ALEX PRAY

Closing his eyes Alex recalled how beautiful her sky blue eyes used to look.

It used to make him feel as if he was looking at the ocean.

"Lord, I will like to see her again, I want to know if she have learned to used a phone or can she count her money?

Oh Lord, why didn't I never think about that before she leave my home.

I never for one moment thought how she was surviving all this time.

Tonight without thinking twice I give a stranger some money without even counting it, and I don't love her.

And I love Diandra and never give her more than six hundred dollars per month.

I am such a bum and a failure. I had promised mom to take care of her. Why didn't I realized this before, until today?

Why was I so stubborn and headstrong that I couldn't fulfill that simple promise? Oh God, I am such a worthless failure because of my pride.

I never told her how I really felt about her. But Mom had promised Diandra's mom in their friendship that she will look after her.

If my memory serves me right, Mom had even set up a trust fund for her. When she give her the house in Longfield.

I only hope when I pay my respect to mom grave Saturday I meet Diandra. Every year for the last three years I always find yellow roses on mom grave, it was mom favorite color.

I should make an extra effort to reach early this time, knowing Diandra comes early."

With his eyes still close pondering within his heart, 'Four years have gone by so quickly since mom's died.

And we have been separated three years and eight months, I wonder if she has met anyone special in her life during this separation?

Or even if she has done anything to improve her lifestyle.' Feeling this urge suddenly, to get a little glimpse of Diandra.

Standing up Alex looks around, "Roxanne is right the house needs a woman's touch. I should make some calls and see to get an interior designer to come in.

And give an estimate and a date to begin the work." Alex thought as he climb the stairs, 'The same way I neglected the house.

It's the same way I neglected Diandra, I should make an extra effort to be at the cemetery early.

If I want to see her, and it is only two more days again for her death anniversary.'

In his room, Alex shower then organize his clothes for work. Shining his boots with a sheet of newspaper from a pile; that was in one corner in the room.

Ensuring that all his clothes was press and set aside for the next day. Getting a box Alex put the entire heap of newspapers into it.

Only to discover as he discard the newspaper. That his mom bible was seated between the piles of newspapers covered with cobweb and dust.

Reverently lifting it up with both hands, trying to recall the last day he saw it. Dusting it with a rag to remove the dust and cobweb that had gathered for the last three years.

Tears fill his eyes recalling that it was for her funeral he last read it. Then he drop it in that corner never looking back.

He just sweep and vacuum never touching that corner. Holding the bible, Alex sits on his bed, as memory just floods in.

'How she used to leave the bible next to his dinner on the table. He would know exactly what scripture to read, seeing the highlighting on the key verse and the bookmark.

Flipping through the bible when the bookmark fell.

Noticing the verse that was highlighted from the book of Proverbs chapter three, verses five and six, Alex reads.

"Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path."

Stroking the words Alex whispers, "Why was I so adamant and strong-headed at that time.

I hated everything and everyone at that time and poor Diandra felt the brunt of that anger.

She was as a child always at mom's feet, asking so many questions, and was very attentive when she heard the answers.

I had loved to listen to the way mom told the stories and Diandra would laugh especially when mom told her she was her beautiful princess.

I should have followed up where mom had left of but instead, I ignored her.

If I was not so young and foolish at that time, today maybe Diandra would be reading and writing.

I might even have sons to carry on the Mellford name and the business. Now my stupidity is beyond my comprehension.

Now every woman I meet only has one agenda and that is how much money I make.

And how they can maneuver their way to get their hands on it. I have dated so many women in the duration of my separation.

And not once have I found one honest and God-fearing woman that is trustworthy."

Reading over the verse Alex prayed, "Lord, I have failed You miserably; I doubt that You will even listen to this deserter.

Lord I have neglected to do one simple task that I was asked to comply with, as a son and as a husband.

Now Lord I am alone and lost but I perceive in my heart all of my shortcomings tonight. Please Lord, have mercy on me and forgive me of all my sins.

Help me to retract and get on the straight and narrow path. And I promise to surrender my life wholly and solely to You."

When the window slams, standing to close it only to see the latch had gotten loose. Looking out the window, the street was buzzing with noise from pedestrians and vehicles.

Thinking, "People don't sleep in Brixton.' The breeze seems to be very strong tonight, every time Alex close the window it slips open.

Seeing that the screw from the latch was loosen, Alex went in search to get a screwdriver to tighten it. Completing the task then close the window and went and sit on the bed.