1. Book I: How It All Started I

[WARNING NSFW! 21+ with sexual abuse]

Cold cotton wool falls on the part of the earth that experiences freezing temperatures. Covering what it can touch with white. In winter in Toronto, southern Canada, the average daily temperature is less than 4° Celsius. When night falls and the moon rises. People would rather curl up in a thick cocoon-like blanket than go outside to see the white flakes of snow. Spending long nights, dreaming sweet dreams.

Noel Bendrix was different. He hated winter as much as he hated the way nature's billions of cotton wool fell gracefully under gravity, as much as he hated life. His life was chained in the darkness of a nightmare. It came and never left for a second - always coming back again and again, like a breath that only leaves when it reaches the end of your throat.

They say that dreams are the flowers of sleep. No matter how bad your dreams are, they will disappear as soon as you wake up. But that was not the case for this eighteen-year-old boy. When he woke up from his sleep, the dream came true.

Noel stared up at the person above. His gaze was blank, like a puppet. Motionless and voiceless even though his soul was screaming, crying out for mercy.

With only half a consciousness left, Noel was very familiar with this kind of atmosphere. Violence. The pain and smell of blood were familiar to him. Noel could feel the coldness of the iron shackling his hands. Even so, it was not as cold as the eyes of the person above him.

The man was pounding his penis roughly. There was no gentleness at all. With his body becoming increasingly fragile, what could Noel do but surrender to the cruel treatment. Noel wanted to scream for this torture to stop. However, his screams were blocked in his throat by the cruel tyranny as he choked on his agony. After all, Noel had often been needed like this, day after day the torture against his was getting more and more out of bounds. Noel's body could no longer tolerate the actions taken by that person. The pain that Noel now felt was unbearable, the grip of the man's hand was getting stronger and stronger on his neck, the movements were getting rougher every second, sinking his penis deeper and deeper into Noel's body. Producing waves of intense pain, adding to the deepening of the wound. The tears that had long flowed like a river down Noel's sweet face had now stopped.

"Your body is as delicious as always." The man grinned as he looked Noel squarely in the eyes.

Noel shook his head weakly, trying to speak, but couldn't because of the cruel hand that was pressing so hard on his throat. Let alone talking, he had trouble even taking a breath. Almost every inch of his skin bore fresh incision scars. Some of the bruises were as hideous as they were ornate, not to forget the blue bite marks around his shoulders and nape.

The pain that grew and grew made Noel's body numb. Blood continued to flow where the man was thrusting his penis, soiling the white sheets that bore witness to the current sexual torture.

Poor Noel, once the person on top of his climaxed, signaled that the game was over. Noel droops limply with the many wounds he has suffered. However, all of them are incomparable to the wounds that are carved so deep in the heart. A wound that might never be healed.

Satisfied, the man closes the zipper of the pants, briefly kissing the forehead of his lover or rather his sex doll. Then he lifted Noel's fragile body to the bathroom for cleaning.

In the bathtub the man painstakingly cleans Noel's body, with a towel and warm water. He rubbed gently as if he was afraid of adding to the wounds on the body. His treatment was very different from a few minutes ago. Splashes of running water from a shower ran down Noel's body, mixed with blood from the wounds scratched on his body, just falling into the bathtub. After it was enough, the man carried Noel's cold body in his arms.

"I love you," he said softly, with a drop of clear liquid escaping his eyes.

***

Noel Bendrix felt the darkness enveloping him, sucking in like a whirlpool as consciousness pushed its way out of the death-like sleep the heart had long since stopped beating in.

Noel opened his eyes, waking up to a throbbing pain in his head. He winced as he massaged his temples. His mind seemed to turn to dust, his vision blurring with the throbbing pain in his temples. Struggling to sit upright, Noel blinked his eyes, adjusting his vision to the bright lights of the room.

The first thing he saw was a room filled with putin-colored tiles. Casting his eyes around the room, his attention caught the familiar objects of a shower and a sink. Noel was sure that he was now in a bathroom. He was lying there, in a bathtub.

Submerged in water, his whole body wet, his fingers wrinkled. Noel didn't know how long he had been soaking while still fully clothed; a short-sleeved white T-shirt and long black pants that fit snugly around his legs. Exploring the silence in silence. Noel's consciousness instantly returned, and found himself waking up in a very unfamiliar bathroom. Because he didn't know who he belonged to, where he lived and why the shirt he was wearing was covered in bloodstains. No, it wasn't just his clothes that were stained with blood, but the water in the bathtub where his body was submerged was also mixed with blood. Shock and fear hit my chest instantly.

Suddenly trembling, Noel felt several parts of his body. Was there any injury? Noel ended up finding several bruises or scratches that still left stinging, wounds from the man's actions.

Moving to other parts, Noel slowly unzipped the black trousers he was wearing. Opening his legs slightly, in case there were any wounds that might be severe there, considering how that person always played with the lower body cruelly. Swallowing harshly, Noel took a closer look and found that there were no injuries there. Noel was dumbfounded at this situation.

Diving back into the seconds struggling with the questions that were beginning to arise, Noel realized something wasn't right. A shadow before he closed his eyes, flashing like a blizzard in the most extreme winter.

A black coffin, large and long with no name. A young man's body, bones wrapped in flesh, flesh wrapped in white skin, both hands resting on his stomach. His face was expressionlessly pale beneath the blond strands of hair. It had the definition that every human face had, yet it was too beautiful and too pale. He was a preserved body, lifeless, lying there wearing a white tuxedo shawl collar.

The owner of the body was himself, his life had been taken away.

And he was dead.

Noel was stunned, lost in horror. His mind wandered again along with the wind that blew from outside the air vent. When he turned to the right side of the bathtub, he was shocked again. A colt1911 pistol and a worn black woolen coat lay unceremoniously on the bathroom floor. The coat was stained with dried blood, and there was a white rabbit face mask lying nearby.

A big question mark had crammed into Noel's head. In his ribs, his heart rumbled. Noel quickly got up from the bathtub even though some of his joints ached as soon as he moved them.

Limping with his limbs, approaching the sink to wash his face, his heart seemed to stop beating at that very moment when Noel saw his reflection in the mirror. An unfamiliar image from the mirror was reflected on his retina. The body now was not the body before. Where had his old body gone? What was happening to his now? If this was a dream, then everything was impossible, given that he was already dead.

Noel was still feeling dizzy so he didn't quite understand the situation at hand. "I-this isn't my body, wait, did I steal it? No way, this must be a dream. I didn't steal it, something must be wrong."

Noel looked at the face in more detail in the mirror. Pinching both sides of his cheeks, this face was slightly similar to his face in the past, but more handsome. This man had a darker shade of blue eyes compared to hers. The slightly wavy blonde hair was also darker and slightly longer with bangs that covered the forehead. Noel continued to observe the body, this was the body of a rather slender well-built adult man about one hundred and eighty centimeters tall.

"This man's body is taller than mine, his body is nicer than mine, his fingers are also longer than mine."

Noel paced the room. Unsure of how to respond to this incident. Too much brainstorming made his knees weak and he slumped to the floor. Rubbing his face roughly, and leaning against the wall, Noel let his mind go blank for a few minutes.

Could this be soul transmigration? It was hard to believe.

Death and fate were playing with Noel like a circle that kept spinning, he was trapped in it and couldn't run out.

So, who should he blame for everything that happened to him? To whom should he avenge every pain, and this moment is no exception. Thinking about how he must face fate again is like swallowing hundreds of bitter pills. Then, does fate want him to start a new life from scratch?

As the minutes passed, the dazed thoughts slowly evaporated. Letting out a long breath, Noel walked towards where the shower was. There was a flash of embarrassment as he recalled how he had impudently unzipped to see the private body parts of the owner of the body he was now occupying. However, that did not last long.

Once the faucet was opened, Noel felt somewhat relaxed at the hot water that poured out. Cleansing the stains on the body. Noel rubbed the surface of the skin and felt something different on the back and stomach area. His eyes closed under the tap water could not allow his to see clearly, so Noel turned off the shower.

Noel was surprised to find many scars on his stomach and back. His hand trembled as he felt the five-centimeter-long scar on the abdomen, as well as what he believed to be gunshot wounds on the back and left side of the chest, almost to the heart.

"It must have hurt a lot when these wounds were fresh," Noel muttered, imagining himself getting how many wounds it could only shudder in horror.

Finishing his cleaning, Noel stepped out of the bathroom to find a white short-sleeved t-shirt stuck near the sink. He was grateful that the shirt was clean and not as dirty as the one he wore earlier. Noel quickly changed his clothes and looked around the place where he was currently.

Noel was surprised to see that it was practically deserted. No people, no life, no movement. It turned out that he was alone there. Noel walked towards the window, outside the colorful street lights were brightly lit. Finally he found out that he was in a very luxurious apartment with a view of the New York City building.

When Noel opened the refrigerator, he didn't find anything edible to fill his stomach, apart from a few cans of beer and a few bottles of mineral water. And finally Noel took a bottle of mineral water to drink a few sips, then sat on the dining table chair while massaging the temples that still left dizzy.

Noel's shock became endless when he accidentally saw that the calendar in the room showed the date January 08, 2009. Whereas as he remembered, it was only yesterday that he closed his eyes for the last time during the winter in December 1994, Time flies, doesn't it?

Noel didn't know what to do now other than leaning back against the chair while closing his eyes and sighing for the umpteenth time while calming his mind.

A faint vibration from a ringing cell phone emanated from a different room, breaking his reverie. Noel stood up to check the phone. There was no name on the call, just an unknown number. Although hesitant to pick up the call, Noel picked it up anyway, and immediately a voice from the other side was heard greeting the eardrums.

"Hey Nate, I heard you got caught, huh? hahaha I knew something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. There's a saying, as smart as a squirrel jumps, it will eventually fall too, ahahaha...!!!"

Noel could sense the sneer in the words of the person on the other side that were meant for the person named Nate. He frowned after hearing the laughter from that person, not knowing where the punchline was from the few sentences that were said. Noel still didn't understand the point of this conversation.

"Hey, why aren't you talking? Did they cut out your tongue when you were caught?"

Noel cut off the call unilaterally.

"Caught?" Noel repeated the single word spoken by the stranger on the other end of the line with a puzzled expression.

At that instant, Noel remembered something. Immediately, he made a small run to the bathroom. He glanced around until he found what he was looking for. Noel picked up the gun and he remembered something.

"This is a real gun." Noel stared in half disbelief. Now he knew, the owner of this body was named Nate.

Outside, the apartment bell rang, signaling the arrival of someone. Slowly but surely, Noel made his way to the entrance to check who it was that had arrived with a gun in hand.

The bell rang once again. Noel reached the door. He tightened his grip on the handle of the gun.

"Open the door, it's the police!" There was a voice from outside.

The shocked Noel was wide-eyed as the gun fell to the floor. Receiving no response from inside, an uninvited guest punched in some numbers on the apartment's password.

The sound of the door opening, then closing again. The person stepped inside and found Noel standing still with a trembling body and cold sweat dripping down his forehead, not far from where he stood a gun lying on the floor.

"You ...?!"

And darkness was the last thing Noel saw before his body collapsed unconscious.