Chapter one

Well hello reader my story begins way back when growing up when I was a small child things were a lot different back to what it is now soo I hope this story can up left those who suffer with anxiety and depression and Schizophrenia life has been a long battle for me but I'm hoping that some of you made through it though like I did ok let's get started when I was born it was a big surprise for my parents they didn't know if I was a boy or a girl lol always had my legs crossed so the day came for me to arrive doctors doing the jobs fast because my mom had fallen and hit her tummy on something sharp so I was born early but that was fine because I was a very strong baby well life was good for me and my parents well I thought they were I was a happy out going child always happy ready to play with my Cousins and family member's but growing up back then we had some crazy clothes lol jump suits and all but I love my family so much then one night my mom and aunt decided hey let's go somewhere late at night I cried and cried for my mom to let me go with them on are way we had something Terrible happen we were hit head on by another car smack it happens so fast I remember seeing my moms head hitting the window shield then her coming back on the sit there was blood everywhere as for me I was screaming in the back seat for her I was so scared People we're coming from there homes to help my mom and to check on me but I was more worried about losing my best friend my mom has the people arrived to get us I was put in a different Vehicle as my mom I scream for them to let us go together. Because I'm the back of my head I was scared I would never see her again so they did finally after screaming my head off for her I don't remember much after being in the hospital after that I blacked out so this is when we found out my mom was having my brother and his big head now let's get into this it all started when I was five I never had any friends to play with I was always a loner child I stayed quite and always looked down cuz why look up when all u can see is pain and hurting well one night my family has come over for a big cook out. We were all having fun and enjoying our selfs I remember my mom and aunts rushing and gathering there things and running out the door I remember screaming mommy can I go she stopped for a few then she said noo honey stay here with ur uncles soo I did I waiting all night and morning for my mom to come home and finally she showed up she had the saddest look on her face I didn't know why. At the time I was little I new something wasn't right I just have feeling when something isn't right I start to feel sad. And really sick so it was school week I went to school and came home like always my mom was cleaning in the kitchen I remember asking her hey mommy can we go play with my cousin Hannah today she would always say no baby she is sick so I would always play in my play room with my toys and my pets I had a lot of those pets some people would think is strange but my dad was a logger so he worked all the time well a couple of days went by and finally I asked again and I could see the pain behind my mothers eyes she set me down in the living room and told me the horrible tragedy that had Occurred my best friend was never really sick no her father had taken her life and my heart was broken how could my best friend be gone I started questioning god a lot blaming him. And screaming at him how could you do this to me why would you take her from me she didn't have to go why she was my best friend and still is tell this day and forever on my heart still has a hole we're she once was. But now it's just sadness and hurt and a lot of blaming my self what if she came and stayed the night with me what if she came to play anything I could think of I just want her back I want to see her and hug her and tell her how much I love her and I'm srry I wasn't there to stop it knowing I was only five and she was four going bck to school was hard and scary for me pre-k was the worst from there I never liked school like I use to not anymore things happened....