For king and country!

After my birthday and the reveal of my system, I spent about a week or so getting used to the increase in physique and balance, as well as my card throwing and facial expression control. Naturally, I decided to focus on training with daggers as dexterity was one of the attributes that my system focused on. This fact was still quite depressing, as I had always dreamed of having a class that could use a gun to fight monsters, much like what they used in wars 200 years ago. However, the fact that monsters couldn't be harmed without magic metal weapons, and the fact that the gunpowder needed for magic guns was incredibly expensive, this was obviously a pipe dream.

My father was incredibly proud of me serving in the army and of my unique system, and showed true pride for his son for the first time ever. He didn't even show this pride the one time I didn't come dead last in a basic martial arts tournament! That was one of my proudest achievements and I couldn't help but feel dejected that he valued me becoming a goddamn clown over that.

My mother, on the other hand, was incredibly worried, and produced enchanted clothes upon enchanted clothes to prepare me for my time in the army, stuffing me full of decent quality items that I couldn't actually take with me. While I appreciated the sentiment, she could've at least made it seem like I wasn't marching to my inevitable demise!

On the 20th of November, I finally set out to start my training to join the army, and on that very same day I apparently crossed into the pits of hell because that "training" was the purest form of torture, and should immediately be flagged as a war crime and banned for eternity.

On the first day, I was placed into the training regiment along with the other rogue, assassin and archer systems (with 2 other unique variants) due to my high dexterity. However, I was at a huge disadvantage, as my weapon proficiencies included card throwing and using cutlery. The instructor was a tall and lean man by the name of sergeant Dean. He was a unique rogue system and had my years of experience. He had thinning black hair with streaks of grey and a scar that ran across his cheek. Sergeant Dean began by giving a quick speech to motivate and introduce us:

"Alright, you bumbling batch of baboon-maggots! I know what some of you may be thinking that you are the protagonist of some story, and that with the help of your system will climb the ranks and leave an epic tale! But let me get ONE thing straight! You are all just the supporting cast to the true protagonist! And who is that?!" His words echoed through the dorm room as he glared at the trainees in front of him like a coyote to a dead gazelle, "England! You are here to support them to best all challenges that come our way, and to do that I will train you until you bleed from your ears and your legs fall off! Do! I! Make! Myself! Clear!?!?"

"Yes, sir!" We called out in unison.

'What a way with words. I sure am motivated now.' I lampooned inwardly, using my abilities to hid my smirk.

We immediately were assigned bunks and were given lockers to sign our names onto at put our stuff in. After signing my name, Henry Brown, I looked over to my bunk mate, Jeremy Wight, who was a very tall and lanky man with pale skin and bags under his eyes. He was relatively reserved, but we quickly hit it off and began chatting.

"I, uh, hear that you have a unique system. What is it? You don't have to say if you don't want to but I ..." He asked, with his voice trailing off into incomprehensible murmurs as he looked at me expectantly.

"Er, no it's fine. My system is called the Fool's system." I replied hastily, still quite embarrassed over the fact that it made me appear like a stupid, goddamn clown.

"Oh? I, uh, expected it to be a little different, something more, uh, rogue like but I suppose it's..." Once again he trailed off into murmurs before picking the sentence back up, "But it, uh, seems like an interesting system, I suppose... not like my bog-standard assassin I guess." We continued chatting for a while before we were taken in for dinner and our schedules truly began.

Our training schedule consisted of Breakfast, training, training, lunch break, drills, training, dinner and then free time, and finally lights out. Needless to say, it was the longest three months of my life. The first training sessions were always the dagger training, where we learned to fight various monsters and how to effectively use daggers.

On the first dagger training session, we worked on the bare basics of using daggers, and while the rogues, assassins and scouts were able to grasp the basics easily with their systems, as it turns out, the Fool is not at all suited to daggers! Jesus Christ, the number of times I got yelled at by sergeant Dean for dropping the dagger or "stabbing" myself with the blunt wooden daggers was seemingly infinite! But the worst part was the blisters. I got more blisters than all of my time hiking in the county marathon four times over!

But the most surprising aspect of this training wasn't my shockingly bad dagger skills, but Jeremy's horrifyingly good skills! Even if you don't count the system's bonuses, the dagger just seems to fly between his hands and strike with amazing precision! I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually an assassin before gaining his system!

'I should really take a dagger under my pillow, lest Jeremy should try and stab me in my sleep.' I lampooned, returning to my training.

After the dagger basics, we had various lectures and lessons on the different types of monsters, how to tell them apart and how to skin them. As it turns out, the monsters were way more diverse than I thought, with many looking way too similar. The difference we're often a low threat snake with grey rings to a high threat snake with ever so slightly greyer rings with poison so potent you will be in a coma before you even had a chance to shout for help! These lessons also included their weak spots, however. This was very comforting, as it gave me some sliver of hope for my survival.

Later that night, in the bunks. After coming back from dinner, I relaxed across my bunk, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating the meaning of life and how I was going to keep mine after training, when Jeremy struck up conversation, which was very unlike him to do.

"Hey, uh, Henry. If you, uh, are interested I could help you with the dagger training tomorrow. I saw you were struggling and I thought that maybe..." as per usual his voice trailed off into a low murmur, as he sat in the bed awkwardly.

"Hmm, sure I guess. It beats accidentally slitting my wrists with an actual dagger after training is over." I said, throwing out a joke that was met only with a low chuckle.

Ding!

~Milestone progress increased~

-Make others laugh (1/5)

'Uh, what!? That counted as a laugh!!? If all milestones are like this I'll max it out in no time! Heh, If only.' I thought, opening up the menu and looking through the milestones.

~Milestones~

-Make others laugh (1/5)

-distract someone (0/1)

-put on a performance (0/1)

I had attempted these in the week prior, but never made any progress. I had told countless jokes to my parents, however my father never laughed and my mother seemed to always give pity chuckles, and not once did it go up. But now it works?! When it comes to the others, I have no idea. I am very good at distracting people, and did so in the monster classes many times. This also had no effect. In order to 'put on a performance' I even joined a play! I wasn't very good as I did not memorise the lines but I sure as hell gave the audience a performance!

'I don't understand my system... Can I give it back?' I lampooned, before chatting with Jeremy some more. It was mostly about the dagger skills, but it was a nice chat nonetheless. Eventually, I gave in to exhaustion and swiftly fell asleep, staring at the pale white ceiling of the bunks.

December 1st, 10 days in training. During the first days of training, my progress with the dagger improved greatly after I received the tutelage of novice master Jeremy. Despite his inexperience he was an incredibly quick learner, and would've made a great sorcerer. But he's an assassin so what can you do? With the aid of Jeremy, I managed to just barely keep up with the others, as Jeremy always learned incredibly quick. I spent quite a lot of free time throwing cards, showing my prowess in controlling my body, as I was able to throw cards at decent speeds with decent accuracy. I even taught Jeremy, but it was much harder as it only came from a skill, rather than official training. All in all, I think archery was my strong point, as I was slightly above average in it, which completely astounded me. These days were mostly regular, until one day something unexpected happened.

"Alright, you small brained baboon maggots!" Sergeant Dean said, waking us up at the usual 4:00, "I have something VERY special for you today! We are going to do a little practical work! In the courtyard we have many captured monsters. Mustard hounds to be exact! If you novices have paid any attention to the monster hunting classes, you should now these beasts inside and out!" He yelled, looking over us with that usual cold glare, "I expect each and every one of you to enter the ring and slay the beast. Use every thing to your advantage, because lord knows your gonna need it! Now follow me!"

'Welp. Today is the day I die.' I cursed inwardly, as scenes of getting torn to shreds by a mustard hound surfaced in my head. Mustard hounds were called that because of their yellow fur, and were considered one of the most basic monsters. Their weak spot was the roof of their mouth, witch was somewhat accessible to those who had the right timing, as they were slow and had huge mouths. Other than that, the next best spit was the eyes, although that wasn't able to kill them, it would make them panic and bite wildly.

'Wow. I sure am smart. Maybe I can give the hound a bloody lecture instead.' I lampooned, remembering all that I could about the hound. Upon reaching the courtyard, cages upon cages of mustard hounds came into view, which were about as big as a teenage tiger. This did not give me any confidence at all.

"Hey, uh, Henry, are you gonna be ok?" Jeremy said as we got in line for the culling.

"Well, maybe dying to that thing won't be as hard as dagger training. So yeah, I'll be fine" I replied half-jokingly, letting out a smile to hide my fear. I was sixth in line out of the fifteen of us, and Jeremy was fifth. The first four managed to kill their hounds, with varying degrees of success. The first guy struggled a whole bunch, just barely killing it before Sergeant Dean got involved. The others killed it with relative ease. Of course, compared to Jeremy's, that was a life and death struggle, as he killed his in one swift stab through the roof of the mouth.

'Great! It's my turn. Crap! I forgot to write my will' I lampooned, stepping up to the cage. Dagger in hand I controlled my expression and body language to hide my nervousness, and watched as the hound cautiously stepped out of the cage. My mind raced to think of a way to kill it, when I was struck by the best idea I have ever had.

I stood up straight and began twirling my dagger slowly (because I didn't properly know how and it was a real dagger) using my excellent control to barely avoid cutting myself. The hound began to dash towards me, maw agape and frothing as if it was in desperate need for food. As it came towards me I held my dagger firm and threw out the illusion of a puff of smoke to blind it for a moment, before stabbing as hard as I could into the roof of it's mouth. Unfortunately, my strength is horrible, and I did not kill the hound in one hit, so it backed up wildly, with the dagger stuck in it's mouth. It began thrashing and gagging, trying to get the dagger out. I resisted the urge to vomit, and moved towards it gingerly. It looked really pitiful, and if it weren't for the fact that it would kill me the moment it had the chance, I probably would have saved it. Probably. Using its panic to my advantage, I shoved my hand in its mouth and whacked the end of the dagger as hard as I could, sending it into the hounds brain and putting it out of its misery.

Ding!

~Milestones complete!~

-Put on a performance (1/1)

-Distract someone (1/1)

Skill points gained: 4

Attribute points gained: 10

'Uh, what? THAT was what you count as a performance?! Man, this system is broken!'