Neptune Noir

In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: 'RWBY CHIBI'!

Detective building...

In the monochrome office of his private detective business, Neptune Vasilias is wearing a hat and a fake moustache while sitting at his desk. He drinks milk while having an internal monologue to the tune of a saxophone.

Jared Shay is leaning against the wall and reading fanfiction on a fan fiction website. The fan fiction involved a time child which is pretty cool for him.

"It was a dark and lonely night, just like every night before. But that's the life I'd chosen. The life of a junior detective. And then she walked into my office." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune flings the paddle ball he had just picked up and played with across the room as the silhouette of Cinder Fall passed the blinds of his window before opening the door of his office.

"I knew the dame was trouble the moment I laid eyes on her." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Cinder? A dame? Since when?" Jared asked, as a voice over.

"Maybe dame wasn't the best word." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Cinder blinks multiple times before speaking with a face and tone that indicates she heard the internal monologue, "Uh, excuse me?"

"How can I help you, dollface?" Neptune asked, tipping his hat to Cinder as she takes a seat opposite him at his desk.

"I'm trying to find someone. Word on the street is you're the one to see." Cinder said.

"Well, Neptune, you are Sherlock Holmes here." Jared said, as a voice over.

"Sherlock Holmes?" Neptune asked, as a voice over.

"Yeah. I'm your John Watson today."

"I could tell she was already falling for me. Falling hard." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Wait, what?" Cinder asked, looking behind herself before learning away.

"U-uh, nothing. Care for a drink?" Neptune asked, leaning away.

Neptune slides a glass of milk over to Cinder as they both return to normal seating positions.

"I was hoping she wouldn't notice the glass was dirty." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Man, you are really bad at monologuing." Jared said, as a voice over.

"Shut...up..."

"Uh, no thanks." Cinder said, pulling her hands back away from the glass.

"She noticed." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"I'm looking for the Fall Maiden. She's... uh, m-my sister." Cinder said.

"Like I'm gonna tell you where she is." Jared said, scoffing.

"You know where she is? Tell me. So I can find my sister."

"Clearly she was lying. But she was such a hot tamale that I just couldn't tell her no." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Can we move this along?" Cinder asked.

"First there's the little matter of my fee." Neptune said.

"Money is no object." Cinder said, flicking her hair back.

"That was my favorite tune." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Not mine." Jared said, as a voice over.

"Of course it isn't yours." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune climbs onto the desk.

"But what she didn't know is, sometimes, I prefered to be paid in smooches." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Sher...Neptune!" Jared said, angrily.

"Were you about to call me Sherlock?" Neptune asked.

Neptune puckers his lips while Cinder leans away in her chair with a look of shock and discomfort on her face.

"Yeah..." Jared said, sadly.

"Back off, buster!" Cinder said, jumping to her feet and slapping Neptune.

Neptune twirls backwards through the air, ricochets off the back off his chair, the rim of his desk, and the back of his chair again to land lying on the front of his chair with his head resting on the desk.

"The case is falling apart faster than a piñata at a mean kid's birthday party." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune shakes his head as he straightens himself up.

"Lucky for me, I was the only game in town. Or was I?" Neptune asked, as a voice over.

The door to the office swings open as Zwei enters wearing tweed deerstalker hat with a smoking pipe in his mouth and Amelia Watson enters wearing her detective outfit.

"Hey! This is my case! Get outta here you animal and Watson!" Neptune said, leaning over the table to point at Zwei and Amelia.

"Nah. I'm not leaving." Amelia said, crossing her arms.

"Well, you two couldn't be any worse than this guy. You're hired." Cinder said, looking between Amelia and Zwei.

"Thanks. Come on, Zwei. Time to solve some cases together." Amelia said, smiling.

Zwei gives a small bark of acknowledgement before turning around.

"Why does Ame get Zwei?" Jared asked, while Zwei exited the office with Amelia, followed by Cinder. "No fair!"

"She was gone from my life. It felt like she'd ripped my heart out and taken it with her. But I'm a big boy, and I figured there's no use crying over spilled milk." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune realizes that while twirling his hat, he'd knocked over his glass of milk. Seeing it spill down the corner of the table onto the floor, Neptune falls to one knee and wails. Nearby, it turns out Sun Wukong, wearing detective glasses and a fedora, was the one wailing on the saxophone all alone. He releases his mouth to deliver advice.

"Forget it, dude. It's Chibitown." Sun said.

Forest...

Peter Port eats a chicken drumstick while sitting on a stone by a campfire in a forest.

"Ha-ha! Are you weak and whiny? Too soft to face the great outdoors? Do people often confuse you for a newborn kitten?" Port asked, throwing the remnants of his drumstick into the fire and leaps to his feet. "Well, you're in luck. Because I'm here to help you."

As Port struts away from the fire closer to a clearing, the episode title stamps across the screen one word at a time: MAN UP WITH PORT!

"Today, we're going to build a fort using only a tree, a hammer and your bare teeth. Ah, just kidding, we don't need a hammer." Port said.

Taking the hammer he'd presented, Port flings it behind him where it sticks into a tree.

"All we need is determination. Sheer willpower and manliness! It won't be easy, but..." Port said, continuing his macho monologue, Winter Schnee appears in the background, walking into the clearing. "...if you can stick with me..."

Port abruptly notices Winter when he hears her footstep. He stops and turns to stare at her. Winter, unaware or unacknowledging, takes out her sword and Summons a log cabin of ice. Port's eyes go wide. He tries to recover his pride as Winter walks into her shelter.

"I mean, sure, that's one way to do it. . . . But her butt's gonna be cold." Port said.

Courtyard...

Taiyang Xiao Long is walking down the Beacon courtyard, facing a camera.

"Hey, guys! This is Tai's Tech Vlog. I heard these vlog thingies are all the rage, so I figured how hard could it be to..." Taiyang said, falling to the ground, having tripped over something.

Taiyang's camera captures him landing awkwardly before it cuts out. He is sitting on the stones of the courtyard, a couple empty benches behind him. The father of Ruby and Yang looks abashed.

"So... I dropped my camera and, yeah, it's broken after five seconds, but that's OK because I have a back up! Check this out!" Taiyang said, holding out both hands to the camera, and we see Zwei's tail wave back and forth. "That's right! Zwei-Cam!" He then used a baby voice. "Who's a good cameraman? You are."

Zwei starts barking and Taiyang looks alarmed. Zwei starts running, moving away from Taiyang, who chases after him.

"No! Zwei, come back! Sit! Stay. Stay!" Taiyang said.

Tripping over a small rise in the stones, Taiyang falls flat on his face.

Still in the courtyard, Taiyang is sheepishly determined to give it another go.

"OK, one last camera. But, it's not just any camera." Taiyang said, clicking the remote in his hand and the camera angle change to an airborne one. "Drone-Cam. That's right. How cool is this? Check out the bird's eye view of... Oh."

The camera moves from focusing down on Taiyang to straight ahead at an oncoming pink-eyed crow. The crow is startled and tries to avoid the collision, but doesn't. The camera falls from the drone and briefly shows both the crow and the drone falling as it spins in the air. It lands on the ground, facing the Academy. First the drone lands. Qrow Branwen is face first on the ground shortly after. Taiyang rushes over and looks between the two, anxious. Finally he grabs the drone and runs off, spewing words.

"Please like, comment and subscribe!" Taiyang said.

Qrow's leg twitches twice.In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: 'RWBY CHIBI'!

Detective building...

In the monochrome office of his private detective business, Neptune Vasilias is wearing a hat and a fake moustache while sitting at his desk. He drinks milk while having an internal monologue to the tune of a saxophone.

Jared Shay is leaning against the wall and reading fanfiction on a fan fiction website. The fan fiction involved a time child which is pretty cool for him.

"It was a dark and lonely night, just like every night before. But that's the life I'd chosen. The life of a junior detective. And then she walked into my office." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune flings the paddle ball he had just picked up and played with across the room as the silhouette of Cinder Fall passed the blinds of his window before opening the door of his office.

"I knew the dame was trouble the moment I laid eyes on her." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Cinder? A dame? Since when?" Jared asked, as a voice over.

"Maybe dame wasn't the best word." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Cinder blinks multiple times before speaking with a face and tone that indicates she heard the internal monologue, "Uh, excuse me?"

"How can I help you, dollface?" Neptune asked, tipping his hat to Cinder as she takes a seat opposite him at his desk.

"I'm trying to find someone. Word on the street is you're the one to see." Cinder said.

"Well, Neptune, you are Sherlock Holmes here." Jared said, as a voice over.

"Sherlock Holmes?" Neptune asked, as a voice over.

"Yeah. I'm your John Watson today."

"I could tell she was already falling for me. Falling hard." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Wait, what?" Cinder asked, looking behind herself before learning away.

"U-uh, nothing. Care for a drink?" Neptune asked, leaning away.

Neptune slides a glass of milk over to Cinder as they both return to normal seating positions.

"I was hoping she wouldn't notice the glass was dirty." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Man, you are really bad at monologuing." Jared said, as a voice over.

"Shut...up..."

"Uh, no thanks." Cinder said, pulling her hands back away from the glass.

"She noticed." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"I'm looking for the Fall Maiden. She's... uh, m-my sister." Cinder said.

"Like I'm gonna tell you where she is." Jared said, scoffing.

"You know where she is? Tell me. So I can find my sister."

"Clearly she was lying. But she was such a hot tamale that I just couldn't tell her no." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Can we move this along?" Cinder asked.

"First there's the little matter of my fee." Neptune said.

"Money is no object." Cinder said, flicking her hair back.

"That was my favorite tune." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Not mine." Jared said, as a voice over.

"Of course it isn't yours." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune climbs onto the desk.

"But what she didn't know is, sometimes, I prefered to be paid in smooches." Neptune said, as a voice over.

"Sher...Neptune!" Jared said, angrily.

"Were you about to call me Sherlock?" Neptune asked.

Neptune puckers his lips while Cinder leans away in her chair with a look of shock and discomfort on her face.

"Yeah..." Jared said, sadly.

"Back off, buster!" Cinder said, jumping to her feet and slapping Neptune.

Neptune twirls backwards through the air, ricochets off the back off his chair, the rim of his desk, and the back of his chair again to land lying on the front of his chair with his head resting on the desk.

"The case is falling apart faster than a piñata at a mean kid's birthday party." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune shakes his head as he straightens himself up.

"Lucky for me, I was the only game in town. Or was I?" Neptune asked, as a voice over.

The door to the office swings open as Zwei enters wearing tweed deerstalker hat with a smoking pipe in his mouth and Amelia Watson enters wearing her detective outfit.

"Hey! This is my case! Get outta here you animal and Watson!" Neptune said, leaning over the table to point at Zwei and Amelia.

"Nah. I'm not leaving." Amelia said, crossing her arms.

"Well, you two couldn't be any worse than this guy. You're hired." Cinder said, looking between Amelia and Zwei.

"Thanks. Come on, Zwei. Time to solve some cases together." Amelia said, smiling.

Zwei gives a small bark of acknowledgement before turning around.

"Why does Ame get Zwei?" Jared asked, while Zwei exited the office with Amelia, followed by Cinder. "No fair!"

"She was gone from my life. It felt like she'd ripped my heart out and taken it with her. But I'm a big boy, and I figured there's no use crying over spilled milk." Neptune said, as a voice over.

Neptune realizes that while twirling his hat, he'd knocked over his glass of milk. Seeing it spill down the corner of the table onto the floor, Neptune falls to one knee and wails. Nearby, it turns out Sun Wukong, wearing detective glasses and a fedora, was the one wailing on the saxophone all alone. He releases his mouth to deliver advice.

"Forget it, dude. It's Chibitown." Sun said.

Forest...

Peter Port eats a chicken drumstick while sitting on a stone by a campfire in a forest.

"Ha-ha! Are you weak and whiny? Too soft to face the great outdoors? Do people often confuse you for a newborn kitten?" Port asked, throwing the remnants of his drumstick into the fire and leaps to his feet. "Well, you're in luck. Because I'm here to help you."

As Port struts away from the fire closer to a clearing, the episode title stamps across the screen one word at a time: MAN UP WITH PORT!

"Today, we're going to build a fort using only a tree, a hammer and your bare teeth. Ah, just kidding, we don't need a hammer." Port said.

Taking the hammer he'd presented, Port flings it behind him where it sticks into a tree.

"All we need is determination. Sheer willpower and manliness! It won't be easy, but..." Port said, continuing his macho monologue, Winter Schnee appears in the background, walking into the clearing. "...if you can stick with me..."

Port abruptly notices Winter when he hears her footstep. He stops and turns to stare at her. Winter, unaware or unacknowledging, takes out her sword and Summons a log cabin of ice. Port's eyes go wide. He tries to recover his pride as Winter walks into her shelter.

"I mean, sure, that's one way to do it. . . . But her butt's gonna be cold." Port said.

Courtyard...

Taiyang Xiao Long is walking down the Beacon courtyard, facing a camera.

"Hey, guys! This is Tai's Tech Vlog. I heard these vlog thingies are all the rage, so I figured how hard could it be to..." Taiyang said, falling to the ground, having tripped over something.

Taiyang's camera captures him landing awkwardly before it cuts out. He is sitting on the stones of the courtyard, a couple empty benches behind him. The father of Ruby and Yang looks abashed.

"So... I dropped my camera and, yeah, it's broken after five seconds, but that's OK because I have a back up! Check this out!" Taiyang said, holding out both hands to the camera, and we see Zwei's tail wave back and forth. "That's right! Zwei-Cam!" He then used a baby voice. "Who's a good cameraman? You are."

Zwei starts barking and Taiyang looks alarmed. Zwei starts running, moving away from Taiyang, who chases after him.

"No! Zwei, come back! Sit! Stay. Stay!" Taiyang said.

Tripping over a small rise in the stones, Taiyang falls flat on his face.

Still in the courtyard, Taiyang is sheepishly determined to give it another go.

"OK, one last camera. But, it's not just any camera." Taiyang said, clicking the remote in his hand and the camera angle change to an airborne one. "Drone-Cam. That's right. How cool is this? Check out the bird's eye view of... Oh."

The camera moves from focusing down on Taiyang to straight ahead at an oncoming pink-eyed crow. The crow is startled and tries to avoid the collision, but doesn't. The camera falls from the drone and briefly shows both the crow and the drone falling as it spins in the air. It lands on the ground, facing the Academy. First the drone lands. Qrow Branwen is face first on the ground shortly after. Taiyang rushes over and looks between the two, anxious. Finally he grabs the drone and runs off, spewing words.

"Please like, comment and subscribe!" Taiyang said.

Qrow's leg twitches twice.