Nami snarled venomously as she recovered from her heart nearly jumping clean out of her chest on account of a sudden feminine scream shattering her concentration. Her rage originated from the fact that the shriek had caused her hand to spasm from shock and tear a long line of ink across the paper before she'd flung the pen against the—

She blinked. Actually, make that through the wall, with almost a quarter of the pen lodged in the wood.

"Huh," she remarked, glancing down at her arms and flexing them. "All that work with Donny is actually paying off…"

She then scowled as she clamped her hand into a fist. "The better to give someone a piece of my mind and actually have it stick for once!"

So saying, Nami stomped out of the library to find out what catastrophe had resulted in such a scream and, more importantly, ruined her map. And while 'life-size teddy bear stuck in the rigging' wasn't even on the list of possible reasons, Nami wasn't much surprised; it was positively mundane compared to the typical Grand Line insanity.

What did surprise her, however, was the sight of a very frantic and, more importantly, very corporeal Perona trying and failing to scramble her way up the lines after said bear. And by 'failing', Nami was honestly unsure how she'd managed to tie herself up that way without any help. Were she of a more liberal disposition, she'd say that Perona had somehow managed to truss herself up like a cured ham prepped for shipment.

"—prepped for shipment!"

That drew her gaze back down to the deck, where a small crowd of crewmembers was busy snickering up at Perona's attempts to get at the bear, with more than a few bills swapping hands. "And you guys aren't helping… why?"

"Hey, she said she could handle it," Franky said, a touch defensively. "And none of us want to find out what getting hit with those Negative Hollows Cross mentioned feels like."

"Spoiler alert: it sucks!" Donny concurred with a frantic nod.

"AGREED!" Chopper and—Brook's head? Apparently? Eesh, this crew—piped up fearfully.

"That still—ERGH!—stands!" Perona snarled viciously as she yanked at the lines pinning her leg behind her back. "I'll—GRAH!—dance on each of your graves before I let you—SONNUVA!—TOUCH MY BEAR—WAGH!"

The Ghost Princess's tirade devolved into a terrified shriek when the lines suddenly unwound and unceremoniously dumped the hollow-girl clean overboard.

"WHOA, WATCH IT!"

Or rather, nearly dumped her overboard, thanks to Nami being close enough to dash over and grab her wrist before she could hit the drink.

The navigator wheezed with exertion as she braced her foot against the bulwark in an effort to keep her balance. "You really take that 'let them eat cake' stuff to heart, I take it?!" she grit out.

"You freaking—!" Perona snarled venomously, a Hollow bubbling into existence in her palm. "Let me go, you uncute—!"

SPLASH!

Her protests, Hollow, and composure all died at once as a spray of sea foam blasted her. "PULL ME UP! PULL ME UP!"

"As you wish, your highness," Nami ground out with all the snark she could muster. With one final yank, the navigator hauled her load up, grabbed her other arm, and then yanked her up and over the side and onto the deck, where Perona immediately began kissing the lawn.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to be back on your crummy—!"

"AHEM!" Merry 'subtly' intoned from where she was standing on the foredeck's railing.

"Er, I mean delightfully cute ship again?" Perona hastily corrected.

"Better~!" Merry sang as she returned to her duties.

"Yeah, well…" Nami huffed as she got her breath back in her, not used to exerting that much of her strength. "If you pull anything that stupid again, you'll be taking the express route off our 'cute ship'. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking!?"

Perona got to her feet. It looked like she then tried to jump back to the lines again, but she didn't have the strength for it, her body almost entirely devoid of energy due to her struggles. The end result was that she staggered on her feet as she looked back up at where her bear was caught in the line, her expression more anguished than angered. "I-I couldn't—! I had to—! I-I need to get Bearsy, I need—!"