Tanya, MyAnna, Both?

Nikki had always assumed if a situation happened in her life - a life altering situation that completely uprooted everything she ever knew, that she would handle it well. Compartmentalize the situation and deal with it calmly, rationally and with an appropriate sense of reason.

That was a lot easier said than done. Losing Kai and MyAnna rocked her world in a way she wasn't prepared for. It was too soon, too sudden. Too many things left unsaid, too many things left undone. It hurt. It made it feel like she couldn't breathe and so instead of any sense of calm or reason - she sunk into a catatonic state that led to numbness. It was the only thing that helped lessen the pain.

Grief, mourning, pain and anger threatened to overwhelm her on a daily basis. Sometimes it all just led to tears - other times, it led to her staring off into space and getting lost in the safe space that was her overactive mind.

Nikki couldn't really tell you how long this happened. It could have been days, weeks - hell, it could have been hours and she would have been none the wiser. Eventually, Bella and Renee had stopped coming into the room and sitting with her. Choosing to give her 'space.' She could hear them outside the door, sometimes talking or crying but it was as if she was listening with her head underwater.

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"I watched you, you know?" MyAnna whispered into the quiet of the room from where she laid cradled in Nikki's arms as the little spoon. She felt safe there, cherished. Nikki's body was wrapped around her as if a shield from the rest of the world - and hadn't she already proven she would die for her?

"At the movie premier?" Their fingers were entwined over MyAnna's stomach, Nikki's thumb tracing soothing patterns across her knuckles.

"Yes," MyAnna admitted with a huff of embarrassed laughter that turned into a genuine chuckle when Nikki placed the softest kiss onto her neck in acknowledgement. She could feel Nikki's smile against her skin. "and no."

Nikki squeezed her softly, a silent urge for her to continue.

"It wasn't the first place I'd seen you. We always seemed to gravitate toward each other. In the same areas, around the same people." It was a confession that surprised Nikki, she hadn't been aware MyAnna had noticed her before. "I would hear your voice, or hear you laugh and then…" She trailed off with a sigh that was filled with longing.

"And then…?" Nikki teased softly, another kiss dropped onto MyAnna's smooth skin.

"I'd be unable to look at anything but you," It was hesitant, as if she wasn't sure if she should be admitting it aloud. "Even when I tried, and I did try! I tried not to look or stare, but it's like my eyes would just find you all on their own,"

Nikki coaxed MyAnna to turn in her arms so they were facing each other. Tear filled green met adoring and hesitant blue.

"I'd watch you too," Nikki admitted without breaking eye contact. Hand coming up to cup MyAnna's cheek, her thumb running gently across her lower lip. A few stray tears fell but she ignored them. "I'd sense you before I knew what I was looking for and then I'd see you."

Her fingers moved to trace across MyAnna's jaw. Her cheek. Her nose. Her lips, and even across her eyes. MyAnna leaned into the touch, her eyes closing with a sad smile on her face.

"You were always the most beautiful one in the room. I'd have to force myself to look away but I never had the courage to talk to you, to approach you. I wanted to, so bad I wanted to, but I was a coward." Nikki kept her voice as steady as she could, in the face of the sobs that threatened to consume her when tears filled her favorite pair of blue eyes.

"Then, I too am a coward," MyAnna shakily exclaimed, swallowing roughly. "I wanted to go. I-I yearned for you. But I didn't think you noticed me,"

MyAnna had the urge to look away from the devotion she saw in Nikki's eyes. Devotion that had already gotten the girl killed - but when she saw the anguish buried under it, she couldn't bear too.

"How could I ever notice anyone else?"

They came together as if magnets, lips meeting in a fierce and desperate kiss. Nikki grabbed any part of MyAnna she could reach. Hips, arms, back, shoulders, neck, anything to keep her close. To hold her for just a few more minutes. Nikki was desperate for this. To feel MyAnna. To hold her. To touch her. To kiss her. It felt like fire burning through her veins, the pain and pleasure.

Words were exchanged in that kiss - words that neither had dared to say before, and maybe just weren't ready to admit aloud right now. Love, pain, longing, grief, all mixed together as the kiss slowed. Losing It's ferocity but none of it's desperation.

MyAnna used her lips to gently part Nikki's with little resistance. Nikki couldn't hold in her sobs any longer, the sound being swallowed by MyAnna's lips. How could a kiss feel so good but hurt so fucking much?

It was as if someone was stealing all of the oxygen from her lungs and then breathing it back into her causing her eyes to sting and her throat to burn.

"Why does this feel like it's goodbye?" Nikki choked out when they finally pulled apart for air, lips nothing more than a breath apart. Her eyes were squeezed shut, she was afraid of what she would find if she opened them.

"It's never a goodbye," MyAnna countered immediately, her own voice hoarse from the tears Nikki could taste on her tongue. "I'm right here," With her hand over Nikki's heart she used her other in an attempt to erase any space between them. Rolling so Nikki was on top of her, limbs twined so you could no longer tell where one ended and the other began.

Nikki buried her face in MyAnna's neck, taking in her scent - honeysuckle and strawberries. She knew, deep down she knew. She could feel it. Like a knife slowly sinking into her stomach. "But this - " She cut herself off, kissing any expanse of skin she could reach. MyAnna's body shook underneath her. Confirming what she already knew. " - this isn't real, is it? It's a dream."

As if someone was suddenly twisting the knife she gasped for air she couldn't catch, "This is just a fucking dream,"

"It is," MyAnna's voice was broken and cracked, her legs wrapping around Nikki as if she was afraid Nikki would push her away. "It's a dream but why should that mean it isn't real? Why should that take away from what we admitted?"

"Because," Nikki pulled back so she could look into MyAnna's eyes, wanting to wipe the tears that were rapidly falling but knowing they would just continue to fall, "Is any of what you said true or was it just what I desperately wanted to hear?" She looked away, unable to come face to face with the possibility that it was the latter.

"Both!" MyAnna cupped her cheeks and forced her to keep eye contact, her face holding a desperation Nikki hadn't yet seen. "Part of you was more than aware that I was watching, that I was aware of you! That I could have came over and talked to you! You didn't feel deserving of my attention but that doesn't mean you were ignorant to it's presence! You saw it in my eyes as you died, that I longed for you just as much as you longed for me!"

"We lost so much time.."

"We did," MyAnna ran her fingers through long brown hair in an attempt to soothe or comfort. She had nothing to say to comfort either of them verbally. They had wasted time as if it was on their side and in the end - paid the price. "We did."

"If I would have known that you wanted me the way I wanted you.." Nikki started but what could she say that MyAnna didn't already know?

"Maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms." MyAnna finished for her.

Nikki opened her mouth to respond but a knock on the door interrupted her. She looked to MyAnna with furrowed brows to see she looked equally as confused.

"Is that..?"

"Not in here," MyAnna nodded, and they listened.

They could hear the door to her room open, hear shuffling as the feet got closer to her bed. Surprising them both they could even hear the chair beside her bed being pulled closer. Someone was sitting next to her. Nikki flinched when she felt an invisible hand brush hair out of her face but a reassuring look from MyAnna reminded her it wasn't happening here. It was happening out there - in the real world.

"I can't imagine what you're going through," It was Phil's voice. She had almost forgotten the guy who was supposed to be her step father. He had been the most supportive. He didn't hover, he didn't pressure. He claimed he was giving her space and then left to do just that. Renee's idea of space was crying on the outside of her bed room door. "I can't imagine how terrifying this all must be for you,"

He released a heavy sigh, and she imagined he was running a hand through his hair or maybe across his face. "But I need you to come back to us. Please," The way his voice cracked, caused Nikki to flinch again. MyAnna shushing her softly. "Not for me, and not for Bella. But for Renee. For your mother. I know you don't remember that she is your mother, but she - she's too fragile for this."

Nikki laid her head on MyAnna's chest, listening to her heartbeat as she simultaneously listened to Phils plea.

"It isn't fair, what I'm asking and I know that, kid. I know that. It's not fair because this is something that happened to you, not something you asked for, and you deserve to cope however you need to cope! But…but she won't survive if you stay like this, Nikki. Can you understand that? I know you don't remember her, but she won't survive this and I can't lose my wife," His voice cracked on the last word, "So please, I'm - I'm begging you."

They listened as he sighed again when she didn't wake up, a defeated sound and then left the room as quickly as he came.

"What do I do?"

MyAnna hummed low in her throat, wiping the last remnants of tears off Nikki's cheek. "What do you want to do?"

Nikki huffed, "Is this your idea of reverse psychology?"

"You already know what to do, I wouldn't be telling you anything you don't already know, darling." MyAnna lifted Nikki's head from her chest. Green met Gold. "But since it seems like you want to hear it. You live. For me, For Kai. For you."

"When did..?" Nikki startled seeing bright golden eyes instead of her favorite blue. MyAnna didn't look any less beautiful but it was different.

"Hush," MyAnna interrupted with a gentle tap to Nikki's nose. "You can miss me, mourn me, love me - but you can't do it like this. I - the real me - wouldn't want you to do that. You are stronger than this."

"MyAnna?" Nikki shakily exhaled, she would never be afraid of her but she was feeling uneasy. Like something was about to be revealed that she wasn't ready to know.

"Yes, my love?"

"Why are your eyes golden?" Nikki's heart beat just a little faster as she forced herself to ask the dreaded question. Quickly she realized that wasn't the only thing that had changed. MyAnna's eyes were a bright golden, her skin was ice cold and as white as a porcelain doll replacing the previous gently sun kissed skin she had moments before.

"Why are my eyes golden, Nikki?" MyAnna's voice was different as well, deeper as if she was fighting some impulse or need. Nikki watched as they got darker right before her eyes. As if someone took a dropper of ink and dripped it into the once gold - it was slowly replaced with obsidian black.

Before Nikki could blink she was on her back with MyAnna on her hands and knees above her, a rumble that sounded between a purr and a growl sounded from deep in her chest as she watched every move Nikki made while her fingers came up to brush against a marble cheek.

"I know what you are," Nikki watched as a shudder ran through MyAnna at her words, the purr sounding just a bit louder while she lowered her body - her arms bracketing either side of Nikki's head to support her weight while simultaneously laying her body firmly against Nikki's.

It wasn't restricting, or sexual - it was comforting, maybe even possessive and heat flooded Nikki's veins at the gesture. She found she wanted nothing more than to be at MyAnna's mercy. Possessed by her in any way she saw fit.

"Say it. Out Loud." MyAnna's voice was little more than a growl at this point, her body tight as a cobra ready to strike.

"Vampire," Nikki gasped when she spoke the word. Images flooding her mind. Phil. Renee. Bella. Swan. Dwyer. Charlie. Golden eyes. "Twilight,"

"Are you afraid?" When MyAnna pulled back it was only then that Nikki realized this wasn't MyAnna at all - it was Tanya. Essentially the same person but somehow still completely different.

Nikki rose up on her elbows, silently elated that the vampire moved with her. Their bodies moving in sync, without thought - an instinct. You move, I move. "Give me a reason to be,"

Tanya's lips pulled back into a grin that was sin itself revealing sharp fangs, "With pleasure," Her voice could hardly even be called that anymore. Where as before it was little more than a growl now it was a full growl. The vampire had taken over and Nikki wasn't sure which she was viewed as - mate or prey. And worse? She wasn't sure which she preferred.

"Moja malá čarodejnica," Tanya whispered in her ear and Nikki closed her eyes just before the cobra struck. [my little witch]

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Nikki woke up with a gasp, feeling more lucid than she had in …well, she doesn't honestly know how long. The pain she felt over MyAnna was still there but it was manageable enough that she felt like she could get out of bed and shower - something she desperately needed.

Her legs were a little stiff as she stood but she ignored it and moved to the closet. She hadn't actually taken the time to go through the room. She found rather quickly that poor fashion sense must run in the family but thankfully there was a box in the back of the closet labeled 'donation' that was filled to the brim with things that Nikki would wear.

She grabbed the first thing she saw - a cornflower blue adjustable V-neck spaghetti strap dress and paired it with a brand new (the tag was still on) pair of black open toe platform stilettos. Nikki had gotten used to dressing up these last few years, what with interviews, book signings, and the movie premier.

The shower was something she took her time in. Letting the hot water fall across her body and relax her tense muscles. She was in twilight. How in the hell had that happened.

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Arms wrapped around her from behind but she had somehow expected it. They were ice cold until they weren't, the heat from the water warming them exponentially.

"Maybe it happened to give you another chance." Tanya whispered in her ear. Nikki kept her head down while the water trailed down both of their bodies, arms extended against the wall of the shower while Tanya ran her hands across wet skin.

"Another chance at what?" Nikki whispered but was under no illusion that Tanya couldn't hear her.

"Another chance at what you lost." Tanya stated as if it was obvious, nipping gently at Nikki's ear.

"But you're not MyAnna. Is it not a betrayal in itself that you're the one in the shower with me?" Nikki voiced her worries aloud. How was she not betraying MyAnna's memory by craving both of them at the same time.

"Can you betray me with myself?" MyAnna's tone was mirth filled as she slipped into the shower in front of Nikki. Nikki's eyes snapped up, connecting with bright blue but she was confused when the arms around her waist didn't disappear.

Her confusion must have been written plainly on her face because both MyAnna and Tanya released low chuckles that immediately had goosebumps breaking out across her skin.

"She is me as I am her," Tanya explained gently pushing Nikki's body so it was pressed flat against MyAnna's while Tanya was pressed tightly against her back.

"You said it yourself. We are essentially the same person, even if we are different." MyAnna agreed, leaving soft kisses against Nikki's neck on one side while Tanya took the other.

"Like doppelgangers?" Nikki gasped when Tanya's hand traced her inner thigh but skipped where she wanted her the most.

"And in the words of Katherine Pierce," MyAnna murmured, "With a little twist," Nikki could hear the smirk in her voice, even if she couldn't see it.

"It's okay to love us both,"

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Nikki's eyes flew open and she looked around realizing she was alone. In the shower, the water having long since turned cold. She groaned, her head falling forward to rest against the wall but she didn't leave the shower until her teeth were chattering. If she kept having dreams like that - she would undoubtedly be taking a lot of cold showers.

Wasting very little time she dried herself off before putting on her dress and heels. She threw her hair up in a half up, half down up doe before opening the medicine cabinet. As expected she found absolutely no makeup.

After a quick once over, she found a basket full of un - opened makeup tucked in the cabinet under the sink. She added a generous amount of mascara, eye liner and a small amount of eye shadow that matched her skin tone but had a slight sparkle to it. She finished it off with a glitter gloss and then deemed herself ready for the day.

"You're a queen," She told herself as she smoothed out her dress. "Lets go fix your crown,"

She turned to open the door only to pause - how had she never noticed that until now? Sitting on her upper right shoulder sat a Triquetra tattoo. Tanya's words in her dream sounded in her head - "My little witch."

"No. Fucking. Way." She mumbled, not only was her subconscious trying to convince herself that she was in twilight - but that she had taken over her own written character. A powerful witch mated to a powerful vampire.

Only one way to find out…

Nikki looked around for anything she could use to perform any spell she knew. She had her character's entire Grimoire memorized considering she created it.

Wracking her brain she quickly grabbed one of the unused eye liners and eyed it critically. Either this was going to work and she was in twilight. OR she was crazy and would look even more crazy chanting a spell in this bathroom.

Nikki huffed, rolling her eyes at herself. At least if she looked crazy it would only be to herself.

"Here goes nothing.." She whispered before she closed her eyes and took a deep breathe, "E Loke Goe La Lidi"

She furrowed her brow, waiting for … something. A light, a breeze, anything to make her positive that when she opens her eyes she won't feel as crazy as she thinks she looks.

Slowly she opened one eye and then the other, only to drop the item in her hand in shock. What was once a normal every day black eye liner, was now nothing more than pure and solid gold. That's to say that it looked like someone carved an eyeliner out of pure gold.

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"Don't panic," MyAnna would have quickly pulled her into her arms to try to settle her breathing,

"Don't panic? Don't panic?! Do you hear yourself, woman!" Kai would have exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air as she paced and .. panicked. "We are in twilight! In fucking disco ball sparkling vampire twilight! Not only are we in disco ball sparkling vampire twilight she has Bella Swan as a fucking twin sister and as if that wasn't just icing on the fucking cake - she's a witch!"

"Not. Helping." MyAnna would have glared at Nikki's best friend as she ignored MyAnna completely continuing to rant and rave while pacing and swearing. Growing increasingly upset.

"Oh, I'm sorry! How am I supposed to help in this situation?!" Kai would have glared back at MyAnna until Nikki stepped in between them.

"Okay!" Nikki would take a deep breath, "Okay! So I'm a witch and I'm in twilight. That's a good thing, right? Especially as the twin sister of Bella - at least I can protect myself."

Both MyAnna and Kai would have stopped glaring at each other to stare at Nikki. One with an incredulous expression and raised eyebrows while the other would look on with a proud grin.

"Yes, we are choosing to find the silver lining!" MyAnna would have cheered with a smug look before holding out a waiting hand toward Kai. Fingers wiggling expectantly while Kai would have shot a betrayed look at Nikki.

"What happened to glass half empty and the pity party?" Kai would have whined dropping a fifty in MyAnna's hand.

"You.." Nikki would have narrowed her eyes with her hands on her hips, "You bet on me?" She would have asked slowly and in disbelief.

"It was her idea!" Kai would have immediately pointed to MyAnna with wide innocent eyes.

MyAnna who would have scoffed a laugh, "No it was not! I told her we discussed living life despite the fact that you are mourning and she didn't believe me so she proposed the bet!"

"You two do realize I'm a witch right? Like a 'I have magic and can throw you both across the room with a flick of my wrist,' witch?"

"uhh…" Kai would have laughed nervously before taking off out of the bathroom door.

Nikki would have turned her narrowed and accusing eyes on MyAnna who would have smiled innocently and sauntered toward her with an exaggerated sway of her hips.

"You won't use your magic on me," MyAnna would have sounded a bit too sure of herself.

Nikki would have swallowed hard and attempted to continue to look intimidating, "H-How sure are you?" She would have silently cursed herself for stuttering while MyAnna's grin would have turned smug.

"Absolutely positive," MyAnna would have purred, hands on Nikki's hips and pushing her …

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"Nikki's not in her room!" Renee's voice pulled Nikki out of her daydream a fact she tried not to scowl about. "Nikki, baby are you in there?!" Knocking that got more hectic the longer it took Nikki to answer would have greeted the witch who hadn't been given a chance to answer before the knocking became pounding.

She took three quick strides toward the door and opened it, "Sorry.. I decided to get dressed for the day," She shifted nervously as the woman stared at her with wide eyes. She looked almost like she saw a ghost and with Nikki's heels she was a few inches taller than Renee.

"You.. You're… I mean, "Renee stuttered staring at Nikki with tears in her eyes. Nikki internally groaned - more tears?! What had she done now?! Isn't this what Phil asked her to do?!

"D-Did you find - " Bella would have appeared before the older woman, out of breath from apparently searching the house for Nikki only to stare with wide eyes when she saw her out of bed, dressed and in a dress.

They stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes while the two woman continued to stare at Nikki who tried not to fidget under their gaze. She cleared her throat, "Did one of you need to use the bathroom or...?"