1 Prologue

He sat on the mattress trying to focus on his breathing, constantly reminding himself that he wasn't pregnant. He would only have a few seconds alone to compose himself. A few seconds alone to get his bearings. A few seconds to decide if he wanted to go through with this or not. He opened his eyes and exhaled. Looking up he would have screamed if he didn't control himself.

He tightened his fists on the sheets as the man came closer. He didn't ask the age of his client, but with the streaks of white in his hair he was certain the man was pushing fifty. He gulped as the man stood before him. Bare. He still had a hard time believing over the years he hadn't let himself go.

"You're still in your clothes?" the man asked amused.

"Uh-um…yeah" he smiled nervously. "Sorry" he moved to stand so he could go into another room and change like the man had done, but the hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"You don't mind me watching do you?" he smiled sweetly.

He couldn't find his voice. His tongue felt like it was glued to his palate. He didn't know how he was able to move his hands to remove his clothes but he did. He was naked and was looking up at the still amused man.

He was pushed back and the man was over him. His heart hammered in his chest due to him having stopped breathing. Just like that he was on his stomach. He knew he was tense. He knew he was shaking.

His hair was pulled back and that was able to distract him from the thoughts plaguing him. The man's broad chest was pressed against his partially sweaty back even though the room was really cold.

"Nervous?" the man whispered hotly against his ear as he massaged his tense shoulders.

"You could say that" he laughed. He shuddered as his thighs were kicked open. He bit his lip forcing himself not to jerk away in revulsion when the man's lower half was pressed against his backside.

The man hummed and that sound gave him creepy vibes that he didn't want to start analyzing. "Just relax" he kissed underneath his ear.

That didn't help him. Not one bit. He wanted to run, but he was thankful that the man had muscle to keep him down. He needed to be here. He needed to do this. He forced his body to be pliant as an arm came underneath him wrapping around his chest. The other hand was still in his hair and he tugged harshly.

His eyes watered as he released a sound like he was going to start full on sobbing. He understood why he didn't let go of his hair. So he could hear everything. Closing his eyes too was quite hard, so he couldn't even escape if he chose to.

There was no one to blame for this but him. There was no name for him to call seeing as he was in the predicament he set up for himself.

He knew exactly how he got here.