Trauma

"Oh my, a real Wanderer standing in house," Rosary said with controlled excitement. "I thought you guys had died off long ago, but I'm glad to see that's not the case."

"You know about the Wanderer's," Xylvia asked. "You're not that mucher older than me, so I'd assume you'd be clueless about these things."

"I may be a woman with an appetite, but I'm a bit of a research addict as well. I've always been interested in what this world was like before I was ever around. So many different creatures and treasures and even customs…just gone like that. There used to be so much color and spirit here. I never knew the Corruption did this much to the world."

"Well, if you're interested, I can tell you some things that I know," Wanderer spoke up. "I'm not sure if it'll be viable, but it's just something I-"

"YOU'D REALLY DO THAT?!"

Rosary suddenly bolted right into Wanderer's face, her hands gripping tightly onto his shoulders as her face flowed with a beaming smile. Wanderer didn't flinch at all from her sudden burst of energy. He just smiled back and responded kindly.

"Yeah, I don't mind," Wanderer said. "I'm honestly glad to hear that someone wants to learn more about my people. It's a lot better than being outcasted and chased by a bunch of weapon wielding maniacs that's for sure."

"What?! Who would ever want to hurt you?!"

"Someone who sees them doing something strange and then sees them following you for no reason." Xylvia answered.

"Come on now." I said, trying to stop another argument from happening.

Rosary grabbed Wanderer's hand and led him to a little seating area where a couch, a few chairs, a little coffee table and a stand with a mirror sitting on tap of it. This setup was oddly familiar to the usual setup in a regular home, minus a few of the chairs. The more I looked around, I could see that Rosary was definitely a research addict with all the shelves of books she had around her house. If anything, there were nothing BUT books all around the place. Some were even scattered around the floor along with several papers with writing on them and just large, blank sheets spread out all over the place.

"I don't ever get a lot of people who come over," Rosary said, picking up some of the rubbish that was sitting on the table. "And I most definitely wasn't expecting a Wanderer to be here, so please forgive the mess."

"I'm not really a judging person, so it's not a problem," Wanderer said with an awkward smile. "Anyways, what questions did you have for me?"

"Well, this isn't really me wanting to turn this into a research project, but more of me wanting to just talk to you. I've always wanted to talk to a Wanderer, ever since I was a young girl actually."

"Wait, really?" Xylvia chimed in.

"Yep. You may take me as nothing but a quirky Selloff, but I have hopes and dreams of my own too you know."

Rosary gave Xylvia a smirk that gave off an "I told you so" kind've tone. Xylvia just replied with an eye roll.

"I can see that you decided to make Hiro your host," Rosary said. "So, are you gonna stay looking like him forever?"

"Well, and no offense, I'd like to think that I won't," Wanderer answered, giving me a quick apology mid-sentence to which I replied with a shrug. "There's a look that I'm going for, but I'm not sure how to get it."

"What exactly is this look?" Rosary asked.

"Well, I wouldn't mind being a little shorter. I'd also like a different hair color. Maybe blonde or white? Hiro's eyes are a darker shade of green, but I'd like for mine to be much lighter. Maybe longer hair? I'm fine with being a guy…"

"Wait, so you have the ability to pick and choose what you wanna look like?" I asked.

"We do. Well, I believe so. At least, that's what my others said."

"Wait, you have others?" Rosary asked, getting ecstatic again.

"Well yeah, I'm not the only one. Though, I don't know where they are anymore. Somewhere in the middle of the Colored Forrest."

Rosary was on the verge of squealing.

"I hope I get to meet them one day," she said. "Hopefully they don't end up using me as a host though. This world isn't ready for two of me."

"We weren't even prepared for one." Xylvia snorted.

"Fuck you."

"Sorry. I'm not into girls."

"Should probably start thinking about expanding your options because you landing a guy is about as likely as this Corruption problem being solved by tomorrow."

"Hey…girls." I said.

"Well at least I don't jump around with a bunch of them," Xylvia retorted. "I don't need a guy to live a great life."

"What does that make Hiro then?" Rosary asked.

"A friend," I answered for her. "Anyways, you girls should probably-"

"Hiro isn't just a guy, he's a great friend," Xylvia continued. "You've never seen me go up to some random stranger and talk to them right?"

"Isn't that the whole point of meeting someone though?"

"Well…I mean…I…"

That was actually a fair point on Rosary's part.

"Hehehe! I'm just teasing you child," Rosary giggled. "But don't go thinking that you don't need anybody. Everybody needs someone in their life. A friend, lover, parent, sibling, or even a god. Just need to make sure that they're the right one for you. Whether that be hundreds of people, or just one person."

"You guys seem like good friends." Wanderer said.

"Nah, we're more like very acquainted strangers than we are friends. We constantly get on each other's nerves for whatever the reason may be… Hey, what happened to your hair?"

"That's what I've been trying to say." I groaned.

What we could see was Wanderer's hair beginning to slowly change from my black to a slightly dark white. His hair also grew a little longer too, with some curls at the end of it.

"It's so fluffy," Rosary cried, instantly playing with Wanderer's new hair. "So soft and clean! It's not fair! I want it! Please, let me have it!"

"Was this the hair you wanted?" Xylvia asked.

"Well, I can't really tell since Rosary's kind've keeping it to herself," Wanderer said, smiling awkwardly. "Though my head does feel…a lot lighter."

Ouch.

I mean, I haven't showered since I first got here, so of course I'll feel a little heavy. Xylvia did point me to a shower room, but I forgot to ask her what the character for "men" and "women" looked like so I ended up just walking back with my head hung after standing there for thirty minutes waiting for someone to come out. And then we got wrapped up in all the chaos that's been happening, so it kind've just passed my mind.

I should shower when I get back to the room.

"How'd you do that," Rosary asked after finally seizing her assault on Wanderer's hair. "Did you manifest it or something?"

"I don't think so," Wanderer said, playing with his hair. "I'm actually not really sure how it happened. Honestly, I felt weird. Like I was in some sort of moment before I felt my head growing lighter. And now here I am with this hair."

"Can you describe the moment you were having?"

"It was…weird. Like, I felt like I was here for a reason. Like I had a reason to be here in that moment."

"I don't really think a lot was happening," I said. "I mean, those two were just joking around."

"Does that matter," Wanderer asked. "I was having a moment with that. Even if I rarely said anything, I still enjoyed it."

"So as long as you find a purpose in something, you can change into the person you want to be?"

"I-I guess so."

Weird, but I guess if it works then it works.

"Mmmmm…~ It smells like Cloud Flowers and Tree Syrup." Rosary exhaled after taking a long sniff at Wanderer's hair.

"…eehhh…?" Wanderer sighed embarrassingly.

"So you've been researching on Wanderers ever since you were a child?" Wanderer asked.

"They've been my key interest for the longest time," Rosary said. "I remember my first encounter with one, but it was so long ago that I completely forgot what he or she looked like."

"Well, it shouldn't be that hard to remember. I mean, we all look pretty much the same."

"I'd like to think that each and every one of them have a distinct difference about them."

"So that pushed you to learn more about them?" I asked.

"Well, that's part of the reason. Most of it was because…well…I-I…um…"

The color of her cheeks turned into a bright shade of red. She used the bangs of her hair to partially hide her face. Her manner was kinda…cute. And a little funny.

"I may or may not have had a crush on them…" she said with an awkward smile.

An awkward silence filled the room. Rosary was constantly fidgeting with her fingers and hair as she tried to compose herself. I raised my right eyebrow a little bit and Xylvia's mouth wouldn't stop opening and closing irregularly.

A few moments later, Wanderer let out a soft chuckle. Rosary's face went as red as a cherry after that.

"D-D-Don't laugh at me," she shouted with a voice crack at the end. "I've kept this to myself for so long! I d-didn't want anyone thinking that I was w-weird…"

Rosary slowed down a little after thinking about why she was about to say. Of course we still heard her, but we all knew that Rosary was doing a hard double take.

"Oh who am I kidding," she moaned as she slumped back down onto her sofa. "I'm passed the bar of weird. I'm…just some freak…"

"Hey now, that's not true." Wanderer rejected, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Wanderer. You don't understand. Xylvia, please explain to him the…things that I've done in my life…"

"She's a sex obsessed maniac who had her ears violated by a Summon decades ago." Xylvia said, with zero hesitation or remorse.

"…wouldn't that hurt?" Wanderer asked.

"Pleasure can be found in pain…~!" Rosary said with a low, lovely voice.

"All I feel is pain just from imagining that." Xylvia mumbled.

"You enjoy stuff like that?" Wanderer asked Rosary.

"Well…I…I'm not really…sure…anymore…"

Now this caught Xylvia completely off guard. For me, however, I was starting to grasp what kind of person Rosary was.

"I don't even remember the last time I enjoyed sex. Hell, I don't even remember why I loved it in the first place. Some days, I just find myself wanting it. I never even had a reason for it. I just…wanted it…"

"How does that make any sense," Xylvia asked. "How could you want something when you don't even know why in the first place?"

"An addiction?"

Everyone suddenly looked at me funny.

"What's…an 'addition?'" Rosary asked me.

"An 'addiction' is when you become so obsessed with something, that you feel like you can't go any time without it," I explained. "Addictions are dangerous. They eat through your mind, taking away every single important thing in your life and replacing it with nothing but pain. It feels inescapable sometimes, because you feel like you can't do anything without it. Even when you know that it's hurting you. Killing you."

Rosary began to tense up. I noticed her hands were shaking badly. Wanderer quickly grabbed at them and glared at me.

"Can't you see she's scared," Wanderer said to me through an angry tone. "This isn't helping her."

"That's where you're wrong. She needs to hear herself and realize how bad this is affecting her."

I leaned closer towards Rosary with a serious look in my face and made sure she was looking directly at me.

"Please, be honest with me," I said to her. "How many times were you hurt?"

"…"

I can tell she had so much that she wanted to say. I could see the emotions in her eyes starting to overwhelm her. I could tell that she wanted to cry, but…

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry." I said, bowing my head.

"Don't be," Rosary said, lifting my head back up. "I've just…never had anyone talk to me like that before."

"Rosary?" Xylvia walked up to her. I've never seen her with a such concerned look on her face before.

"Please don't worry about it Xylvia. It's nothing to be concerned about. However, I forgot to ask. Why do you need my help?"

"But Rosary-"

"There's someone that's after us," I interrupted. "Long story short, we need you to keep an eye on Wanderer while we try and lure this person over here. Xylvia and I will be taking turns keeping watch during the nights and days. We were hoping to get some people to help us, but it looks like they'll be another problem. Zig's helping us out with that."

"What will you do when you catch him?" Rosary asked.

"All we can really do it talk to him and hopefully reason with him. We've got our backs against the wall, so it's the only option we've got. I'm really sorry."

"It's no problem. I'm fine with helping you guys out, but will you be ok?"

"I don't know, but I don't plan on dying. Not when I've got many other goals to accomplish."

Xylvia still had many things to say, but I shook my head.

"Not now Xyl," I said to her. "I bet you have a lot to ask her, but trust me."

"But…"

She looked over at Rosary, who gave her a bittersweet smile. There was pain behind that smile, but also reassurance.

"Ok…ok…"

She said no more after that. Keeping her head down, she left the room and walked out the front door.

"Please take care of him." I said to Rosary.

She nodded her head with that same smile.

"Wait, H-Hiro."

I turned back around. Wanderer was standing up, facing me with a serious look.

"Why are you protecting me?" He asked.

I thought for a moment before I came up with an answer.

"It's less about protecting and more about trying to lure that man out," I said to him. "However, I know that you're not a bad person. You're just confused, overwhelmed, trying to process too much at once. Xylvia did try to kill you, and you were trying to protect yourself. I don't like it, but I have nothing to say against that. You're just trying to be someone in a world that rejected you. That I can respect."

And with that, I left Rosary's place.

"Please teach Rosary everything you know about Wanderer's." I whispered behind myself.

I don't understand, but Rosary's pain was a pain I felt familiar with. A feeling of Hopelessness. I don't know why this felt so familiar. I don't remember any bad memories, or at least ones that left trauma behind for me to deal with.

I don't understand. Am I just really sympathetic?

Those images of me watching that waistless man crawling out from that room played in my head again, like an incredibly disturbing slideshow. Those couldn't be my memories. How could I forget something like that?