The Bare Facts

INT. RORY'S HOUSE – DAY. OR NIGHT…

"So." Rory said, turning on his phone and having it on a tripod. "Hullo baby Anthony. This is Rory Williams, dictating my book for you. I'm not actually known as a writer. My wife, your new mum, Amelia – Amy – she writes the Melody Malone books. You'll read them when you're older. So. It's 1946. And even knowing how the war was going to turn out, I'm glad it's finally over. And I'm mostly impressed by people. They can get through so much, just by being brave, and optimistic, and resilient. Next week, little Anthony, you'll be coming home, here, to me, your new mum, and your new uncle. Your uncle is Jared Shay, he's half ghost now, and he still visits us from time to time." He walked up to his phone for a moment. "Which is why I'm recording all this for you, on the only working smartphone in the world." Rory then walked away from his phone. "Right. In previous chapters, I've talked about how I met your mum, at school, about 43 years from now. How we got engaged. How I was killed by an old lady alien but it was a dream. Then how Homura Akemi and I were killed by a Silurian and stopped existing completely. How Homura and I were Plastic Centurions waiting for your mum and Madoka Kaname for about 2,000 years. And then how the universe ended and I died again. Then we got married and then Mami Tomoe and I shot on a dam, and then I drowned with Sinon, but we were rescued by a mermaid, and your mum gave me CPR. Which brings me to the chapter that follows. In which your mum and your uncle had to deal with me getting very old, and angry, and, well, dead. Right. So. This is the next chapter of what happened to me and your mother when we used to hang around with… your future brother-in-law, your future uncle, and your future friends called Team RWBY. I call this chapter: 'I'm the Pretty One.'"

"Rory! Stop faffing about in there and come and help me and Jared paint the baby's room! Now!" Amy yelled, nearby.

"Rory the Roman, we don't have all day!" Jared said, angrily. "Now come and listen to your wife!"

And Rory shuts off the camera.

Mayor's office…

The city skyline is seen through the window. The Mayor's reflection is visible.

"The city of Townsville… …is entirely mine! I love this job!" The mayor said, approaching his desk chair, which has a set of steps next to it. "There's just so much to love about being the Mayor! Meeting new people, visiting exotic places, soaring to new heights. And I love my office!"

On the desk is a phone, a picture of the Mayor's wife, an intercom speaker, and some papers with a drawing on the top sheet. The hotline is on a nearby stand.

"I love my phone…" The mayor said, picking up receiver; a dial tone is heard. "Hello, this is the Mayor. I'd like to order a pizza. Put it on my tab." He hung up, laughing. "I love the power!" The mayor picked up a picture and holding a pen in one hand. "Ah, my wife. I love my—uh, pen." He put both down. "And I just love the responsibility and the active decision-making that comes with being one man in charge of an entire city!" The mayor pushed the intercom button. "Uh, Ms. Bellum…what am I supposed to do?"

"Good morning, Mayor. Well, you can start by signing some very important documents on your desk." Ms. Bellum said, over the intercom.

The mayor looked down at the papers; the drawing is of the Mayor as a bodybuilder, with the words 'I'm Strong!' underneath. He continues to work on it as he speaks.

"Important documents? Where would those be? Important documents…" The mayor said, turning the drawing over, reading it. "Oh! 'Im-por-tant…nnnnnew…lllllaw.' Hmmm! Wonder what this is all about. Well, it must be important. I'll sign it." He taps on the desk for a long moment, then activates the intercom again. "Hi, Ms., uh, Bellum, ah…"

"M…A…Y…O…R." Ms. Bellum said, over the intercom, having anticipated this coming.

"Oh, uh, yes. Thank you, Ms. Bellum." The mayor said, as a crash of glass is heard nearby. "Oh, my!" The office window is smashed. "What's all that glass doing on the floor?"

Mojo Jojo pops into view at point-blank range. The Mayor cries out in surprise as he leaps high into the air and swings a club toward the mayor. Mojo is holding the club and grinning evilly. The mayor is slowly tilting toward the floor.

"Oh, it's you…You won't get away with this…Mojo Jo…" The mayor said, woozily.

The mayor trails off and he looks down at Mojo's feet. The Mayor presumably passes out and falls unconscious, leaving him at Mojo's mercy. Several seconds pass before he speaks again, and it's still dark.

Mojo's lair…

"Oh, my head!" The mayor said, moaning briefly. "Oh! Where am I? Why can't I see?…Wait! And why can't I move my arms and legs?!"

"Oh, shut up already!" Mojo yelled.

"Who's that? Is that you, Mommy?"

"No, dummy! It's me, the evil Mojo Jojo! I blindfolded and tied you up in order to keep the whereabouts of my secret lair a secret!"

"Oh! You mean the observatory on the top of the volcano in the middle of Townsville Central Park?" The mayor asked.

"Ooh, shut up, I say! I say'"shut up' because I am going to become powerful. But before I can become powerful, I must be taken seriously. And the only way to be taken seriously is to rule the city of Townsville as the Mayor! But in order for me to become Mayor, you cannot be Mayor, and that is why I had to strip you of your…" Mojo said, as he is cut off by a crash and the sound of the girls' arrival.

"Not…" Blossom said.

"…so fast…" Buttercup said.

"…Mojo Jojo!" Bubbles yelled.

"Powerpuff Girls! Ooh, take this!" Mojo said, angrily.

A fight breaks out; Mojo and the Girls trade blows for a while.

"Ow!" Blossom said, sternly. "That's it, Mojo. Now you're gonna get it!"

Mojo takes several blows with little retaliation in rapid succession and collapse groaning to the floor. Seems the Girls gave him a good counter-attack thrashing after striking Blossom and setting off her berserk button.

"Let's get the Mayor!" Blossom said, laughing a bit. "Are you okay, Mayor?"

"Yeah, are you okay?" Buttercup asked, also laughing.

Bubbles giggles.

"What's so funny?" The mayor asked.

"Oh, nothing. Come on!" Blossom said, still laughing.

The girls giggle and take off.

After a few seconds of flying and giggling, the girls land.

Mayor's office…

The mayor looks at Blossom's eyes. He screams in surprise.

"Oh! Hi, Blossom. Hey, where am I?" The mayor asked.

Blossom backs up from the mayor, holding a piece of cloth—the blindfold—and the view from the desk is re-established. The other Girls are now on the other side of it.

"Back in your office, safe and sound." Blossom said, giggling. "Are you okay?"

Blossom backs up to join the others.

"A-OK, I think. Why, that was some fight I heard. Thank you for saving my life—although what was so gosh darn funny?" The mayor asked, and Bubbles giggles. "Why were you all laughing?"

"Well…you don't want to hear it. It…it's such a long story." Blossom said, sadly.

"Yeah, long story." Bubbles and Buttercup said, at the same time.

"I got time." The mayor said, looking at the girls.

"Well, you see, it goes like this." Blossom said.

"We were all at school." Bubbles said.

Pokey Oaks Kindergarten…

A crayon drawing of the school building appears, complete with a happy sun and a few clouds. Bubbles is holding a picture of a flower. An arrow with her name points to her.

"And I was drawing a pretty picture of a red daisy." Bubbles said, as a voiceover.

The words 'red flower' appear by the picture. As she continues, Blossom—labeled with her name—making a disparaging comment; Bubbles' expression saddens.

"But then Blossom came along and said that the red daisy was bi…bi-o-ge…netical…biogenetically impossible!" Bubbles said, as a voiceover.

The petals fall off the picture, and Bubbles' label changes to 'Sad Bubbles'. A moment later, the flower sprouts yellow petals and gets a new label and she brightens again. She holds up both pictures, labeled with their respective colors.

"So then I made it a yellow one, but I really liked the red one. Maybe I should have just made two flowers, one red and one…" Bubbles said.

"Bubbles!" Buttercup yelled, as a voiceover.

Mayor's office…

"The Mayor doesn't want to hear about your stupid baby stories. He just wants to know the bare facts. Who cares about some dumb old flower anyway? Mayor, I'll tell you what really happened. See…" Buttercup said.

"I was at school…" Blossom said.

Pokey Oaks Kindergarten…

Blossom is sitting on the floor in the classroom, reading a book. The picture is rendered entirely in pink and red tones.

"…brushing up on my conversational Chinese, when all of a sudden, my hotline phone rang." Blossom said, as a voiceover, while the hotline rang and she rushes toward it. "I knew there was trouble, and I had to act fast. I rushed to the phone…"

Mayor's office…

"Why is everything always about you? We were there too." Buttercup said, scoffing.

"Yeah! And I was drawing a very important picture. Although now I can't remember if it was a yellow flower or a pink flower—hey, Blossom, do you remember what color it…" Bubbles said, sadly.

"Anyway, like I was saying…" Blossom said.

Pokey Oaks Kindergarten…

Blossom is talking into the hotline.

"…I answered the phone…" Blossom said, as a voiceover, as the other girls were standing motionless against the back wall. "…oh, and Buttercup and Bubbles were there too, I guess."

Mayor's office (Past)…

Ms. Bellum is at the hotline.

"It was Ms. Bellum on the phone. She informed me that you'd been kidnapped!" Blossom said, as a voiceover, and there's the smashed window.

Mayor's office (Present)...

"Hey, you mean Mayor-napped, don't you? He's not a little kid, you know." Bubbles said, frowning.

"Yeah, he's no spring chicken." Buttercup said, annoyed.

"Yeah, he's no chicken."

"Shush!" Blossom said, raising her hands in anger and her sisters obey, and she turns back to the Mayor. "Mr. Mayor, you had written an elaborate note telling Ms. Bellum that you'd gone home to write your election speech."

"I did? How smart of me!" The mayor said, excitedly.

"That's not what I mean! See, you didn't actually write the note." Blossom said.

"But you just said I wrote the note!"

"Ms. Bellum said that you couldn't have possibly written the note because she writes all of your speeches."

"Me and Bellum wrote the note?"

"NOOOO! Neither you nor Ms. Bellum wrote the note!" Blossom said, waving her hands, Buttercup breaks into a little smile with her arms still folded.

"Then who wrote the note? Did Jared write the note?" The mayor asked.

"No. Jared is in 1946 hanging out with the Ponds. From what he told me over the hotline."

"If Jared didn't due to being back in time, then who did? I'm sorry, Blossom, but this is all terribly confusing."

"I knew that there was only one evil menacing character cunning enough to do this." Blossom said, happily.

"Mojo Jojo!" Bubbles said, angrily.

"Mojo Jojo?" The mayor asked.

"Yes! Yes!" The girls said, at the same time.

"Mojo Jojo wrote my speech?" The mayor asked, and the girls become irritated at this. "I'll have to thank him."

"AAAAAAHHH!" Buttercup yelled, screaming in frustration. "MOJO WROTE THE NOTE! MOJO WROTE THE NOTE!"

Exterior of the observatory…

The girls are flying to the observatory.

Mojo's lair…

"We got to the observatory…" Buttercup said, as a voiceover, crashing in. "…busted in…" She strikes Mojo. "…beat up Mojo…. Buttercup flies out with the Mayor. "…rescued you…"

Mayor's office…

"…and here we are! Can we go home now?" Buttercup asked.

"Buttercup! There's more to the story than that!" Blossom said, worried.

"Why were you laughing so much? My life was at stake! I don't see what was so funny." The mayor said, sadly.

"Well, I'm trying to get to that, Mayor…." Blossom said, shooting Buttercup a look. "…if Buttercup would just butt out and let me tell the story!"

Townsville…

The girls are in flight, with Blossom in the lead.

"We quickly forged out on our mission to defeat Mojo Jojo, in a typical V-pattern formation." Blossom said, as a voiceover.

There is a crayon drawing of the girls in flight.

"Yeah. We were flying to Mojo Jojo's house." Bubbles said, as a voiceover. "I like flying. Oh, and then there were these really pretty clouds. And there was one that was shaped like a heart, and there was this one that looked like a pretty pony, and there was one that looked like a cloud…"

There are each shape of cloud as Bubbles mentions it.

Mayor's office…

"As I was saying…" Blossom said, taking out a blueprint of Mojo's lair.

Mojo's lair…

"I devised a tactical plan based on past scenarios we have encountered. Abiding to my Powerpuff Girls plan book…" Blossom said, as a voiceover, and a path is traced out. "…we surrounded the perimeter of the evil Mojo Jojo compound, as outlined in section Ten-A."

Mayor's office…

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Buttercup exclaimed.

Mojo's lair….

Buttercup smashes through the observatory ceiling.

"I busted in—SMASH!" Buttercup said, as a voiceover, while Mojo sees her come in. "And there was Mojo. 'Arrrr', he said." Mojo looked at her. "'Not so fast', I said." Buttercup looked at Mojo. "'Grrrr', Mojo said." The two face off. "It was just me and Mojo." Buttercup looked at Mojo. "'Ha-ha!' he said." Mojo pulls out a large blaster. "Suddenly he was holding a giant laser." Buttercup looked at the muzzle, a beam emerging. "KA-BOOM! He fired!"

There is a crayon drawing of the laser beam.

"And there was a very pretty shiny blue color." Bubbles said, as a voiceover.

Buttercup is staring in fear.

"It was coming at us." Buttercup said, as a voiceover, as Blossom covers her face. "Blossom was helpless." Buttercup pulls her to safety, and the beam blows out a wall. "WHOOSH! And SMASH against the wall!"

There is a crayon drawing of dust and rubble flying everywhere.

"Yeah! Mojo did a very silly thing, he did…" Bubbles said, as a voiceover, while the dust clears to show a hole in the wall. "…blowing a hole in his house."

Mojo appears, with the label 'Mad Monkey' by him. He is red-faced and literally boiling over.

"Boy, was he mad. There was steam coming out of his ears." Bubbles said, as a voiceover.

The picture changes to show Mojo crying and labeled 'Sad Monkey'.

"But I knew that deep down inside he was a sad, poor little monkey." Bubbles said, as a voiceover.

Mayor's office…

"Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! You're not making any sense! The Mayor isn't following your stories at all!" Blossom said, angrily.

"Well, if you would butt out, maybe he would!" Buttercup yelled.

"Yeah! Butt out! Let me tell the story. I tell it the bestest. Besides, I remember everything like it happened yesterday." Bubbles said, scoffing.

"IT HAPPENED TODAY! See? This is what I mean!" Blossom said, looking at Bubbles.

"OH, SHUT UP!" Buttercup said.

"You don't even know how to tell a good bedtime story!" Bubbles said, worried.

"Girls! Girls! I just want to know why you were all laughing!" The mayor said, looking at the girls.

"Your turn, Blossom." Bubbles said, sadly.

Blossom clears her throat.

Mojo's lair…

Blossom is looking up at her adversary.

"Mojo surprised me by deviating from his usual textbook maneuver by employing his fighting Robo Mojo." Blossom said, as a voiceover, seeing Mojo at the controls.

There is the crayon drawing of a ray gun.

"Yeah. It was a big machine. Bigger than his laser machine, even." Bubbles said, as a voiceover, and there was a larger gun, a cannon, and the robot. "Even bigger—bigger than any bigger machine! Or even bigger than the biggest machine that's bigger than bigger!"

Mojo is getting ready to launch missiles.

"Mojo directed his missiles…" Blossom said, as a voiceover.

Buttercup in the robot's shadow.

"…but I was ready." Buttercup said, as a voiceover, and Mojo works the controls. "He fired…" She is imitating the sound of the launching as the missiles fly. "It was coming at me, and I jumped." They explode behind her. "SMASH! Hup!" Buttercup is imitating an explosion. "Ooooh!" She flies up to face Mojo. "And then I flew at him, and SMASH! CRASH!" Buttercup breaks through the dome and begins pounding him. "WHAM! Two-fisted punch! POW! ZAH! High kick! Head smash! Bash, sucker!"

There is a crayon drawing of a severely injured Mojo, with the hole in his braincap labeled 'Boo Boo'.

"Buttercup hurt Mojo's head." Bubbles said, as a voiceover, appearing and makes as if to kiss the exposed brain. "And I would have kissed his widdle boo-boo, but then I remembered he was a bad monkey, so I KICKED IN HIS FACE!"

Bubbles does so. Mojo holding up a pair of nunchucks and twirling them.

"All of a sudden, from nowhere, Mojo Jojo deployed these…ninja thingies." Blossom said, as a voiceover.

Mayor's office…

"Nunchucks." Buttercup said, clearing her throat.

Mayor's office…

Mojo is twirling them over his head.

"And WHOOSH—WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH! He was all kung fu style!" Buttercup said, as a voiceover, and Mojo, ready for a Shaolin throw-down; Buttercup makes a high, nasal whine to accompany it. "But I was ready."

The girls are in flight. Blossom is again running point.

"Then we initiated the attack again. I led the team, of course." Blossom said, as a voiceover.

Mojo is nailing Blossom in the face.

"But then Blossom got smashed. BASH! Right in the kisser." Buttercup said, as a voiceover.

There is a crayon drawing of Mojo swinging at Bubbles, then twirling the nunchucks like a jump rope. Both jump happily.

"And he almost got me." Bubbles said, as a voiceover, giggling.

Mojo is hauling off for another swing.

"And then Mojo Jojo turned around and swung a mind-blowing blow!" Blossom said, as a voiceover, and Buttercup is knocked senseless and falling in slow motion. "And he hit Buttercup. As she fell limp, that's when I knew that it was up to me to save the day!"

"Um…" Buttercup said, as a voiceover, nonplussed.

Mayor's office…

"I wasn't hit that hard." Buttercup said, annoyed.

"And what about me, huh?" Bubbles asked.

"Uh…you drew the pretty picture, remember?" Blossom asked.

"Oh, yeah." Bubbles said, happily.

"But what about all the laughing?" The mayor asked, even more frantically than before.

Mojo's lair…

Buttercup is tensed for battle.

"Now I was really mad." Buttercup said, as a voiceover, and Mojo cowers in her shadow. "Mojo was gonna get it!" He takes a beating. "SMASH! CRASH! I punched him!"

Blossom delivered an uppercut.

"And I gave him a good one of my own!" Blossom said, as a voiceover.

There is a crayon drawing of Bubbles landing a flying punch.

"I helped too." Bubbles said, as a voiceover.

Buttercup delivering more punishment.

"Buttercup was beating up Mojo pretty good, according to plan." Blossom said, as a voiceover.

There is a crayon drawing of a stream of liquid flying through the air.

"Yeah! And there were some guts." Bubbles said, as a voiceover, while Mojo is vomiting to the point where it's shooting off in a straight line. "Oh. I didn't like the guts, yuck."

Buttercup giving Mojo a few last kicks, while Blossom holds him up by his cape. Bubbles hovers in nearby.

"I took Mojo into custody in order to keep Buttercup from beating him up…" Blossom said, as a voiceover.

Trash can…

Bubbles opens it so Blossom can dump Mojo in, then puts the lid back on as Buttercup watches.

"…and deposited him in a safe place…" Blossom said, as a voiceover.

Mayor's office…

"…and then saved you and raced back here." Blossom said, smiling.

"And then we took off your blindfold, and then you asked us, 'Hey, what happened?' And then I told you I was drawing a picture of a pretty flower, and then Blossom said…" Buttercup said, happily.

"YOU'RE TELLING THE WHOLE STORY ALL OVER AGAIN!" Blossom and Bubbles yelled, at the same time.

"Sorry." Bubbles said, laughing nervously.

"Girls! That's all okey-dokey, peachy keen, and dandy, but you never explained what was so gosh darn funny!" The mayor said, looking at the girls.

"Oh, look at the time." Buttercup said.

"Yeah, we got to go." Blossom said. "Jared said he would be back from his visit to the Ponds after all this."

"See you, Mayor." Bubbles said.

"Bye!" The girls cheered, looking at the smashed window as they take off through it.

"Wait! Why were you laughing?" The mayor asked, looking out the window after them.

The mayor is wearing nothing but his hat and monocle. That means that Mojo stripped him of his clothes to wear himself as the new Mayor, but was unable to say that earlier before the Girls interrupted him and then fought and defeated him.

"Why were you girls laughing?" The mayor asked.

"Oh, Mayor, looks like Mojo stripped you of even more than your power." The narrator said, snickering.

The standard end shot comes up.

"But the girls couldn't bear…" The narrator said. "…to tell you the naked truth. Ha, ha, ha, ha! So once again, the day is saved, thanks to… …the Powerpuff Girls. Mayor, you cheeky devil."