True meaning

Okay, this was humiliating- I mean, Aima had a huge, shit eating grin on her face and a knowing look on her face. I felt like I was on fire from embarrassment, pressing my legs tightly together as I kept my eyes focused on my homework. The girls from before were sitting in a booth not far away, giving me dirty looks- Kuroo had cleaned up the bathroom and was walking around with a big shit eating grin on his face, too. Lev looked mildly relieved- probably because he didn't have to clean the bathroom and Kuroo actually stuck around even though his status as an employee was probably in question. Despite the obvious tension in the air- I knew for a fact that they had heard me scream for Kuroo, there was no they didn't- I managed to sit and look perfectly fine other than my flushed skin. I mean- even my hands were red and I knew my face was beat red. I couldn't even look at Kuroo, but he seemed more than pleased to tease and blatantly flirt with me. He even stroked my thigh whenever I needed his help with my homework, knowing full well that I was sans panties. Now that- that had me stumbling over my words, only seeming to amuse him even more.

It annoyed me that he got a kick out of my involuntary reaction, I came here to do my homework and let Aima see her man work. I hadn't expected Kuroo to be there or for any of that to happen, but… did he really have to rub it in the girls faces? It sucked because It actually gave me a thrill and made me a little happy, but… still! It was obvious he was teasing me and trying to make me flustered- it was working and I hated it. My tolerance for his teasing had gone down a bit since we hadn't hung out for a while other than the streams, in which he was back to his pre-meeting self. Okay, there was a bit more teasing, more flirting and he was definitely way hotter in real life, but still… I did end up texting Kozu to come, knowing that if I had to deal with an hour of this I would have a melt down. He should be here any moment now, he said it would only take him 15 minutes… I was stuck on a homework question, but I was reluctant to ask Kuroo because then he'd be touching my thigh again, giving me that sexy grin- the doorbell chimed and I jerk my head up, looking for my familiar comforting long haired friend- "Fucking hell!" I cursed, my face on fire as Kozu looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I drop my head in my hands, Aima laughing at my reaction as I scrub my face. "Wow! You really weren't lying, you really do go crazy!" Aima laughs and I drag my hands to cover my mouth, avoiding looking at Kozu- he was by far the hardest one to look at. It's weird, he gave kinda soft bad boy vibes and just- I had a soft spot for his look, the kinda scruffy sweet heart that screamed 'Newt Scamander' and just… it made me all warm and gooey inside. It was even worse because I knew he was a big softie sweetheart for me, but the kinda scruffy look- god damn, it was just… it was so wonderful, it made my heart pound and my body just tingle all over. It drove me crazy and I just didn't know what to do with myself, I couldn't even think about him and his new haircut without getting all soft, gooey- and very fucking horny. I mean, I totally wanted to drive him crazy, I mean, seeing him turn into a blushing mess? Oh my god, I never thought I'd ever get so aroused. "Are you mad at me?" Kozu asks, making me jump as I quickly turn to look at him- when did he get beside me? "What? No, of course not. What makes you think that?" I ask, dropping my gaze down and scooting all my stuff over so he could sit.

"You've been avoiding looking at me." Kozu says, taking a seat beside me as I shyly cover my face. "No, no… I'm not mad at you at all, it's just… um..." I mumble, falling silent as I look out the window, my cheeks burning hot. "I think I can tell you what it is, Kozume-San. Kimiko is just totally smitten by your new haircut, absolutely drives her crazy, she can't even focus and she just has no clue what to do with herself when she sees you, so she ends up standing there staring like a fool when you're not looking. She totally zones out and then she can't snap out of it because she's so absolutely smitten by you, so she's been avoiding you- did I get it right?" Aima asks and I whip to face her so fast I give myself whiplash. "O-oh my- oh my god Aima! S-shut up! You weren't supposed to tell him!" I shriek, my whole body feeling like it had caught on fire from embarrassment. "Whoops." Aima snorts, flashing me a mischievous grin as I cover my flustered face. "Pudding… is that true?" Kozu asks and I slowly uncover my face, biting my bottom lip. "Uh, yeah… I um… you… you um… you look really good. I uh… I can't… I really can't… I can't handle it." I mumble, sparing him an anxious glance-

His cheeks were pink, his lips curled into a soft and sweet smile, his eyes filled with tender affection- I unconsciously whimper, feeling my insides turn to goo. "That's so not fair, you're not allowed to be that cute. I just- I can't. I literally cannot handle it, okay? You've got a soft, sweet, cute bad boy vibe going about you- and it drives me insane. I can't even think about you without just- I turn to goo and I get really… I can't handle it." I whine, Kozu lightly biting his lip as his smile widens. "Does it really get you that flustered, Pudding?" Kozu chuckles and I cover my face, nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, it really does. I just- it's a weak spot, it makes me feel weird and think weird things…" I admit as Kozu hums softly, laying his hand on my thigh and making me jump out of my skin. "That makes me very happy…" Kozu says, flashing me a knowing, teasing smile as I make a flustered face- "Oh my god I'm going to die." I breathe, making Aima laugh hysterically as I bury my head in my hands. I drop my head to the table, letting out a squeal of mixed emotions- before I smack my cheeks and sit up. "I think I'm okay, just… I… I'm not okay. I'm so not okay." I say, Kozu laughing heartily and making my heart flutter.

"How dare you…" I whisper as I lay my head on the table, pouting at Kozu and giving him a stubborn, soft and gooey glare. "How dare I what?" Kozu asks, looking down at me with a sweet smile as he brushes his thumb over my thigh. "How dare you come after my heart like that. Don't you know that I already love you enough? You can't just make me love you even more, okay? It's not possible. It just isn't, you need to stop making my heart pound and flutter all over the place before I die from happiness." I hiss softly, Kozu covering his mouth as I see a big goofy smile form on his face. "Oh my gosh…" He chuckles, turning to me and pressing his lips tightly together though he obviously couldn't hide his smile. "Can you like, say that again? Like, forever? I want to hear that forever, you literally just made my entire life, Pudding. You know how long I've waited for you to say something remotely similar to that to me? Then you just come out and say it, making me feel like I just won the world?" Kozu asks, though I just pout and turn away. "Nope, not happening- sorry, I'm too distracted by how cute you are and how-" I say, though Kozu cuts me off by cupping my chin and pulling me into a gentle kiss.

My eyes flutter closed as I turn into absolute jelly, leaning into the chaste kiss and wishing with all my heart that it never ends. He gently wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer as my heart goes wild in my chest, millions- no, billions of butterflies going absolutely crazy inside of my body, fluttering around and just tickling me all over. Kozu pulls me halfly into his lap, holding me in his familiar, comforting embrace as he just sprinkles kisses all over my face, leaving lingering kisses on my lips. "You know what, I am so mad at you…" I whisper softly, Kozu humming as he pulls back- he didn't even bother hiding his smile, his fingers twined behind my back. "I am so mad at you for making me feel this way, for making me feel so happy, so in love, so… so fucking horny and just… how? How could you do this to me? How could you literally become the man of my dreams and expect me to ever see you as anything different? How dare you do this the one time I'm not allowed to suck your dick dry, the one time I can't kiss you breathless? I am just… so upset, I don't even know what to do with myself." I whisper, laying my head on his shoulder as he laughs, squeezing me tight.

"Pudding… I love you. I love you so fucking much, you don't even know. I am literally so fucking happy right now, I'm not even joking when I tell you I could literally die from happiness. Knowing you feel that way, that you can't even hide it and just… couldn't help but tell me… I am so, so fucking happy… you literally made my entire world…" Kozu says, his voice choking up as he pulls me closer. "No, no! Don't cry, please don't cry- I love you, okay? I love you too, I love you a whole bunch and if you cry I'll feel so guilty." I whisper in his ear as I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him tight. "Mm. I can't help it- I'm that happy right now… you have no idea how long I've waited for this moment..." Kozu mumbles, burying his head into my neck as he sniffs lightly. "God damn it… why? Why when I want to kiss you silly, but I can't? Huh? God, I love you so much I'm mad at you just because I can't kiss you…" I mumble, making Kozu laugh as he squeezes me even tighter. "Trust me, I want it too, Pudding… I want it just as bad." Kozu says, each of us holding each other tight and burying our head into each other's neck as we enjoy the warmth, love and comfort of the familiar, tender embrace.

"Um… help me with my homework? I've been stuck on this question forever, I figure if we put our two heads together, I'll either totally fail and end up staring at you all day, or we actually work it out and have Kuroo the genius double check our work." I ask softly, Kozu humming as he wipes the tears from his eyes. "Sure, of course. What question?" Kozu asks and I carefully turn in his lap, facing the table with my legs nestled in his and my ass firmly planted in his lap- and accompanying hardon. "O-oh, um… this one…" I say sheepishly, pointing out the question I had been struggling with. Kozu leans over me, wrapping his arms around my waist and laying his head on my shoulder. "Hm… I actually had a question similar to that, I struggled with it too... Kuroo helped me with it, I think it went something like this?" He mumbles as he reaches over, taking my pencil and writing down an equation on my spare piece of paper. "That's the formula you want to use, so… try." Kozu says and I nod, taking my pencil from him and looking over the equation he wrote. He wraps his arms back around my waist, watching as I work through the equation that he wrote.

Despite being horrible in science, math was my best and by far easiest subject. If it had to do with numbers or anything of the math sort, I could easily do it as long as I understood the equation- there was only one subject in math I struggled to understand, cos, sin and tan. I had missed the lesson and never got the chance to catch up, though it seemed like it never came handy in other subjects and the lesson had already passed. I hear hushed whispering, glancing over at the girls from earlier- they were pointing and staring, whispering amongst themselves. I drop my gaze down to my paper, choosing to ignore them as Kozu seems to peek over. "What's up with them?" Kozu asks and I sigh softly, shaking my head lightly. "Those girls were flirting with Kuroo so yours truly laid claim to her throne." Aima snorts and I spare her a light glare, Kozu humming softly. "Speaking of, we never really discussed it but… you've all been getting popular at school, right? You've been saying you have a girlfriend…" I mumble, seeing Kozu's lip twitch as he nuzzles his nose into my neck. "Yes, we're referring to you." Kozu says and I bite my lip, my cheeks burning as I glance back at him. 

"Doesn't that raise a lot of questions? Are you really okay with that?" I ask, Kozu chuckling softly as he offers me a smile. "If it's alright with you, it's more than fine by me. It doesn't really raise any questions other than the obvious; 'who'. We haven't really showed or said anything other than we have a girlfriend, in reference to you… I'm sorry we didn't really discuss it, but as far as I knew Suna already discussed the subject with you." Kozu says and I shrug lightly, leaning back into his arms. "Well, he told me he wanted to make it official, but he didn't go into detail. It's a bit confusing…" I admit, making Kozu chuckle as he nods. "I suppose we should have brought you into the subject, but… all three of us consider ourselves your boyfriend. It's up to you if you want to make it known or not… we figured we'd leave that up to you and we'd just claim we have a girlfriend. It's been working, Kuroo and I vouch for each other while Suna shows off pictures of you when the stubborn girls ask for confirmation. We've been making it work, but of course since you don't go to our school and have been busy… we haven't been able to bring it up." Kozu says and I hum softly, nodding my head.

"Hey, Pudding head." Kuroo says as he comes back over, leaning down and giving my cheek a kiss. "Hello, Kuroo. Can you check this question for us?" Kozu asks, pointing at the equation I had just solved. Kuroo hums, perching his elbows on the table and looking over my work. "Yupp, that's right. Good job, Kitten." Kuroo chuckles as he ruffles my hair, standing back up. "Thank you, Kuroo." I say as I offer him a sweet smile, Kuroo smiling back at me. "I helped." Kozu grumbles, looking away and pouting lightly. "Thank you, Kozu-kun." I giggle as I lean back, lightly kissing his cheek and making him blush. "So, how about this one?" Kuroo asks, pointing at the next question as I look it over. "Oh… um… I think it goes like… this?" I mumble as I scribble down an equation on my paper, Kuroo humming affirmatively as I solve it. "Good job, you've got it." Kuroo says as he leans down, kissing my forehead and making me smile. "Hey! She's cheating on you!" Someone yells and the boys look between themselves before they look over at the table of girls from earlier. "You got something to tell us, Kitten?" Kuroo asks, raising an eyebrow at me as I furrow my eyebrows.

"To be fair, I didn't truly realize I was in a relationship until today, so…" I mumble, making Kuroo snort as he looks back at the girls. "With who?" Kuroo asks, lightly cracking his knuckles with a smile. "With him, duh! Look at her, she's sitting in his lap and kissing him! It's obvious she's cheating on you with each other." The girl says snidely, the two boys looking at each other with knowing looks. "Pudding head, how could you do this to me? My own best friend betrayed me?" Kuroo says dramatically, slapping a hand to his chest and putting on a mock hurt face. "Kuroo… We both know I had her first, you just came along and butted in." Kozu says and Kuroo gasps, covering his mouth. Aima takes a sip of her drink, looking between the two with morbid curiosity, interest and amusement for the show they were putting on. "That's it, Kitten. Choose or else, we'll have to have a fight to the death." Kuroo says, putting his hands down on the table and offering me a sweet smile out of the girl's view. "Uh… no. Sorry, I can't choose." I say shyly, turning away as he hums. "I guess we'll have to share." Kozu says, making Kuroo laugh as the other girls look shocked.

"Hold up… I just have a quick question, so… I know I'm part of this kind of thing you got going on, but like… are you really cool with Snorlax?" Aima asks, both of them looking at Aima as they give up on the act. "You mean Suna? Yeah, he's really cool. He's actually part of the reason we got this far, he just fits in." Kuroo says, shrugging lightly as Kozu nods in agreement. "Oh my god, please don't call him that…" I whisper, covering my face and shaking my head as Kuroo raises an eyebrow at me. "You do realize that half the time that guy is sleeping, right? When he's not with you, he's literally napping. When you are around, he just lazes about and stares at you. The only time he's really ever awake and active is with you around or when he's playing volleyball- even then he's a slow start and when he gets the lead he slacks off." Kuroo says and I blink, furrowing my eyebrows. "Actually… I didn't know that." I admit, Aima snorting as she rolls her eyes. "Yeah, that's why I call him Snorlax, he's just got that laze about him. I mean, he's not lazy by any means but… he's just got that 'let's cuddle and sleep vibe'. That's nice and all…" Aima says, lightly kicking back in her seat.

"Damn… now that sounds good. You know how long it's been since I've cuddled with someone and slept? That sounds fantastic, especially with all this friggin' studying and shit I've had to catch up on, I'm exhausted." I groan, gesturing to the paperwork as Aima flashes me a grin. "I'm sure he'd be more than willing to have a sleepy cuddle session with you. Can't you guys like, have a study session or something? Just invite him over here and we can all do our homework and stuff while we wait for Lev to get off." Aima says and I raise an eyebrow at her, shaking my head. "I don't want to loiter and get Kuroo and Lev in trouble more than I probably have." I say though Kuroo waves his hand dismissively. "Nah, the owner of this place is actually pretty cool. He likes it when people come and study here, I mean, it is kinda a study cafe. Besides, I get off in a bit and I can help you guys study." Kuroo says, though Kozu pulls out his phone and starts tapping away. "I'm going to invite him anyway, I'm sure he misses you… plus I want to see how flustered you get with all three of us." Kozu says and I feel my face burning as I whip to look at him, though he flashes me a knowing, teasing grin.

"And yes, I'm going to tell him why you've been avoiding us. Here, go put this on. We'll probably study for a while, so…" Kozu says, reaching in his bag and pulling out another bag and offering it to me. I take the bag and slide to the bathroom, feeling embarrassed as I open up the bag. Inside was an outfit, black joggers, a white shirt, panties and a black beanie- I changed out of my dress, putting on the outfit of Kozu's clothes and my underwear. It was weird to think that he had some of my clothes tucked away, but I guess it came handy in moments like this. I wonder if he had like, a stash of my clothes away? I knew that he had snagged a few shirts from me here and there, but I never really saw them when I went to his place. Then again, I never really peeked in his closet… I step out of the bathroom, head back to the booth and take a seat. Kozu and I continue to work on our science homework together, Kuroo coming over on occasion to check our work. It was actually kind of chilly in the cafe, though I didn't really mind the cold. "Hey, just a question, but what's your favorite club uniform?" Aima asks and I look up from my homework, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Like… what do you mean?" I ask and she shrugs, idly chewing on her straw. "Exactly what I asked, which jersey do you think looks the best?" Aima asks and I furrow my eyebrows as I sit back in the booth. "Which one do I think looks the best? I mean, they all look good in my opinion… If anything, I'd say the Shiratorizawa is my least favorite. The Aoba Johsai uniform has good coloring, but it's a bit bland… Fukurodani is nice for the color combo with the whole gold, black and white. The Karasuno black and orange is good, I'd say you can't really go wrong with that… but by far I think the inarizaki and Nekoma club uniforms are the best. It's a bit biased since my favorite colors are red and black, but… it's hard to pick a favorite when there's so many good options." I admit softly, lightly itching the back of my neck as I glance over at Kozu. "But I have actually tried on Kozu's club jersey, I'd say that one's pretty nice. I haven't really seen everyone's school uniforms, but I do like our school uniform for the simple black." I hum softly, turning back to my homework and reading over my next question. "Okay…" Aima hums, scribbling something down on her paper.

"Which one do you think you'd look best in?" She asks, twining her fingers and flashing me a big smile. "Huh? Which one… I don't know? As I said, I haven't really seen them all or tried them on, Kozu's jersey is the only one I've tried on…" I say, rubbing the back of my neck as Kozu looks up, looking between us. "Why do you ask?" I ask, tilting my head at her as she shrugs. "Well, I know you only came to our school because it was the closest and that it was part of the agreement that you go to school to keep Nen… I also know that the only reason you really went to school is because of that agreement or else you would have dropped out, got a job and been a mom for Nen. I got curious about if you could, would you go to another school now? I figured the uniform would probably be a factor." Aima says and I shrug, dropping my gaze back down to my homework. "Well, yeah… at first I just went to school cause I had to, but… now it's a bit different. Everyone has been so kind and nice to me, plus there's you, Misaki and all the club boys… they really help me out on a daily basis, you know?" I say, Aima raising an eyebrow at me as she hums inquisitively, leaning forward.

"We actually hang out quite a bit in our down time, even Yachi-chan and Kiyoko-san hang out with me here and there; usually in the times that you and Misaki are with your boyfriends and stuff, they'll keep me company and just… well, hang out and goof off? I'd say we're becoming friends and building our bond as a team, especially since I'll be their manager next year with Yachi-chan." I say, Aima humming as she drops her gaze down, pressing her lips together. "Actually, uh, with my pregnancy and all, the dance club is kind of null. With the end of the school year coming up, well… I figure it's best I tell you this now." Aima says and I look up at her with a raised eyebrow as she takes a deep breath. "I… I haven't been telling you the full truth. No, I actually lied to you… but it was for your sake and I think it's turned out pretty well." Aima says sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck and dropping her gaze. "I… um… the competition was a project, yes… but… it wasn't for school. It was for you." Aima says and I blink, not understanding what she meant. "It was never really about school, it was always about you..." Aima says, looking up at me and sighing.

"You were always alone and kind of just going with the flow, so I came up with an idea of having you become friends with people outside of us. I mean, I knew you had a few friends, I knew you played volleyball and I knew that our boys volleyball club was up and coming… So I thought, hey, why not introduce you to the volleyball club?" Aima says and I tilt my head, still lost and even more confused. "But… I also knew that… well, that you had… issues, when it came to boys and stuff. I wanted you to find a boyfriend, someone to love… I figured 'hey, why not have a sort of dating competition or something?'. I thought if the boys in the volleyball club were cool and nice like they seemed to be, maybe they'd help you come out of your shell… what better way to get to know someone than by kissing them, right? You'd kind of get a feel for them and loosen up a bit, then I could just get you to go on dates and hang out with them in general." Aima says, though all of her words were starting to process. "It worked really well- you and the boys all hit it off, especially after all the training camps." Aima says as she fidgets lightly, dropping her gaze and pressing her lips together.

"You were opening up and having fun, but it felt like you weren't really… well, there. I kept looking for people to add in that had the potential to 'unlock' you. It started becoming clear that you were getting overwhelmed by it all and so… the Inarisaki boys were my last chance, by far they had the most potential with the twins. I didn't really expect it to be Suna that kind of clicked with you." Aima says, though I slowly sit up as I realize what she was saying. "Of course, me, Misaki and your mom found people through this competition and it's been fun… but you still hadn't found anyone, I was going to graduate soon and… well, I was worried. All of the boys know what this competition was for, what it's about. They're not in it to find out who the best kisser is, there in it to find out who you choose." Aima says, though I feel my heart drop in my chest, feeling sick to my stomach at her words. "But I'm pregnant, I'm about to go into labor in like, weeks and I can't keep this from you. I figured… I should tell you. It's up to you if you want to continue the competition but… it's your choice, it seems like you found the ones for you." Aima says, though my world feels like it was tilted on an axis.

Aima had made up the competition… for me. It was never her school project, nothing was going to come of it and it wasn't going to do any favors. It was all a lie- all of those kisses were lies, they knew all along that it was just… a lie. I felt betrayed, I really did- I felt betrayed and hurt by them all. All that time I had been kissing- fuck, I even had sex with them because I thought it was part of the competition! I mean, sure, I wanted it but- fuck, I felt really sick. Knowing that they had all hidden that from me, that they expected me to make a choice- how hurt would the others be? How much had I hurt them already? All those boys I was leading on, keeping them on a string and just- I felt really fucking sick. I had been holding them all back, they could've found someone way better by now- what could they possibly want from me, a monster? This whole time I had thought they were just trying to be the best kisser, that they were just having fun and it was a competition- but it was never about that. It was about me, who won my heart and- I felt sick. I felt really fucking sick, really fucking hurt and very upset with myself for being a stupid idiot, leading them all on none the wiser.

Why did no one tell me? Didn't they think I wanted to know? If I had known, I would've quit the competition long ago and let them go their own ways. How long had they known? How long had I been holding them back? The worst part is- I think I knew deep down that it was never just a competition. It was something Aima would do, it really was- it was all just a big fucking lie, a game of how long can you keep Kimiko in the dark- and I fell for it. When Kuroo had first done it with me- When Suga had gotten upset, when he fought with others over me- When Toru had been so open and kind with me- when Suna first approached me solely intent on sex- they all knew. They all knew, they all wanted me and they never even bothered to tell me that I was just being kept in the dark- I was strung along and toyed with. It honestly made me feel sick to my fucking stomach, because not only had my best friend done that to me- both of them- but every one I knew, my mother, my friends, my loved ones- they all kept it from me. They lied to me and kept me in the dark on something huge- just how deep did this lie go? How long had they known that this was all just a lie, a big fucking joke?

"Pudding… are you okay? You look pale." Kozu says, reaching out a hand to me- but I just felt sick. "Don't- don't you 'pudding' me right now. How could you? How could you hide this from me? How could you lie to me for so long and just-" I choke out, tears forming in my eyes as I began to tremble. "Don't you think I would want to know?! Do you even realize- Fuck, I feel so fucking disgusted and hurt right now… everyone knew?! Even my own fucking mother and no one bothered to pull me aside and say, 'hey, this isn't really'- I don't even know what to say. This- this is a new low, even for you Aima. I mean, really? Lying to me, toying with me, keeping me in the dark- did you think I would enjoy this? Did you think that I would just be fine and dandy with this? No! You all fucking- Everyone, everyone I know lied to me, they kept me in the dark and- you fucking betrayed me, okay? Even Arthur- my best fucking friend that I love like a brother- knew this, and just- it makes me so fucking sick, you don't even know. Everyone- I mean everyone of my friends, my own fucking family, the people I love-" I choke out, tears streaming down my face as I sob, a lump forming in my throat.

"Fucking lied to me! They hid this from me! How long this has gone on, how far this has gone, how many people have become involved- they all fucking knew and nobody even bothered to tell me. You know what? Fuck you, okay? That hurts the most, the fact that no one bothered to tell me until they reached the end fucking result. I fucking hate this, I wish I had never even fucking listened to you. I feel sick with myself for not even realizing- do you realize how I could have hurt them without even realizing? They- they all want me like that, but- Oh my fucking god Aima, you know how sick it makes me feel that I didn't even realize I was leading them on?! I- I should never have- This? This is so- I can't- honestly… What the fuck. This is so not okay, this was never okay and- I can't believe I trusted you…" I croak, bolting out of my seat and tossing my things in my bag before I dash out of the door. I crash into a familiar hot chest, their arms wrapping around me as they grunt with the impact- "Woah, Sunshine. Where's the fire?" Suna asks though I let out a sob, dipping out of his arms and dashing into my car and shoving the key into the ignition with a trembling hand.

"Wait! Hey! Kimiko- Wait!" Kozu calls as I twist the key, slamming the door shut behind me and driving off without giving them a chance. My eyes were filled with tears, my heart aching in my chest and just- I didn't even know what to think, I didn't even know what to do or where to go. Everyone I knew, friends, family, loved ones- they were in on it, they knew. They knew and they kept it secret from me, I was so angry, frustrated and just- I didn't even know what to do. It wasn't okay, for me or for them- I couldn't even look at them now that I knew, because it just brought out a million questions. It was all a lie, a trick, a big experiment- and I was the lab rat. I mean, to think that all that time- fuck, all that time I spent with them, they could still look me in the eye like they weren't all leaving me out on the bigger picture- They all fucking knew, my own mother, my own best friend, Arthur. He knew, he fucking knew I would want to know this- but he didn't say fucking shit to me, not a single peep. The people I loved and trusted the most, who I shared my deepest, darkest secret with- they held their own dark secret, one they hid perfectly well, just like they hid my secret- they hid it from me.

Making it official? Not hiding it anymore? The marriage proposal and just- how far did this secret really go? All the things we did together, all the times I've trusted them, all the love I felt for them… and they were hiding this from me. Did they even love me? Were they lying about that, too? All those times they helped me, said sweet words to me- they never even looked like they were hiding such a secret. The people I loved and trusted- what else could they be hiding from me? I never felt so fucking alone, so left out, so utterly betrayed- my phone was ringing like crazy, my vision blurred by the tears as I quickly put my seatbelt on. Did my fucking son know this, too? God fucking forbid- It would destroy me if he knew. Why did I think this was ever a good idea in the first place? I let out a sob, rubbing the tears from my eyes as my trembling hand held onto the steering wheel- I heard a loud honk and I jerked my head up, sucking in a sharp breath. A loud crunch sounded and I let out a yelp of fear, trying to hold my small body steady as the car went flying, rolling around- I crack my head on the steering wheel, my head feeling dizzy as I feel myself lose consciousness.