Amnesia

"We don't know the full extent of the damage. It is possible that she suffered brain trauma due to the accident, we can not say for sure how bad it is. We only know that there is possible trauma because of a head injury she sustained… we cannot get an exact location as of now, so we may not know the area that was affected due to her being the only one involved in the accident. It is possible that this accident could put her in a coma or give her loss of movement. As I said, there is no way to know until she wakes up if it will be reversible or not. We will be monitoring her condition-" Someone says- why were they speaking japanese? Ugh, I felt so groggy… did they say accident? Had I been in an accident? I don't remember driving but… if it was an accident… I let my hand flutter to my stomach, feeling for- it was gone. I bolt up, beginning to panic as my heart starts racing in my chest. "The baby- the baby! No, no no no! My baby! What happened to my baby!" I wail, beginning to hyperventilate as I desperately feel around my stomach. "Oh- Ma'am! Ma'am, please calm down, please-" The nurse says as she rushes over to me, though I look up at her in complete panic mode.

"Please, ma'am, I'm 17 weeks pregnant, please, can you check my baby? I need to know my baby is okay, please." I beg, tears forming in my eyes as she looks genuinely confused, looking across the room. "Please! Check on my baby!" I wail, the woman looking down at me with a weird look- "Don't- don't tell me- don't- my- oh god, I lost it, didn't I? I fucking lost it-" I choke, my heart breaking inside of my chest- I had been fighting so hard, but I lost it anyway? Just how bad can my fucking life get? "You- you were pregnant?" Someone whispers and I sob, covering my face as I put my hand to my stomach. "My baby- my baby, why? Why, god I'm such a fucking idiot-" I sob, curling into a ball as I hear the door slam open- "Oh my god, Kimiko, are you okay?! I came as soon as I heard." Arthur asks and I look up at him, tears filling my eyes. "Arthur! I lost the baby! I- I got into a crash, the doctor said so- I lost the baby! I lost my baby, my baby- my sweet, sweet baby...." I sob, desperately scrubbing the tears from my eyes as I cry, though Arthur stiffens. "Kiki… what's today's date? What's the year? How old are you?" Arthur asks and I blink up at him, choking on my tears.

"I just lost my fucking baby and you want to ask me for today's date?! What the hell, Arthur! I know you hated it, but come on! That was my baby!" I yell at him, grabbing the hospital pillow and throwing it at him. "Answer the fucking question! How old are you!" Arthur yells at me and I flinch, tears flowing down my cheeks. "I'm fucking twelve, you idiot! How could you forget, you dumbass!" I say, though he just slaps a hand to his face as he lets out a sharp breath. "Kiki, you weren't pregnant." Arthur says though I just- what the fuck is he talking about? "What the hell, Arthur?! Is this a sick joke? Did you hate the baby that much that you want to trick me into thinking that it never existed?! What the hell!" I scream at him, ripping the IV from my arm, fully prepared to kick his ass. "Calm your ass down and listen to me!" Arthur yells and I fall silent, slowly blinking as I look at him. "Listen to me, Kiki- and I mean fucking listen to me, because I'm pretty sure- I'm going to explain to you, okay?" He says and I slowly nod, though he gestures to three confused looking boys in the room. "Do you recognize them at all?" Arthur asks and I look at the boys, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I want you to concentrate now, really fucking think about this- do you recognize these three people at all? Even the tiniest bit?" Arthur asks and I give him a confused glance before I turn back to the three- they seemed vaguely familiar, somewhere in the back of my head. I tried thinking about it, concentrating; it felt like there was something there, but I couldn't remember- wait, what about my baby? "Arthur, what the fuck? I don't know them, okay? Are you trying to distract me from me losing my baby? This isn't funny, I don't need your fucking games right now." I ask exasperatedly, tears forming in my eyes as a lump forms in my throat. One of the boys crumbles to the ground, covering their mouth as he lets out a sob- the other swallows thickly, the last one looking lost. "I- Kiki, you're 17. You've already given birth to your healthy baby boy, you're in your second year of high school and you live in Japan with your mother, your healthy brother, your mothers new fiance- your son, Nen, is currently living with your uncle Kioshi and your cousin Kanori. Your friend, Aima, is currently in labor." Arthur says, confusing the absolute hell out of me and making my head hurt. 

"What? Wait- I? Huh?" I mumble, my head beginning to hurt and spin as I wince- none of that made sense, just last night mom was crying, begging for dad- "Ah- fuck-" I groan, putting my head to my palm- a vision flashes before my eyes of a beautiful baby boy with gunmetal blue eyes and black hair. I groan in pain, squeezing my eyes shut- was- was that my baby? Was Arthur not lying? What was happening? What was going on? "That's- not possible, I- I don't- I don't have an uncle, I don't- Akira's in the hospital, dying… mom's mourning dad, there is no way…" I choke out, a sharp pain shooting through my head as I gasp. "Ma'am! Ma'am, you need to listen to me and calm down. It's best that you stop thinking, you possibly have memory loss from the accident- avoid putting any stress on your brain so you don't do any more damage." The nurse says, forcing me to sit down as I grimace- fuck, my head hurt, it hurt so bad. "Doctor, I need you in this room, stat-" The nurse says, though I start to tremble as my head spins. "Patient is having a seizure, I need assistance-" The nurse calls, though everything goes black as my head feels like it's splitting open.

Memories flashed through my head, one after another; my mother sitting me down on my bed, offering me a hopeful smile- "Sweetie, I've made a call to an old friend of your father… no, it's your father's brother. He offered us an opportunity-" the next memory came, standing beside my mother in front of a gentleman who looked like my father, dressed in a sharp suit with a similarly dressed boy, my age standing beside him. "Hello, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Kimiko. I'm Kioshi, your uncle- your father was the best older brother I could ask for. This is my son, Kanori- he's a year older than you, I hope you can get along despite the circumstances." The gentleman says as we shake hands, though the boy looks at me curiously. "Do you… play guitar? I have a guitar… We can go play together…" The boy says, though the next memory comes in a flash- "Do you play video games? I'm not really a big fan because I'm not good at it, but… you might like this one. It's really popular right now." Kanori says, offering me a controller as I look at the TV screen. "Hey! You're a pretty cool guy! Let's play together again sometime!" I say, hearing a shy hum of agreement.

The next memory is in the hospital, my mother, Arthur, Kanori and Kioshi by my side. I couldn't really feel it, but I knew it had hurt a lot. "Come on honey, be strong- push!" My mom says, though the memory gets fuzzy after that, the next one comes easy. "This is your son, Nen." Kanori whispers, kneeling down beside me with the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen, with small hands and toes, black hair- and those adorable gunmetal blue eyes. I remember falling completely, utterly in love in that moment, devoting my heart and soul to that baby boy and feeling grateful that Kanori was by my side. The next memory comes- "Oh my god, is that him?" Arthur whispers as he comes over, Nen cradled and asleep in my arms- I could see the love and emotion that comes over Arthur's face as he slowly walks over, seeming hesitant. "Wanna hold him?" I whisper and Arthur presses his lips together as he nods, holding his arms out- the look on his face as he cradled Nen in his arms made me feel good, like everything would be okay- until he pinched his little cheek and made him cry. So much time with that baby, so many memories coming back-

I lightly stir from my sleep, feeling a hand clinging tightly to mine as I slowly blink open my eyes. "You're awake." A familiar voice whispered and I looked over, seeing the boy that had crumbled to his knees- he was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't remember… where had I seen him? "I… do I know you? I feel like I do… I don't remember." I whisper softly and he presses his lips tightly together, tears forming in his eyes. "It's me… Kozume Kenma. My gamer name is Apple Pi or Kodzuken… you usually call me Kozu-kun and Kenma, but sometimes you call me Kemma…" the boy whispers and I hum softly, turning to look at the ceiling. "Kozume… Kenma…That's a nice name. I like it." I hum, the boy chuckling softly as he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "You said that when I first told you my name, too." He whispers and I hum softly, looking over at him as I see a memory flash of a shy boy with long black hair. "Your hair… you cut and dyed it, didn't you? It looks nice, it really does… but I think I like your longer hair better." I whisper as I reach over, running my fingers through the locks of his short hair. He chokes out a soft sob, leaning over me and hugging me tight as he cries.

"I'll grow it out for you… I will…" He sobs and I lightly pat his back, confused as to why he was crying so much. "Um, no offense… but… Didn't we just meet on a video game? Or am I still not remembering?" I ask, making him chuckle lightly as he wipes his tears. "We just met? I've known you for years, we've met plenty…" Kozu says and I hum softly, glancing around the room- it was dark, the night sky casting through the windows. The other two boys and Arthur were passed out on the couch, slumped together. "Do… Do I know them, to?" I ask softly, pointing to the two as Kozu hums. "Yes, that guy with the black shirt is Suna Rintaro, you met him recently. The other one, the one with red pants is Kuroo Tetsuro, you met him before you met Suna, but still pretty recent… I'm the only one you've known for years." Kozu says and I hum softly, staring at the two familiar boys. "He looks goofy, like a rooster head." I giggle, making Kozu laugh as he nods his head. "Yeah, you always call him that. He's a huge tease." Kozu says, though I suddenly have a flash, a memory of me and Kuroo sitting on my grandpa's bench- ow, my head hurts… but I want to remember.

I put my hand to my head, furrowing my eyebrows- us on my grandparents bench? What had we been talking about? When had we met? Why did they feel so special to me? I close my eyes, groaning in pain as I lay back on the bed. "Are you okay?" Kozu asks and I furrow my brows, rubbing my temples. "Head hurts…" I mumble and he squeezes my hand lightly, taking in a sharp breath. "I'll go get the nurse… try not to think too much, okay? Just… rest." He says and I hum softly, though his hand starts pulling away from mine- "Wait, please don't leave. I don't… I don't want you to leave. I… I have a feeling we're really close and… you being around… it's comforting. I'm… I'm really confused and I don't remember anything, I feel really lost and just… I don't want you to leave, please. I know it's probably strange to ask… but you're familiar." I ask, squeezing his hand as I open my eyes and look at him. "Huh? Oh, no, no. It's fine, I don't mind at all, Pudding. I'll stay here as long as you'd like." He says, sitting back down and offering me a smile- Pudding, that sounded familiar. Was that his nickname for me? Pudding? I close my eyes and slip back into a sleep, holding his hand tight.

I slip back into my memories- my baby growing older, becoming a toddler as I spent more time with Nen and Kanori, getting to know Kozu better online. Then I went to school- and I just went through the motions, alone, just doing everything I could before going right back to my baby. Akira was getting better in the hospital- by no means was he healthy, but he was getting better, more stable. Mom was getting a job, an apartment, making it so we were stable while I stayed with Kioshi and Kanori. Then- "Why are you following me?" I snapped at the girl, making her flinch as she looked at me with eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. "You- You're a great dancer! I saw you the other day! Please join our dance club! It's not a thing yet, but together, me you and Misaki can make it a thing!" The girl says excitedly, though I can't help but think she's crazy and spontaneous like Arthur- and I didn't need another Arthur in my life. "Sorry, but no." I say before I walk away- the next memory comes, the same girl except with another girl by her side. "Look, I know my friends crazy, but… she's a good person with good intentions." The girl sighs as she gestures to my stalker.

"She's a huge fan of your dance style, she noticed you dancing one day and well… she kind of got it in her peabrain that we need you in the club. Just give her a chance, I'll reign her in if she goes too far, and if you don't like it you can leave." The girl says and I can't help but think she's actually pretty reasonable. "I'm Misaki, she's Aima- we're both freestyle dancers, we don't want to do anything in competition, we just want to dance and be free. Aima thinks you'd be a nice fit for our crew and… well, I think you could use some friends. You look lonely, we can fix that." The girl says, offering me a sheepish smile- more memories come, of us getting the clubroom and paperwork all done, of us dancing together- me slowly opening up to them, joking around and becoming friends with them, building a bond. Me introducing them to Nen, beginning to hang out together- there's also a faint memory of a crashing into a boy who just hugs me, but it's vague. I… I think something was bothering him, but… he was just holding me. I remember offering him comfort because he seemed like he needed it- Nen was there too, he seemed really curious as he hugged him too.

I stir from my sleep, feeling earbuds in my ears- a familiar song was playing, 'Remind me of the summer'- this song… I listened to it all the time with Arthur, did he put it on? I slowly opened my eyes, looking around- Arthur wasn't there, but the boy- Suna?- was there. He was looking up at the ceiling, seeming lost and hurt- why was he hurt? His hands were shoved in his pockets, his eyes full of tears and his lips pressed tightly together- we were the only ones in the room. I sit up, reaching over and hesitantly placing my hand on his knee. He jumps, looking at me surprised as I pull the earbuds from my ears. "Um, please don't cry… I'm sorry, I um… I kind of understand now that I have memory issues… I don't remember you yet, but… Kozu-kun told me that I do know you. I- I kind of, sort of feel like you're familiar? It's- it's weird, but… I… I don't like the thought of you crying." I whisper and he blinks the tears from his eyes, nodding his head as he sniffs. "Sorry… just… I um… it's hard." He croaks and I press my lips together, looking at the earbud. "This song… did you put it on?" I ask, offering him the earbud as he nods, taking the earbud and popping it into his ear.

"Yeah… you were listening to this song when we first met." Suna says, though I have a flash of a memory- an underpass, he was standing in the entry, looking at me as I smoked a blunt. "Oh, the underpass… I was upset about something…" I mumble softly, furrowing my eyebrows as his eyes dart up to me. "Yes… we met in an underpass." He says softly, though I anxiously glance around, pressing my lips together. "My… my son… I… is… is he here?" I croak, though Suna shakes his head, taking my hand and twining our fingers. "We thought it would be best if he didn't come to the hospital…" Suna says and I slowly nod, feeling a bit relieved. "Good, good… a hospital is no place for a little boy." I whisper, Suna nodding his head as he lightly squeezes my hand. "Um… do you… do you want to… look through pictures? To see if you remember?" He asks, sparing me an anxious glance as I hum softly. "I think that'll help, but… I don't know how many pictures I have of me and him. I only take pictures of him." I admit, Suna nodding as he slips out of his chair, walking to the nightstand on the other side of the bed. He reaches inside, pulling out a phone with a broken screen.

"Ah, my phone's broken? Shoot, I hope I can afford to fix the screen… Mom won't be able to fix it…" I mumble as he offers the phone to me, though I try my password- the screen doesn't work. "Oh… It won't respond…" I mumble, the boy nodding as he pulls out another phone, tapping something. "You must've broken the LCD. I'll tell Arthur.." Suna says and I nod, setting the phone down as he sits on the bed next to me. "Um… I have some pictures. We can look through those in the meantime, but… they probably won't mean much to you…" He says and I offer him a shy smile, patting the spot beside me. "I'm sure it's something, considering you took pictures… they must be important to you." I say and he nods, laying down beside me and pulling out his phone. I scoot closer as he opens up a photo gallery, scrolling all the way down to the bottom. "Um, is it okay if I lay my head on your shoulder?" I ask shyly and he glances at me, his eyes softening. "That's perfectly fine with me, Sunshine. Get as close and comfy as you want." He says and I nod, scooting closer- wow, he was hot. I lay my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me, holding me close to him.

He begins showing me pictures- most of them were from nearby, some of them from further distances- but all of them were focused on me. Some I was talking to others, some I was doing a task or focusing on other things, some I was smiling at him, some I was embarrassed and flustered, my cheeks red. There were a few selfie style ones with him and I together, me smiling widely at him- though he scrolls to a video with my son in it. "Ah! My baby!" I gasp and he smiles lightly, pausing the video. "Why aren't you playing it?" I whine and he chuckles softly, turning to me with a sweet smile. "I want to warn you that you already resolved the issue at hand with Nen and the offender, that way you don't hold a vendetta. He does curse in this video, but you already kicked Arthur's ass for teaching him a curse word." Suna says and I open my mouth to say something- but I just shut it, nodding my head. From the pictures it seemed like we were close, if he said I already resolved it then… He plays the video and I see Nen bickering with one of the boys- a blonde twin- from some of the photos. "You look like a little bitch!" Nen says and I slap my hand to my mouth-

I can't help but crack up, burying my head into Suna's chest as I laugh. "Oh my gosh, that's so bad- I'm horrible for laughing, but- that's so cute!" I laugh, Suna chuckling as he squeezes me a little tighter. "No, no, you handled it perfectly well in those moments. I think you deserve a good laugh off of it." Suna says and I smile, turning back to the video- Nen was now in Suna's arms, the two of them mocking the twin. I can't help but smile, feeling soft at the sight of my son in Suna's arms- Just how close were we? I trusted him so easily with my beloved one and only son, he was there, holding him without me around. The video ends and he keeps scrolling- Suna had a faint, soft smile on his face, his arm so easily wrapped around me. We must have been close, especially since he had so many pictures of me. There was no way we weren't- was that a picture of me in a classroom? Did we go to school together? No, it didn't look like I was wearing the uniform, but… I was in a classroom, studying notes. Another video comes up, this one showing a girl laid on her stomach, wearing a pink plaid pleated micro skirt with dimples of venus, a white shirt and black hair-

Was that me?! My skirt was pushed up, a hand on- Suna swipes past the video as I gawk, feeling my face burning like it was on fire. "Oh- Oh my- oh my god- was- was that-" I squeak, Suna setting his phone down and covering his face as he takes a deep breath. "First of all, you did give me explicit permission to record that. Second- yes, that was us." Suna says and I slap a hand to my mouth, feeling so embarrassed as he lifts his phone, swiping back to the video. He lets it play- the video showed that he had two fingers stroking inside me, pumping into me. Did I- I was- that was me? I remember feeling terrified to do anything like that ever again, of anything like that in case it would hurt. In this video, I was moaning, begging for him- and he supplied, taking out his cock and putting it inside of me. A sudden memory came to me, remembering him recording this, watching his face of pure ecstasy- "Oh god…" I whisper, shyly covering my face- did I really do this? There- there was video evidence, though it didn't show my face. "Just- just how close are we?" I whisper, dragging my hand down as I hear his shuddering breath from his phone, my heated moans of bliss.

"It's complicated, but… I love you. I consider you to be the love of my life, my one and only true love, my first ever love." Suna says and I feel my face burning as I look up at him- more memories come and I flinch as my head starts to ache. That- that underpass when we first met, we had sex. I had been to his school before- not as a student, but to- to meet him for that, because we had done it the night before. We babysat together- I groan as my head hurts, furrowing my eyebrows. We painted a room together, a baby room- but I wasn't pregnant, I didn't have another baby. What was I missing? But… we had sex in that room, I don't remember all the details but I remember that I was upset, really upset and hurt- and he made it better. I had been so scared of sex, why had I been so willing to do it with him, so many times? Another memory flashes by- the other boy, Kuroo, hovering over me in the shower, me laid on the floor. So patient, so tender, so caring- I remember I had been scared, but I had wanted it to be him. I wanted him- but I want Suna, too. I- is that why it was complicated? Was I- was I dating Kuroo and cheating on him with Suna? Everything goes black.

More memories come- this time I was in the dance club, hanging out with the girls. They had been talking about something when I decided to take my leave- A boy caught up with me, asking me to be his girlfriend. Later on, I brought it up to Aima and Misaki and they said to give it a try. I remember dating him- I remember it had lots of ups and downs, lots of him being upset with me for ridiculous things- I remember crying in Kozu's bedroom, curled tightly in his arms as he just held and soothed me. I remember hearing knocking on the downstairs door- "It's just Kuroo… Ignore it, he'll go away." Kozu whispers, brushing his fingers through my hair as I cried into his arms. He had always been there to comfort and support me, to listen to me even when I just cried. He had been there for me so much- then I remember walking in on the boy, my supposed boyfriend- with another girl, a baby in a car seat by his bed. I remember never saying a word about him to Kozu again, being so hurt about it all- and then Aima said something about a competition. I remember walking into a gym, her hiding outside the door as I approached a boy with black hair and an easy smile-

"Doctor says she's good to leave, she's healing really well… but she can't be alone, she needs to be under constant supervision. These narcoleptic episodes are her memories coming back, she'll have them until she fully regains her memories. It's important that she get plenty of rest and relaxation." Arthur says as I stir from my sleep, slowly blinking my eyes open. "Well, speak of the devil. Good morning, sleeping beauty. Are you ready to get out of here and see Aima's baby?" Arthur says and I blink, slowly sitting up as I rub the back of my head. "Aima's… baby? But… she wasn't pregnant?" I mumble, though Arthur walks over and offers me a hand. "She was, she just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's been asking for you." Arthur says and I slowly nod, taking his arm. He helps me onto my feet, the other boy- Kuroo, coming over and taking my other arm. "If you feel weak or faint at any time, just tell us, okay?" Kuroo says and I slowly nod as they guide me to the bathroom, though Kozu takes my hand and walks me in. "Let's get you out of that gown and into some clothes." Kozu says, closing the door behind us and setting down the bag he had on his arm.

After I'm all changed and properly dressed, Kozu carries me out on his back. "Let's go." He says, the others nodding as they walk out of the room, not even fazed by Kozu giving me a piggyback ride. We walk through the hospital to an elevator, going to a different level and stepping off. We walk some more before Arthur knocks on a door, Kozu setting me down and getting me settled on my feet. "Hey, Mama. We brought you your girl- Remember, memory loss okay?" Arthur says as he opens the doors, gesturing for me to enter. "Oh, Oh my gosh- Kiki, Kiki you're- um, come meet my daughter!" Aima says as I peek in, seeing her on the hospital bed, a baby cradled in her arms. "Holy cow, you had a baby- oh, um… Sorry, last I remember you weren't even pregnant." I say sheepishly as I slide in, Aima offering me a tired, half-hearted smile. "Last I heard, you didn't even remember anything from Japan." Aima laughs softly, though I hesitantly walk over to her, seeing the adorable baby with beautiful dirty blonde hair. She looked like she had just been born this week, absolutely precious. "She's so beautiful." I coo as I come over, Aima's smile spreading.

"Her name is Millie, she's 4 days old." Aima says as I kneel down beside her, looking over the baby girl. Seeing the baby, remembering my baby boy fresh in my mind, giving so much hope and happiness- "So beautiful…" I whisper, laying my head down and unable to help the soft, easy smile that spreads over my face. "Would you like to hold her?" Aima asks, though I quickly shake my head as I grimace lightly. "I'd love to, trust me, I would, but… I've been having… what are they?" I ask as I turn to Arthur, who was standing beside me. Suna was across from us, on his phone- Kozu and Kuroo were standing beside me. "Narcoleptic episodes. If she takes the baby, she could pass out and drop her." Arthur says, though Aima raises an eyebrow at me as she pulls her baby away. "Nope, you're not allowed till that shit's over. Sorry, I love you, but it ain't happening." Aima says, making me laugh as I offer her an easy going smile. "I would never risk a baby like that, they're too precious. I wouldn't even hold your baby after they're gone, until I know for sure they aren't coming back. I'm still gonna admire her." I say, Aima offering me an easy smile as she nods and brings the baby back.

I curl my arms on the bed, laying my chin on it as I admire the small girl- she was so precious, absolutely adorable. Arthur reached for her and I smacked his hand away, sparing him a glare. "Not on my watch, sir. No pinching cheeks for you, you already traumatized my baby." I hiss, making Arthur laugh as he pulls his hand away. "I see you remember that much now." Arthur laughs, making Aima giggle as she glances down at me. "Um… how much do you remember?" Aima asks softly and I hum softly, turning my gaze back to the baby. "Well… um, it's weird. I remember him now- when we met and stuff… I remember meeting you in games and hanging out with you sometimes. I don't remember meeting you but…" I mumble, though Kuroo glances at Kozu. "So you remember Yuki?" Kozu asks and I turn away, pressing my lips tightly together. "I'll take that as a yes." Aima sighs and I shift lightly, looking back up at her. "Um… the father…" I ask softly, sparing an anxious glance around though she offers me a sweet smile. "Lev, he's picking up his grandmother right now. Don't worry Kiki, nothing to worry about there." She says and I relax, nodding my head.

"What did the doctor advise? You know… to help?" Aima asks, looking up at Arthur as I also look up at him. "Well, it seems like her memories come back in patches. Doctor says to stimulate her memory and hope everything comes back to her. As far as I know, she remembers everything up until she was 12 perfectly, she's slowly regaining her memories from there." Arthur says, though he gestures over to Suna. "You must have done something to trigger her memories with you, since she remembers a bit of that… but it doesn't seem like she's fully regained everything since… well, you know. She doesn't remember Kuroo or…" Arthur says, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking up at me. "What exactly do you remember? What all have you recovered so far?" Arthur says and I shrug, lifting my finger up to the baby girl's hand and sliding my finger in. "I remember meeting Kioshi and Kanori… I remember giving birth and meeting Kozu-kun on the game… I remember you meeting Nen and falling in love… I remember meeting you and Misaki, joining the dance club… I remember… Yuki…" I mumble, casting my gaze down and pressing my lips tightly together.

"And… something about… I don't really…" I mumble as I furrow my eyebrows, taking a deep breath. "A… competition? I think? I don't know, I just… you got really excited about a school project and sent me into a gym. I saw this… bulky guy with black hair and an easy smile. Other than that… I remember meeting him and… well, a few other memories between us… lots of gaps and a big gap between there, then and now." I say, Aima pursing her lips as she looks at the others. "So… you don't remember what it was about? You just remember walking up to Daichi?" Aima asks and I hum softly, trying to think- was that his name? Daichi… Sawamura? That competition- it was… My head starts to hurt and I hiss, squeezing my eyes shut as I press my palm into my temple. "Oh- that triggered it." Arthur says as he kneels down beside me, though I start feeling dizzy- my finger slips from the babies as I slump into Arthur, who lays me down in his lap. "Don't fight it, Kiki- Remember." Arthur says as I slip out of consciousness, going back to the day I met Daichi. I remember Aima telling me about a kissing competition for her school project, inviting Daichi and his teammates in.

"She's coming back." Arthur says as I slowly blink open my eyes, feeling groggy as I blink my eyes. I was laid out on a couch, someone's fingers stroking through my hair with my head laid on their lap. "Welcome back, Kitten. What did you remember?" Kuroo asks as I glance up at him, furrowing my eyebrows as I pull myself out of his lap. "I…" I mumble, glancing around the room- Kozu was sitting beside me, my legs draped over his lap. Suna was leaning against the wall beside him, Arthur sitting beside Aima on the bed. There was a tall guy with ash blonde hair, a girl- wow, she could be a model- with ash blonde hair and an older lady with white hair holding the baby in her arms. She looked curiously over at me, offering me a sweet smile. "You must be the one Lev told me about, the fairy god girl who made the beautiful home for my great grandchild." The woman says in russian, startling me from my thoughts as I look over at the two other ones with a confused look. "Yes, this is her. Pardon her, her memory is not doing well at the moment." Arthur responds to the woman, though another memory takes over, putting me right back to sleep as I fall back in Kuroo's lap.

"Do you like this place, Lev?" I ask, looking up at the tall gray haired boy as he looks over the house. "Wow… this place is huge…" He mumbles as we walk in, beginning to explore room to room as his eyes sparkle. "Such a huge backyard, too! Perfect for a big dog and a kid, don't you think? Aima will love it!" Lev laughs, turning to smile at me with the biggest smile on his face- that's right, I arranged for Aima to get a house. Lev was in on it, it was a big surprise- that room I painted, the wall- the mural- it was for her, for that baby. Lev was completely, utterly in love with Aima, I didn't have to worry about him being a redo of Ray, I didn't have to worry about him pulling a Yuki on her- because they were completely, utterly in love with each other and I was more than happy for them. I had put a paintbrush to that wall, had worked tirelessly for hours to paint that wall just how she'd like it- but something important was coming up, so I had to pack it up for a bit. What was I missing? I felt- I felt like something important I was missing- my memory then and my memory with Suna coincided- I had a broken arm, I had been so hurt and scared… What had happened in that memory gap?

I slowly stir from my sleep, left lost and confused- someone's jacket was draped over me, my head in a hot lap. I opened my eyes, looking up- once again, I was greeted by Kuroo. "Welcome back." Kuroo says, running his fingers through my hair- his other arm was draped over my torso this time, keeping me from sitting up. "What did you remember?" Kuroo asks and I slowly blink, glancing around- we were in a house now, not a hospital. We were sitting on a couch, Suna laid out on the couch across from us, fast asleep. Kozu was on another couch, sat up with his head laid back on the couch- he was asleep too. I didn't see Arthur around- this house didn't look familiar, but at the same time… "Um… I… remember… painting the baby's room… something… something happened after that, though…" I mumble, furrowing my eyebrows as Kuroo hums softly, nodding his head. "Yes… we had a live stream after that, Kozu's dream." Kuroo says as he scoops me up, beginning to carry me through the house. "U-um, excuse me…" I say sheepishly as he carries me up the stairs, not really knowing what to say. "Hold on." He mumbles as he steps into a room, walking over to a desk-

He sets me down in a gaming chair, kneeling down before me and looking up at me. "It's your turn to remember me, to remember this moment…" Kuroo says as he wraps his arms around me, though something about this room- it was familiar. "I'll always take care of you, Kitten- even if you say no, even if you deny my help… I know your body won't say no… and I won't deny you." Kuroo whispers, though I swear I heard those words before- once again I'm sent spiraling, slumping back in the chair as my vision goes black. I remember being in this chair, being in pain because of a particular cramp- and he had taken care of it, he had helped. The stream- we had been doing a startup, our first ever live stream- it had been going so well. That's why I had left the baby room, for that stream- it had been so important to me to make Kozu's dream a reality, to make sure he got the publicity that he deserved. Kuroo, Suna and Arthur- this was our house, our critter house, where we streamed and made content on our youtube channels. Kuroo and I- he had- in the shower, he had proposed to me while I was in the shower and I had cried. I remember that moment, the tears and-

I remember not being able to say anything, how hurt he had been. The next day I had gone for a run, needing to clear my head. Then I met Yuki on the streets- the words he said, those words that scared me- and then the park. Those men- Suna and Kuroo had saved me from those men, Kozu had- Arthur took me back and- Yuki, he said those painful words, ones that shattered my heart and soul, left me broken. Then there was the crash- Arthur almost died, but Kuroo had saved him. I had broken my arm- but the baby's room still needed to be finished. I was so hurt by those words- Suna had comforted me, he gave me his love and comfort in his own way. He helped paint the room- then I had an attack, Arthur and Kuroo fought- the paint. It had ruined the mural and broke my heart even more. I had been so upset, I kicked them all out- but Suna came back, he put up a mural and made it all okay. He took away that pain, he gave me his love and comfort- and Kuroo… Kuroo and I… we had danced and he looked so happy. I told him what Yuki said… and he made it okay, too. He kissed me, he loved me- Kozu loved me, too. They all loved me- and I… I loved them?

I slowly blink my eyes open, Kuroo still holding me in the chair, searching my eyes. I looked down at my hand- there was a ring, a very fancy, very much real ring. "Are- are we- are we married?" I ask, looking down at him confused as he gives me a light smile. "No… but I want to be." Kuroo says and I hum softly, not knowing what to say. "Are we… engaged?" I ask softly though he shakes my head, giving me a sweet smile. "No, you haven't said yes. You haven't said no, either." Kuroo says and I open my mouth, not knowing what to say. "I… our… Suna, Kozu, you and I…" I mumble, though Kuroo gently strokes my back nodding his head. "Yes, we all love you- and you love us back. We all know it." Kuroo says and I purse my lips, furrowing my eyebrows. "Oh. We do?" I ask softly and he hums affirmatively, his lips forming in a big grin. "Yes… we do." Kuroo says and I slowly nod, setting my hands on his shoulders. "We… on my grandparents back porch… We had a talk. What did we talk about? I feel like it's important…" I hum softly, Kuroo seeming surprised as he looks at me. "Oh… um…" Kuroo mumbles, though he scoops me out of the chair, carrying me outside.

He sits me down on the grass, laying down beside me and looking up at the stars. I look down at him, hesitantly laying down beside him and looking up at the stars too. "That day… we talked about a lot of things." Kuroo says, reaching over and taking my hand, squeezing it lightly. "We talked about my childhood… your childhood… We talked about a lot of things that night." Kuroo admits as I stare at the stars, starting to feel that anxiety of drifting off- I roll into Kuroo's arms, tucking myself into his embrace and clinging onto him. "Sorry-" I whisper, though he wraps his arm around me, kissing my forehead. "I know, you feel like you're going to drift away. Don't worry, Kitten. You can curl into me as much as you want." Kuroo says, smiling down at me as I hum softly, my cheeks burning. We just stared at each other for a while, though I can see the question in his eyes- he wondered how much I remembered, if I remembered him at all. He wondered if I still felt the same way, if I still loved him- I slowly leaned up, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. He groans softly, cupping the back of my neck as he kisses me back- his lips right where I wanted him, when I wanted him.

This kiss- this kiss was so familiar, so… I slip away again, falling limp in Kuroo's arms as I lose consciousness. I remember now- the training camp, holding out my hand to a mohawk boy and turning to look at another bald boy- when I turned back, he was there. Kuroo was there- and I remember his voice had given me shivers, it had made me feel weak. Kozu had been at that camp too- the two of them… Kuroo… what he had done to me… what I went through, the fear of the man coming back. The man actually came back and the boys saved me- I remembered them now, all of the Karasuno boys, all the things they had done for me. I remember- everything seemed to fall into place, all the memories rushing back to me- and the pain. The pain that he had lied, that he hid that secret from me. The competition- all of those boys, all of them- they had all known and they didn't even bother to tell me or give me the slightest hint. Even my friends and family had lied to me, hid it from me. I remember the pain, the betrayal, the heartbreak- and it hurts. It hurts a lot- these days I had spent with them while they knew I had been hurting from the car crash, acting like it was all okay.

I stir from my memories again, tears streaming down my face as I reluctantly open my eyes- Kuroo looking at me with concerned eyes. "Kitten?" He whispers and I press my trembling lips together, a soft whimper escaping me. I had felt so alone, so scared and just- I had been terrified when I had got in that car crash. I was absolutely terrified of dying alone, dying betrayed- I had been so mad too, I just wanted to forget it all… but did I really want to forget? It hurt, it did… but all of those happy moments, even if they were a lie… they had still been so happy. I loved them, I did- I loved them all so much, they meant the absolute world to me- but they had hurt me, lied and hid from me… It hurt and I didn't know what to do with that knowledge. "Kitten… are you okay? What did you remember?" Kuroo asks and I sniff, pulling away and sliding to my feet. "I remember everything…" I croak as I shuffle back into the house, going straight into my room and closing the door behind me. I collapse onto my bed, curling up into a tight ball- and I quietly cry to myself. I hear Kuroo come back into the house, I hear him knock softly on my door and check in but I just softly cry myself to sleep.

I don't even feel like getting out of bed the next day, I just stayed curled in a ball, tucked into my sheets with my sore body and aching eyes. I don't even bother opening my eyes, I just stay in my sleep-like state, soaking in the pain and betrayal- the aching in my heart. I hear a soft knock on the door and I shift, rolling over so I wasn't facing it. The door creaks open and I just curl tighter in my ball, hoping that they just go away. "Hey… do you want to go see Millie?" Arthur asks quietly and I swallow thickly, pressing my lips tightly together- how could he have hid that from me? "Before you say it, you can't take yourself. If you have another narcoleptic episode while driving… well, you'll give everyone another heart attack." Arthur jokes lightly- how can he joke like that? Like he hadn't lied to me? Like he hadn't betrayed me? "Uh… bad mood?" Arthur asks and I squeeze my eyes shut- I did want to see Millie, I did… but I felt like shit, I really felt like shit, I didn't want to get out of bed and I sure as hell didn't want to ride with Arthur. "I can have Kuroo take you…" Arthur says and I throw the sheets back, glaring at Arthur. "Okay, what did I do?" Arthur asks, looking genuinely confused.

"And what did you remember, because I have a feeling that you'd kick my ass to hell if it wasn't for you being so stuck in bed. Is this about me teaching Nen a curse word? You beat the shit out of me, not even joking." Arthur chuckles softly, though it just makes me feel sick- "You hid the truth from me, Arthur. That's what you did- that's what all of you did. I remember everything. Everything. Now… do me a favor, get the fuck out and leave me the hell alone. I don't even feel like beating your ass, that's how much I'm upset with you. I'm stuck in bed because the others did the same thing..." I mumble, curling even tighter in my ball and tugging the blanket back over myself. "Oh… right then. I'll just… um… okay." Arthur mumbles, closing the door though I didn't hear him move away from it. "Do you uh… want me to get you a ride to see Millie?" Arthur calls through the door, though I just press my lips tightly together. "I want you to leave me the fuck alone." I call, hearing Arthur curse and sigh as he shuffles away from the door. I mean, I wasn't that upset about the competition being a lie- I was, don't get me wrong- I was more upset that everyone, even my own blood knew and didn't tell me.

My stomach growled a while later and I rolled onto my back, grimacing lightly. I had ignored it the first few times, but at this point my stomach was hurting and I was feeling sick with hunger. I had heard the boys leave, I think- they were probably going to see how Aima and Millie were settling into the new house. I sigh, reluctantly sliding out of the bed and shuffling to the kitchen. Arthur always kept it stocked with anything we might want or need, including stuff to make full meals. Usually when I was upset I liked to cook or back a lot since it kept me busy and kept my mind off things… though I did feel really shitty. Food always brought people together and made them smile when it was good, so I had always tried making good food. Even though I was upset with the others, I didn't necessarily hate them… I was just very hurt and felt betrayed. It wasn't like they outright lied to me, they just… hid the truth from me. The truth was… the competition was a lie. I had thought that it was for Aima's project, that it was only to find the best kisser… now that I thought about it, that would be a stupid subject. Really, how could you hand that into school and expect a good grade?

Sure, it was something Aima would do- but did I really fall for it? Kissing all those people… she had bribed me into it. I should've just denied and told her to pick another subject. We could tell the Karasuno boys that we changed our mind… there was no reason that it should have been me. I was a monster… all of those boys I led on, all of them who might've hoped for more… Maybe some of them thought of it as a competition, but… I had no clue who all knew the intent and purpose behind the competition. I had no clue who lied and hid that truth from me- okay, they didn't lie to me, I didn't know… but it felt like they had betrayed me. It was something I should have known, something I should have been told. I'm sure if I talked to Aima about it, she would have told me 'But if you knew, you'd quit the competition and it would've all been for naught.' and she would've been right. I would have because it would be the right thing to do for everyone, especially if I knew from the beginning. Truth be told… I don't know when would have been a good time to tell me. I had to wonder if they planned to keep it a secret forever, if I would forever be left in the dark. At any time if I had known the truth…

I would have immediately disbanded the competition, sincerely apologized to everyone of the boys and I would have cut them out of my life. It was humiliating in its own way, being left in the dark like that, not knowing the truth. Everyone who knew that- even my own mother, saw me, knew about the competition and- was it just a huge pity fest? I honestly had no clue what to think about the whole thing, all I knew is that it hurt that they hid something so big for me… and I had… I don't even know. I sigh, shaking my head as I look through the kitchen- something light, something easy… something that would give me a decent distraction but not be a bother when I was feeling so… groggy and upset. I almost felt like not cooking- I did. But I didn't just want to make a sandwich or toss in a frozen pizza and call it a day. I wanted something good and easy, something I made that could maybe make me feel better about myself… Well, we had chicken, we had broccoli… we had canned alfredo sauces and fettuccine noodles… Simple. Easy. good. I decided to make that- chicken and broccoli alfredo. I could make some kind of bread or biscuit to go with it… we had canned biscuits, I think?

An hour later I sat at the bar, lightly munching on my alfredo- it was delicious, really. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside- it was one of my favorite dishes, after all. I had ended up making a bunch but… oh well. I could just stash the rest away and heat it up later if need be. For now I could just enjoy the quiet and loneliness- enjoy the quiet and loneliness? The thought made me pause mid chew, feeling a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. I didn't enjoy being lonely… did I? For so long before the competition, I would sit bored and alone in the quiet apartment, staring at the ceiling or TV for hours on end, reading books, just… wishing. Wishing my family would come home, wishing that I had friends that would invite me out and… wishing I had people to hang out with. Wishing I had someone or something to come home to, someone to cook for and be greeted with by a smile. That apartment had never felt like a home for years, but… sitting in this empty house, feeling bored and alone… did I really enjoy the loneliness? After all that time I had spent alone, in the quiet, bored… Did I really enjoy this moment? Did I really want to go back to that dreary life of being… alone?

Or did I want to go home to my brother, who was happy, healthy and lively as ever? Did I want to see his big smile when he bit into my food, when he greedily asked for seconds? Did I want to go see Nen, Kioshi and Kanori, who were always so happy to see me, greet me and come up with fun things to do together? Did I want to go home to my mother… the mother who possibly hid the truth from me? The mother who gave me the most sweet, loving hugs and smiles. Did I want to go back to Ukai, who probably had a prank waiting for me just waiting to trigger it? It… it all sounded good, it did. But… coming back to this house, knowing that my friends and loved ones were waiting with the most loving, open arms… it hurt. It hurt a lot, knowing that those smiles held a secret for so long… It hurts feeling alone, being left out. It hurt, being in that car crash with so many questions, knowing I might not be able to ask. I had been so scared that their last memories of me would be me upset, running away because I felt betrayed… when I had been sent rolling, when I had hit my head and… I had barely got my seatbelt on. If I hadn't put that on at that exact moment… would I have died?

Would that have been my last moment on this earth, would my son Nen grow up without a mother because I was being irrational and irresponsible? Would my friends be hurt and feel miserable because they felt I had been that upset with them in those moments? Would the people I loved, the people who loved me… feel broken, would they cry because they knew I had been hurt, that in my last moments my eyes were clouded with tears of pain and betrayal? The thought made my bite hard to swallow, a thick lump in my throat. When I had woken up with no memories of them… how hurt did they feel? When I had no memory, no recollection of any of those precious moments with them… when all I could remember was being 12, pregnant, crying my eyes out for hours, days- missing my father, living in constant agony because of my decisions and putting my family through such pain… when I had no memory of these people who took my life and made it better… who took away that pain, who made my decisions worth it… could I really say I would rather be alone? Could I really say that I regretted the competition, that in the end… I would've chosen to go without?

Could I really say that instead of being loved by them, being saved by them, being around them… that I would rather be sitting at home, staring at that bland ceiling, wondering when my mother would drop in just to sleep on a bed… wondering when my brother would be healthy enough to step out of the hospital? Could I really say that instead of goofing off and having fun with the Karasuno boys… that I would rather walk past them and they walk past me without a single clue of who we were, what we went through, what we aspired for and what we could have been together? Truth be told, without the competition… I would never be here. I would have never opened up, I would've never met any of these people or given a second thought. I would've stayed in my little circle, I would've never considered getting married, I would have raised Nen as a single mother… Would I even have told him I was his mother? Would he still want a father? Could I really ask Kanori or Kioshi to be that for him, forever? Could I really look at Suna, Kuroo and Kozu… and not see the love they have given me, the love and trust I had given them, the potential fathers and lovers they could be?

They betrayed my trust, yes… they hurt my heart by not telling me the truth… but had they told me that, would I have stuck around? At any point of the competition, had they told me that it was a lie… would I have not turned my back on them, feeling humiliated and betrayed by them all? If I hadn't been in the car crash… would I even be considering forgiving them, coming back to them after it all? When I had been running away, feeling so alone, so hurt, so betrayed… like I had nowhere to go, when all I really wanted… Was it love? When I had woken up without memories, the thought of being pregnant, fighting for my son in America was fresh in my mind… I… could I really say that I would rather be alone? Could I really say that instead of all the happiness and love they gave me, the protection and comfort… that I would rather be living my life in fear, trapped in my denial, living alone? Could I really say they were in the wrong keeping me in the dark when keeping me in the dark… made me so happy, made it possible for me to fall in love without fear, to open up my heart and desires to them? Could I really say I was better off being alone, better off with only Nen by my side?

Tears formed in my eyes, dripping down my cheeks as I reluctantly chewed my bite. Sure, they hid the truth… but it was for me, right? Of course I was hurt, of course I wondered how far this secret went, who knew, how long they knew… if it had all been out of pity, if I had unintentionally hurt them. Could I really say I would be better off knowing the truth, when the truth would have driven me away, when the truth would have made all my progress… null? Maybe they wanted to tell me. Maybe they thought it was better that I didn't know… and maybe they were right. Maybe they knew that this would hurt me… maybe they were hurting because they felt they betrayed me. Could I really say I would stay mad at them forever for this? Sure, I was mad, I was upset- I loved them and they hid something big from me. But was it for the greater good that they left me out? Doing the wrong things for the right reason? Would I really say goodbye to all I had ever known, to all the love, to all the hope they gave me… Could I really turn away from them? No, I may be hurt now, but… Pain was temporary. They gave me happiness and endless love and… I didn't want to let go.

So yeah, it might hurt now… but I just needed time to forgive in my heart. I knew now that they were probably right in doing so… but that didn't take away the fact that they hid the truth from me. I wasn't upset with the fact that they hid the truth from me, not by the truth itself. The truth was that they hid the facts from me for my own sake, for the sake of my hope and happiness. People did that sometimes, they really did. Yeah, it hurt that it was done to me… but it was done for me. It could've been a lot worse, it really could've been… ironically, if they hadn't told me the truth then, if I hadn't gotten in that crash, if I hadn't put on my seatbelt right then and if I hadn't hit my head just right… I wouldn't even consider forgiving them. It's weird how fate works, isn't it? I swallow my bite, wiping my tears away and sniffing lightly. Yeah, it fucking hurt… but… all the happiness it had brought me, all the good it did… I couldn't deny it. All the pain it might've saved me from… there was no denying that it was probably better to hide it. I took another bite, slowly chewing- it didn't taste bitter anymore. It tasted good… and it made me cry. Yes, it hurt… but I forgive them. I just needed time.