Well, I've read all the way through to the most recent update, that being chapter six. And other than updating often, I cannot say anything is good about this book. That's not to say that there's no potential, or anything like that, as there is. I'll come back to that later.
The grammar in this book is just horrible. First off, do not use numbers in place of words. (Example: 17 years old --> Seventeen years old) Next, do not give us the location like this: "The home" This is not the correct way to give a location. Do something more like this: "Meanwhile, back at x's house."
You also need to space your paragraphs and your dialogue. Do not deliver multiple lines of dialogue from separate characters in the same paragraph.
Example:( "Hello, X" Y said as he shook X's hand.
"Nice to meet you, Y") Then you continue from there, spacing out each person's dialogue, along with whatever else you want to put after that, be it an action or description or whatever.
Also, you need to work on your descriptions, as your descriptions are quite boring as of now. Use stronger words, and then work your sentence structure.
Now, there's a lot more wrong with this story, and most of that stems from the story itself. How? Well, it's an absolute mess. Not only is there no foreshadowing for anything that happens, the story is filled with random events that don't feel connected in the slightest. You move way too fast, and we never get any kind of connection or understanding of the characters. And that's with six chapters to get to know them.
We have little to no background on the world, and things just happen with no rhyme or reason behind them. For example, the ending of the first chapter proves pretty much all my points. To avoid spoilers, the ending comes out of nowhere and not in a good way.
The dialogue is not very good, and most of it involves pointless swearing.
So, how could it be improved? Well, one could start by slowing down a little bit, and giving the reader some time to get to know the characters and world. Next, descriptions and dialogue could be improved. There are tons of videos and resources out there that can help. Finally, Grammar needs some massive tune ups. Grammar isn't just spelling, it's also sentence structure and spacing and punctuation.
Would I recommend this story to anyone? Not as it is right now, so no.
2.0/5
