7 Distance

I'm awake. I thought to myself stupidly. The unfamiliar room was blanketed in near perfect darkness. My face felt cold. Little light filtered through the drapes. My eyes adjusting I rolled over to check on my phone. Guess she's busy or asleep. I mused to myself. Noticing the time, I lamented life for a fraction of a second. Really, 4:30 AM huh… I thoughtlessly pondered. Lying there I slipped back into sleep.

Waking up to my alarm, only thirty minutes passed by. Turning off my alarm, I continued by turning for all my other alarms. Fumbling I turned on the mood lighting. The hotel room I was currently staying in was a bit higher end. Spacious being an understatement. Standing up I immediately regretted setting the temperature to 17 Celsius. Only knowing Fahrenheit, I could feel the cold air prickling against my skin. Rummaging through my suitcase I grabbed my preplanned outfit. Entering the over the top bathroom. I prepared for my day.

Once readied I left the bathroom. Walking over to the huge window I open the curtains to reveal the unfamiliar city. Having landed in South Korea a few days ago I prepared for another busy day of sightseeing and constant eating.

Meeting up with my Father, we ate a simple breakfast in the hotels executive lounge. After grabbing our things, we went to the hotel lobby. With the cold weather and long day of walking, we both chose to wear simple, functional, warm clothes designed for causal everyday wear. Leaving the hotel, we started our journey.

After struggling to understand the subway system, my kindergarten level ability to read Hangul, we finally bought our ticket. Checking the time, 8:11 AM. Doing quick math it is 5:11 PM back in the States. Knowing how busy she will be tonight, I waited a bit longer before sending her a good morning message.

Having messed up our exit, it took us awhile to get back to the proper exit. Laughing at our mistake I started to get excited for the day. Exiting the subway we found ourselves at Hongik Univ. Station. Only 20 minutes from Bukchon Hanok Village. Pulling up Maps on my phone we started our walk. Making conversation I spied the time. 9:15 AM.

Quietly exploring the antique village, I soaked in how surreal it always is being in a foreign land. Having the ability to witness culture that I have only ever read about, grounded me in such a way that I couldn't even properly express my emotions. As my father and I walked around, I found a moment to step aside. Having kept a mental note of what time it always was, I quickly sent her a text. Simply saying "Good morning, hope your night goes well." Sending this message, I recalled that she said if she could she would call me later. Understanding how much pressure she is at work, I aimed to be a bastion for her. If she started to get haggard, she knew she could turn to me. Leaving it at that, I joined my father again and continued our tour.

Time slipped by, navigating and exploring Seoul, we explored markets, castles, and shrines. Eating street food in between. I couldn't help but silently lament not being able to share this experience with her. Finding an handmade origami dove, I thought of her instantly. Remembering when she mentioned offhandedly months ago about how much emotion she attached to origami doves, I bought it without second thought. Giddy with excitement in giving it to her, I held off on texting her still, not wanting to disturb her. As the day worn on, I continued taking pictures that I knew she would love to see, and bought a few more nicknacks that she would like.

After a full day of exploring and having fun, night approached. Having just separated from my Father for the night, I slowly made my way back to my room. Having walked 10 miles already, my left knee hurt. Feeling like an old man, I felt disgruntled, only having this issue because of genetics, I made it to my room. Washing my face and brushing my teeth, I knew she was going to be off work soon. Glancing out the window of the hotel, I gazed upon the nightlife of Seoul. Without hesitation I decided to leave to walk around more. Grabbing my jacket, shoes, wallet, and headphones, I made my way to the first floor.

Leaving the hotel, I saw that it was 8:55 PM. Five minutes until she's off work. I thought to myself. Keeping my own tradition alive, which was to pick a direction and just walk for as long as I wanted. Walking in a straight line as long as possible without ever checking the map. Finding a direction I started walking. Putting my headphones in I started to listen to music. Keeping a good steady pace, I started to dance a little to the music. After a few songs went by, I started to feel excitedly anxious. Hoping that she would call me any minute. Ten minutes passed and I started to lose hope. Another ten minutes slowly passed. Counting every minute, I figured she was driving home and couldn't call me. Not wanting to cut my walk short, I decided that if she were going to call me it would be at 11pm. I can't wait to show her what night time in Seoul looks like. I happily thought to myself. Knowing she hasn't had the opportunity to visit Asia, I kept the same pace. Blending into the crowd, I just kept walking.

11:30 PM. I thought to myself, knowing she wasn't going to call I couldn't help but feel sad. Shaking my head I thought to myself I hope she is gets some good rest. Maybe we can talk tomorrow. Trying to put a positive spin on it, I made my way to a convenience store. Buying a water to rehydrate, I opened my maps app and routed myself back. Wanting to clear my head and quietly praying that maybe she will call still, I routed myself back Three hours away from my hotel, I started the trek back.

I know she is busy, I know jumping to conclusions isn't healthy… but what if. What if she is tired of me? What if I am coming on too strong? Have I said something wrong recently? Has she been in an accident? I know if our roles were reversed I would carve out time to talk to her. Well that's not fair, judging someone by what I would do isn't right. Maybe I haven't communicated properly to her. Maybe… maybe I have done something wrong. I miss her. I kept these viscous thoughts whirling in my head. It's okay, I am just self destructing. I just need to wait and talk to her. I assuaged myself.

I just offhandedly mentioned that I wanted to talk to her very night. We didn't agree upon it and it's purely my expectation. These negative thoughts are just that. Unfounded. I need to stop thinking like this.

Forcefully thinking this, I still fell into an endless cycle.

Getting back into my hotel room it was well past 2am. Knowing I had to be awake at 6am for another eventful day, I took a shower before laying down. Body aching all over, I unsuccessfully tried to quiet my mind. Eventually falling asleep, I couldn't wait until the morning. Hoping to talk to her.