ALEX PRECEIVE HIS SHORTCOMING

Sitting on the couch relaxing, Alex switches channels to see what was showing. Glimpsing her face as the camera move along showing the other faces in the panel.

Wiping his eyes, Alex whispers, "Did I see right? Nah it can't be her? What would she be doing on television?"

Changing the channel seeing the same program. Only this one was now finished. Angry with himself for even bringing Roxanne to the house.

"All women think men are fools. My job is profiling people; my intuition in the past is what makes the business so successful.

Within the four years he have taken over the Security Firm. It has excelled from forty officers to over one hundred and forty and it is growing rapidly."

Closing his eyes, Alex said, "I am so sorry mom, you had handpicked Diandra for me. Only I never paid much attention until today. I put all my friends first ignoring the way I felt for her.

If only you were alive today, mom I would have grown much closer to her. I would have been able to express my love towards her more openly.

Your death was so untimely mom, and she couldn't cook neither clean. Her hair was always so untidy and her clothes never match.

Besides that her illiteracy was not helping and she was always crying which frustrate the hell out of me."

Going back in his mind to the night before she left. 'Alex recalled how angry and embarrassed he was at the party.

Seeing how his friends looked at her and keep laughing at her untidiness and her hair, The feeling was so humiliating, and embarrassing.

Recalling, 'How he hated her hair so much, at times he felt he could just junk out every strand of that messy tangled up hair of hers.

She was never able to mingle among others or carry on a decent conversation. Oh boy, what a total embarrassment that used to be.'

Recalling, 'When she cried and ran away, how he went and took a few extra drinks. Then went home, being so frustrated, and angry with her.

He had no idea how to calm down his rage, and to stop the hurting's that was surging through his veins.'

Sitting with a hot cup of coffee now as memories flooded back, Alex thought to himself.

'Sometimes, I still feel I could hear my friends laughing in my head, Recollecting that night incident so clearly, as though it recently happen.

As memories flooded back, 'Goodness, Lord, how could I block out all my feeling I had for her at that moment, how could I even be so merciless and take out all my rage on her?

Thinking back now saying aloud, "I am sorry Lord, at that moment all I was thinking at that time was if she was hurting like me, it might make me feel better.

Lord what I never thought at that moment was, by hurting her, I was doing more harm to myself.

All I wanted was for her to hurt as much as I was hurting and for her to feel how I was feeling, she was my wife.

And by silencing her squeal with my kissing only made me desire her, and to want more of her. Lord I was such a evil and dominating husband.

By my repeating my dominance and proving I was the man forcing myself over her body, neglecting her cry in my rage I had brought about a fear in her that caused her to run and now I am all alone.

Lord all the intoxication in my system could not stop me from hearing her cry.

The pain I saw in her eyes was worst than losing mom.

Oh, I did a fine job at that moment; I knew I would hate myself. I never told her I was sorry, and that I was the faulted one or how much I loved her.'

Closing his eyes as a longing to see her creeps in, Alex thought long and hard, 'What I never expected was to see the very next day Diandra packed her few things and said she was leaving.'

That morning never left his memory, as her voice trembles and the tears never stop flowing, when she stood outside this very house saying.

"I will no longer be an embarrassment to you Alex. Neither will I hold you to your promise you made to your mother."

Alex looks at her, yet he believes that she still won't leave the house, thinking she was bluffing, because she didn't know how to travel alone.

Now understanding the way she was hurting and angry it had pushed her to leave him. I had watched her wipe the tears then as she continue saying to me.

"Today, I am freeing you Alex, I know your mom was unwell. And my marrying you would make sure she was happy for her last few days.

Now that she is gone there is no need for us to be together any longer. Or do we have to tolerate one another."

At that moment I still thought she was bluffing because she only had a small suite case and a shoulder bag.

When her hair fell down from how she had tied it up. I could still see how angry she was as she grabs a piece of cloth from her bag and dab up the tears from her face.

Then band her hair with another piece of cloth. I knew she was in pain and was hurting thinking I should go to her aid.

When I stood up she shouted at me, "Don't come near her." As she steps down away from me almost falling.

Rushing to help her but the fear I saw in her eyes was frightful. She distance herself almost an arm length then as she took some deep breaths getting herself together again.

Saying, "You can go ahead and get a divorce," she shouted. "I won't fight you, I don't want anything, do what you want with your life.

I don't care anymore, just remember to send money for me to pay my bills and to live. I am asking for nothing else."

As she slams the gate and steps out on the road, once more she misbalance and almost fell.

I could see she was trembling with rage, yet she had the strength and courage to spit out her last few words before leaving.

"You know I cannot read nor write, I will not be able to find employment anywhere. I am an illiterate fool and cannot do anything right.

The house your mom give me in Longfield, I am going to live there.

From this day onwards you don't have to worry I won't be stepping my foot here. Goodbye Mr. Alexander Mellford."

I just stood and look at her as she left and not once did she look back. She never asks me for a dollar to travel that day.

And up to this very day I never received a message or a visit from her asking for a cent.

I wonder if she is still afraid of me? She has kept her word and never return.'