Chapter Four - Unbreak part 3

https://open.spotify.com/track/2gTdDMpNxIRFSiu7HutMCg?si=EFXG6FfvRbW5qg1MljWczA&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A45gn7DdDZK2vhMyZj6Vjq3

(A/n I realised quite late that I started the flashback and didn't give the scene before it any kind of closure. So I'll continue from the same place again)

/// Varay Aurae POV ///

The memories of that day came rushing back in my mind like a raging river flowing downhill. The emotions that came with it were…. complicated. It was like a wave of nostalgia and regret both washed over me at the same time. Like both of them had originated from the different but the core parts of my body- the head and the heart.

My head suggested pushing these feelings of… attraction to the back of my mind. Just like how I have been doing all this time. And it was a rational thought too. But was it rational because it's actually the brain that decides the rationality and absurdity of something. I was a lance. Someone, who was a key figure in the war. I was looked upon by many. No matter how humungous the danger that loomed over Dicathen was, I was one of the few that the people of our continent looked up to. My head stated one thing over and over again, like a sad song on repeat.

It kept screaming at me that I didn't deserve it. I had responsibilities. The burden of hundreds of millions of lives was placed on my shoulders. I had a duty to fulfil, a continent to protect and an oath to honour. It wasn't just the impeding responsibilities that kept me from embracing whatever was happening. Arthur was a fellow lance- someone sharing the same burden as me at a much younger age. He was so much younger than me. It was wrong- wrong to feel this way towards him.

So you will leave yourself to suffer all your life and then die and rot… alone at that? Why don't you deserve that everyone else does? Why do you have to be the only one to suffer? Why do you have to care about such things?

I heard my own voice speak inside my head. A pang went across my heart, like the whole organ had been clutched in an icy claw. It throbbed in an excruciating manner. I wanted to break down and cry like any other normal person would. I wanted to listen to my heart and let it all out. But without a balance between the heart and head, nothing goes the right way. I can't ignore what my brain tells me to, but at the same time I just can't abandon what my heart says… rather the thought of him that keeps ravaging my heart.

The heart and the mind are both the main components of a human. Just like how an artefact is useless without a proper and adequate supply of mana, a human is useless without a proper balance between both of these. The nostalgic and regretful waves that emitted from my mind and heart clashed with each other, forming ripples inside causing my whole body to lose its strength.

I was brought out of my intense introspection as an extended shadow fell over the place I was sitting. My gaze dawdled lazily towards the figure. It was wearing white coloured trainers with black pants over it. Its long legs travelled in my direction. Each step was slow and firm. As I continued to lift my head lazily, more and more of his figure came into view. A full sleeved shirt hugged his body as his face finally came into view.

*badum*

My heart almost jumped out from its dwelling as I saw his face. Fiery Auburn hair that were usually tied in a knot were let loose, a few strands sticking by the sweat to his face. His figure got closer as I casually averted my gaze downwards, acting to be looking for something. His musky smell mixed in with the smell of his sweat invaded my nostrils as I felt a tremor emanate from my spine and made its way all through my body, my legs almost losing all their strength.

"Can we talk?" Arthur's mature yet soft voice boomed in my ears, snatching away the remaining iota of strength in me. My eyes blinked uncontrollably, my brain somehow working- or rather overthinking at a speed I thought was beyond human capabilities. A plethora of questions invaded my mind, like the waves crashing on a stormy night. Why did he want to talk to me? What did he want to talk about? Is it about that night? Is it about how he woke up?

"Varay?" I looked up, a small frown had made its way to his perfectly sculpted face. Realising I had been silent for too long I stood up suddenly. He took a step back, possibly taken aback by my sudden action. I mentally cursed myself for messing things too much.

"Lead the way." I said. Arthur looked at me for a few seconds, making my heart jump. Without saying anything he took a dragged step towards the exit. Mana moved and a hair band appeared in his hand. Tying his hair back he continued walking towards the huge metallic doors of the training room. I followed him slowly, ignoring the bewildered gazes of elders and the former human princess.

We exited the huge doors and arrived in the huge hallways. Portraits which were the work of an art, without a doubt the best in the continent adorned the lavish golden walls of the floating castle. I walked silently beside him, not uttering a single word. The silence was different from the usual one. Before this the silence between us used to be soothing, a comfortable one. However, the whole silence was suffocating this time. Even from his body language I could see that there was something wrong. His shoulders were tensed and his steps seemed burdened and lacked the other-worldly confidence they usually had.

His stride came to a stand-still. He stopped and then turned around. Walking towards a wall he slumped against it, letting the wall support him. His gait loosened, and all of his body relaxed as he hung his head down. Then he went silent again. A palpable silence enshrouded us once again making me worry even more.

"Uhh- about what happened before.." He spoke up and the first few words made my suspicions true. It really was about last night. He paused and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. Somehow even his embarrassment made him look so g-

Hold your horses, Varay

I waited for him to continue, "I am sorry. Just some bad memories. I know you have a lot of questions to ask and for some reason I want to tell them all to you. I don't know why but I think I can tell you." He paused once again, letting his words sink in my mind and oh-boy they sure did. I didn't reply, unsure or rather diffident about anything that might come out of my mouth. Seeing me remain completely silent he continued once again,

"And thank you for comforting me. I forgot how the warmth of someone in moments we are down felt like." He said with a sad smile and then looked at me. His sapphire blue eyes met mine as I felt too mesmerised by them. A deep desire rooted in the frozen wasteland that was my heart- A desire to drown. Drown endlessly in the deep ocean of his eyes.

*badum*

My heart throbbed once again as I saw him getting close.

No

"Do you have this thing too, Varay?"

No

"An irrational thought. We just know each other as fellow lances. But then why?" He asked, getting even closer.I took a step back…. and then another, until I realised I was against the wall. I shuddered. Me, the revered strongest lance, yet I felt so weak as I saw him get progressively closer.

"Why did I open up to you?"

No

"Why did I tell you all that?"

No

"Why do I want to reveal my secrets to you?"

Please, stop.

He got really close, I could feel his breath against my face. My head hung lower, not able to see him in the eye.

"Tell me." He asked, the softness in his voice replaced with a granite hard coldness.

"Arthur I-" I stuttered, the words getting stuck in my throat like a thorn, threatening to rip it apart if I uttered a single word.

"ART!!!! WHERE WERE YOU. I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE!" A familiar voice reverberated in my ears. Arthur's hand that was almost on my shoulder, uncurled and balled into a fist as he let out a slight- feeble almost inaudible grumble. He took a step back, his lively azure eyes turning a darker shade of blue as he spun on his heel and turned to look at the girl.

"I was right here, having some important talk with Lance Varay." He said in a single breath, without a shed of emotion, his eyes locking onto mine. His eyes raged with a storm of emotions.

"Ahh, I see. Good to see you again Lance Varay." The girl said as I gave a curt bow to her. Without uttering another word she turned back and jumped at Arthur, interlocking her arm with him. "Come Art, I have something to show you, hehe~" She said and dragged him away. I kept looking at their interlinked arms and interlocked fingers. A wave of searing pain went through my chest as I saw him walk away with the gunmetal haired princess.

The pain was too much for me. I had suffered before too. During my early years of training I had been hurt, bruised, scolded, admonished. However, the physical pain could never compare to the pain I felt at this moment. It was excruciating. Like my heart was slowly getting shredded with every step he took with princess Tessia, away from me. And, for the first time he felt so unapproachable. Like a star that shone far away in the night sky. You can extend your hand and act like you have it in your palm but it's actually too big for your tiny hand to accommodate. And that was the first time I felt it- the true feeling of despair.

I looked around, my gaze scanning the whole area hoping no one was around. Once I was satisfied I started walking- or rather running. I couldn't tell, maybe the fine line between both. I stormed towards my room, ignoring the frightened greetings of the soldiers and workers who quickly cleared the way. I didn't stop until I reached my room. Once I was there I placed my hand over the security artefact on my door. It reacted to my mana signature and the door opened with a click.

Pushing the handle I opened it and soon as I entered I smashed the door shut again with as much force as I could without mana. I was furious, incandescent both at myself and him. At least he could've completed what he wanted to say. I slumped down against the door, hugging my knees as I buried my face inside it.

He already had someone. He had a princess, someone far more beautiful than me, with a bright secure future. Why would he want to dwell on me- who knows if I will be alive tomorrow or not. I sighed. Even breathing seemed to feel arduous.

I sighed… once again, as I placed my hand on the finely crafted door. Using some mana I stood up. I felt so weak, almost as if I took any step without mana I'd fall down. Walking slowly towards the bath, I started to undo the buttons on my uniform. Removing the red sash that extended from my left shoulder to my waist I proceeded towards the shirt I wore. My fingers lazily went from my one button to another, undoing them.

The front side of the shirt opened, both of its sides flapping in their respective direction. I extended my hands, and let the shirt slip from my shoulders to arms and then finally on the ground. Leaving it as it was on the floor, I continued walking towards the bath without stopping as I continued removing my clothes. Once I reached my bathtub I stopped, looking at the empty lustrous bath. Running my hand over the tap I started it and let the cold water flow into it.

I waited intently, seeing the water level rise, slowly but surely. My mind went back to Arthur,

"Tell me"

"Why do I want to reveal everything to you?"

An electrifying jolt went through my body as I shaked my head, trying to push his voice away, lock it somewhere my focus won't go.

I was brought out of my thoughts as I heard the slight trickle of water, overflowing from the bathtub. I quickly grabbed the knob and turned it counter clockwise stopping the flow of water. Reaching for the zip of my encapsulated bra I zipped it down removing it and got rid of my remaining undergarments.

Lifting my right leg, I dipped it in the cold water. The coldness was soothing. Like all of my worries will dissipate if I let the coldness embrace me. Turning the other leg inside I sat down, letting the water come until half of my face was beneath the bubbly water. I let out a slight grumble as I kicked the side wall of the tub,

"Ugh, I'm curious. What was he about to say?" I thought the signs of my previous self were nowhere to be seen. "And why did that princess have to come at such a moment."

My mind raced back once again. If the princess hadn't come what would've happened. Would he-

I kicked the water repeatedly as the thought came to mind, making me flustered. I cupped my own face into my palms and slapped them,

"Calm down, Stop thinking about all that weird stuff." I spoke to myself, but then again thinking rationally or irrationally… It won't feel too bad! Right? What am I even thinking!

Realising the soothing effect of the bath was doing more harm than good, making me exceedingly overthink I stood up, water dripping from every inch of my body. I walked over to the corner, where white and pink towels lay on shelves, neatly placed. I took out two of them, wrapping one around my waist and the other around my body such that the breasts were covered.

I walked out of the bath and looked to my right. On the small table beside a neatly trimmed plant placed in a vase was a note.

"I'll meet you at 10. The council had issued a secret mission. Aya."

I let out a visible grunt at the elven Lance for intruding in my room like that. My gaze lingered from the note to the clock. It was a simple round clock, silver in colour while its needles were a dark bronze. I looked at the clock showing 9:55.

For the first time I thanked at the arrival of a mission, hoping I could distract my mind. As if on cue with thoughts, a faint knock on the door was heard. I walked quickly to it, placing my hand over my chest as I opened the door.

"You're 5 minutes earlier-"

"…."

****************************

(A/n 🙂 Sayonara)