Thirteen

After last night, nothing has been said between us, it was the awkward skate home and even worse feeling waking up, I didn't know whether he took pity on me now, or if he was now thinking that he was worse than a cancer patient? was he just kissing me because we were both hurting and in life changing situations, I was finding it hard to stay positive to be honest. how do I?

Vinnie - I want to apologise for last night, I didn't mean for all that to happen

That was the ultimate icing on the cake, another guy using the "I wasn't in the right head space" line on a girl who is just trying to fall for someone, who clearly is unintentionally but very much intentionally using her. I know you guys can feel the utter second-hand embarrassment I am feeling right now.

Delilah - It's okay I understand.

I didn't understand, I was the furthest from understanding, how do you kiss someone and then turn around and say "oops that wasn't meant to happen"...YOU KISSED ME!! you were the one to lean in and make a moment out of the comfortable silence, now I am racking my brain overthinking, when I just want to enjoy my sleep and morning in peace.

I knocked on Helena's door and got no response, I slowly walked into her room being greeted by her and Zack cuddling in her bed both fast asleep, great! the best feeling I could feel so far, is the fact I am having boy troubles then seeing two people who clearly like each other enjoying each other's company. can I die please!

I decided to give Libby a call and just spend the day with her instead, because she wouldn't bring Aaron along if I didn't want, and I know she would just listen to me complain on and on again until my lungs gave in.

"I don't understand how, why does this happen to me? like did I do anything wrong?" I asked as Libby handed me the tub of ice cream, I took a stab at it and then shoved the spoon in my mouth with a sigh as she shook her head, "Girlie! it's his fault, why would he give you such mixed signals, plus it's not like you've thought about him in that way before" she explained, I nodded aggressively still shovelling ice cream in my face with the biggest sulk on in my life, "it's just not fair, why can't I just be left alone, I let someone in and I let them teach me to be a better person and then they go and confuse me" I sulked as she took the tub from me and put some ice cream in her mouth, she hummed as I shook my head "no I won't stand for it! but what do I say? I don't want him to think I am okay with this, you can't kiss me and then say opps sorry didn't mean to" I snapped as Libby jumped a little due to me raising my voice, she put the spoon in the tub and put the tub on her kitchen table where we were sitting, "hey! I can't believe I am saying this but do you like the boy?" She asked as I looked over at her with a shocked look on her face, I had to think, did I like him? would it be a big deal if I didn't?

"Lib, I shared things with him that I've only shared with you, I haven't even shared with Helena, I allowed this guy to come into my life with his opinions, and show me how life isn't all about dying, I told him about my dad, he knew my coffee order before he even knew me" I said as she looked at me with a smirk, I caught onto her smirk and shook my head "you told him" I hit her shoulder and she shot her hands up and laughed "I could tell he was fond of you, he wouldn't shut up about you when we were waiting for Ubers for everyone, what was I supposed to do?" she explained as I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckled, oh good ole Lib trying to be a good friend.

"worst thing is he apologised this morning and was like, oh sorry about what happened, and I actually said it's okay I understand" Libby looked over at me with a frown and the shook her head "of course you did, too nice for your own good when you like someone" she said as I chuckled, yeah there was a possibility I may like this boy a little bit, but I don't want to ruin the friendship, you get me?

"Don't give me that, I don't do that when I like someone, I mean the last time I liked someone was like a few years ago, and I was perfectly okay with being mean to him" I defended myself as she rolled her eyes and nodded sarcastically, "what, the guy that took another girl to the cinema while you were in another cinema waiting for him to show up? that's who we are talking about right?" Libby explained as I zipped my mouth, this subject was somewhat a little sore still.

Yes, I got stood up years ago, I thought that he was the best thing that had happened to me, but you know they always disguise their true intentions, before all the cancer news and re-missions, literally before life wasn't worth living, I went out with this guy that was so nice to me, we went on dinner dates, arcade dates and literally every fun activity you could think of, but that changed when he got bored, he got what he wanted from me and then took another girl out while I was patiently waiting in the movie theatres for him, that night I watched a movie by myself and then Libby picked me up with her boyfriend at the time Martin and they took me to get hot dogs. worst day of my life.

Anyway, enough about those times, about now, the fact I have no idea how I feel about Vincent at the moment, I can't talk to him because I have no idea what to say but at the same time...I got knocked out of my thoughts by a text.

Mum - Helena has been taken to hospital, she has stopped breathing

As if today could get any worse, that was the icing on my other cake that I didn't realise I was making today, "Libby, Helena is in the hospital I have to go now" I said as I jumped off the kitchen counter and she grabbed her keys "I am going to! let's get outta here" she added as we both raced to her car and respectfully and lawfully sped to the hospital.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"She just didn't wake up, I check her pulse and it was so faint like she was almost not breathing" Zack stuttered through speech as we ran through the hospital and saw him, my mum and Patricia talking to Dr Wheeler all with panicked looks on their faces, "is she okay?" I spoke loudly as they saw Libby and I reaching them and we all embraced each other in a big hug, "we don't know yet doll, they have taken her away and are running scans and God knows what" my mum said as we looked over at Zack who was in pieces sitting on a chair that was outside where she was placed before she got taken away, I walked over to Zack sat down next to him and allowed his head to rest on my shoulder "Zack, you have to be strong for her" I said as I grabbed his hand and held it in mine and closed my eyes taking a breather.

I was scared as much as Zack was but I knew I had to be strong because I knew that her cancer wasn't like mine, I knew that she knew it was a matter of time before she would pass, one thing I knew that we had to do was make sure everyone that cared for her was here just in case, so I did it.

Delilah - Helena has been rushed to hospital, she stopped breathing when Zack and her were napping, we don't know whether she will wake up, docs haven't said anything

Read.

Wow, would I have guessed that? nope, should have I guessed it, yes. I know Vincent and Helena hadn't had the best relationship, bearing in mind their relationship didn't really get to start as Helena was ignoring everyone, but you would thought even if you weren't talking you'd show up for your sister, even if she's your step sister.

An hour went by and Helena had been placed back into her room, we were allowed to go in and she here individually, so I decided to go in after Patricia and see how she was keeping "Helena?" I spoke as no movement was coming from her bed, just stillness and to say that it hurt my heart was beyond words, "Helena, please stay with me a little longer, I want to go with you, you can't beat me to it" I said as I walked over and sat beside her holding her cold hands, I took a deep breath and sighed "please just a little longer" I said as I closed my eyes and placed my forehead on her hand "I just need you to get passed this, you are strong and you have people that love you, we have so much to achieve, we need to move in with each other, you need to marry Zack, please Helena" I said softly and quietly.

The room fell silent then all of a sudden Zack burst in the room and looked at me with a worried look on his face "get out here! Vincent is here and you need to see the state he is in" he said as I jumped up and we switched positions, I stormed out the room and was faced with Vincent being pushed out the hospital doors by security and him just slurring absolute nonsense to them.

"Vincent!" I screamed as I charged towards him, as I got close to him he gave me a smile and greeted me with open arms "I'll take it from here" I said to the security guards as I grabbed his jumper and dragged him outside the hospital.

We got outside and to say there were undercover paparazzi everywhere was an understatement, there were cars in weird places and people just acting like they were passing by, before I even take into consideration his feelings or how he is going to be seen on TV I slapped him around his pretty little money making face, he snapped his head back from the slap to look at me with a shocked look on his face "what the hell was that for?" he asked as I chuckled sarcastically and crossed my arms "are you out of your mind! you are drunk, high and clearly not in the shape to rock up to a hospital, are you crazy!" I shouted as he hung his head low, it was hurting me to see him like this, I sniffled and took a deep teary breath, he snapped his head up and looked at me with sadness in his eyes "please don't cry" he softly spoke as my eyes sparkled with the true fear of what he looked like. "Follow me" I said.

We walked into the nearest park where the paparazzi wouldn't be so that I could talk to him, the boy that I never knew to be this bad, "why? why are you doing this to yourself, I told you about my dad and look at you, you are gonna get yourself killed" I said as I hit his chest now my tears being very much visible "I told you that this will kill you, I need at least one of you alive" I said as I carried on hitting his chest, he grabbed my arms and raised them up so that I would stop hitting him "stop! I am sorry" he said through tears as he sat down on the bench pulling me into his lap and embraced me in a hug, but it didn't feel the same, he felt cold and I knew it wasn't him.

"I told you that I needed you, I can't have you going out like my dad did" I said as he placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head up wiping the tears that were on my face with his other hand, then placed his hand on my cheek and left it there, "I am so sorry, I have been in the worst state of mind recently, I know I messed up yesterday as well it's just, it's been hard" he explained as I shook my head and bit my lip looking into his eyes "you promised me, and you broke it" I said as he bit his lip and nodded looking down again, he took a deep breath and looked back up at me "I promise you I will change, I want to be there for you, but you know this life is different to yours" he said as I grabbed his face and rested my forehead on his, "Helena needs you, I need you" I said quietly as he looked at me deeply as I mirrored the same emotions "this time don't push away" he whispered as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath "this time don't apologise" I whispered into the most emotionally kiss I think I've ever had in my life.

I think every cliché and romantic kiss happens when two people are feeling the same amount of emotions, I really hope this time was different for us, he wasn't kissing me just because he was high and drunk, it wasn't the best kiss because I could taste the chemicals mixed with the alcohol in his mouth and it was very off putting but I still felt that spark, I still felt the feelings that I did when we first kissed.