Cap14:)

"By the way," Kakashi suddenly said out loud, "did you know that you can actually see your own nose? Your brain just cancels it out automatically. Most people don't even realize it's there until I point it out."

"Huh, you're right," Asuma said, going cross-eyed, as did the rest of the people who heard him. And then three seconds later, "Dammit, Hatake! Now I can't get rid of it!"

Iruka suddenly realized that yes, there was this thing called a nose right in the middle of his field of vision, and no, it wasn't going away.

"Fuck you, Hatake," Genma muttered.

Kakashi Hatake smirked. "You're welcome."

"What a jerk," Iruka muttered.

"You don't even know half of it."

Hatake snickered, then brought the bowl back up, only to bring it down again (at this there was an audible groan coming from everybody in the bar), "And before you ask, it's Naruto Uzumaki, Shikamaru Nara, and Ino Yamanaka."

"Oh. That kid. The Nara that actually tried," Genma snickered. "You should have heard the headache Umino had over him."

"I'm right here, you know!" Iruka yelled.

"I know, Umino. That's why I said it."

One of the many Nara family members sighed. "Still don't get why Uncle Shikaku chose Aunt Yoshino of all people."

"And now we see the result of their unholy union."

"So what'd he do?"

"Yeah, Hatake, what did he do?"

"I'm more interested about the Uzumaki boy, myself. Still can't believe he passed."

"He's not a bad kid," Iruka protested. "Troublesome, but not bad."

"Careful with that word, or people will think you're one of us."

Iruka glanced at the random Nara cousin that had just popped up by his side. "…Bad?"

"No, troublesome."

"Maybe he secretly is. He's got the hair for it," another Nara said, poking his ponytail. Iruka hastily ducked out of the way.

"Might as well call the rest of the pineapple heads here; how about that?"

"Oi! Who're you callin' a pineapple head?"

"I'm not calling you anything. Just sayin' that you can't hold your liquor, is all."

"Oh."

"Dammit, Fujaiwa, you're as dumb as an ox."

"What did you say about me?!"

"He said you're as dumb as an ox, Fujaiwa!"

"No I didn't! I said you're as smart as an ox!"

"Oh. Okay. That's better."

It seemed like quite a few patrons had already been here long enough to get just a bit tipsy. One of them stood up and fell over, and had a friend not caught him in time, he would have chipped a few teeth against the floor. As his friend dragged him away, Iruka realized that there was now an open seat, and started edging past the crowd to get to it.

"So how are they?" Asuma asked, scooting backwards a little bit so that Iruka could get to a recently vacated chair. Alas, it was not to be, for just when he had made it past him, someone else had taken the spot, and he was left standing in the middle of the room again.

"They're good kids. They get along. Of course, I'll have to do something about their clothing choice," Kakashi muttered. "Orange. Orange. What the hell was the Sandaime thinking, letting him run around in clothes like that? He's already blonde!" He suddenly sat up straight, as he realized, "I've got two blondes on my team, Asuma! They'll stand out like fireflies! Help!"

"I'm sure they'll be fine. You have white hair, and you're still here, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Sakura has pink hair, if your misery wants company. And she wears red," a woman in a dress of bandages spoke up from behind Asuma. "And all this business with using three different types of conditioner. I don't know what it is with kunoichi these days. All she ever seems to talk about is dieting and looking pretty for boys."

"Ah, yes," Kakashi muttered. "That, too."

"If we're going down that train, then I suppose I should complain about that big red target sign on the back of Sasuke's shirt. He refuses to cover it up, too. Something about his clan and whatnot." Asuma knocked back another shot glass. "Not that the big red swirly mark on the back of our flak jackets are any better, I guess."

"Have you tried telling him that those shirts were only for wear inside the village?" the woman, Kurenai, asked. "Anyone who remembers the Uchiha clan knows that all of them, even Fugaku, covered up on outside missions."

Asuma reached for another shot glass and started complaining something about "stuck-up little Genin who don't know what's good for them." Iruka half-heartedly listened to the newly minted Jonin sensei complain (truthfully, unfortunately) about the young students that he had worked so hard to train. He wondered if he should just move, when just then, another seat opened up, on the other side of the room, near the door. Iruka took this as an answer – yes – and this time, he was determined to get to it before anyone else did.

"To be honest, I'm seriously worried about Sasuke," he could hear Asuma saying. "He's skilled, but he's got terrible team dynamics."

"Is he just antisocial, or does he actually go out of his way to hurt people's feelings?" Kurenai asked. "Because if he's just antisocial…"

"He doesn't do it on purpose, I don't think, but, well. He's blunt. And Hinata's a sensitive girl. He doesn't go out of his way to hurt her on purpose but he definitely makes it clear that he doesn't respect her. He considers Choji to be quite beneath him, too. He works hard to hone his skills, at least, but he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that his teammates are also doing the same thing…"

At last. Iruka had reached his new seat, and was just about to settle down onto the cushion to relax, when –

"AH! MY GREAT AND ESTEEMED RIVAL! I HEAR RUMORS THAT YOU FINALLY PASSED A GENIN TEAM! IS THIS TRUE? THEN LET US REJOICE! AND ONE DAY OUR TEAMS SHALL COMPETE IN A CONTEST OF YOUTHFULNESS – "

And Iruka Umino found himself wobbling back in his original seat, courtesy of a Kawarimi. The door to the bar was swinging emptily on is hinges.

That jerkass.

"Hatake?" Asuma Sarutobi gave him a sympathetic look.

"Hatake," he confirmed.

"MY DEAR AND CHERISHED RIVAL! BUT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"

"Cheers," Asuma nodded, pushing a shot glass at him. Iruka took a good, long look at it, and then decided, what the hell, and emptied it.

"You think Naruto will be okay?" Iruka asked, feeling the burn of liquor on his throat.

"Kid, no one in our profession's ever okay," Asuma replied bitterly. "But yeah, he'll be okay."

About one month later

"Children~" Kakashi called. "I have a new mission for you~"

"What is it this time? Did you steal Tora and dump him in the middle of the Forest of Death – I mean, did Tora get 'lost' in the Forest of Death, again?" Ino asked exasperatedly. Ah, yes. That had been a standard retrieval mission.

"Better than that time we had to babysit that kid, and poorly balanced kunai towers randomly appeared next to him every time we even blinked," Naruto said. Well, how else were they supposed to learn how to guard someone properly? Important officials and rich merchants attracted as much trouble as babies did.

"Or that time we had to repair some house, except he kept throwing rocks at us," Ino added. Yeah, that was a fun one. You never knew when you might have to build strategic outposts while under fire.

"Or dealing with the Earth-Style Headhunter Jutsu when we were trying to plant leech-infested rice paddies." Well, that might have been a bit excessive, but at least Naruto was no longer orange after that, right?

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