27. Winning the War

Mxy refused of course, turning to walk away with a curt “no.”

Kara wasn’t taking that for an answer, catching his arm and hauling him back. “Why not?”

He shrugged her off. “You know why not.”

Kara held up the little silver chain, letting the talisman spin and catch the artificial gleam from the fluorescent lights in the hallway.  “I could make you...”

“You wouldn’t.”

“No?” Kara asked. “Are you sure about that? Because I’m not. I can’t lose another family, not like this. Not when I can stop it.”

“Why do you have to be so...” He threw his hands in the air.

“Heroic?”

“Stupid!”

Kara bristled. “It’s not stupid to die for something I believe in.”

“It is when you don’t have to.”

“You’d rather I let you murder someone else instead?”

“Yes, actually. Shall I go pick someone out for you?” He raised a hand to snap, and Kara punched him.

“Ow!” He clutched his nose.  “Enough with the hitting already! Are those your only two solutions? Hitting and dying? Because let me tell you, they lack imagination.”

“Whatever works,” Kara said, cracking her knuckles.

Mxy eyed her warily. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re bluffing. You’re not the kind of person who would force someone to kill the woman they love.”

Kara let her hands fall to her sides, the anger draining out of her in a rush. She didn’t want to feel sorry for him, but Mxy, for all his bluster and shenanigans, was also painfully sincere, and he was so clearly miserable about the entire situation. She didn’t have the heart to browbeat him anymore. “Look,” she said, dragging him back to the door. Through the glass they could see that Lena had finally given in to her exhaustion and fallen asleep, curled up on the bed with Lizzy tucked safely into the curve of her body.

“That’s the woman I love.” She said. “You don’t know her, but she’s amazing, and brilliant, and kind and wonderful, and her family has been walking out on her since the day she was born. My life has been hard, but it’s been full of love. Hers has been only loneliness and betrayal, and you know what the worst part is? She thinks she deserves it.” Kara shook her head. “I promised her I would die before I let Lizzy go, and I meant it. I won’t be the reason she loses someone else.”

“But she’ll lose you,” Mxy pointed out. “Aren’t you just as precious to her as that child?”

“It’s not the same,” Kara said firmly. “Losing a kid... it’s different. She needs Lizzy more than she needs me. If giving up my life can give them a chance for a future together? I have to do it. And Lizzy? She had to know what was going to happen when she took on Qwsp and his goons. She sacrificed herself for us, and she’s still doing it. She’s a child, whatever dimension she’s from and she’s willing to die just so that we’ll remember that we loved her and keep on loving each other. She deserves a chance at a real life.”

“And this isn’t just a little bit because you’re afraid to live with the loss of another family?” Mxy asked shrewdly.

 Kara blew out a breath and leaned back against the wall, letting it take a little of her weight. She was so very, very tired. “Of course I’m afraid,” she admitted.  “Haven’t I lost enough?  But please Mxy,” she begged, looking up at him through a sheen of tears. “If you really do love me, please don’t make me go through that again. Just... please, help me save my family?”

*****

Lena stirred, murmuring sleepily when Kara climbed onto the bed behind her. “Kara?”

“Shh...” Kara soothed her, brushing a kiss across her temple. “It’s okay. Go back to sleep. Everything is going to be all right now.” She curled up against her back, arm around her waist and face tucked into the crook of her neck. Just this one time, this last time, she was going to be the big spoon.

“Mmm...” Lena subsided with a contented hum, drifting off again as soon as Kara was settled.

“You’re sure about this?” Mxyzptlk asked one more time. “You don’t want to say goodbye to anyone?”

Kara shook her head, taking a deep breath of Lena’s signature mix of flowers and spices. “I’ve left a note for Alex, but I can’t tell them. They’ll only try to stop me.”

“Really? Because I could tell them for you...”

“Mxy...”

“A joke,” he said. “I’m sorry. Are you ready?”

No.

“Yes,” she whispered, stretching out to press a hand to the still, quiet arch of Lizzy’s chest. Soon there would be a heartbeat there. A real one. “Do it now.”

She held them both close, her wife and her daughter, closing her eyes as Mxy’s fingers brushed the top of her head.

“Goodbye, Kara Zor-El,” he said, and everything went white.

*****

When Kara opened her eyes everything was still white.

Looking down, she was relieved to see that she was still more or less herself, though her super suit had been replaced by a simple blue dress, and her feet were bare. In her hands she was cradling a little ball of glowing golden light.

She looked up again and saw a smudge of colour on the horizon, a swirl of blue and green with a merry little streak of other colours running through it.

She knew immediately, without knowing exactly how she knew, that this was where she needed to go.

 She took a step, and the ground under her feet was white too, but every stride brought her closer, until she could see that the green wasn’t just green. It was shrubs and plants, and grass spreading stubbornly into the nothingness until it faded away. The blue was a shifting patch of sky, and birds that winked in and out of sight as they flew through it. The other colours resolved themselves into a pair of socks and shoes, lying abandoned in the grass, a backpack and a pile of books and a little wooden logic puzzle... there was more, but Kara’s attention was caught by a low table and a little girl sitting behind it with a brightly striped tiger and a huge fluffy white dog sleeping at her back.

She was drawing a picture, bent over the page with her dark curly hair falling into her face, and the tip of her tongue caught between her teeth. She looked like she was about five or six years old, her features still soft and round, but with a hint of the sharp angles and stubborn chin she would eventually grow into.

“What are you drawing?” Kara asked, sitting down across from her, the ball of light held safely in her lap.

“My family,” Lizzy said, not looking up. “Are you here to try to make me go away again?”

“No,” Kara said. “I’m here to give you something.”

Lizzy shook her head. “Don’t want it.”   

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not mine.”

“It could be.”

“No.” Lizzy finally looked up, her blue eyes glowing faintly and her expression mutinous. “You need it.”

“Lena needs you,” Kara argued. “I know you were supposed to be my wish, but—”

“Not yours,” Lizzy corrected her.

“Mxyzptlk’s then...”

Lizzy frowned, her nose crinkling in subtle disdain. “Not his either.”  

“I don’t understand, he said...”

“He made me,” Lizzy explained, taking a new piece of paper from the stack beside her and starting another picture. “But I wasn’t for him. He sent me to you, but you didn’t want me either.”

“Of course I wanted you...” Kara subsided when Lizzy rolled her eyes.

“You wanted me later, but you didn’t want me yet. I came, and you were sleeping in bed with him.” This time there was nothing subtle about her expression of distaste. “I asked you what you wanted, to make you happy, but you said there were people who needed to be happy more than you, so I said who, and you told me about Mommy. You said she was really sad. You had lots of people but she had nobody at all. Make her happy, you said.”

“I don’t remember any of this,” Kara said disbelievingly though she had to admit, it sounded like her.

“Of course not.” Lizzy was matter of fact. She drew a circle and then another circle underneath it, adding long lines stretching out across the page. “You were asleep.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Did it? Kara had no idea. None of this made any sense, but here she was. “What did Lena wish for?” she asked. “When you asked her?”

“A new family,” Lizzy said. “You and me. I didn’t think I was a me then, but Mommy said I was. She said I could stay a wish if I wanted to, but she’d take care of me if I wanted to be part of her family instead. She said you would too, because you take care of everybody.”

So Lena really had wished for her...for her and for Lizzy. Kara pulled her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs as if that might dispel the ache in her chest. It would be Lena who when faced with infinite possibilities asked only for someone to love her, and then offered that love freely in return to a lonely child who didn’t even know it was a child yet.

Mxy might have made her for Kara, but Lizzy was right, she was Lena’s wish, not theirs.

“Is Mommy still sad?” Lizzy asked after a few minutes, looking up from her drawing again.

“She misses you,” Kara said truthfully. “She wants you to be safe and to live.”

The crayon faltered. “I don’t want her to forget me.”

“I know. She doesn’t want to forget you either. She loves you very much. We both do.”

Lizzy sniffed. “You won’t love me if you forget me.”

“Hey,” Kara unwrapped her arms from around her legs, reaching across the low table to cup Lizzy’s face in her hands and leaving the golden light in her lap. She wiped away a single tear with the pad of her thumb. “We will always love you, memories or no memories. But I’m not asking you to go. I’m asking you to live. Live for your Mommy, and for yourself. Be happy. Together.”

 Lizzy sniffled again, a second tear joining the first. “But then you’ll die. I don’t want you to die!”

“Dying isn’t bad,” Kara reminded her, “and if you and your Mommy remember me, then I’ll never really be gone, right?”

Lizzy bit her lip, looking so much like a tiny Lena in that moment that it nearly broke Kara’s heart. “Mommy needs me?” She asked, her voice quavering.

“Yeah, kiddo.” Kara dropped her hands, picking up the glowing ball and holding it out. “Can you take care of her for me?”

Lizzy nodded, reaching out her hands for the light, and Kara laid it gently in her palms, feeling the wrench somewhere deep inside her as Lizzy closed her fingers around its golden glow.

The little pocket of reality around them began to disintegrate almost immediately, colours running and fading into nothing. The table melted away and the sleeping dog and tiger unravelled into black, white and orange ribbons waving in the breeze.

Lizzy threw herself into Kara’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck. “I love you Mama,” She cried, already disappearing even as Kara tried to hold her tight. “I’ll remember you!”

“Goodbye,” Kara whispered as the nothingness swallowed everything up, including her.

*****

Lena woke up with a start, knowing immediately that she’d slept too long.

She’d drifted off to the reassuringly steady beep, beep, beep and flashing light of Winn’s machine, trusting that Kara would wake her before it was too late, but now the small black box was dark and silent.

Lizzy was gone.

“Fuck, no.” Lena gathered the little body to her chest, bowing her head over dark curls. “Don’t leave me, please...” Her eyes burned without tears, and there was a hollow feeling in her chest where grief should have been. She was numb, empty, and that terrified her.    

And then Lizzy took a breath, exhaling against Lena’s throat and squirming against the tight grip of her arms.

“Lizzy?” Lena loosened her hold, pressing a hand to Lizzy’s chest where a steady thump, thump was beating like a reprieve.  Lizzy yawned, scrunching her nose up and stretching before rubbing her eyes and blinking up at Lena.

“Mommy...” she said with a sleep smile, “br’fast?”

Lena laughed, sitting up and pulling her into another hug, startling an oof from Lizzy, not caring that she was laughing through a haze of tears. “Oh, sweetheart. Yes, ee can have breakfast. Let’s wake up your Mama, she’s going to be so happy to see you!”

 Lizzy wriggled free, clambering over Lena’s lap to the other side of the bed where Kara was still sleeping with the cat curled up in a ball on her hip. “Mama?” Lizzy said, patting her cheek. “Mama, up! Br’fast!”

There was no response, and Lena frowned. “Kara?”

Lizzy scowled. “Mama, UP!” She demanded, making a fist and punching Kara in the shoulder.

There was a crackle and a little shower of sparks, the cat jumped to the floor with a growl and Kara winced, nose wrinkling in that adorably sleepy sulk that always made Lena’s heart melt. “Ow...” She grumbled, rubbing at her shoulder and blinking her eyes open. “No more lessons with Aunt Alex; that actually hurt!”

“Hi Mama,” Lizzy said, a wide grin spreading across her face.

“Hey Kiddo,” Kara replied automatically, her eyes widening comically as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She shot up into a sitting position, nearly knocking all of them off the bed. “Lizzy? You... how...? If you’re here... how am I still alive?”

“I have no idea— Wait...” Lena processed the unexpected pronoun.” Why wouldn’t you be alive?” she demanded, crossing her arms. “Kara Zor El-Luthor-Danvers, what did you do?!”

“I...um...” Kara stammered, twisting the bed sheets between her fingers.

“Kara!” Alex burst into the room, looking both terrified and furious. “What the hell is this?!” She threw a folded note at her before picking up a pillow from the bed and whacking her over the head with it. “Mom is going to kill you!”

“You weren’t even going to say goodbye?” Winn added, barrelling in after Alex, arms waving wildly.

“You wouldn’t have let me do it!” Kara protested, fending off the pillow attack.

“You’re right about that much.” J’onn shouldered in past Winn with Eliza right behind him. “What were you thinking?”

 Eliza looked ready to cry. “How could you, Kara...? Didn’t we deserve even the courtesy of a chance to talk you out of it?”

“I’m sorry,” Lena cut in. “Talk her out of what, exactly? I seem to be the only person in this room who doesn’t know what’s going on here.”

“You didn’t even tell Lena?” Winn’s eyes were huge. “Oh you are SO dead.”

Lena raised a brow, fixing Kara with her best well? Out with it, look.

“I uh...” Kara looked around. “Any chance we could get a little privacy, guys?”

“No,” Alex said flatly. “I’m not done being mad at you yet, and I want to hear this.”

Kara sighed, toying with the ends of her sleeves. “Okay, so I might have asked Mxy to take my life and give it to Lizzy...”

Of course she had... And of course this had been too good to be true. Lena took a shaky breath. “How long do you have?” she asked, fighting to keep her voice even and steady while the sudden lump in her throat tried to decide whether it was made up more of grief or fury.

“That’s the thing...” Kara looked confused. “It should already have happened.  “I mean, Lizzy is obviously alive, and I’m alive, which shouldn’t be possible...”

“Funny thing...” Mxy appeared with a snap of his fingers, startling Winn so badly he nearly fell over, stumbling sideways into Alex and stepping on the cat’s tail, who yowled and took a swipe at him before darting under the bed. “It turns out that ‘life’ is relative, and Kryptonians have rather a lot of it on this planet. You can split it into two, or three, or even four and still have enough for everyone.”

 “Wait...” Kara was aghast. “You knew I wouldn’t die? You... you... jerk!”

Lena was inclined to agree.

Mxy held up his hands, taking a hasty step back. “To be fair, I wasn’t entirely sure, and you had to be willing to give up all of it, or it wouldn’t have worked. You did technically die, for about thirty seconds, while this little one and I,” he winked at Lizzy, who grinned back at him, “had a chat and worked out the details. She’s rather fond of you two, you know.”

“So I’m... what? Human now?” Kara asked wonderingly.

“Not at all, you’re still you. You still have all your powers, though you may need to take it easy and recharge those for a few days, but... provided you don’t get yourself killed protecting the planet from something that can hit harder than you, you’ll live a typical human lifespan. I assumed you wouldn’t mind growing old with your wife...?” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Kara shook her head, naked gratitude shining in her eyes. “Thank you. And Lizzy?”

“Just a normal little girl. Well, relatively normal...” He corrected himself.  “She’s still half imp, half kryptonian and half human, so things might get interesting when she gets a little older.”

“That’s one too many halves,” Winn protested. “She can’t be half of three things... can she?”

“The imp half isn’t exactly physical,” Mxy explained, “and as I understand it, toddlers aren’t generally very good at math. I wasn’t going to argue the point with her, but you’re free to try.”

“Uh no, I’m good.”

“So everything worked out then?!” Kara’s smile was both penitent and sweetly hopeful, as if she knew exactly how badly she’d screwed up, but was still hoping to charm her way out of a lecture.

Lena knew she should be mad... she was mad. How dare Kara try to sacrifice herself without even talking to her first!  But it was nearly impossible to hold on to that when she had Lizzy alive and safe and theirs forever now, and Kara too. She didn’t want to be mad. She wanted to be happy; impossibly, unbelievably happy.

 But first...

“New family rule,” she said, fixing them both with a stern glare. “Absolutely no more dying for each other, understood? No,” she added when Kara opened her mouth to protest. “I’m not negotiating here. “You, and you,” she pointed to each of them in turn, “are both self-sacrificing idiots, and I’m not having it. Agreed?”

Kara looked at Lizzy. Lizzy looked at Kara, and Kara nodded. “We can live with that.”

“Good. Now get over here...” Lena tangled her fingers in Kara’s shirt and dragged her into a hug. It was all over. They had won, and this family was hers. The tears she hadn’t been able to shed until now suddenly spilled over in a flood, Kara’s arms came up around her and held her tight and Lena buried her face in her shoulder and sobbed.

“And that’s our cue to leave...” Alex said, ushering everyone else out.

“Wait...” Winn said to Mxy. “I know it’s not all strictly mathematical, but you said Kara had enough life for three or four people... if she and Lizzy are both going to live normal lives, where did all that extra time go? What? I’m just asking!” he added when Alex rolled her eyes at him.

“Oh...” Mxy ducked his head, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “That was supposed to be a surprise.”

“I think I’ve had enough surprises for one day,” Lena said, turning around in Kara’s arms and wiping her eyes. “I want to hear this.”

“Me too,” Kara agreed, resting her chin on Lena’s shoulder. “What did you do?”

“Oh it wasn’t me,” he said. “That was one of those details I was telling you about, or two of them I should probably say.”

“Two what?” Lena asked suspiciously.

Mxy didn’t answer her, he just gestured to Lizzy with a flourish. She reached over to touch the tips of her fingers to Lena’s belly, looking up at her with a grin. “’Izzy, wish!”

“Excuse me...” Lena felt Kara’s jaw drop against her shoulder. “Are you telling me I’m pregnant?”

“We’re going to have another baby?” Kara sounded delighted. Damn her.

“Two,” Lena pointed out. “He said two details... So unless we’re both knocked up, it’s twins.”

“Oh my god...” Alex hurriedly covered her mouth, but her eyes were dancing.

“Now that really is our cue to leave,” Eliza said, waving everyone out the door. “Girls? Would you like me to take Lizzy to find something to eat while you talk?”

“Yes please.” Kara moved away from her, sliding off the bed to pick Lizzy up and hand her to Eliza.

“Mommy, mad?” Lizzy asked, lower lip sticking out in a pout.

“Mommy’s not mad,” Kara assured her.

Lena kept her own council on that point.

“I’d better be on my way as well,” Mxy said. “No need for trickery this time, Ms. Zor El. I’ll see myself out of your dimension, but I’ll be back here and there.” He winked. “I’ve always wanted to be the fun uncle.” With a snap he was gone, and they were alone.

 “You’re not really mad, are you?” Kara asked, sitting back down on the bed across from her.

Lena pressed a hand to her belly, trying to wrap her head around the idea that there was life in there. Kara’s life, mingled with hers to create two new little lives. Alien lives.

 “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “This... is a little unexpected.”

“But good, right? I mean, all of this was pretty unexpected. You, me and Lizzy... unexpected has worked out okay for us so far...” Kara trailed off, looking down and picking at the sheets. “I mean, if you really don’t want them—” she added in a small voice.

“I do want them...” Lena cut her off before she could finish that thought, surprised at the vehemence in her own voice. She was mad, of course she was mad. Who wouldn’t be? But she was also just a little bit relieved to have the decision taken out of her hands. Growing up, she’d always wanted a big family, but after Lex... she’d been determined not to add to the Luthor’s twisted dynasty.  She still wasn’t completely sure about that, but if these children were also Els, and Danvers... maybe Lizzy was on to something with her three halves idea.

“I might have liked a little more warning,” she added wryly, “and maybe a few years to get used to the idea, but they’re in there now, so I hope you’re prepared for this, Supergirl.  I do not suffer gracefully. There will be foot rubs and back rubs, multiple trips to the grocery store at two in the morning and you had better tell your sister you’ll be taking at least a month off after they’re born. I’m not having my wife flying around chasing criminals while I’m at home with two infants and a toddler. Don’t you smile at me! This is all your fault.”

Kara continued grinning like a lunatic. “Actually,” she said. “It’s yours.”

“Excuse me?”

Kara’s grin softened.  “Come here,” she said, shifting to lean back against the stiff plastic headboard, these beds were not designed for comfort, and tugging Lena into place against her side. She wrapped an arm around her waist and Lena grudgingly snuggled closer. “Mxy did wish for my happiness,” she admitted once they were in place, “but Lizzy told me that when she showed up to ask what I wanted - in my sleep by the way, which is why we didn’t remember any of this - I sent her to you instead.”

“You what?” Lena half-pushed herself up, only to relax back into Kara with a shake of her head. “Nevermind, that’s exactly what you would do. But why send her to me?”

Kara shrugged. “You needed her more, and I don’t think I had any clue what I really wanted.”

Lena let that sink in. Mxy had wished for Kara’s happiness, and Kara had wished for hers. “What did I wish for?”

“Family,” Kara said.

“I see.” Lena couldn’t help the sudden tension in her shoulders or the way she leaned slightly away from Kara. It wasn’t a big deal, it didn’t matter...except that it was, and it did. “So I did this...  You must have apologized a dozen times in that first week, and all along—”

“Oh, no...” Kara said with a chuckle, refusing to be dragged down into Lena’s inevitable martyrdom. Her arm tightened around Lena and pulled her closer again. “We’re not doing that. Not today.”Lena resisted for all of a few seconds before giving in and Kara turned towards her, cupping her face between her hands and tilting her chin up so she could meet her eyes.

“I’m not in love with you because of a wish,” she said softly. “I’m in love with you because you’re you. And Lizzy didn’t have to turn herself into a little girl. She did that because you saw her for what she really was, and offered her a home and a family who would love her and take care of her. She chose to be ours, just like you chose us, and I chose the two of you and, “she added, dropping one of her hands to Lena’s belly, “you better believe we all chose these two, because I don’t think they would be in there if we hadn’t wanted them.

“What I’m trying to say is, all of this? Wasn’t something that was done to us. You were right before when you called it a gift. An amazing, unbelievable gift and I wouldn’t give it back for anything.”

“You’re sure?” Lena couldn’t help but ask, raising her hands to tangle in Kara’s hair. It seemed too good to be true... that this journey of theirs had been less about learning to love the life they’d been stuck with and more about accepting that this was the life they’d both wanted all along.

“I’m sure,” Kara said, kissing her softly before pressing their foreheads together. “I love you, and I love our daughter and I already love these babies, and I will be happy to wait on you hand and foot for all nine months if you like. You can stay in bed, and I’ll bring you anything you want. I’ll even cook... though that might not be very helpful. We could get a chef...”

Lena laughed, laying her hand over Kara’s. “I love you too and I love our family, though I can’t promise there won’t be a few more bumps in the road. I’m still not very good at this happiness thing.”

“But you’ll stop thinking you don’t deserve it?” Kara asked, sitting back.

“Hmm, well let’s see...” Lena wound her arms around Kara’s neck. “I made a wish, went on a quest, faced my fears and slew a giant.” She shifted closer, throwing a leg over her thighs and settling into her lap. “I even had a magic sword for a few minutes.”

“I saw that,” Kara said with a grin, resting her hands on Lena’s hips.

 “I think all of that makes me a hero, don’t you?” Lena asked, waiting for Kara’s nod before she leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “and I’m sure we can both agree that heroes deserve a happy ending and they always, always get the girl...”

“I like the sound of that,” Kara agreed, sighing when Lena pressed a kiss to the side of her throat, threading her fingers into Lena’s hair. “Lena?”

“Hmm?”

“How long do you think we have before someone comes to check on us?”

“Oh at least half an hour,” Lena assured her. “What did you have in mind?”

“I have a few ideas.” She said, tipping Lena’s head back to claim her mouth in a brief, searing kiss. “Want to hear them?”

“How about you just show me?”

“I can do that.”