Chapter 187: I'll Be Back... (1)

Eight months have passed since Sakura became part of the Matō family and, as always, Toru just stood watching the flowers grow in silence.

The country was again getting cold again, getting closer and closer to winter. The wind was strong, but still Toru was still there, clinging to the ground like a tree.

This might become a bit disturbing to any normal person looking at it, but not to the Tōsaka family, who had already grown accustomed to the presence of this Servant known as Assassin.

From the window of the mansion, Tōsaka Rin looked at the lonely boy. She felt a little annoyed at how this guy had been acting since Sakura left.

'It's like his soul has been ripped out of him...'

She thought. Toru definitely looked like he had no soul. His look was dull, exactly the same look he was summoned with. This was somehow bothering her. Besides, she remembered that time Toru threatened Kariya with the dagger, but that was a misunderstanding. Remembering that...

***

As usual, Aoi brought Rin to the park and Toru accompanied them to protect them.

Aoi, who was reading a book under the shade of the gazebo, looked away from her book for a moment and saw the expression on Toru's face. She looked worried just by looking at that boy's face.

'He hardly speaks anymore...'

With a crushing silence, so indifferent and cold to anyone who approached him, Toru, ever since Sakura left, hardly talks to anyone and when he does, his words are always brief, as if it bothers him to talk to people.

She somehow can understand that. From her point of view, Toru was quite close to Sakura. She even came to see Toru as if he was Sakura's older brother and it made her sad to see the boy like that, but the situation won't change, as Tokiomi already made his decision.

"Aoi-san!"

A male voice suddenly called out to the woman.

Toru, seeing the stranger approaching, frowned and prepared to pull out one of the daggers in case that black-haired, pale-faced man was someone dangerous. However, he soon changed his mind when he saw Aoi smiling slightly.

"Kariya-kun? It's good to see you again, did you finish your journey? It took you long enough this time."

Speaking completely naturally, Aoi expressed herself in front of the man. In that case, Toru lowered his guard without looking away from the man's hands.

"Yes, I think it did. Y..."

Looking at Toru, Kariya was curious as to who this young boy was.

The boy, to Kariya's eyes, appeared to be about seventeen or eighteen years old.

"May I ask who he is?"

"Uh? Toru-chan?"

Toru nodded his head. He took a step forward and bowed.

"Nice to meet you..."

And that was all he said. Kariya saw the indifference with which this boy spoke and felt a bit overwhelmed. Still, he kept thinking about the latter's identity.

"He's called Toru. He's something like our butler."

"Ah... I see. It seems like everything has been quiet lately."

"Yes..."

"Kariya-ojisan!"

Rin sensed Kariya's presence and went straight to where he was. The man was surprised by the sudden appearance of this girl, but still smiled at the sight of her.

Following Kariya's smile cheekily, Rin also smiled as she said:

"What did you bring me as a present this time?"

Toru looked away trying to pretend he doesn't know that girl.

"Rin, that's rude."

"It's okay, Aoi-san. It's okay."

Kariya knelt down to be at Rin's side, and from his pocket, he took out a bracelet made of small shiny stones that to anyone's eyes would be beautiful jewels.

Rin, seeing this, was touched and thanked Kariya.

"Thank you, Ojisan."

"I'm glad you like it. I also brought something for Sakura, where is she?"

At the mention of Sakura, Rin ducked her gaze remembering that day.

"Sakura is gone..."

She immediately turned around and walked away.

Toru looked at this and also remembered that day. Somehow he felt the same as when he was summoned, for there was a certain feeling that went along with Sakura.

What was it...? Yes... something that Toru had already lost in his past life. More than a feeling, it was something that kept him alive. Something that was lost with her... hope....

"Aoi-san?"

Puzzled, Kariya looked at Aoi waiting for explanations. She lowered her gaze and answered him truthfully.

"Sakura is no longer my daughter or Rin's sister. She is now part of the Matō family..."

"What... why!"

Kariya stood up and approached Aoi immediately. Toru took this as hostility, so he again raised his guard and waited.

"You know why the Matō family wishes to have children who carry the blood of the Magus, don't you?"

Kariya clenched his fist in frustration. That question was a low blow to him.

"The elders of the Tōsaka family decided that Sakura would be adopted by the Matōs. My opinion was of no importance."

"You... Are you okay with that?"

Aoi sighed and clenched the book with what little strength she had.

"When I decided to be a part of the Tōsaka family, being the wife of a Magus, I knew something like this could happen."

"Are you seriously okay with that!"

"The descendants of a Magus can't aspire to the happiness of a normal family."

"That's not true! When you chose him, you found happiness!"

"This is a matter of the Tōsaka and Matō family. Since you left your family, this kind of thing no longer concerns you..."

"You... Don't you know the things they can do to Sakura-chan!"

Approaching Aoi to grab her shoulders, Kariya raised his voice too much, he was a bit aggressive and this was enough for Toru to decide to act.

Instantly he appeared in front of Kariya.

He felt the cold edge of the metal of the dagger touching his neck and the boy's murderous intentions.

"I suggest you control yourself a bit. Aoi-sama said that this is none of your business. If you understand those words, you will leave here. If you wish to defy her word, I will have no choice but to rip your head off right now."

"Doing something like that... you're a Servant..."

"Aoi-sama. You used my name in front of someone else."

"Uh... I'm sorry, Assassin..."

Kariya fell silent upon hearing that. Then, in front of him was one of the Servants who will fight in Heaven's Feel, Assassin.

"Don't apologize, Aoi-sama. It was an accident."

His eyes shone with a rainbow light.

"And accidents are a common thing..."

He finished saying looking at Kariya.

After that, seeing that the people around were getting suspicious, Toru made a slight hand gesture and the dagger disappeared shrouded in smoke.

Kariya saw this as something strange as well, and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Aoi-san."

He turned around and walked away quietly.

A bit away from everyone, Rin and thought about how stupid Toru was to threaten Kariya like that.

'Why does everything related to Sakura make him act like that?'

***

"He's the dumbest fool of all the fools I've ever met...."

With her limited vocabulary of a six year old girl, Rin took to insulting Toru inside her mind.

It is true that Toru, despite being quite intelligent in matters related to science, is still a fool when it comes to talking to other people and socializing in general. He's someone who doesn't understand his own feelings and that's what bothers Rin the most.

She nodded her head after making up her mind. She will now go and confront Assassin.

"I'll see to it that you stop acting like a fool."

And that's how it happened. Rin walked down the stairs hiding her excitement to talk to that boy and opened the door that led her to the garden. Stepping out, she immediately saw Toru.

"What are you doing?"

She asked him. Toru only gave a rather vague answer.

"The usual."

"If you stay here all day, you'll end up becoming part of the garden."

"That's fine with me..."

"Hm... look at me when I talk to you. It's annoying to talk to you looking at your back."

Toru turned around and looked at Rin.

"I'm looking at her, Ojou-sama."

"Good. That's how you should address me. With respect above all things. With that in mind, you should be happy. I'm going to spend time with a being as lonely and depressing as you."

"..."

Toru just looked at her...

"..."

Silently...

In three long seconds, a powerful silence that made a fool of this girl. It was obvious Toru didn't want to get involved, but Rin was forcing him to spend time with her.

"Fool..."

"¿...?"

"You're a fool!"

As had become her habit, she kicked Toru in the back, but as expected, she hurt herself doing this. With a groan of pain she fell backwards, and with tears peeking out of the corners of her eyes she pouted looking at the boy.

Toru looked at the flowers for a moment and then the petal of a Sakura fell in front of him.

'Hmm...'

Remembering something, he turned around and approached Rin.

"What are you doing?"

She asked.

"You shouldn't hit people just because."

He placed his hands on Rin's foot and the light of the medical ninjutsu illuminated. She opened her eyes at the faint glow of Toru's hands and felt the pain fading.

"It's only good for soothing pain and healing superficial wounds. Medical ninjutsu was never my strong point."

Rin looked away.

"You're using magic again. You'll always be a cheat."

"Hm... A mage who doesn't use magic, what should he be called? A ninja who doesn't use ninjutsu, what should he be called? Ojou-sama, your arguments lack logic. If you consider magic as cheating, then all Magus would be cheaters, even you."

"Uh-"

She clenched her fists on the grass and frowned. She felt the urge to punch Toru again, but if she did, she would be confirming this guy's words

"Done. You have better things to do. So, if possible, prioritize your responsibilities."

"You... I have my responsibilities under control. I'm not useless. On the other hand, you just hang out here in complete solitude. You should prioritize your responsibilities."

"My responsibilities are in the war. It's six months before the war starts, until then, I have to wait."

"As if going to war assures you of winning it. You're an Assassin, the worst kind of Servant. What makes you think you even stand a chance against Archer or Saber? Let alone Lancer and Rider. Your kind only relies on cowardice. You attack from behind using your stealth, just like a rat would."

"In a war, all methods work. Even being a coward can give you a chance to win. However, I'm not that kind of Assassin."

"Really? You don't say!"

Toru couldn't argue with this girl anymore.

"In any case, this has nothing to do with you. When the war starts, you'll have to leave together with Aoi-sama to the neighboring city."

"I already know that. I'd like to see the war with my own eyes, but even my father told me that it's too much danger."

"It's the most logical thing to do."

"Shut up..."

She folded her arms and looked up haughtily.

"So, all talk aside, what I mentioned in the beginning. You know..."

"The usual..."

"I'm not talking about that! What I said afterwards."

"The thing about me becoming part of the garden?"

"No! What I said later."

"You'll hang out next to me?"

"Yes, that. Seriously, sometimes I think you play dumb on purpose. Anyway. Since we're like this, let's go to the place you were always taking Sakura to."

"... I don't understand the purpose of this."

"Whether you understand it or not, that doesn't matter. Just obey. Let's go!"

She grabbed Toru by the hand and pulled him in the direction of the mansion's exit. Toru didn't want to do this, you could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. However, Rin was insistent.

What's wrong with this girl? That would be a recurring question that would be flying around inside Toru's mind from now on.

***

'I think I've been through this before... more than once...'

With his permanent poker face, Toru sighed and looked to his side. There was Rin, who was licking a vanilla ice cream with a victorious smile on her face.

She seemed to be having fun, but Toru only felt stress from this situation. Rin dragged him all over Fuyuki, from place to place, as if they were an older brother next to his younger sister strolling around town. Rin could be a bit too aggressive at times, as every time he didn't do what she says, he would get a punch from her. Though in the end, the one who ended up getting hurt by those punches was Rin and not Toru.

This somehow reminded his of a certain blonde girl who used to punch orphaned children in the face.

Ino had a very similar personality to this girl. Maybe that's why Toru could put up with Rin's aggressive attitude, because in the past he had to deal with a girl with a similar personality, only that same girl had the strength to smash a wall.

'What a time those were...'

It was nostalgic to remember that. When he was still an ignorant child, who knew nothing of the world he lived in.

"Let's go to the park now."

She said. Toru scratched the back of his neck as he nodded his head. Rin smiled at Toru's submissive attitude and walked in front of him quite happily.

'If she would just act like this all the time it would be easier. Sakura was calmer'

Though Sakura herself would occasionally do rather odd things, like throwing herself over the edge of the roof of a building only to be caught by Toru.

"That time in the sandbox. You used some pretty incredible magic, does your magic have to do with the earth element?"

A rather curious question coming from Rin. Toru didn't mind answering questions, as he got used to answering the hundreds of questions Sakura used to ask him.

"No. At first I only became proficient in the wind and fire element."

"Two elements? That's... very strange..."

"You mean Magus usually only use the element or branch of magic they were born with?"

"Yes. Like my family and me. We use the magic that lies in the jewels we modify ourselves. Like my father who has an affinity for fire. Though I have a hard enough time doing the same as him. I've barely been training for a year..."

"Hm... I see. It must be difficult for all Magus to develop their magics. It was hard for me too."

"I can see that you do understand, huh. Besides, now that I notice, you don't have that aloof attitude you had a while ago. Could it be that conversing brings out your true personality? I hate to admit it, but it's quite comfortable talking to you. But I won't take back what I said before, just so you're clear."

"Hm..."

He simply grunted and returned his gaze to the front.

Rin sighed and also looked at the road. She had never spoken to Assassin in this way. In fact, she couldn't remember ever speaking normally to him even once. On all the occasions when she did address him it was to denigrate, insult and abuse him, just like a five year old girl would.

"Amidst all this silence we finally made it to the park, huh..."

Rin looked at Toru, however, he just stood there with his arms folded staring into the void as if he were a tree.

Rin understood this. Assassin usually stays like this to keep an eye on the whole place when Aoi comes to the park.

"This is an order. Come play with me for a while. Then you'll have time to be a grumpy old man."

"I'm not a grumpy old man..."

"But you act like one. That turns people away from you. You have to be a little less you and be someone different. Then you'll be someone worthy of living in this society of magic."

"You say things that a girl your age wouldn't know."

"It's just that girls my age only study what they are shown in elementary school. I go one step ahead and study all kinds of subjects to be prepared for the future"

"That's called paranoia."

"What? No! You'd better shut up and come with me!"

Unable to do anything else, Toru just resigned himself to accept Rin's unfair demands, for, if he disobeys this girl, he will only go through more stress than he was going through with Sakura.

'Anything is better than the Throne of Heroes.'

He would rather live stressed than live in a constant nightmare that only destroys his mind. With this in mind, he followed Rin silently.

Into his field of vision came two boys and three girls. They all looked to be the same age as Rin, indeed, Rin knew them all. She smiled and walked over to greet them.

"Rin-chan. You show up at last. You had stopped coming to play."

"Yes. You had us worried already."

"At least you came back. Do you want to play ball?"

"It'll be more fun if you're here. Although Sakura-chan isn't with you..."

"Yeah. Where's Sakura-chan?"

Rin became nervous at those children's questions. However, she was lucky to have Toru by her side. The children turned their attention to the boy.

The boys looked a little intimidated by how tall Toru is and the girls felt admiration at how handsome the boy was.

"We've seen you before!"

"You're the boy who usually accompanies Rin-chan to school."

"Rin-chan doesn't usually tell us about you. When we ask him he always says things that are a bit cruel."

Toru had to look down to see the girls talking to him.

He seriously wanted to get out of here.

"I didn't tell you guys anything about him because the more answers I give, the more questions you guys ask."

And Rin was right.

She looked at Toru with a frown and he understood what he should do.

"My name is Toru. I am the butler."

The girls nodded their heads as they finally knew the boy's name.

"Your hair is very beautiful."

"You are very tall."

"Do you work out?"

Rin sighed with a vein swelling in her forehead. She stepped in front of Toru and held out her arms as if she was shielding him from these girls.

"Stop asking him so many questions, you're scaring him."

"I'm not scared..."

He said with a certain tone of discomfort. He was not used to being around people who were younger than him. This made him uncomfortable and to some extent disturbed what little calm his mind could generate.

"Anyway. We're here to hang out. You see, this kid is the loneliest, most depressing being you've ever met. I brought him here to have a little fun and stop being so pathetic."

"Seriously..."

Toru's infinite patience began to be tested at that point.

"If that's what you want, you've come at the right time."

The boy behind Rin looked at Toru and threw the ball at him. Toru caught the ball with one hand as if it was the easiest thing in the world and everyone was surprised.

"How the butler is older than us, then it will be six against one. Let's put the ball aside. We'll play catch, that's the best option. The five of us will try to catch the butler."

It will take the entire army of Japan for these kids to challenge Toru, however, they all didn't know what this kid was capable of.

Rin thought it was a bad idea, though she also thought about how much fun it would be to try to catch someone who is capable of appearing in front of people in less than a second.

So, with her hands on her hips, she smiled and looked at Toru.

"Since we were presented with the opportunity, you won't be able to refuse. This is an order."

Rin was too confident and that to some extent annoyed Toru.

"Haa... okay..."

The girls and boys jumped and celebrated.

Toru loosened his tie and adjusted his shirt sleeves to his elbows. The children saw Toru's scars, but none of them said anything. Even they knew that a man's scars told the story behind the man. Talking about it was disrespectful.

"He's somehow really cool, isn't he?"

The first boy, with black hair and a band aid over his face gave the other boy a little elbow bump as he whispered.

"I know. Just look at him. He looks like one of those idols."

"He's so cool it pisses me off. Let's smash him in the game."

"Yeah. Let's do that."

Rin and the other three girls watched the two boys mutter to each other. They shook their heads wryly. Promising competition appeared and they didn't want to be beaten.

"If we manage to even touch your hair you lose. So don't get mad when that happens."

Said the boy with the band aid on his face. The others all smiled and went on the attack. Toru just twisted his eyes to the side and dodged again and again.

***

"Hah... hah... hah... hah..." ×6

Toru looked at the two boys lying on the ground completely exhausted, while the girls rested in the gazebo. At some point the girls got tired, so he continued to entertain the two remaining boys.

"What the hell..."

"Are you a super soldier or something?"

"You're not normal. Hah..."

"Try as we might..."

"You kept dodging like it was nothing..."

The children complained. Toru crouched down and looked at them.

"If you're done, I have to go."

"Wait! Will you come tomorrow?"

"Yes. We'll be here!"

"We want a rematch!"

Toru sighed. Out of nowhere Rin appeared at his side.

"I'll bring him tomorrow afternoon. Don't worry. You'll have a chance to beat my butler!"

The two boys felt excited. They had never faced such a powerful opponent before.

"Don't decide things on your own."

***

And on the way home, walking with his hands in his pockets at Rin's side, Toru questioned himself.

'Again...'

As he played with those children, watching them try their best, smiles on their faces, he felt a sense of emptiness. However, in between so much play, he came to forget everything that hurt him.

Again, as with Sakura, he was forgetting his true purpose. What was it that he felt? Life in this world was too peaceful and everyday. Nothing strange was happening. Everything was so uncomfortable until this moment. It was too peaceful...

In the Shinobi World, Toru was involved in constant conflicts, but in this world everything was too calm.

'I wish I could find an answer for everything in my mind right now. My wish... Aoi-sama, Sakura... Rin-san... Why do they appear in my mind when I think of the wish I'm going to make to the Grail?'

Dying. Toru's wish was based on that. But every time he thought of that, the smiles of Aoi and her daughters appear in his mind. He thought that if his wish comes true, he won't be able to see the happiness of those three people.

At some point he said to himself that he is someone who sacrifices himself for the happiness of others. So, is it okay to put that wish aside and sacrifice his mind to see other people happy?

A slight smile showed on his face. He realized how stupidly ironic that was. It's like having Satan himself come out of hell and start helping humanity. Although comparing himself to one of the princes of hell was too much, that's how Toru saw himself.

Rin saw Toru's sour smile and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

She finally came to the conclusion that Toru was amused and that's why he's smiling in that ironic way. She was used to seeing this guy's expressionless face, but this did distort the way she looked at him.

'He looked like an emotionless robot before, but I guess I was wrong.'

Rin stepped forward and slowed down in front of Toru.

"You don't have that dead fish face anymore, did you have fun?"

That brought Toru out of the thought world and he looked down into Rin's eyes.

"No..."

A child's game was no fun for him.

"Huh...? Are you serious? I don't believe you. Just remembering the game from before makes me come to the definite conclusion that there was a hint of fun on your face."

"That's the face I've always had..."

"You say that because you can't see your own face. Others around you might notice, albeit with difficulty, your emotional changes. Well... it's not like I'm worried about you enough to notice that either. Really..."

Rin looked at the road again and kept walking. Toru tilted his head and sighed. He continued walking beside her.

"People's emotions is a complicated subject for me. It's hard for me to understand even my own emotions. So don't get the wrong idea about what I think, Rin-san."

Rin stopped again, this time she stared straight ahead, her back to Toru.

"So, you didn't have fun?"

"I don't know, really."

Rin turned around and looked at Toru with a frown.

"So when you were with Sakura you did have fun, didn't you? You were together with her all the time so you should know better than anyone else."

"... hm... Are you... angry?"

She turned around and kept walking.

"Who knows?"

Toru didn't understand this.

What Rin wanted to tell this guy was that he was the one who spent the most time together with Sakura, which she, the older sister, couldn't do by leaving her aside for magic. Rin was frustrated by that very argument even if it didn't seem like it. Knowing that she, the older sister, is a complete stranger to Sakura made her miserable.

'It seems like you two have more in common than you think.'

Toru said remembering certain behaviors of Sakura.

Now walking through the streets of Fuyuki in complete tranquility, with the evening sunlight hitting the earth, hands in their pockets behind Rin, the two didn't speak again until they reached the mansion.

To be continued...